My experience with no contact

[Recovering in Texas]

I’ve been lurking since June, and thought I would post my thoughts on what no contact has done for me. I think my case is fairly normal, therefore a good “test case”.

 

Brief history: 2 year relationship, I’m a 33 year old male, she’s a 26 year old female. She has a daughter who is now 7. Like everyone else on here, we were 100% in love, and it was pure. She has had some rough relationships in the past, and I was the first “normal, establishment type” guy she had ever been with. In about October, 2008, we started getting distant, mostly as my work picked up, and I felt pressure to give the 3 of us a great life financially. Sex waned, and affection in general lessened.

 

Fast forward to March 2009, she tells me she is thinking of leaving. I go throughthe begging/pleading phase for 2 months, and then in May, resigned to her leaving, I sign off on letting her go, and do it with class, even helping her and her child get into a new apartment by furnishing it, and giving her a nice wad of cash. (I’m the nice guy, I know)

 

We go into a phase of limited contact from June to August, see each other 2-3 times, and she texts me 2-3 times a week. She lives 1 mile from me, and it kinda keeps me in hide out mode most of the summer, although I was healthy in my habits, not self-destructive.

 

In mid-August, she send the “email we all wait for”….she wants me back 100%, and wants to get married and have a family. I’m thrilled, but also realize I cannot take her back 100% until I know more. As it turns out, she did have a new guy, he was living 4 hours away, and she saw him every weekend. She came back to me because she said she loved me, and loved the way I gave her a sense of family…plus she found out her new man is agnostic. She had known him for years, and admitted that she had “emotionally cheated” on me from March to May.

 

After 3 weeks, she sends an email to me saying “the stress of this is too much, I love you in every way, just can’t get the physical part of our relationship back”. She immediately goes back to her new man, and has seen him every weekend since. I went 100% no contact 7 weeks ago, it was only broken by a birthday text from her to which I responded “thank you, girl”. I told her when I left that I would keep her in my thoughts and prayers. She did the cruel thing some women do and said “maybe we can reunite in the future” (I didn’t buy it, but it does lend false hope). If I’m being honest, I would take her back if she put in some work. Her child, family, friends, and I are all very close.

 

Then last Wednesday, I got rocked. She sent an email saying she wanted to ask me to pray for her because she was going in for a stomach surgery for a problem she has had for a while. The email also asked in detail how I was doing, how my family was, how’s life, ect. She said her daughter and her “miss the sight of me”. I could tell from her wording hse was missing aspects of our life together. My response was basically that I was always praying for her, but would take extra time to pray for her as she faces this, and I used a few Bible passages. I told her I was just working on myself, no detail about my life, ect. I did say “I miss you guys too” at the end.

Her response was proof you don’t break no contact. She said “Thank you so much for the words and prayers, you always were such a wonderful man, and I could always count on you to pray for me.

 

In other words, I met a need of hers in a time of crisis, one that her new man can’t meet because he’s agnostic. I got sucked into “being her friend” for a moment. I was doing fine with no contact for 7 weeks, working out, avoiding rebounds, keeping a journal, reuniting with friends, making myself sleep, and doing well at work. The only “flaw” in my no contact was looking at some pics of her with her new dude.

 

The moral….don’t break no contact. It works on yuou and them. Limited contact is okay from time to time, but anymore than that and the emotional will chew you up.

Edited October 28, 2009 by Recovering in Texas

[Lamak]

Good read for the people who are adamant on breaking NC. Limited contact isn't as bad, but it's still rather unnecessary. Don't let her have you as an option in her life.