sunshinegirl Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 It's too long a story to share all the details, but it's really nice to be able to report that, after a devastating breakup 1.5 years ago, a lot of really crappy match.com dates, a swearing-off of dating altogether, a really fun non-guy-related summer, and four months after being set up by a friend at work, I have started dating a really great guy who makes me laugh...and is totally crazy about me. I think I'm at the start of something really good. I've learned some great lessons through this experience: Grief does give way to happiness again, if you do the work.There's a lot to be said for abandoning the crazed seeking and striving for a relationship. After I decided to stop dating, and focus on my own life, the men came out of the woodwork. There's also a lot to be said for remaining open to people who don't fit your mental picture of what you want.
TheLoneSock Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 It's too long a story to share all the details, but it's really nice to be able to report that, after a devastating breakup 1.5 years ago, a lot of really crappy match.com dates, a swearing-off of dating altogether, a really fun non-guy-related summer, and four months after being set up by a friend at work, I have started dating a really great guy who makes me laugh...and is totally crazy about me. I think I'm at the start of something really good. I've learned some great lessons through this experience: Grief does give way to happiness again, if you do the work.There's a lot to be said for abandoning the crazed seeking and striving for a relationship. After I decided to stop dating, and focus on my own life, the men came out of the woodwork.There's also a lot to be said for remaining open to people who don't fit your mental picture of what you want. Great job and congrats. Just don't count your chickens yet. Let it ride and enjoy the scenic route
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Great job and congrats. Just don't count your chickens yet. Let it ride and enjoy the scenic route Thanks. No worries, I'm not counting any chickens. Mostly enjoying the surprise of being attracted to someone that I didn't know I would be attracted to.
threebyfate Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I'm sincerely happy and pleased for you SSG! Love is awesome!
Isolde Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Thanks. No worries, I'm not counting any chickens. Mostly enjoying the surprise of being attracted to someone that I didn't know I would be attracted to. Always love to hear happy news on LS. Out of curiosity, how's this guy different from what you thought you wanted?
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Always love to hear happy news on LS. Out of curiosity, how's this guy different from what you thought you wanted? The biggest thing is physical. I've always had a very definite "type" and...balding and a tad overweight ain't it. Except it seems to be it, now. Also, career-wise. I've always dated lawyers or consultant-types with advanced degrees. (I have two master's degrees myself - education has always been a big thing for me.) He has a bachelor's degree (which of course is nothing to sneeze at) and for many years after graduating made a living as a professional musician. He now does fundraising for a non-profit. I met him 4 months ago and wasn't attracted to him at all, at the time. And every other time that's happened to me, my feelings for a guy have never changed. But something about his personality and pursuit of me over a long period of time helped me shift my perspective. He did a lot of great (thoughtful, generous, fun/ny) things in that time, and tells me now that he was hatching still more plans to pursue me if I didn't start coming around soon.
pandagirl Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 The biggest thing is physical. I've always had a very definite "type" and...balding and a tad overweight ain't it. Except it seems to be it, now. Also, career-wise. I've always dated lawyers or consultant-types with advanced degrees. (I have two master's degrees myself - education has always been a big thing for me.) He has a bachelor's degree (which of course is nothing to sneeze at) and for many years after graduating made a living as a professional musician. He now does fundraising for a non-profit. I met him 4 months ago and wasn't attracted to him at all, at the time. And every other time that's happened to me, my feelings for a guy have never changed. But something about his personality and pursuit of me over a long period of time helped me shift my perspective. He did a lot of great (thoughtful, generous, fun/ny) things in that time, and tells me now that he was hatching still more plans to pursue me if I didn't start coming around soon. This sounds promising. Yay!
Kamille Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 That is such great news! Glad he pursued you SSG! Smart man.
shadowplay Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Wow, I'm overjoyed to hear this SSG! I remember reading your tortured posts, and it's refreshing to hear you came out the other side better than ever. My only question is do you feel like you settled at all in terms of him not fitting your type? I don't know if I'd be happy with somebody who was far off from what I wanted, even if it was in superficial ways (looks and education/career). I don't mean to rain on your parade...just wondering. For me it's always been important that I'm somewhat attracted to a guy from the start. If I'm not, I can initially grow to feel the attraction, but then the nagging sensation that I've settled comes back to haunt me. Edited October 30, 2009 by shadowplay
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I've always dated lawyers or consultant-types with advanced degrees. Lawyers?? See, that's where you went wrong. Glad to see that you wised up.
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Wow, I'm overjoyed to hear this SSG! I remember reading your tortured posts, and it's refreshing to hear you came out the other side better than ever. My only question is do you feel like you settled at all in terms of him not fitting your type? I don't know if I'd be happy with somebody who was far off from what I wanted, even if it was in superficial ways (looks and education/career). I don't mean to rain on your parade...just wondering. For me it's always been important that I'm somewhat attracted to a guy from the start. If I'm not, I can initially grow to feel the attraction, but then the nagging sensation that I've settled comes back to haunt me. I don't think so. I mean, it's true that it has taken some time for me to come around to finding him attractive, but I don't feel like I'm "settling". He makes me laugh, I have fun with him, we seem to have similar priorities in life, etc. It's all quite new and I'm not saying I'm ready to marry him, but I do think I would be a gigantic fool to pass up someone with as many great qualities as he has.
rina_r Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I've learned some great lessons through this experience: Grief does give way to happiness again, if you do the work.There's a lot to be said for abandoning the crazed seeking and striving for a relationship. After I decided to stop dating, and focus on my own life, the men came out of the woodwork. There's also a lot to be said for remaining open to people who don't fit your mental picture of what you want. True, true, true. I was the same: dumped an a-hole, gave up on dating, started taking care of my own life, and HE came along!!!
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