TwilightSky Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I've never been very confident with women, so maybe other guys pick up on this, but...some dudes that I have known seem to slam my my abilities with women. For example: for some reason, this one co-worker spread a rumor that I liked this girl that was on a different shift than me. Someone else heard about it (a guy) and said "nice choice, she has a live-in boyfriend, but even if she didn't, I don't know..." and then he trailed off. I kept trying to re-assure him I didn't have a crush on her (didn't even know who he was talking about). Anyway, I'm trying to figure out if there is something wrong with me based on other's responses in RL. Thing is, I'm clueless at pin-pointing my flaws. How should I go about uncovering them. EDIT: The title was supposed to be "The same gender's opinion of you, but I screwed up, sorry.
amirpc Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I've never been very confident with women, so maybe other guys pick up on this, but...some dudes that I have known seem to slam my my abilities with women. For example: for some reason, this one co-worker spread a rumor that I liked this girl that was on a different shift than me. Someone else heard about it (a guy) and said "nice choice, she has a live-in boyfriend, but even if she didn't, I don't know..." and then he trailed off. I kept trying to re-assure him I didn't have a crush on her (didn't even know who he was talking about). Anyway, I'm trying to figure out if there is something wrong with me based on other's responses in RL. Thing is, I'm clueless at pin-pointing my flaws. How should I go about uncovering them. EDIT: The title was supposed to be "The same gender's opinion of you, but I screwed up, sorry. Oh man, don't let guys who aren't getting laid either use you to make themselves feel superior. You should be asking why its his concern, not rushing to assure him that you don't have feelings for her (whoever she is). In my personal experience, reading and self reflection/analysis are the mechanisms by which I've been able to eliminate character flaws and bring about self improvement. You can't do it by being all submissive to random ass dude at work. Other people's input CAN make a difference, but consider the source, the manner it is delivered, and the motivations they have to offer it. Likely, these aren't the people you want to be drawing conclusions about yourself from.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Dude, are you in freaking high school or what? Who cares what these other guys think. If it doesn't stop then slap them with a sexual harassment complaint.
littlewhiterose Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I do feel for you. I had a similar situation happen to me. A supervior of mine (who's married), decided to take it upon himself to flirt with me and I was disgusted. Based on my involuntary reaction, he realized this. So what does he do? He decides to spread a rumor that I'm a "lipstick lesbian". (I don't appear as the typical stereotype for a lesbian. Quite the contrary, I'm very feminine, so how can you argue against that if you didn't know me?) Nice right? So this supervisor's looking for a fight or attention he feels he's not getting or whatever. BIG WHOOP. I know I'm not anything he thinks I am. So to me, that's the end of that. If that's what helps him sleep at night, then I'll pat myself on the back for involuntarily doing a good deed towards him. I'm telling you this because people like this guy spreading rumors about you, are trying to fill a void within themselves. You just happened to be the 'locked' target. They'll try to tear you down by bring YOU down to their level. Don't entertain it. Not for a second. Unless it's creating a hostile work environment and affecting your work.
Author TwilightSky Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 I do feel for you. I had a similar situation happen to me. A supervior of mine (who's married), decided to take it upon himself to flirt with me and I was disgusted. Based on my involuntary reaction, he realized this. So what does he do? He decides to spread a rumor that I'm a "lipstick lesbian". (I don't appear as the typical stereotype for a lesbian. Quite the contrary, I'm very feminine, so how can you argue against that if you didn't know me?) Nice right? So this supervisor's looking for a fight or attention he feels he's not getting or whatever. BIG WHOOP. I know I'm not anything he thinks I am. So to me, that's the end of that. If that's what helps him sleep at night, then I'll pat myself on the back for involuntarily doing a good deed towards him. I'm telling you this because people like this guy spreading rumors about you, are trying to fill a void within themselves. You just happened to be the 'locked' target. They'll try to tear you down by bring YOU down to their level. Don't entertain it. Not for a second. Unless it's creating a hostile work environment and affecting your work. I see what you mean, and that supervisor had no right at all to do that to you. You already knew that, obviously. But yeah, my main concern was what that second guy had said, not the first one. In my personal experience, reading and self reflection/analysis are the mechanisms by which I've been able to eliminate character flaws and bring about self improvement. You can't do it by being all submissive to random ass dude at work. Other people's input CAN make a difference, but consider the source, the manner it is delivered, and the motivations they have to offer it. Likely, these aren't the people you want to be drawing conclusions about yourself from. I'm terrible at self-analyisization(sp?) though, heh. I fully get what you mean about different motivations. But, when someone says something about me, I don't have a big enough level of self-awareness to determine whether the statement is true or not.
Recommended Posts