Author condor Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 We use skype with video, msn with video etc etc. Yeah. She knows that. Her answer is, it is as it is. And the last couple of days we have been very intimate to the point of exhaustion. I have asked her if she taking her bc pills and she says yes. She usually keeps them out in the open but i havent seen them ever since the last monthly. I dont think i would be comfortable with her being pregnant and far away. And when the subject comes up again, i will voice my concern on that matter. thanks c
jerseyboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Pics wouldnt have bothered me, I dont think But the rest... You have reason to worry man
Author condor Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Hello, Just updating the thread. In about 2 weeks we will know whether the 6month contract is go. My wife has mentioned to them 3 months with an option of renewing. There some funny clauses which might mean she doesnt take the contract, of which i am hoping. The other offer will be on the table after about 6 months. She is currently in the country offering her the first contract for just a week and already we have mismatch of our schedules where get to talk to each in the morning for about 5-10 mins. The nights have fallen away. She does make it up sending a text in the night or me sending one to see if she can chat. She her family growing up was less fortunate than mine where her father would kill himself working, she feels the need to work even harder to earn more money. I on the other hand, feel family and being together is more important. just my random thoughts, c
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Sorry but this all seems a little paranoid to me. I go on business trips sometimes, and it's perfectly normal to want to see the sights while you're there, and to take photos of your companions, and to go out for dinner with colleagues. Sometimes I spend time with existing colleagues, and sometimes I connect with new colleagues at conferences, and we frequently post our photos on social networking sites afterwards and tag each other. If we had something to hide, we wouldn't make the photos publicly available! To me it sounds like a perfectly innocent interaction is being blown out of all proportion because your relationship with your wife is problematic in other respects.
Author condor Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 I didnt mention that the photos were public:) We use one computer at home and my wife hadnt logged out from facebook when i went to visit my page. The photos are part of the other guy's profile and they are not visible from the outside when i went to have a look again from my work computer. I would like to be aware of everything, and not carry on blissfully unaware. My wife has been offered a contract overseas for six months and we are trying to justify or not justify it. She wants my opionion it. I know if i say yes i am going to regret it later (wont see her etc) and if i say no she might not "like" me later for not getting the opportunity to pay off her debt. some thoughts would be appreciated, c
Eeyore79 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I don't see why the guy would post photos on Facebook and make them only visible to your wife... if he wanted her to be the only one who sees them, he would just email them to her. It's far more likely that his settings only allow his photos to be visible to his contacts, and nobody else can see them. So of course your wife can see them, but so can all his other contacts. People who are not his contacts, however (e.g. you) would be unable to see them.
SarahRose Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I can't believe how bent out of shape people get over a few photos. If a man was doing this they would tell the woman to quit being so clingy and get over it.
angie2443 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I've posted on this thread before, so sorry if I'm repeating myself. I don't see how a relationship can survive all this time apart. Time apart every once in a while is a good thing. Time apart in the way the OP describes, bad- at least for most relationships. Look, people don't typically go looking to distance themselves from their partners or cheat. However, put yourself in a bad situation, and a bad thing might happen. I would think that the OP and his partner would get pretty lonely with all this seperation. I would think that they would crave companionship with someone. If they can't give that to each other, they might give/take it from someone else. If I were in the wife's position, I would be enjoying the male companionship while I was away from the husband. This doesn't mean I would have the intention to cheat, just that the ingredients are there. In the end, does it matter if she is cheating or not? If the married partners are not behaving as a couple (spending most time together), how can the relationship survive? OP, if you're not happy in a relationship that involves so much time apart, then you need to decide what you're willing to except and tell your partner. Then, if you guys are not on the same page, make a break for it.
Author condor Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 thanks angie2443 for you reply. I never believed my wife would be cheating just the possible companionship is what irks me. She has signed up for the 6month contract with us seeing each other possibly twice. She dropped another "bombshell" that after that period then she might be getting another contract in another country for 2 weeks there and 2 weeks here every month. Suffice to say i hit the roof. She then said we will discuss it when the time comes, so i said i am telling you so that there are no misunderstandings when that time comes. Since her family didnt have money she has experienced what it had done to them, and she feels doing this out-of-country work will ensure to some degree we dont experience that kind of hardship. But I am from the other side, we should be happy with what we have. c
Author condor Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Just some continuation to this thread. My wife and myself use the same computer and when i went to the facebook page, she was still logged in. So my curiosity got the better of me and i had a look at her messages. She has been exchanging messages between that colleague (in which i started this thread the photos) and they message each other maybe 1/2 a week. Always they sign off the emails, Hugs and Kisses. Another message stated that he was worried about how they were treating her at work. We were speaking via skype about a day ago, and this colleague called her and she put me on hold on skype. i was a bit annoyed by the fact 'cause if you got nothing to hide then you have nothing to hide...She calls me via the landline and nine out of ten i get the feeling she is checking up on me. Not that i have the time to do anything and that i do love her. I sent her presents and flowers during valentines online and it fired her up. My current stance is to watch and observe. But i'm going to suprise visit her on one of her trips, i just hope i am not one that gets suprised:) c
JamesM Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I think your suspicions may be correct. This colleague seems to be more than a colleague.
angie2443 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 OP, is this really the kind of relationship you want? You two have no children together. As they often say here, this is your "get out of jail free card". There are plenty of other fish in the sea. I just don't see the point of staying in this kind of relationship. It sounds like it is going to cause much heart ache. Take care!
SarahRose Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 condor, after reading your update, it sounds like she is at least having an EA with this workmate. The distance thing isn't good either with what is going on. If she takes this overseas job, will the workmate still be with her there?
McGrupp Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 She wants my opionion it. I know if i say yes i am going to regret it later (wont see her etc) and if i say no she might not "like" me later for not getting the opportunity to pay off her debt. im sorry but you are a ****ing man, no? this is YOUR wife and if you dont like her going away for 6 months, tell her. what is this? she is going to obviously bang this dude. you should always have the power to walk away. if my wife was planning and trying to go away from me for 6 months and actually was excitted, then i would walk away. sorry but you have to go with your gut and stop trying to A) rationalize whatas going on here (with her debt) and B) go with your gut. you think there is something going on? yup there probably is. be a man and take a stand for you and your dignity before i see you up in the coping forums.
Author condor Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 SarahRose> yes the workmate will be there as the new contract location requires two people with two different job descriptions. My wife is currently on a trip, and i just heard from her yesterday that this workmate is arriving yesterday to swap out the one that she is with. She is due back this Sunday and i was like tell me the day before rather as then it sure you are coming back:) In a FB message he said to her that she should trust him and he would be looking out for their future. That is negotiate a very good lucrative contract for them. McGrupp > She would be working 20 days there and the rest of the month she would be here at home with me. And then back again. She says she wants to do this until i finish with my school. And yes I agree with you, in that the debt is part of the excuse not the whole one. Otherwise she wouldnt be asking me which laptop to buy for me etc. I went and picked up a colleague(female) from the station to go to our client site as their is no public transport to there and I had told my wife about it. She didnt want to speak to me...and i was like "whatever" ...but got over it by the time we spoke in the night again...maybe realising she had no ground to stand on. I am going to slowly expose it, subtely without saying something direct. If I see that she becomes distant in the next couple of days...maybe that suprise flight is in order.. thanks to all, sometimes its just good to speak someone:) c
JamesM Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Oddly, the fact that she is suspicious that you are doing something with a colleague is an indication that she may be doing more than you first realized. Crazy how those that cheat are the most suspicious of those around them.
angie2443 Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Crazy how those that cheat are the most suspicious of those around them. Those that cheat know which behaviors signal cheating. Those who have been cheated on also know who and what to look out for. I would guess that both are probably a little more suspicious than those who have never cheated and never been cheated on.
Gerhard Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Just an update as to current state of affairs:) There's a possiblity of her work offering her a six-month contract in another country. She is keen on taking it to pay off her debt. When I ask her about what about us? She says we will make a plan but cannot give me something better than that. She tells me she needs to look after herself. Considering the offer might come through in the next couple of days, has left me depressed and very sad. I am studying part time and cant move with her.I am perplexed. Married people living apart....its just a marriage on paper, nothing else. comments would be appreciated. thanks c I didn't read the entire thread, so pardon me if I miss anything. The fact you're going out of the country for a week and she insists on going along suggests she is jealous or afraid that you might engage in extra marital activities. Why would she be more inclined to do this? Either because she's doing it or she's aware that you're accusing her of doing it. If she's going away on a work contract assignment for six months, ask her if her employer can arrange for you to go as well? Could you take a six month leave from your job? Or tell her you're going to take a six month leave from your job to go with her if she again suggests she's going to take this assignment. See what her reaction is. What do the photos usually consist of? Her and her co-worker together? Each one by themselves? Sometimes it all comes down to what kind of reaction you get when you ask questions. For example, you could play stupid all along and then suggest you'd like to try a threesome with another guy. See how she reacts and if she has any ideas of who that guy might be. Another option is to hire a private investigator.
Recommended Posts