ShriekingViolet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Hello! I'm new here, thanks to everyone for taking the time to read my post. I guess I'm posting here because I'm still hoping for a second chance. I broke up with my boyfriend about a year and four months ago. The backstory is in italics, its huge so I totally understand if you don't want to read it [[He started seeing a girl who lived five hours away, I was upset by that. I wrote a letter telling him I still loved him, wanted him back. He broke up with her, told me he needed time to clear his head and a few days later got back with her... we rowed about this and I ended up hitting him. :/ Didn't talk for 2 1/2 months. Agreed to meet and sorted stuff out, stayed friends. 2 months later he turns around and explains he has dumped her because he still loves me but is in such a mess feels he cant cope with a relationship. We hung out as friends and I encouraged him to get help with his issues (very suicidal and destructive) paid for him to take a night class in Creative writing and such. (Its his dream to be a writer.) Kind of ended up sleeping together a few times. One night he goes mad and I got a phone call in the middle of the night, the gist of which was;- "You make me really happy, I don't deserve happiness, it hurts when you're nice to me, I don't deserve it. You deserve better than me. We can't talk anymore." Was very upset, spent 21/2 months no contact. Decided he probably wasn't giving me the brush off so.... Rang him on the day he'd had a major breakdown and moved away from our hometown, back with his father (who he hates!) some five hours away. Regular contact by phone/texts for a while then I tried to pay him a visit before I moved to start my degree but of course I got an earful of "I can't let you spend your time and money on me... I don't want to hurt you again, we can't go on like this blahblahblah" just hung up on him and ignored him for a bit. He didn't stop ringing me all day and even left a voicemail telling me I could come down if I wanted.]] Anyway, so he is living some six hours away and is very unhappy and unstable. I have since moved and started Uni. Made some great friends, met no-one who has got him out my head- I've been dating casually for 9/10 months. Feel a bit lost but am generally happy with my life. I miss him a great deal. He's obviously got some issues surrounding my behavior after we split, which is understandable... but sometimes I am forgiven and others not... Other times he beats himself up for the mean things he did and says he "shouldn't even be talking to you. ill never forgive myself and I don't want you too either." ... --But what do I take seriously or dismiss as depressive ranting?? I think I really have changed since I did all of that foul stuff and certainly won't be doing it again, think the way I conducted myself after his midnight phone call proves this. I'm reluctant to ask him where I stand with him/what he wants because it'll just really stress him out and he'll blow up and get all depressive on me and say things he doesn't mean. He isn't very honest with himself. He will try and pretend he wants me to move on but then get really upset and wound up when I point out I have been dating others. (That particular row got completely out of control, he ended it telling me he still loved the ex he dumped for me and denied declaring his undying love/sleeping with me entirely.) Said ex is now living the same town as him. Its a complete coincidence and he's told me she's said she isn't interested in him anymore (kind of sensible... not sure if I trust her word on this one but my Ex is certainly not a liar... just very confused) but it still bothers me. Especially since they still hang out and I haven't seen him in 6 months and miss him an awful lot. I've spoke to him on the phone 4 weeks ago. His phone has since been cut off so now I can't contact him as I hate talking over emails! I figured I could just ring him now and then but keep distance as he can't cope when I get too close. Just to let him know I am there and support him and don't hate him and encourage him to get his head sorted!! I don't know if this is a good idea, a bad idea, if I'm completely nuts or what. Thanks for reading anyhow, just writing it out has helped.
whattodoooo Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 its nice that you want to help him but it seems as much as you help he continues to be depressed and dislike himself and i feel that you keeping contact with him will end up stressing you out in the long run and you will probably continue to feel attached to him and miss him if you dont quit talking to him.
Author ShriekingViolet Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Yeah, I feel a similar way... I think. On the other hand however, I think he might he starting to get his act together a little bit though. I think... haven't really broached that topic with him for a while now. But if he was starting to calm down I could broach the topic with him. I'm not saying I would immediately suggest we could get back together, but I'm not in any rush to be with anyone right now. I'm quite content being single. I'm going to miss him and feel attached if I talk to him or not, we've spent more than six months not talking since we split and I've been dating others and none of it has really changed how I feel. :/ I don't miss him to the point it ruins my life by any measure. As I said, apart from feeling a little lost sometimes (which I think is normal for someone at my point in life anyway...) I'm actually pretty happy.
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