Dexter Morgan Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 LOL...indeed...bitterness fuels these bunch...we expect you to go on and on, Dexter. thanks babe!!
schewter Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 <<She conveniently said she doesn't remember much so as to downplay the fact that she cheated.>> Just your extremely biased opiniuon Dex.
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 <<She conveniently said she doesn't remember much so as to downplay the fact that she cheated.>> Just your extremely biased opiniuon Dex.Right but it's hard not to assume things when it's coming from a BS. Dex, I don't see why you even bother answering in WS's threads when you can't even try to relate to the story one bit, forcing to see your point of what you consider right v.s terrible way of living.. Instead, post in BS threads only.... We're not all Dexter Morgan here.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Right but it's hard not to assume things when it's coming from a BS. Dex, I don't see why you even bother answering in WS's threads when you can't even try to relate to the story one bit, forcing to see your point of what you consider right v.s terrible way of living.. Instead, post in BS threads only.... We're not all Dexter Morgan here. if more people were, alot of people wouldn't have so much s##t to deal with in their lives:)
Stockalone Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 It's true, most of you want to hear the BS side of the story and will support him/her but if WS writes their story and is seeking on some help as to what can they do, most of you all want to do is vent out your frustration and not listen to it or keep lecturing ''If you love him/her, then you wouldn't do it, you don't love them''. Because it's true. Maybe a cheater believes that you can love someone and cheat on them at the same time. Who knows, maybe they actually consider this to be possible. I think they are mentally ill. Lastly if I was a WS seeking help and you vent out on me calling me names, talking about your cheating experience, my reply would be ''Does it look like I care, I only want to know what can I do, not your stupid story''... It's the reply I would expect, hence I hardly ever post in such threads. It's a different case if it was a cheater bragging on how he/she likes doing it, states how they got no remorse nor feelings for it and is not even seeking advice, then ok call them all the names you want to. But if they asked for what can they do, why not listen to the story? The answer to that depends on how you view cheating. They cheated! That is all that matters. There is simply no reason that would justify cheating. Hence, there is no point to listen to what they have to say about why they did it. That is what I believe. The only thing to tell them is that they need to come clean with their SO. His or her opinion is the only one that matters. If a cheater refuses to be honest about it with their partner, they are nothing but cowardly traitors who deserve no mercy.
NoIDidn't Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Can I also add that there have been many WSs that post nasty things to the BSs here and about their own BSs? I've seen WSs say something like "it figures you'd say that since you were cheated on". This isn't a person looking for help. THey are looking for some type of validation for their reasons for cheating. Or they are just looking for like-minded individuals. There are a few here, but they don't post nasty things about the person they are cheating on.
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Can I also add that there have been many WSs that post nasty things to the BSs here and about their own BSs? I've seen WSs say something like "it figures you'd say that since you were cheated on". This isn't a person looking for help. THey are looking for some type of validation for their reasons for cheating. Or they are just looking for like-minded individuals. There are a few here' date=' but they don't post nasty things about the person they are cheating on.[/quote']True but the BS is the one who mainly must have started the argument. I mean, after all the name calling and insulting them when they have not attacked you once then they have off course already lost their patience.... It makes sense if I'm asking for help and suggestions on what to do, answer my question instead of flaming me or telling me how I shouldn't have done it, blah, blah, blah.... It's done already period, no point in going back in time nor crying over spilled milk...
HUFI Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 They cheated! That is all that matters. There is simply no reason that would justify cheating. Hence' date=' there is no point to listen to what they have to say about why they did it. That is what I believe. The only thing to tell them is that they need to come clean with their SO. His or her opinion is the only one that matters. [b']If a cheater refuses to be honest about it with their partner, they are nothing but cowardly traitors who deserve no mercy[/b].[/QUOTE] So, if I am honest with my BS, I would guess that means that I'm not a cowardly traitor, I would just be a traitor. Hmmm. You know, your right! But its that distinction betweeen remorseful WS's and the non-remorseful WS's that creates this issue of being fair to those WS's who post. That to me is what this is about. IMHO, I believe that most of the WS's who post here are posting because they are remorseful and sorry and ashamed over their actions. For a remorseful WS, there is a giant A painted on their forehead and they are coming clean with their SO. I should know. I'm one of them. I am not justifying my affair. I am not blame shifting the responsibility for the affair. I am not denying that I lied and cheated. I did the crime and I am paying the time, no less than my BS is doing with her tears. I post here for the same reasons that my BS posts here. It allows me to have some support in my struggles with the demons inside me which I unleashed when I have to confront the "loss of respect for myself" each time I look into the mirror. I am posting here to vent my frustrations at not being able to have the communication skills to talk openly about the affair because my automatic defensiveness kicks in again, leaving my BS hurt again. Yes, I made a frikin mistake. A huge mistake but then again, I am only human and we all can make mistakes. And while I might be guilty for committing that mistake, I don't need to be beat up when I come on this site in search of compassion, help and support. Yes, a gentle 2x4 is sometimes needed for a WS to get the picture. Yes, I don't even mind being told " well, your're the cause of the affair, grow up, take responsibility, put your big boy pants on, learn to handle the crying jags" provided that it's not done in a way that becomes personal, vindictive and malicious. I've posted on a few threads my views on this issue and I stand by my thoughts and opinions. No less than you request that I give you space and time to vent your issues, so too, should I get my share here. I think that we all have to remember that this is a Infidelity site. Not a BS site. Not a WS site and not a OW site. It is suppose to be inclusive. Members are suppose to conduct themselves with respect per the guidelines. Nuff said ..
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I think that we all have to remember that this is a Infidelity site. Not a BS site. Not a WS site and not a OW site. It is suppose to be inclusive. Members are suppose to conduct themselves with respect per the guidelines.Yes that pretty much says it all. If one only wants to hear the BS's side in the story then this obvious ain't the right place or don't even post on WS's threads. It's like an old saying ''If you can't help, don't do nothing at all''....
Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Yes that pretty much says it all. If one only wants to hear the BS's side in the story then this obvious ain't the right place or don't even post on WS's threads. It's like an old saying ''If you can't help, don't do nothing at all''.... you don't think that it is to WS's benefit to get a glimpse of what is more than likely going on inside the minds of the person they f####d over?
Stockalone Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 So, if I am honest with my BS, I would guess that means that I'm not a cowardly traitor, I would just be a traitor. Hmmm. You know, your right! Thankfully, I have never been cheated on (to the best of my knowledge), but I unfortunately had an experience with a traitor. My first thought was that he needs to die a slow and painful death. And I consider cheating to be more personal, so I hope that I will never be cheated on. That is why I compared the two things. I am not trying to kick people who are already down. I am just being honest and expressing my opinion about cheating. But its that distinction betweeen remorseful WS's and the non-remorseful WS's that creates this issue of being fair to those WS's who post. That to me is what this is about. IMHO, I believe that most of the WS's who post here are posting because they are remorseful and sorry and ashamed over their actions. For a remorseful WS, there is a giant A painted on their forehead and they are coming clean with their SO. If they do come clean like you did, at least their SO actually has a choice. Everyone deserves that choice. To take it away is not tolerable. That said, there are plenty of cheaters who claim to be remorseful but refuse to tell their SO. I don't believe them and have no sympathy whatsoever for those. I've posted on a few threads my views on this issue and I stand by my thoughts and opinions. No less than you request that I give you space and time to vent your issues, so too, should I get my share here. I've never said cheaters shouldn't be allowed to post here. All I am saying is that they need to be prepared to have people disagreeing with them. I think that we all have to remember that this is a Infidelity site. Not a BS site. Not a WS site and not a OW site. It is suppose to be inclusive. Members are suppose to conduct themselves with respect per the guidelines. Nuff said .. I agree that the guidelines should be respected. Yes that pretty much says it all. If one only wants to hear the BS's side in the story then this obvious ain't the right place or don't even post on WS's threads. It's like an old saying ''If you can't help, don't do nothing at all''.... That is why I hardly post in the infidelity section. I don't even bother to go in the OW/OM section as I would have nothing nice to say. However, you can't hand-pick the things you'd like to read or the posters who you'd want to address you. That's not right. You can't expect to do whatever you want, break rules (e.g. cheat) and at the same time demand that everyone else is being nice and better play by the rules.
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 you don't think that it is to WS's benefit to get a glimpse of what is more than likely going on inside the minds of the person they f####d over?That's something no one can answer but the WS. Who knows what went through their minds but for someone to assume what it was, that's wrong. We're not mind readers..
Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 That's something no one can answer but the WS. Who knows what went through their minds but for someone to assume what it was, that's wrong. We're not mind readers.. thats why I said "more than likely"
stuckinoz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 As I'm reading this - I have a question to interject-- Why do BS's always think that their WS "Did IT to them?" I don't think that's what affairs are about at all. In the back of my mind I was not STICKING IT to my husband when I was having my affair. What I was doing was selfish. Had nothing to do with him. The same goes for my AP. He wasn't sticking it to his wife. It wasn't about them. It was about us. How come BS think this way?
foreal Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 As I'm reading this - I have a question to interject-- Why do BS's always think that their WS "Did IT to them?" I don't think that's what affairs are about at all. In the back of my mind I was not STICKING IT to my husband when I was having my affair. What I was doing was selfish. Had nothing to do with him. The same goes for my AP. He wasn't sticking it to his wife. It wasn't about them. It was about us. How come BS think this way? I'll take a shot at that answer: If I'm chatting with a friend and I accidentally bumped into you on a busy corner, and you lost your balance b/c i bumped you, and you then fell off the curb into oncoming traffic, got run over by a bus and ended up in ICU for a month, remember: IT had nothing to do with YOU....it was all about me and my freind...I was not paying attention, neither was he.... it had nothing to do with you- after all, I was just walking by and bumped into you, again, I wasn't paying attention, sorry, but this had nothing to do with YOU, it was about my friend and me. IT had nothing to do with YOU. I was self absorbed, it wasn't about YOU, IT was about ME....Why would you think it was about YOU when clearly it was all about ME??!!!!....now hit the morphine drip and realize this has nothing to do with you.
stuckinoz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I think you're comparing apples to oranges here. No one wound up in the hospital on a morphine drip. Good example of an exaggeration.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 As I'm reading this - I have a question to interject-- Why do BS's always think that their WS "Did IT to them?" I don't think that's what affairs are about at all. In the back of my mind I was not STICKING IT to my husband when I was having my affair. that may be the case, but you betrayed him, you DID do THAT to him. I know you didn't do it to purposely do it against him, but it was done to him nonetheless. What I was doing was selfish. Had nothing to do with him. The same goes for my AP. He wasn't sticking it to his wife. It wasn't about them. It was about us. How come BS think this way? Again, we don't think that IT is being done to us as a direct result of what a cheater did, but you still betrayed him, you still bestowed that upon him. Hence you did THAT TO him.
PhoenixRise Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 As I'm reading this - I have a question to interject-- Why do BS's always think that their WS "Did IT to them?" I don't think that's what affairs are about at all. In the back of my mind I was not STICKING IT to my husband when I was having my affair. What I was doing was selfish. Had nothing to do with him. The same goes for my AP. He wasn't sticking it to his wife. It wasn't about them. It was about us. How come BS think this way? Are you saying that the BS shouldn't take it personally? Really? A WS lies, cheats, breaks the marital vows, gives their attention to an AP, endangers the life built with the spouse, endangers the family unit of the children, gaslights to avoid discovery, blame shifts, exposes their spouse to someone else's sexual history without their knowledge. etc But the BS should understand that this is not something the WS is doing TO them? I will agree that the WS might be so self absorbed that they don't see that their actions have consequences beyond gratifying their own desires at everybody else's expense, but just because the WS doesn't see or acknowledge those consequences it doesn't make them not exist. AND it doesn't mean that the BS is not harmed.
PhoenixRise Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 As I'm reading this - I have a question to interject-- Why do BS's always think that their WS "Did IT to them?" I don't think that's what affairs are about at all. In the back of my mind I was not STICKING IT to my husband when I was having my affair. What I was doing was selfish. Had nothing to do with him. The same goes for my AP. He wasn't sticking it to his wife. It wasn't about them. It was about us. How come BS think this way? I think you're comparing apples to oranges here. No one wound up in the hospital on a morphine drip. Good example of an exaggeration. Actually Foreal's analogy is dead on since your original questions made is sound like the BS should see the damage that has been done from the affair and the pain that they are suffering as some sort of random accident, instead of seeing it as something that the WS deliberately did TO THEM.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Actually Foreal's analogy is dead on since your original questions made is sound like the BS should see the damage that has been done from the affair and the pain that they are suffering as some sort of random accident, instead of seeing it as something that the WS deliberately did TO THEM. exactly...maybe instead of worrying about the "idea" of something being done TO the BS, maybe they need to focus on their cheating...rather than trying to mitigate their despicable actions.
schewter Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I don't agree with the analogy of walking and bumping into someone...that is an accident not a consequence of choice. I see it more like addiction...I use to drink, gamble, do coke, etc. and ran up incredible debt to do all. Did I do it for the purpose of hurting my wife and ruining our family? Not likely. Did I know that it would hurt my wife and children? How could I not? Same goes for cheating...it doesn't matter what the motivation is, the fact remains that the cheater KNOWS that it will be hurtful to those they claim to love and who's faith they are betraying. To say later "I didn't do it to hurt you" is irrelevant. You know full well when you're doing it that it will hurt, otherwise, you wouldn't sneak around to do it.
RedDevil66 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Another thread oozing with denial. The fact that the Cheaters (this OW/OM label is not reality) think this site is filled with bitter BS is sort of ironic and again give credence to their plight of deception. It's not about being bitter, it's about pointing out that CHEATING IS WRONG! I was an cheater and when the "wife" read me the riot act, I was not idiotic enough to think it was bitterness but a reality check! I HAD NO RIGHT TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE"S HUSBAND!!!! Period!
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 It's not about being bitter, it's about pointing out that CHEATING IS WRONG! I was an cheater and when the "wife" read me the riot act, I was not idiotic enough to think it was bitterness but a reality check! I HAD NO RIGHT TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE"S HUSBAND!!!! Period!Off course we all know cheating is wrong but if they are asking how to cope with their BS that still stayed with them and all you can say is ''Oh how could you'' then you basically have answer nothing at all... As for your wife acting out, off course she did since she was the one directly hurt by what you did. I meant total online strangers attacking you for no reason other than your ''I cheated on him/her'' story and actually asking for help...
RedDevil66 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Off course we all know cheating is wrong but if they are asking how to cope with their BS that still stayed with them and all you can say is ''Oh how could you'' then you basically have answer nothing at all... As for your wife acting out, off course she did since she was the one directly hurt by what you did. I meant total online strangers attacking you for no reason other than your ''I cheated on him/her'' story and actually asking for help... I'm female, the wife was the wife of the man I was cheating with. People are attacking you because what you did was wrong, simple as that!
pkn06002 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Why is only one side heard because a rational discussion on this topic is a waste of time. Truly bitter people and fWS that become zealots against cheating always want to drag the discussion into name calling and insults. So what is the point of getting into that?
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