Author Die Hard Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Well, you got an answer now rather than later when she or one of her girlfriends discovered the bracelet was ersatz. I can only imagine that tirade. The key here is do what you want, say what you want and accept the consequences. Don't let what a woman says or does (or may say or do) control you. That's not the kind of servitude which will bode you well in your life. That's what really sucks. I'll never get to know what her reaction would have been to finding out later that is was plated. I also agree with what you wrote regarding saying what you want and living with the consequences. Problem is, she is not the first woman to say I need to learn to shut up. If you knew me personally Carhill, you'd say I was an exception to your rule and to just go ahead and shut up occasionally.
dreamergrl Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 When I first read this, I assumed that she took offense to the comment because she wasn't seeking out gold, but the comment made her feel as though she was. I'm glad that was the case and all is better.
carhill Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Problem is, she is not the first woman to say I need to learn to shut up. Question: Would she change who she is to be with you? Would you want her to? Think of all the aspects of her behavior which you accept and embrace. There is balance in that. It cannot be a one-way street. You took notice of her new dress; you proactively thought about and then sought out something to coordinate with only her in mind. You responded to her excitement in your unique style, whatever that is. What do you think I said when my stbx told me she got my wedding band on eBay for 49.95? I said 'you can get me a real ring later'. Instead, I got the shaft Seriously, if those few words obliterate all the positive energy that existed prior; good energy that would hold you both in good stead in a LTR, then you might want to re-think her compatibility with your personality style. BTDT, got the cat to prove it
Author Die Hard Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Question: Would she change who she is to be with you? Would you want her to? Think of all the aspects of her behavior which you accept and embrace. There is balance in that. It cannot be a one-way street. You took notice of her new dress; you proactively thought about and then sought out something to coordinate with only her in mind. You responded to her excitement in your unique style, whatever that is. What do you think I said when my stbx told me she got my wedding band on eBay for 49.95? I said 'you can get me a real ring later'. Instead, I got the shaft Seriously, if those few words obliterate all the positive energy that existed prior; good energy that would hold you both in good stead in a LTR, then you might want to re-think her compatibility with your personality style. BTDT, got the cat to prove it Well you give me some things to think about there. I'm getting ready to go get her....I'll post back later with how it goes and what is said. Fwiw carhill, my cat is still my best friend. I've yet to meet a woman who is as loyal and loves me as unconditionally.
torranceshipman Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I'd say just write her a cute note, and do something sweet for her, to communicate that you really didn't mean that comment to come across like it did. Just on a related note, though...you said you have a history of saying the wrong thing, but you've only been together 4 months! Is this her being critical of you, or do you think you have a habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? Just be aware that if you are the kind of guy who is sweet enough to buy bracelets and so on for his girl as little nice gestures, then you sound like a good catch, and make sure that she is appreciating it!
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 You said something kinda stupid, and she overreacted because she was emotional. Pretty typical human behavior. The bad feelings should fade quickly.
Author Die Hard Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Yeah it ended up being okay. She got onto the car wearing the bracelet and told me she went and got it sized at lunch. She never mentioned what I said again so I didn't either. Guess it wasn't that big a deal....I gotta quit calling my mom for advice
whattodoooo Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 if i was her i would just say sumthin like "i dont care i love it", i don't think its anything to be that upset over and it shouldnt hurt your relationship. if she stays mad over that then you dont need someone like that who will get mad and upset over little things.
HarmonyHope Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I tend to say she's overreacting. I'm not sure that the problem is that you open your mouth too much, I think it's just that she doesn't "get" your humor. I would have laughed. but that's me.
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