Brand new here and don't know if I got played or if he genuinely cared....

[crazyoverhim]

Ok, so this is going to be long and drawn out and I give kudos to the person with the attention span to read all of it I am just trying to give the full background, so those giving an opinion can be fully informed.

 

Insert male co-worker 33, divorced, works 1st and 3rd shift, with 2 kids and has been a friend of mine for a few months. Insert me, 25, coming fresh out of a 5 year relationship.

 

So about a week before my ex dumped me (We'll just call him John) texted me and said he wished he could come to volleyball practice and that losing was ok when it was with me (we played on the same volleyball team together.) Well I knew where that was going, but didn't bite because even though I was miserable I was still with my ex. So then the day after my ex broke up he texted me asking how the concert I went to a couple of days before was and I told him me and my ex had split and I got "I'm so sorry, I'm here if you need anything". Fast forward a week and after our volleyball game that night he texted me and we talked back and forth and he asked me if I had plans Saturday night and if I was bored maybe we could do something. So the next night we texted for quite a few hours solid, it actually got to the point I had to upgrade my text plan after 3 days of texting him. We went out on Saturday and had a great time. The next day we were talking and I asked him what he was looking to come out of us (he told me he had liked me for months) and he said a long term relationship. We went to lunch a few of times that next week and he would hold me and ask me if I was ok and then the next day we made out. The first lunch at his apartment he went to get something to drink and asked if I wanted a beer, I declined and he said "well I bought this six pack of your brand for you, so it's here when you come over." Well my ex decided he wanted to try things again and I texted him and told him and he said "not that I want you to, but if you want to work things out with him I understand" and then the next day he said "what I really wanted to say was f*** him, he had his chance it's my turn" then the ex sent flowers to work and another coworker came to me and asked me what was wrong with "John" (I don't see him he works a couple of floors down) so I texted him and he said he always gets his hopes up only for something to happen and that he felt he couldn't compare to 5 years. So I made the decision not to go back to my ex. I told him how happy he made me and he said he couldn't wait to show me more if and when I was ready. On that Thursday he asked me to come over after volleyball and he stayed up that whole night and we messed around and kissed and talked about some pretty deep, personal stuff. On that next weekend I went over to his house with a movie because the kids were upstairs asleep. Well we ended up having sex, but things still remained normal. I asked him what we were and he said he saw us as together if that's what I wanted. So on that next Tuesday his phone took a crap and he called me from work to ask if I wanted to come over for a little bit before he went to bed to get some sleep before his 2nd job. I did and we had sex again, still things remained normal. He took me to lunch on Thursday, no kisses or hand holding, but he was still calling me beautiful and baby, then that next Saturday we made plans to go see a movie. I went over there and yes sex again and we went to the movie after sex. He said he was going to go in and go to bed, I told him I would talk to him tomorrow he gave me a kiss and a hug and told me to be careful going home. I talked to him very briefly on Sunday, then did not hear anything until Monday afternoon when he told me he felt we shouldn't date anymore because he was too busy to make it work and was going to have the kids more on the weekends and wouldn't see me at all. And his life was so hectic that he didn't feel he could add anything else to his plate. So the whole next week somedays he would speak other days I was invisible, although I would catch him sneaking peeks out the window. So on Saturday I texted him and told him I missed him and he said it's not meant to be he has been so busy he hasn't thought about me at all.

 

So this past week, it has been the same ignore me one day, speak to me the next. He has not been looking even my guy friends in the eye or speaking to them and I was told by his coworker that he used to smile all the time when we were together, but now his mood swings are back. One day he came face to face with me and my guy friend, his face got red, he became flustered and forced himself to speak to my friend. A couple of days ago we were coming back from lunch around the same time and he waited while I came up the sidewalk and across the crosswalk so he could hold the door for me, and I was the only person coming in the building. Ever since, he hasn't spoken to me. Now to be honest I like this guy a lot and was attracted to him before I split with the ex. And I did notice in some Facebook pics from our softball tournament over a month before we started dating that every picture I was in that he was in, he was staring at me, even if I was across the field. I feel like I am in high school again and I shouldn't with a 33 year old. So here are the questions I have....

 

1) Did I get played/used ?

2)Does he still have feelings for me ?

3) Is he coming back ?

4) Did he just get scared ?

 

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and I'm sorry it's all over the place, I tried to condense a lot of the information. This dude just has me seriously messed up in the head.

[homersheineken]

so you should use paragraph breaks

 

So we can read it easier.

 

So I'm sorry

[crazyoverhim]

I wish I could put in paragraph breaks, but it won't let me modify my post now Is this hard for everyone to read ?

[homersheineken]

Click edit

[crazyoverhim]

I did and it told me my edit time had expired and that it had to be the last post for me to edit it.

[mushmush]

You have just ended a 5 year relationship and are jumping straight back into a new one? Seriously take some time out for yourself.

 

There are guys out there who know woman are vulnerable when they get out of a relationship and take advatage of this. Now I'm not saying this is the case here but you have to be aware of your emotion state.

 

Genuine or not you are not ready for a new relationship and all this man is doing is boosting your emotional state so you avoid having to feel the loss of your past relation and being alone.

[BookerT]

1) Did I get played/used ?

2)Does he still have feelings for me ?

3) Is he coming back ?

4) Did he just get scared ?

 

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and I'm sorry it's all over the place, I tried to condense a lot of the information. This dude just has me seriously messed up in the head.

 

Ok, here's the ugly truth

 

1) Yes he played and used you

2) No he does not have feelings for you. People that have feelings for the other person don't do this withdrawl BS.

3) He's not coming back, and if he does it's just for sex. Don't you go chasing him or let him back.

4) Did you tell him you want his babies, or for him to get married next week? If not then he didn't get scared, he just played you.

 

He's a grade A ahole. Hitting on a girl that just broke up because he knew she would be more confused and vulnerable. If I was your male friend I would kick his ass.

 

Lessons to be learnt.

 

1) Do not ever go on the rebound, you can't think clearly.

 

2) Don't have sex with a guy until he decides to commit and go exclusive.

[boogieboy]

You got played badly. Butat least hes not leading you on anymore. Heres a question, did the time spent with this guy help you get over your ex at all?

[crazyoverhim]

Ok, here's the ugly truth

 

1) Yes he played and used you

2) No he does not have feelings for you. People that have feelings for the other person don't do this withdrawl BS.

3) He's not coming back, and if he does it's just for sex. Don't you go chasing him or let him back.

4) Did you tell him you want his babies, or for him to get married next week? If not then he didn't get scared, he just played you.

 

He's a grade A ahole. Hitting on a girl that just broke up because he knew she would be more confused and vulnerable. If I was your male friend I would kick his ass.

 

Lessons to be learnt.

 

1) Do not ever go on the rebound, you can't think clearly.

 

2) Don't have sex with a guy until he decides to commit and go exclusive.

 

Thank you for your reply Booker and thank you so much for reading all this and being honest. He did commit after the first time we had sex, but apparently just to get a little more play time. Things are awkward as hell at work and I put my big girl panties on today and called him on it. I heard that we were both invited to the same party and he said he "might not go because I was going to be there and he didn't want the drama". He is the one being a drama filled a hole, not me. Yeah guess I didn't think someone that was my friend would play me, but I guess that's what I get for thinking.

[crazyoverhim]

You got played badly. Butat least hes not leading you on anymore. Heres a question, did the time spent with this guy help you get over your ex at all?

 

Yeah actually, he helped me get my mind off of it. Actually when I was with him I didn't think about my ex at all. Granted during the inital hurt phase I wanted to go back to my ex, but after thinking clearly I realized I just didn't want to be alone.