BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm reading a lot of the sad stories on this forum, and I have to tell you ladies this. If you make sure a guy is willing to commit and go exclusive with you before you have sex with the guy then that would remove at least 50% of the messed up stories on this board. Any guy that's not willing to stay with a girl because of no sex for a month or two wouldn't have stayed anyway even if you had sex with him. Why are you scared to make a guy wait? Scared that you will scare him off? Or are you just so turned on that you couldn't help it? Come on, this is why playing around has become so widespread. If you want sex then go in with the aim of just casual sex, don't get into the grey zone, that's when you will get hurt. I'm not a conservative, I'm just a realist. You don't need to wait for marriage for sex, but the 3 date rule or whatever is just retarded. It takes at least a couple of months to spot problematic behaviors, and if you get emotionally attached before then, then you'll be posting on this board. Btw, me and all my decent guy friends only have sex with girls once we're exclusively dating those girls. All my player friends however can't wait. That shows how having sex early doesn't sway a guy in anyway what so ever.
Awesome Username Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm reading a lot of the sad stories on this forum, and I have to tell you ladies this. If you make sure a guy is willing to commit and go exclusive with you before you have sex with the guy then that would remove at least 50% of the messed up stories on this board. Any guy that's not willing to stay with a girl because of no sex for a month or two wouldn't have stayed anyway even if you had sex with him. Why are you scared to make a guy wait? Scared that you will scare him off? Or are you just so turned on that you couldn't help it? Come on, this is why playing around has become so widespread. If you want sex then go in with the aim of just casual sex, don't get into the grey zone, that's when you will get hurt. I'm not a conservative, I'm just a realist. You don't need to wait for marriage for sex, but the 3 date rule or whatever is just retarded. It takes at least a couple of months to spot problematic behaviors, and if you get emotionally attached before then, then you'll be posting on this board. Btw, me and all my decent guy friends only have sex with girls once we're exclusively dating those girls. All my player friends however can't wait. That shows how having sex early doesn't sway a guy in anyway what so ever. I agree with the force of a thousand suns!
amirpc Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm reading a lot of the sad stories on this forum, and I have to tell you ladies this. If you make sure a guy is willing to commit and go exclusive with you before you have sex with the guy then that would remove at least 50% of the messed up stories on this board. Any guy that's not willing to stay with a girl because of no sex for a month or two wouldn't have stayed anyway even if you had sex with him. Why are you scared to make a guy wait? Scared that you will scare him off? Or are you just so turned on that you couldn't help it? Come on, this is why playing around has become so widespread. If you want sex then go in with the aim of just casual sex, don't get into the grey zone, that's when you will get hurt. I'm not a conservative, I'm just a realist. You don't need to wait for marriage for sex, but the 3 date rule or whatever is just retarded. It takes at least a couple of months to spot problematic behaviors, and if you get emotionally attached before then, then you'll be posting on this board. Btw, me and all my decent guy friends only have sex with girls once we're exclusively dating those girls. All my player friends however can't wait. That shows how having sex early doesn't sway a guy in anyway what so ever. Really I think it has to do more with being honest with themselves. You can tell when a guy is after one thing, it is just obvious. They just try to lie to thsemelves because they really WANT this guy to be into them. I've seen it time and time again. One girl even told one of my player friends that she wouldn't have sex with him unless they were girlfriend boyfriend, at which point he immediately professed how badly he wanted to be her boyfriend. Of course that lasted until about 3 minutes after they were done having sex, and she didn't hear from him again. This girl was fairly intelligent, she knew exactly what was up. She just wanted it not be true bad enough that she lied to herself. I don't think it takes months to identify what someone is really after, I think you just have to be honest about things to yourself. FWIW - I had sex in both of my last two serious relationships before the third date.
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Any guy that's not willing to stay with a girl because of no sex for a month or two wouldn't have stayed anyway even if you had sex with him. I couldn't disagree more. If it's been "a month or two" and there's still no sex, I'm calling it quits, even if I really like the girl (I'm basically in that situation right now with the girl I'm dating). If there's no sex after 5-6 dates, it either means that the girl is looking for a sexless relationship, wants to wait until marriage (god forbid!) or there's something else that is seriously wrong. It's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later and move on with your life.
freestyle Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I concluded many years ago, that it's better to make sure someone loves me from the neck up----first.
amirpc Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. If it's been "a month or two" and there's still no sex, I'm calling it quits, even if I really like the girl (I'm basically in that situation right now with the girl I'm dating). If there's no sex after 5-6 dates, it either means that the girl is looking for a sexless relationship, wants to wait until marriage (god forbid!) or there's something else that is seriously wrong. It's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later and move on with your life. I agree with this. I am not just out for sex, but if it hasn't happened over a month into the dating...I'm probably not around anymore.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. If it's been "a month or two" and there's still no sex, I'm calling it quits, even if I really like the girl (I'm basically in that situation right now with the girl I'm dating). If there's no sex after 5-6 dates, it either means that the girl is looking for a sexless relationship, wants to wait until marriage (god forbid!) or there's something else that is seriously wrong. It's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later and move on with your life. That's where communication comes in. I mean if she's really looking for a sexless relationship that's one thing, and you can walk away. But a girl can always get the commitment first before she has sex with the guy. That's the most basic thing.
dreamergrl Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 That's where communication comes in. I mean if she's really looking for a sexless relationship that's one thing, and you can walk away. But a girl can always get the commitment first before she has sex with the guy. That's the most basic thing. It doesn't always work out that way. We have a poster who waited 2 months to tell her boyfriend that she didn't want sex until marriage, and they had to go backwards on the sexual acts they were already doing.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 It doesn't always work out that way. We have a poster who waited 2 months to tell her boyfriend that she didn't want sex until marriage, and they had to go backwards on the sexual acts they were already doing. That's why I said at least 50% of the problems. If it's foolproof it would be 100%. But over 50% is better than posting about "did I just get played?" and ending up with more and more emotional baggage. Besides, going back is something else altogether.
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 That's where communication comes in. I mean if she's really looking for a sexless relationship that's one thing, and you can walk away. But a girl can always get the commitment first before she has sex with the guy. That's the most basic thing. Well genius, sometimes girls don't tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Dreamrgrl got it exactly right. Girls would often wait until you have invested a significant amount of time, energy and emotion into the relationship before dropping the "no sex" bomb. Until then, they would assume the "shy girl" facade, making you think that it's just a matter of treading lightly and being patient.
dreamergrl Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Like other posters I had my most solid healthy relationship (and for once it was solid and healthy) from a guy I slept with the first night out. No, I don't go doing that with every guy. I've waited as well, and had some of my worse relationships from those I waited on. Things work differently with different people. I think it would help more if people didn't use sex as a game.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Well genius, sometimes girls don't tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Dreamrgrl got it exactly right. Girls would often wait until you have invested a significant amount of time, energy and emotion into the relationship before dropping the "no sex" bomb. Until then, they would assume the "shy girl" facade, making you think that it's just a matter of treading lightly and being patient. Well, if you read the OP it was addressed to the ladies.....you a lady? The guy of course has a different agenda. If you want sex, then pining after a girl that believes in no sex before marriage is just as unrealistic. Also I don't know about you guys but most girls will have sex before marriage these days, and I can spot a devout Christian from a mile away. Don't people even talk about what they want these days? Or they just base it all on assumptions.....
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I think it would help more if people didn't use sex as a game. As opposed to all the other games and manipulation already out there? Who said anything about playing games? Self defense doesn't mean playing games. If I learn martial arts to protect myself, I only use it when someone attacks me, that doesn't mean I'm breaking the law. Also, just because YOU had a solid relationship from sex on the first night doesn't mean most other women have. Don't use the exception to the rule to use as a valid strategy.
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I think it would help more if people didn't use sex as a game. I wish there were more girls like you, dreamergrl. And I agree 100%. People make too big a deal out of something that should be a simple, pleasant activity for both parties. If people stopped thinking of sex as something that a woman "gives up", things would be so much easier for both men and women.
dreamergrl Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Well, if you read the OP it was addressed to the ladies.....you a lady? The guy of course has a different agenda. If you want sex, then pining after a girl that believes in no sex before marriage is just as unrealistic. Also I don't know about you guys but most girls will have sex before marriage these days, and I can spot a devout Christian from a mile away. Don't people even talk about what they want these days? Or they just base it all on assumptions..... Well I'm a lady. And personally I would want to know the sex life would be good before getting overly emotionally attached. And like mentioned, not every person is honest about their sexual beliefs prior. Those who want to wait are sometimes don't voice it because more and more often people want and have sex with in a few months. Often sex is used as an emotional head game. Whether it is a want to wait or a want to just get laid. Would you rather waste months on a person to find out you wont be getting any until marriage or whatever, or would you want to know off hand so you can weed out who's not compatible sexually. If you want to wait for however long, that is your choice, but those who choose to wait a lesser amount of time, that is their choice. We are all wired and built differently. Waiting doesn't promise you a better relationship though.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I wish there were more girls like you, dreamergrl. And I agree 100%. People make too big a deal out of something that should be a simple, pleasant activity for both parties. If people stopped thinking of sex as something that a woman "gives up", things would be so much easier for both men and women. Mainly for the men. Since men's brains don't react to Oxytocin and get emotionally attached in the same way women do. A player can have sex with a woman again and again with zero emotional attachment. Men get emotionally attached when they build a fantasy around the women and perceive the woman as high value. That's not linked to the sex in the same way. Since you're such a nice guy, waiting to go exlusive before having sex with you is no problem right? Or do you have sex with women then walk off?
threebyfate Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 While I agree with you, from my own personal experiences of always going exclusive first, there are different personality types. In the past, pre-LS, I would have agreed with you 100% but since getting to know a number of members and their stories, there's no such thing "one rule fits all".
Awesome Username Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 The "3 to 5 dates" rule or whatever is why I went for guys in my college classes and had crushes at work - I need to truly get to know a guy on a platonic level before I would even consider something romantic with him. If I haven't built an attraction yet, I'm not itching to jump in the sack. I think a lot of ladies get swept away by some guys, and they think they have to bend over backwards to get him to like her. There are SO MANY PEOPLE out there in this world that if a guy wants something and you want something else, there are tons more fish in the sea that are on your level. The real key is keeping busy and having enough hobbies and interests that if it doesn't work out, you're not in pieces because you don't need him to be happy with yourself. I'd rather be single than but up with fwb nonsense.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Would you rather waste months on a person to find out you wont be getting any until marriage or whatever, or would you want to know off hand so you can weed out who's not compatible sexually. Waiting doesn't promise you a better relationship though. If a guy needs to wait for months to find out someone won't have sex with him then he's got to be as naive as a woman that has sex with a player on the first night then cries when he walks off later on. People don't talk, ask or use their heads these days? Waiting won't promise you a better relationship. It definitely reduces the chances of getting played. That was the point of the OP.
dreamergrl Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 As opposed to all the other games and manipulation already out there? Who said anything about playing games? Self defense doesn't mean playing games. If I learn martial arts to protect myself, I only use it when someone attacks me, that doesn't mean I'm breaking the law. Also, just because YOU had a solid relationship from sex on the first night doesn't mean most other women have. Don't use the exception to the rule to use as a valid strategy. Sex is OFTEN used as a game. Guys can promise a relationship if they get sex. Girls can promise sex if they get a relationship. And just because you wait for sex doesn't mean it works for everyone else. So don't use your situation and experience as a reason why people should wait. Holding off on sex isn't self defense either. It's a choice someone makes based off of what they want. That doesn't mean it works for all. Besides, if someone wants to hide who they are or what they want, they can do it well enough longer then a few months. Hell, they could do it up until after marriage or living together. I wish there were more girls like you, dreamergrl. And I agree 100%. People make too big a deal out of something that should be a simple, pleasant activity for both parties. If people stopped thinking of sex as something that a woman "gives up", things would be so much easier for both men and women. It is very possible to have sex early on in the relationship, as long as both parties are mature enough to communicate. Sex doesn't have to complicate the dating process. It's just those who aren't honest and don't communicate that make it complicated.
Johnny M Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Well, if you read the OP it was addressed to the ladies.....you a lady? The guy of course has a different agenda. If you want sex, then pining after a girl that believes in no sex before marriage is just as unrealistic. Also I don't know about you guys but most girls will have sex before marriage these days, and I can spot a devout Christian from a mile away. Don't people even talk about what they want these days? Or they just base it all on assumptions..... I don't give a rat's @ss who your OP was addressed to. It could have been addressed to Jesus Christ himself for all I care. This is a public forum and the point of my post was to inform "the ladies" that not every guy shares your self-righteous viewpoint. Frankly, you come across as some kind of a sexually frustrated "nice guy" upset that girls are giving it up to easily to the wrong kind of guys instead of sleeping with "decent" guys like yourself. You're only fooling yourself, buddy.
aerogurl87 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. If it's been "a month or two" and there's still no sex, I'm calling it quits, even if I really like the girl (I'm basically in that situation right now with the girl I'm dating). If there's no sex after 5-6 dates, it either means that the girl is looking for a sexless relationship, wants to wait until marriage (god forbid!) or there's something else that is seriously wrong. It's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later and move on with your life. Or maybe she's waiting for you to commit to an exclusive relationship and if you'd do that you'd be getting some. I think if you can have sex with someone you're dating then you should be able to commit to them, just my opinion.
Author BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I don't give a rat's @ss who your OP was addressed to. It could have been addressed to Jesus Christ himself for all I care. This is a public forum and the point of my post was to inform "the ladies" that not every guy shares your self-righteous viewpoint. Frankly, you come across as some kind of a sexually frustrated "nice guy" upset that girls are giving it up to easily to the wrong kind of guys instead of sleeping with "decent" guys like yourself. You're only fooling yourself, buddy. How did I know you would react badly? Like you said it's a public forum. You disagree with me, I disagree with you. Don't need to get the blood pressure boiling buddy. Moral stances differ greatly between individuals. I respect the fact you want sex without commitment. That's cool. I'm just suggesting girls avoid you.
thegreatmoose Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I won't have sex with a woman until we're in a loving relationship. There's no specific number of weeks or months.
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