drewdude Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) Hello LS, first time poster here and I would like some advice as i'm in quite a situation... First things first...I'm 26 and my hairline has been receding pretty bad and thinning on top...Ive always had a broad/big forehead but it just looks(or so i think) worse now. I use to have great long hair that the ladies would love and it would cover up my forehead pretty good...I had no prob attracting girls. Earlier this year i shaved my head down to a 2, but soon after I just didnt like it and decided to grow my hair out again...thing is i wear caps/beanies all the damn time now because im self conscious of my forehead and the thinning..... Well about a month and a half ago I met this really awesome girl, dating her actually.......and shes into long hair and at current my hair is almost at my shoulders...but there is not a lot going up on top since i am thinning/receding and always wear my cap/beanies around her. She actually brought up the fact that shes never seen me without out and wanted to see but I quickly changed the subject. I know its pathetic but i'm afraid that she might not wanna see me after that...(when we were havin dinner once she mentioned an ex bf of hers who was balding, she didnt go on to say if it was a good or bad thing, she was trash talking him)...but that made me even more freaked out of showing her... So now im thinking of actually buzzing it all the way down to a 1, even if i have to expose my forehead. Since my bangs are really wispy and i just finally know now that i can no longer have long hair as it looks ridiculous and i dont wanna hide behind caps all my life... I was wondering though if i should bring it up to her(she has mentioned she feels very comfortable with me, a big reason why she likes me)? or would that not be a good idea? any ladies out there have a man who was thinning? or any guys out there in the same situation i was? would really like to hear people out on this....if hair is a deal breaker or not? Edited October 29, 2009 by drewdude
Malenfant Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 you cant carry on wearing caps all the time, and the need to hide your receeding hairline is making you nervous and worried, and we dont want that. Personally, i dont like long hair on men, so i'd say shave it off. she's going to see the top of your head at some point and long hair with short on top isnt a good look. We all have preferences about what we like to look at but it would be a pretty shallow person to go off someone just because of their hair. anyway, loads of women love shaved heads, i'm sure your GF will be happy with you no matter what your hair is like. and if she doesnt, you dont really want to be with someone who thinks hair is that important.
phineas Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Shave it or get it cut short. Either way don't try to hide the fact your going bald. That's worse than going bald. If I wear a hat it's because I don't want the sun to burn my melon or I just woke up & have bed-head. I've had a small bald spot on the top of my head since mid 20's. By 30 I was just bald up there. Now i'm thinning everywhere but the sides & back. I may or may not shave it. I've got an ugly head. Lots of bumps & scars. Bottom line, I just don't care. I used to at your age but realized around 30 that it just didn't matter.
amirpc Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Dude if she is at all in to you and loses interest because she found out you were balding...she really did you a huge favor. Saved you a whole lot of time. You know whats worse than being a balding guy? Being a balding self conscious dude who is always trying to hide it.
betamanlet Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Dude if she is at all in to you and loses interest because she found out you were balding...she really did you a huge favor. Saved you a whole lot of time. You know whats worse than being a balding guy? Being a balding self conscious dude who is always trying to hide it. I just have a problem with double standards. Why is it okay for women to be self conscious about everything, and then have all of society support them in their self consciousness, then if a male is insecure about something like hair loss, he's not a "real man" or is pathetic somehow... There are men with appearance issues like hairloss, or anorexia, and they are basically rediculed or ignored by society. it's like people say "well, you dont' deserve a date because you're insesure" whereas if a woman is insecure, she has the support of all of society.
honeypear Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Personally as a woman it does not matter to me. If you truly love or respect someone you accept as they are. Having said that cut it or shave it off. If she doesn't like it or has negative comments you do not want to be with this girl in the long run. And think about how much effort you put into hiding the problem would you rather not be comfortable. I know from experience with my younger brother. He was known as the town playboy and was losing his hair. One day he showed up it was shaved and he commented that women like him despite that and if they didnt like him that was their loss. Once you cut it give it some time and say to yourself "Damn I look HOT!!" Take care
honeypear Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I just have a problem with double standards. Why is it okay for women to be self conscious about everything, and then have all of society support them in their self consciousness, then if a male is insecure about something like hair loss, he's not a "real man" or is pathetic somehow... There are men with appearance issues like hairloss, or anorexia, and they are basically rediculed or ignored by society. it's like people say "well, you dont' deserve a date because you're insesure" whereas if a woman is insecure, she has the support of all of society. I agree with you men can be as insecure as women. And it is not right for society to treat them any differently.
betamanlet Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I agree with you men can be as insecure as women. And it is not right for society to treat them any differently. They are. I used to have issues in about my appearance and saw a shrink for it many years ago. And basically it comes down to this, if you are male and insecure, you are worthless, unworthy of dating. If you are female, an dinsecure, you are to be protected by society, and it would be horrible if anyone held it against you.. Men just have to not be insecure, otherwise they will suffer for it.
amirpc Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I just have a problem with double standards. Why is it okay for women to be self conscious about everything, and then have all of society support them in their self consciousness, then if a male is insecure about something like hair loss, he's not a "real man" or is pathetic somehow... There are men with appearance issues like hairloss, or anorexia, and they are basically rediculed or ignored by society. it's like people say "well, you dont' deserve a date because you're insesure" whereas if a woman is insecure, she has the support of all of society. I said its worse to be self conscious about it than it is to just be bald. I didn't say he's pathetic, or less of a man... I don't know what gives you the idea that it is "ok" for a woman to be insecure/self conscious about everything. Most are, but I am certainly not looking to date someone who is horribly insecure. Everyone has their insecurities but past a point, it's just too much.
honeypear Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 They are. I used to have issues in about my appearance and saw a shrink for it many years ago. And basically it comes down to this, if you are male and insecure, you are worthless, unworthy of dating. If you are female, an dinsecure, you are to be protected by society, and it would be horrible if anyone held it against you.. Men just have to not be insecure, otherwise they will suffer for it. My ex had trust issues that I sort of knew from the beginning just did not know the full story. He tried to put up the act in front of me, once he trusted me he let it all out. What I am saying is I agree with you. However, not all of society feels that way. You just need to find that person you feel comfortable with and just be yourself. My ex used to call me his personal cheerleader someone who would listen to him and encourage him to believe in himself. It's not right. I am overweight and know that I am judged by it. It's really hard at times but the people who I count as my friends or anyone that I am involved with...I know like me for me. Take care
jw90063 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Shave it or get it cut short. Either way don't try to hide the fact your going bald. That's worse than going bald. I agree with this. I would say shave it or cut it short, but trying to hide it is worse. I knew a guy who was going bald at early age, and he looked the best just shaving most of it. If a girl really likes you, she will still be with you though.
boogieboy Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 OWN YOUR BALDNESS!!!! OWN YOUR BALDNESS!!!! OWN YOUR BALDNESS!!!! If you dont care what anyone else thinks about your baldness, they cant hate you for it. If youre confident about it (even if you have to fake it) whos gonna mess with you? I say if its that bad just shave it all off, and go completely clean. Bald is better than balding anyways. Dont give her a choice, just shave it all off, then you can toss the caps. You think shes stupid? you think she doesnt already know how ashamed you are about your head? Shes seen it before, she knows..she just isnt embarrasing you.
phineas Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Sometimes a woman will make a crack about my balding melon. I just joke back & rip on my own bald head & show her I just don't care im going bald & don't care if she cares. I can make them laugh their ass off with anectdotes concerning the "meteor strike" on the top of my head.
HarmonyHope Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 My boyfriend all self conscious about it too. Honestly I could care less. I am not a big fan of the completely shaved look, I'd rather there be a graceful acceptance.
Bleeve Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I used to be self conscience about my receding hairline. Now when I get my haircut, I get a #1 all over and it feels great. The more balding you are the better it looks short.
Author drewdude Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate them. Ive been through most of the phases already and im at the point where im just barely starting to accept the inevitable and know there is nothing i can do about it but just either buzz it number 1 or shave it off...... The ONLY thing thats really holding me back is my head shape. I got about a 5 head...so I feel i wont look too good shaved or that my head would be too big...
phineas Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I usually get a 3 on top & a 2 on the sides. I still have enough hair where it sticks up too much & i'm not keene on the 1 just yet because my hairline is crooked & one side is significantly thinner than the other. the 1 accentuates this & I just look stupid so my only other option is the kojak look.
aerogurl87 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 No hair on top and lots of hair on the sides is not a good look so you need to cut your hair in my opinion. With that said, if she doesn't like you afterward then time to move on. When you first meet someone and aren't attracted to them then that's fine, but if you leave someone after dating them for awhile due to some physical feature then that's just shallow. I personally hate long hair on a guy and prefer for it to be short. And my boyfriend cuts his hair so short that it almost looks like he's got a shaved head (he likes it and I don't) but I'm not going to leave him because of that. Although I am always happy when it grows back after awhile.
Holding-On Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 How much of a sense of humor does she have? Shave it. You can wear a wig this Halloween and see how she likes that. If she really is a cool girl wigs are something you can have fun with in the bedroom later on since you know its a turn on. If she's not imaginative enough for that, toss her, cause she isn't cool, she's a dupe. I think it is advertising agencies who push the "men can't have insecurities" line. That makes it easier for them to get you to buy stuff (like hair plugs -eeeww). Realwomen like real men, warts and all. Entitled super picky women you should leave where you find them.
threebyfate Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Hair loss for men is no big deal. If you have the shape of head to do this, shave it off. Otherwise, cut it short. And dear god, no comb-overs! Btw, did you know that men with higher levels of testosterone, can and do experience hair loss? As for long hair, unless you're in the entertainment business, at your age, it's time to cut it off.
Thornton Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I once dated someone who was losing his hair and shaved his head, and it didn't matter to me because he had other things going for him that were more important than his lack of hair. However he never mentioned his baldness, or made an issue out of it, so it wasn't an issue... if he'd been all apologetic and worried then I guess I might have viewed it differently.
threebyfate Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 From what I've noticed, hair loss bothers guys way, way more than it does women.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 In general, it would not be a dealbreaker. But for a guy to hide it like you have thus far - that is definitely a dealbreaker. I'm big into honesty. I accept people for who they are. But if I'm not even given the chance, I feel like the person distrusted me without even giving me a shot - that's not fair. Most recent guy I dated is bald up top. So generally he just shaves off the sides/back. I have no idea how often. But I don't see any point to trying to hang onto what little bit is left - it looks a little strange when guys do that, IMO. Just own it - bald is beautiful. I think you have probably blown it with this girl by lying by omission, though. You would have if it were me. I'm all about trust - especially when it comes to starting a new relationship.
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