star23 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 my ex called me lastnight. It was on my house phone so i was unawre that it was him. We had a long chat about how i was feeling and how he was feeling. He said because he is turning 30, he keeps thinking about what people think about him, That he should be settling down getting married and having kids, but that he is not sure thats what he wants and does not want to waste my time. I explained to him that I dont know if i want those things and that i am only 25 just out of uni and got a proper job. I explained that marriage and kids has not even crossed my mind, that im not sure if it is something that i want or not. Then we started talking about love,. We talked about how we did not know if we were in love or not. I told him that i never felt pressured into having to say that i loved him and assumed he was happy that i was not expecting it from him. We do this thing as a couple, where we say i appreciate you to each other and for me it was not me trying to say i love you because i think if your in love you need to say it you cant hold it in. But because we were both unsure we would say that. He thought that maybe i was saying it because i couldnt say i love you, and i told him that sometimes i feel pressure to say it because all my friends are going on about beinging in love and only been with their boyfriends for like 5 months and we have been together 10 and not said it! But that i never felt pressure from him so was happy. We were kind of both stumped at the end i said we should have no contact for a while and that if he feels like he NEEDS to be in love right now then it wouldnt work , but if he is happy to see where things go then it might. I explained i have no plans when it comes to marrage and kids, all im concentrating on is a career and hopefully seeing more of the world. I told him that we need to decide whether we are happy to see where the ride takes us or go our seperate ways as there was no inbetween, as i would not just be his friend. He says he is happy with that and i feel alot more comfortable too. I just want to know what you guiys thought? do you HAVE to be in love after 10 months? Is there set rules? can you be happy not knowing how you feel but see where it takes you? So NC for another month, i told him not to contact me unless it was about how he was feeling andi would do the same. I explained anything else just confuses the situation. Havd i done the right thing to agree to a month? please help!
LOLWTF Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 my ex called me lastnight. It was on my house phone so i was unawre that it was him. We had a long chat about how i was feeling and how he was feeling. He said because he is turning 30, he keeps thinking about what people think about him, That he should be settling down getting married and having kids, but that he is not sure thats what he wants and does not want to waste my time. I explained to him that I dont know if i want those things and that i am only 25 just out of uni and got a proper job. I explained that marriage and kids has not even crossed my mind, that im not sure if it is something that i want or not. Then we started talking about love,. We talked about how we did not know if we were in love or not. I told him that i never felt pressured into having to say that i loved him and assumed he was happy that i was not expecting it from him. We do this thing as a couple, where we say i appreciate you to each other and for me it was not me trying to say i love you because i think if your in love you need to say it you cant hold it in. But because we were both unsure we would say that. He thought that maybe i was saying it because i couldnt say i love you, and i told him that sometimes i feel pressure to say it because all my friends are going on about beinging in love and only been with their boyfriends for like 5 months and we have been together 10 and not said it! But that i never felt pressure from him so was happy. We were kind of both stumped at the end i said we should have no contact for a while and that if he feels like he NEEDS to be in love right now then it wouldnt work , but if he is happy to see where things go then it might. I explained i have no plans when it comes to marrage and kids, all im concentrating on is a career and hopefully seeing more of the world. I told him that we need to decide whether we are happy to see where the ride takes us or go our seperate ways as there was no inbetween, as i would not just be his friend. He says he is happy with that and i feel alot more comfortable too. I just want to know what you guiys thought? do you HAVE to be in love after 10 months? Is there set rules? can you be happy not knowing how you feel but see where it takes you? So NC for another month, i told him not to contact me unless it was about how he was feeling andi would do the same. I explained anything else just confuses the situation. Havd i done the right thing to agree to a month? please help! I apologize but I think this is just silly. No one has to be in love after 10 months and he is your EX so it is apparent that your not in love with each other or you be a couple. It appears that this guy does care about you and based off of what you wrote it seems to be mutual. I dont think the guy literally meant, I want kids and to be married now. I think he was trying to open up to you and let you know,that he wants to have a serious relationship and that he is thinking about the future. It seems like he was trying to see how you felt and he called you bc he is comfortable talking with you and misses you. I think the NC for a month is the wrong play. Why would you cut a person out of your life that you care about. You can only see where the ride takes you if you spend time together. You do care for him or you wouldnt of wrote about it. Also dont be so cold, why does it have to be a couple or get lost. Some of my best and most loyal friends are my EXs, it just didnt work out romantically but we have a kick ass time just being friends.
Author star23 Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 i cant be freinds with someone if i am romantically attached surely thats just a death sentence? We agreed on the month thing to see if we are happier together or appart, im not sure if it was the right move, but i think i need to disappear from his life and vice versa to see if this is meant to be type thing. Im just confused in what he is saying? does he just want me as a friend? i feel he needs to make that decision and the only way he can is if im not there, does this make sense? its one thing to care about someone and another to want to be with someone is it not?
Lamak Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 i cant be freinds with someone if i am romantically attached surely thats just a death sentence? We agreed on the month thing to see if we are happier together or appart, im not sure if it was the right move, but i think i need to disappear from his life and vice versa to see if this is meant to be type thing. Im just confused in what he is saying? does he just want me as a friend? i feel he needs to make that decision and the only way he can is if im not there, does this make sense? its one thing to care about someone and another to want to be with someone is it not? You're letting his actions control your life, that's a no-no. Forget the one month NC thing, and go NC all the way. If he wanted to be with you, he would be direct and to the point. If he doesn't know if he wants to be with you, that's his problem. Forget him and move on, don't waste time on these unanswerable questions.
Author star23 Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 i know i need to do the no contact, but im chomping at the bit to do it. I just think how do you know if you want to be someone if your not with him? am i doing the right thing by nc?
Lamak Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I'm not sure about the situation as a whole, but an ex is an ex for a reason. NC is your best bet.
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