ON MY OWN Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Needed to get some opinions please. I have been dating a man I have known about 25 years. We have a great relationship. He tells me he loves me every gap in phone conversation and I dont understand it. On an average of a 2 hour conversation he can tell me he loves me like 4 or 5 times. I appreciate the love and I love him. His last relationship, was over 4 years and she was verbally abusive and wanted all the control. Is this part of his self esteem that was broken down? Has anyone even been through this? He is amazoing and good to me so doesnt need to be doing this to impress me. I dont understand. Thanks.
whattodoooo Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 i have been verbally abused and yes it can break down your self esteem and make you feel less of a person maybe he doesnt know if you feel he is good enough. i dont know the whole situation but maybe just tell him more often how great he is and how much you love him and help him patch his scars from being through all that verbal abuse because it does take awhile to heal.
Lakeside_runner Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a girl that was really controlling and verbally abusive. She got irritated really easy and when she had some problems she'd never talk to me but just keep them to herself instead. I know that she's been through some rough childhood but still... What I'm saying is, I may kind of know what this guy has been through so cut him some slack. I second the suggestion of giving him some signs of appreciation for how great he is etc. You may also want to talk to him about his experience in the previous relationship...
betamanlet Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Needed to get some opinions please. I have been dating a man I have known about 25 years. We have a great relationship. He tells me he loves me every gap in phone conversation and I dont understand it. On an average of a 2 hour conversation he can tell me he loves me like 4 or 5 times. I appreciate the love and I love him. His last relationship, was over 4 years and she was verbally abusive and wanted all the control. Is this part of his self esteem that was broken down? Has anyone even been through this? He is amazoing and good to me so doesnt need to be doing this to impress me. I dont understand. Thanks. It's basically a no win situation. If he doesn't say it, then you'll have problems with that, but I agree he's saying it too much. My ex girlfriend used to accuse me of not loving her as much as she loved me, and when I finally started say "i love you" she lost interest, cheated, and moved on... Had I been saying "i love you" at every breath, I would never have even had the relationship last as long as it did.
Author ON MY OWN Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 It's basically a no win situation. If he doesn't say it, then you'll have problems with that, but I agree he's saying it too much. My ex girlfriend used to accuse me of not loving her as much as she loved me, and when I finally started say "i love you" she lost interest, cheated, and moved on... Had I been saying "i love you" at every breath, I would never have even had the relationship last as long as it did. dont get me wrong....I think it is wonderful...just if there is EVER a moment of silence I know he will say it and I love you shouldnt be used to fill every moment of silence..it ends up feeling awkward to me to say it like that...im talking 3 times sometimes in a 20 minute conversation...I am very affectionate and appreciative, but it feels weird to me to say it so frequently, like he tells me, then 10 minutes may go by and if there is a moment of silence he says it, I dont know, I am a gift giver, a complimentary person and all, but it feels so awkward to say it every other sentence to me. I am one that believes in not goin to bed mad, kissing before and after work, remembering special occasions and all that, i consider myself romantic and spontaneous. So I dont know. I sense he feels if he doesnt keep telling me he is afraid of losing me. He always tells me I am beautiful and makes me feel real good. So no...it is NOT a case of a no win situation or I wouldnt be on here for sure. I love him and care and dont want him to feel he has to do that to keep me. He is an awesome guy and thats why I am wondering about it. We found eachother again after over 20 years, never got our chance way back when to date...nothing bad...just life circumstances drifted us apart and now a miracle has brought is back together. He always thinks men see me how he sees me and I think this scares him because it took so long to find eachother again and he wants to play his cards right...but...so do I. Thanks, wanted to say a bit more because I didnt want you to mistake me for unappreciative, thats why i am discussing this...i count my wonderful blessings daily.
Author ON MY OWN Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) Thank you everyone for input on this...I love him and dont want him to feel that he has to act a certain way to avoid me leaving or something like that...he is wonderful and I am not goin anywhere...like keep telling him positive things and such. We all know any relationship is ultimately a leap of faith. He is not overly possesive or anything, I just feel he needs to have a little more confidence in himself. I have also pointed out to him I know he is nothing like my ex's and treat it new..and that I am nothing like her either, but I am no stranger to being burned badly and do know it takes time and I REALLY want to be as sensitive to this as I possibly can. He did agree I am opposite of her, probably not at all used to it. I appreciate your help on this one guys...thank you kindly. Edited October 29, 2009 by ON MY OWN
Author ON MY OWN Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Needed to get some opinions please. I have been dating a man I have known about 25 years. We have a great relationship. He tells me he loves me every gap in phone conversation and I dont understand it. On an average of a 2 hour conversation he can tell me he loves me like 4 or 5 times. I appreciate the love and I love him. His last relationship, was over 4 years and she was verbally abusive and wanted all the control. Is this part of his self esteem that was broken down? Has anyone even been through this? He is amazoing and good to me so doesnt need to be doing this to impress me. I dont understand. Thanks. I am not complaining at all, just trying to find out how to better the communication in our relationship.
Author ON MY OWN Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a girl that was really controlling and verbally abusive. She got irritated really easy and when she had some problems she'd never talk to me but just keep them to herself instead. I know that she's been through some rough childhood but still... What I'm saying is, I may kind of know what this guy has been through so cut him some slack. I second the suggestion of giving him some signs of appreciation for how great he is etc. You may also want to talk to him about his experience in the previous relationship... I cut him slack, noone is perfect either and people dont deserve to be treated poorly, thats for sure. What else do you do for her? Being there to listen is definitely good and I try to be very positive when it comes to us. thanks so much and I wish you the best with your gf.
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