SoConfusledandHurt Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 So I called my ex last Saturday night to tell him that I was not angry at him anymore and that I had learned some of my faults in the relationship too...he was constantly blaming himself totally, and as much as I wanted that to be the case, I knew my actions had pushed him there. I also wanted him to know that I did love him, because he thought I hated his guts. So I spilled my guts...and he still sounded like he was just unsure of himself in our relationship as he had dissapointed me quite a few times. I asked him to tell me that "he didnt want me anymore and that he wanted to move on with his life, never being together again" and he told me he wasnt ready to say that. We both established that it wasnt fair for him to put me in that kind of situation of waiting for him...so I told him that while I would always love and care for him, I would not be putting my life on standstill with the hopes of us getting back together..I planned to enjoy myself dating many different people and I was going to find love again. He just listened to me talk about that. We hung up and the next morning I went to church and when I came home...I had an email from him. It had asked that once I got the kiddos to bed that I call him, as he would like to talk. So we got ahold of eachother around 8 that night...and we chatted...about the break up and a few other things...and then he said "so what if I asked you to come home, would you?" I told him I wasnt sure about it, but that I had missed him like crazy and wanted to be with him again...but just didnt want to rush his decision as he seemed unsure the night before. He said he had wanted to call me back that night, but that he wanted to really think about it and sleep on it...because he knew it would take a lot to get me back there. Well, after him explaining to me that he was totally sure that he wanted to be with me and how he had thought about me every waking moment, he missed his family, he thought I was the perfect woman for him...that he would pay anything and even fly here to pack and move me...so I dont have to lift a finger...which I think is fair after everything Ive been through. LOL...So it seems we have both learned something from our break up. There was no cheating involved or abuse. We had a very loving and awesome relationship...but we had a few issues, being away from eachother and starting to mourn the loss really opened our eyes to how good we both had it together and I will be moving back home November 12th...it will be a good Thanksgiving this year! Peace!!!
Quad Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Congratulations! I wish that would happen to me. I love my ex and I know she loves me very much as well.
Author SoConfusledandHurt Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Have you called her and just let down your guard and take some of the blame WITH her? Thats what I did and he said it really opened his heart right back up and he needed me back right then!
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 31, 2009 Posted October 31, 2009 I'm so happy for you to hear that things worked out. And your approach is 100% the opposite of what everyone on this forum recommends. Best of luck in the future. I've been holding out that my ex would "bang on my door" to ask for me back and I just wish I could do something more active, like pursue her. But everything against my better judgment tells me not to, until this story. I have been considering breaking NC and really opening up and being vulnerable again...not sure I will, but at least this makes me think that there is "some" hope in that approach.
bluestraps Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 Thats really nice, I know how good it feels. My girlfriend and I did this a few times over some years . Unfortunatly we have now broke up It may be for good . I have lost hope for a good outcome now .Always communicate with each other and just be patient. and Dont forget the feeling when you were apart.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 WOW, SoConfusledandHurt!!!! Congratulations! Congratulations on everything. From leaving the situation, to evaluating it, to accepting the situation (faults and all) and moving forward, to acting with courage and doing what it takes for honest and open communication..... I am so moved by the whole story, and overjoyed with this new beginning for you. There is much for me to learn from the resolve you took with your open communication. Thank you for the example. Wishing you only the best in your new and improved relationship.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 SO happy for you I wish my ex would give me a second chance now he knows I've learned from my mistakes.
Author SoConfusledandHurt Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks so much guys... I just spent the weekend with him and it was SO nice. We have both learned so much about our relationship. Its been so reassuring. My whole family loves him and thinks he is an awesome guy...so they are overjoyed that we are back together...I move back in this week. He is flying here to pack me and move me...YAY! Im so very excited at this new beginning... Thanks so much for the well wishes! Christy
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