Female Players

[dreamergrl]

So there is often threads asking "Did HE play me?" Asking if he was just out for sex.

 

I think females (not all) have their own version of this. Girls claiming to wait for sex, not because they want to better their relationship, but they want to force a commitment on a guy, by withholding sex, claiming when they get a commitment, they will have sex.

 

Now, before I get creamed by a lot of females on here... I'm not saying that all girls wanting to wait are playing this game. However, I know this game does get played. I've seen it IRL. I've seen it on this board.

 

SOME guys will claim to offer a commitment to get sex, then bail on the commitment. SOME girls will claim to give sex for a commitment, but bail on the sex.

 

Lets face it. As time goes by, it's not just guys who play games with sex. It goes both ways.

[boldjack]

DG, my sweetling, are there actually men who would fall for this?

[aerogurl87]

I don't think of myself as a player although some guys I dated in the past thought differently. If I tell you I want to just have sex with you, then you are not being strung along. Now if you decide somewhere down the line that you like me enough to pursue a relationship with me (which happened 70% of the time) then it's your loss. To me a FWB is like being friend zoned. Once a guy is a f**k buddy the best he can become in my book is a really good friend but nothing more typically. I can differentiate between sex and love and for me sex is just that, sex, unless my mind is emotionally there and putting two and two together. Otherwise it's all about me getting some orgasms and then he can be on his merry way.

[Awesome Username]

You're right on this, which is why I think it's important to look at peoples' actions. How have they treated other men/women in their life? Are they obviously players? What do their friends say about them? What do they truly want out of life?

 

I take what people say as who they want to be, but I take what people do as who they are. It takes a long time to learn about another person, and if you have a feeling that they're withholding something important to play a game then trust your instincts and get the Hell out of there.

[threebyfate]

Girls claiming to wait for sex, not because they want to better their relationship, but they want to force a commitment on a guy, by withholding sex, claiming when they get a commitment, they will have sex.

 

Psshhhttt...rookies! They need to be more ambiguous and state they "might" have sex...

[BookerT]

DG, my sweetling, are there actually men who would fall for this?

 

That's what I said on the other thread. You got to be half brain dead as a guy to have a girl string you along with NO SEX. I mean it might last a month or a few weeks, but a few months?

 

Also, what type of women play these games? Devout religious girls wacked in the head?

[threebyfate]

That's what I said on the other thread. You got to be half brain dead as a guy to have a girl string you along with NO SEX. I mean it might last a month or a few weeks, but a few months?

Yup, I've waited and have had sex later. You cannot put everyone in the same box. Life doesn't work that way.

[dreamergrl]

DG, my sweetling, are there actually men who would fall for this?

 

I believe so. I wont name names, but for example...

The poster who waited months to tell her boyfriend she didn't want sex until marriage. That, IMHO, is something that should be disclosed early on. Then to tell him they can't preform a majority of sexual acts that they have already been performing? To me, that is playing a game. It's a form of control. They want a certain level of commitment, and refuse not just sex, but things that have been done in order to get that level of commitment.

 

Maybe it's not as fallen for as male players, but females do try to do the same thing, only in a different aspect.

 

I think, just going on a limb here, that it has to do with the fact that the playing field, as time goes by, is getting more leveled out with men and women. So women are now trying to take the same level of control men had and sometimes still have. It's a huge game.

[threebyfate]

dreamer, I will openly state that I've had exclusive relationships with no sex. This doesn't mean I gamed to get exclusivity with the understanding that sex follows. It just means that something about the men wasn't quite right, at least enough to take that last bonding step.

 

I don't feel that women have to "give it up" until they're ready to. Once a woman is comfortable, whenever that is, it's up to her. No woman "owes" a man sex.

[dreamergrl]

Psshhhttt...rookies! They need to be more ambiguous and state they "might" have sex...

 

But might doesn't sound as good as will.

 

That's what I said on the other thread. You got to be half brain dead as a guy to have a girl string you along with NO SEX. I mean it might last a month or a few weeks, but a few months?

 

Also, what type of women play these games? Devout religious girls wacked in the head?

 

So are you saying women are inferior to men, to be easier to be played? Seeing how as your thread was based on that there would be less "Did I get played" stories on LS if people would just wait.

 

Hate to break it to you, but I see just as many "Is she interested?" threads as I do "Did I get played by him" threads. Women can manipulate just like men can.

[dreamergrl]

dreamer, I will openly state that I've had exclusive relationships with no sex. This doesn't mean I gamed to get exclusivity with the understanding that sex follows. It just means that something about the men wasn't quite right, at least enough to take that last bonding step.

 

I don't feel that women have to "give it up" until they're ready to. Once a woman is comfortable, whenever that is, it's up to her. No woman "owes" a man sex.

 

And by no means (which is why I said not all women who choose to wait) think that a woman owes sex to a man, nor did I state that ALL those that choose to wait are doing this, but there are women that do this.

 

I don't think it is as common as the average male player, but I think there are signs of it becoming more common.

 

Lets take another thread into consideration. A girl invites a guy to stay over on the second date. What is the guy going to think? She says no sex, so maybe she's trying to show she wants a commitment. But she invites him to stay the night. That is not a game? What is a guy going to think with an invite to spend the night on a second date?

[Lovelybird]

I want to wait for sex not that I want to bail on sex , I want sex, that is one part of human nature; nor I want to force a commitment from a guy. Whoever don't want to wait, then freely you go, I promise not a complain from me.

 

It is not a game for me. That means I am honest to myself. Body, mind and soul should be working together, not split with each other. When my body wants intimacy, but mind and soul don't get there, I limit my body desire, and wait for soul and mind catch up. That is why so many people stress "commitment first".

 

Sex before marriage, shows a guy values sex less, not more. Why? sex in a strong commitment relationship is much valued than a casual one. Sex worth that much that he wants to commit to the relationship. any casualty devalues it. If he has sex with a woman, then this woman can connect with him on many levels, trust, love, and friendship, and he genuinely wants to spend his whole life with her.

 

but sex without commitment is like winning a lottery, you buy that many tickets, you don't know which one is the one, sometimes you may get lucky met one, but the price is too much

 

There involves the ability to postpone self-satisfaction. The more ability of waiting you possess, the more you are trustworthy. because if one has the ability of self-control, he won't be so easily attempted whenever he see a beauty come by, that means he isn't controled by his little brother, but controled by his characters and values

 

maybe you are very honest with your physical desires, but are you honest with your heart and mind? no woman or man want to be treated less

[threebyfate]

But might doesn't sound as good as will.

Ah, just don't state anything and let the guy assume!

 

Half the time, it doesn't matter what the woman says. The guy will believe what he wants to believe.

 

And by no means (which is why I said not all women who choose to wait) think that a woman owes sex to a man, nor did I state that ALL those that choose to wait are doing this, but there are women that do this.

 

I don't think it is as common as the average male player, but I think there are signs of it becoming more common.

 

Lets take another thread into consideration. A girl invites a guy to stay over on the second date. What is the guy going to think? She says no sex, so maybe she's trying to show she wants a commitment. But she invites him to stay the night. That is not a game? What is a guy going to think with an invite to spend the night on a second date?

Well, no doubt there's ambiguity and potential promise in this, whether it's intended or not.

 

I think that's most of the problem between men and women in general. Ineffective communication.

[TheLoneSock]

So there is often threads asking "Did HE play me?" Asking if he was just out for sex.

 

I think females (not all) have their own version of this. Girls claiming to wait for sex, not because they want to better their relationship, but they want to force a commitment on a guy, by withholding sex, claiming when they get a commitment, they will have sex.

 

Now, before I get creamed by a lot of females on here... I'm not saying that all girls wanting to wait are playing this game. However, I know this game does get played. I've seen it IRL. I've seen it on this board.

 

SOME guys will claim to offer a commitment to get sex, then bail on the commitment. SOME girls will claim to give sex for a commitment, but bail on the sex.

 

Lets face it. As time goes by, it's not just guys who play games with sex. It goes both ways.

 

That's why I never commit unless I know what the sex is like. It's simple, I don't compromise. And frankly if a girl isn't into me enough to want to jump my bones early on anyway, I'm wasting my time.

[Awesome Username]

To be completely honest, whenever I think of a female player, I think of a woman who wants to hurt mens' feelings by messing with their heads and playing games. It makes me think that a woman got burned in a FWB and wants to prove to herself, "Oh yeah? I can do that too!" or they secretly fear that men might be superior to them, they might have a complex about it.

 

My reasoning behind this is that any woman can walk into any bar and get sex whenever she wants. Men, unless they're rock stars, cannot do this. There's no game to play when you call the shots. Any night of the week, even if you're not a supermodel, you can get sex. There are other types of "player" that a woman can be - gold digger. At least this type makes sense, though it usually ends with heartache on both sides.

 

I don't think that saying, "Oh yeah, well I can FWB a guy and make him cry because he wants more too!" is a positive push toward feminism. It's just more sadness. If you're secure with yourself, you'll know that one of the hardest and gut-wrenching things to do as a woman is to break a man's heart.

[Lovelybird]

That's why I never commit unless I know what the sex is like. It's simple, I don't compromise. And frankly if a girl isn't into me enough to want to jump my bones early on anyway, I'm wasting my time.

that is flaky standard to judge if she is into you. We know that in the very beginning we can easily feel that strong urge, but what is really matters is that if you or she can attract to each other in long term sense, that includes many things more than sexual attraction. such as honesty, character, humility, less self-centeredness.

 

marriage fail not because there isn't sexual sparkles, under the lack of sex , is lack of connection of heart to heart

[dreamergrl]

I want to wait for sex not that I want to bail on sex , I want sex, that is one part of human nature; nor I want to force a commitment from a guy. Whoever don't want to wait, then freely you go, I promise not a complain from me.

 

And that's great. You are not using your beliefs for personal gain.

 

It is not a game for me. That means I am honest to myself. Body, mind and soul should be working together, not split with each other. When my body wants intimacy, but mind and soul don't get there, I limit my body desire, and wait for soul and mind catch up. That is why so many people stress "commitment first".

 

Just to make sure we are all on the same page, I'm not proclaiming everyone who chooses to wait are playing a game. ,

 

Sex before marriage, shows a guy values sex less, not more. Why? sex in a strong commitment relationship is much valued than a casual one. Sex worth that much that he wants to commit to the relationship. any casualty devalues it. If he has sex with a woman, then this woman can connect with him on many levels, trust, love, and friendship, and he genuinely wants to spend his whole life with her.

 

Now I have to disagree. Just because one wants that level of intimacy prior to marriage doesn't mean they value sex less. Who is to say they don't value it more, because they want to know they can have that sexual bond prior to marriage, is a bad thing? IMHO, learning this earlier on can eliminate the want and urge to cheat. You know what you have with your SO, and you know what you can have.

 

but sex without commitment is like winning a lottery, you buy that many tickets, you don't know which one is the one, sometimes you may get lucky met one, but the price is too much

 

I consider myself lucky to know I can have a beautiful relationship, with everything involved, prior to marriage or engagement. Why wouldn't I want to know if sex life is going to be wonderful? If I can have that amazing bond all around, and go into marriage knowing that, damn straight, I'll take that.

 

There involves the ability to postpone self-satisfaction. The more ability of waiting you possess, the more you are trustworthy. because if one has the ability of self-control, he won't be so easily attempted whenever he see a beauty come by, that means he isn't controled by his little brother, but controled by his characters and values

 

It's not about self satisfaction for me. It is about knowing that that level of intimacy is there on both sides.

 

maybe you are very honest with your physical desires, but are you honest with your heart and mind? no woman or man want to be treated less

 

Maybe they should all be tied together, because a relationship isn't just built on one thing. It's built on so many things.

 

Ah, just don't state anything and let the guy assume!

 

Half the time, it doesn't matter what the woman says. The guy will believe what he wants to believe.

 

Well, no doubt there's ambiguity and potential promise in this, whether it's intended or not.

 

I think that's most of the problem between men and women in general. Ineffective communication.

 

That is why I said sex without

communication isn't a bad thing. But there are people who abuse it, male and female, and use it to their advantage.

[TheLoneSock]

that is flaky standard to judge if she is into you. We know that in the very beginning we can easily feel that strong urge, but what is really matters is that if you or she can attract to each other in long term sense, that includes many things more than sexual attraction. such as honesty, character, humility, less self-centeredness.

 

marriage fail not because there isn't sexual sparkles, under the lack of sex , is lack of connection of heart to heart

 

Yeah that's nice and all. But I have done the waiting game before, the relationship turned out to be total **** because she revealed little to me until later on. On the other hand, my two longest relationships were with girls I had sex with on the 3rd or 4th date- that's a fact.

 

So I'm going off of experience for myself, not ideal, rosey pictures.

[Awesome Username]

That's why I never commit unless I know what the sex is like. It's simple, I don't compromise. And frankly if a girl isn't into me enough to want to jump my bones early on anyway, I'm wasting my time.

 

The problem is that (for the most part) when a woman has sex with a man she's attracted to, she often feels a bond for him. A lot of guys don't realize that girls withholding sex isn't a "game," it's the fact that she knows she's giving him an important part of her and if she does and he still doesn't want to commit, then she will feel used and cheap with a broken heart.

 

I heard you say in another post that you gravitate/like women that are a little messed up in the head, and those ladies are more likely to jump (on the cockazoid) at the first sign of being attracted to you. However, you still haven't found your other sock and maybe if you tried just once to really get to know a healthy girl as a person and know her heart (commit to only her for a little while, just to see) before you get that close, you might find it.

[aerogurl87]

However, you still haven't found your other sock

 

Lol, sorry that just made me laugh.

[TheLoneSock]

The problem is that (for the most part) when a woman has sex with a man she's attracted to, she often feels a bond for him. A lot of guys don't realize that girls withholding sex isn't a "game," it's the fact that she knows she's giving him an important part of her and if she does and he still doesn't want to commit, then she will feel used and cheap with a broken heart.

 

I heard you say in another post that you gravitate/like women that are a little messed up in the head, and those ladies are more likely to jump (on the cockazoid) at the first sign of being attracted to you. However, you still haven't found your other sock and maybe if you tried just once to really get to know a healthy girl as a person and know her heart (commit to only her for a little while, just to see) before you get that close, you might find it.

 

I'm also only 23, so it means very little that I haven't found the one yet.

 

I'll wager you've gone through your relationships in the same way you've just advised me to, but have you found the one yet?

 

This forum is full of people who tell me not to worry about hitching up until my 30's anyway. I'm right where I should be in life right now. If the right one comes along, cool, if not- life goes on.

[Lovelybird]

Now I have to disagree. Just because one wants that level of intimacy prior to marriage doesn't mean they value sex less. Who is to say they don't value it more, because they want to know they can have that sexual bond prior to marriage, is a bad thing? IMHO, learning this earlier on can eliminate the want and urge to cheat. You know what you have with your SO, and you know what you can have.

There are many couples who had hot sex before marriage, yet still they couldn't keep the love and marriage together.

 

You are right though, nothing can guarantee you have love and marriage forever, not even waiting.

 

However here is the thing, between hot chemical sex now and strong characters, I go for the latter, I think the later sure can go a long way than just hot sex for the moment.

 

If a man wants sex but no commitment, that is not good enough for me, to me that means he devalues the sex and me.

 

If a man says this "if you love me, you would want to have sex with me", this doesn't speak love, but his own self-centerness.

[boldjack]

Au, I'm kind of surprised at you saying something like that. So you think it's somehow easier for a Guy to break a woman's heart. That men are somehow less capable of having deep emotional bonds? What do you mean? I've had to hurt women who loved me deeply and I didn' think it was all that much fun, either.

[Awesome Username]

I'm also only 23, so it means very little that I haven't found the one yet.

 

I'll wager you've gone through your relationships in the same way you've just advised me to, but have you found the one yet?

 

This forum is full of people who tell me not to worry about hitching up until my 30's anyway. I'm right where I should be in life right now. If the right one comes along, cool, if not- life goes on.

 

I am single. However, being picky and slow as I am has in fact paid off. I have never had a bad breakup, have never been screwed over and I don't have crazy emotional baggage when it comes to men. I've never had a fast one pulled on me yet or cheated on, and if I was then the guy was smart enough to hide it perfectly! I still talk to my exes every now and then, and we still share advice.

 

I know I have been lucky. I'm not saying that if you HAVE had these things happen that you don't know what you're doing or even that you made mistakes, but my high standards have worked for me and I'm confident that someday when I decide to settle down it will be with a man I'm proud of.

 

</disney princess> Good idea on not getting hitched early; I do agree with that!

[dreamergrl]

There are many couples who had hot sex before marriage, yet still they couldn't keep the love and marriage together.

 

UGH and there are so many divorces going on from couples who have been together from the very start. Learning who you are (sexually and non sexually) through experience will teach you who you are compatible with.

 

You are right though, nothing can guarantee you have love and marriage forever, not even waiting.

 

So why not learn if you can be compatible in an area earlier on?

 

However here is the thing, between hot chemical sex now and strong characters, I go for the latter, I think the later sure can go a long way than just hot sex for the moment.

 

And if you are not satisfied in bed, what are you to do? Not get the level of intimacy from your SO and go on for the rest of your life with them being unsatisfied?

 

If a man wants sex but no commitment, that is not good enough for me, to me that means he devalues the sex and me.

 

If a man says this "if you love me, you would want to have sex with me", this doesn't speak love, but his own self-centerness.

 

How is that any different then a man (or person) wanting to know if you are compatible in a sexual way prior to marriage?

 

At least by having sex earlier on you know if you have that level of compatibility, instead of waiting to get cheated on, because he or she is wondering.

 

I don't care if you've been together for years without sex. You do not know how it will be until you do the deed. Yes, LOVE makes a difference, but it does NOT substitute for being compatible.