stace79 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 So in this day of equality, you want to be provided for by a man? No, but he needs to be able to at minimum take care of himself. I won't speak for all women, but for me, what's important is knowing that if he loses his job he's not just gonna fold and run to mommy and daddy every time; that he's got some fortitude of his own, to do what it takes to get back on his feet. I'm ultimately looking for someone to marry and be a life partner. How do you think it will benefit me and a family if my husband ups and runs to mommy/daddy any time he's down on his luck? It's called being a man and taking care of his business. I can take care of myself, and he should be able to take care of himself. Yes, there might be rough times when one of us loses a job or has a sick child or whatever, but you can't just run to mama & papa every time.
stace79 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 note the huge double standard here. While there are some guys who live with parents that get women, it's usually not the case. However, it's considered smart by women to save money by living with parents, men don't hold it against them. However, most women consider men to live with their parents to be losers, even if it's for the same reason, of saving money for a downpayment, etc.. Same thing goes for cars. A girl can get away with not having one, be it for saving money, environmental reasons, and a guy who doesn't have a car is a loser. I think in all my posts, and most others I read from women, the theme is that if the man has a PLAN -- i.e. he is saving for X and then by Y should be able to save for a house -- there is no shame in that. It is the guy who lives at home with an hourly crap job and plays video games, doesn't do his own shopping or laundry, and has no desire OR plan to get out, that turn off women. I have lived at home in my 20s several times -- after being laid off most recently, and then right out of college when I didn't have steady work yet. But I didn't PLAN to stay there for longer than necessary. I had savings goals and earnings goals. I got second jobs to achieve the goal of being independent again.
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Please point out where anyone in this thread said ANY of those things. Good gawd! If you actually read the posts, what is being said is that if a man is living with his parents for a good reason, fine. If he's living with them because he's lazy arse, NOT fine. That's not how it plays out in real life. I could say that Baghdad is all happy where cats and bunny rabbits hop down the street, paw in paw, but the reality is there are daily suicide bombings there. I know tons of women who lived with their parents would would never have dated a guy who lived with his parents. It was okay for them to, but not okay for a guy to. Hence, a double standard.
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Am I missing something, or are there a lot of video game players living at home with mom and dad in this thread?
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 No, but he needs to be able to at minimum take care of himself. I won't speak for all women, but for me, what's important is knowing that if he loses his job he's not just gonna fold and run to mommy and daddy every time; that he's got some fortitude of his own, to do what it takes to get back on his feet. I'm ultimately looking for someone to marry and be a life partner. How do you think it will benefit me and a family if my husband ups and runs to mommy/daddy any time he's down on his luck? It's called being a man and taking care of his business. I can take care of myself, and he should be able to take care of himself. Yes, there might be rough times when one of us loses a job or has a sick child or whatever, but you can't just run to mama & papa every time. Say if your man suffers a disability and he can no longer do what you expect. Will you stick it out with him? Very few men have the option of not taking care of themselves. I cannot stand working, but I do it because I know nobody is going to provide for me, ever. I don't think many parents would spoil their kids like this unless they had autism or something, and really couldn't make it on their own anywyas, and it's not like those guys get dates anyways.
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I know tons of women who lived with their parents would would never have dated a guy who lived with his parents. It was okay for them to, but not okay for a guy to. Hence, a double standard. Are those women posting in this thread?
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Am I missing something, or are there a lot of video game players living at home with mom and dad in this thread? Do you live with your parents?
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Are those women posting in this thread? Wow, um, I'm speechless here. So you're going ot base all of society off what happens in this thread? So we could have a thread about NYC and everyone in it is nice, therefore everybody in NYC is nice?
stace79 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Say if your man suffers a disability and he can no longer do what you expect. Will you stick it out with him? Very few men have the option of not taking care of themselves. I cannot stand working, but I do it because I know nobody is going to provide for me, ever. I don't think many parents would spoil their kids like this unless they had autism or something, and really couldn't make it on their own anywyas, and it's not like those guys get dates anyways. If you are married and this happens, then yes -- you vowed for better or worse, in sickness and in health. If you are in a long-term relationship, then you have a lot of thinking and discussion to do. If you are just casually dating, I don't think anyone has any obligation -- it's just a personal choice. However, I find "disability" to be a rather rare reason for men living at home. Most men with the qualities I would desire in a lifelong partner would not be happy with themselves if they stayed at home mooching off their parents.
espec10001 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Let's stop fighting about this. This is the situation, the United States economy is in trouble. This isn't a gender issue. The division of who makes more or who lives with who isn't helping anyone. If EITHER gender can't find a job or is having a difficult time financially for whatever reason let's have some sympathy because it very well could be you in that situation one day. Your job, house, everything could be gone like that should your employer lay you off or your business tanks. You believe you could never be homeless, EITHER gender, but you very well could be due to circumstances outside your control! So let's stop this nonsense!
stace79 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Let's stop fighting about this. This is the situation, the United States economy is in trouble. This isn't a gender issue. The division of who makes more or who lives with who isn't helping anyone. If EITHER gender can't find a job or is having a difficult time financially for whatever reason let's have some sympathy because it very well could be you in that situation one day. Your job, house, everything could be gone like that should your employer lay you off or your business tanks. You believe you could never be homeless, EITHER gender, but you very well could be due to circumstances outside your control! So let's stop this nonsense! [sigh] I am pretty certain I've said all along that it depends on the situation. No one should hold it against anyone else if their employment changes or something like that and it requires them to accept help from family or friends. We are "arguing" over an entirely different circumstance. But apparently the guys here just want us women to accept them being lazy arses who mooch off their parents indefinitely.
Leia Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Whoa. The things some men can misinterpret in this thread! Then again, I have a feeling, one or two is baiting you ladies My take on this : if it is just temp, fine by me but if he doesn't plan to move out at all even with money and car then the man isn't for me.
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 If EITHER gender can't find a job or is having a difficult time financially for whatever reason let's have some sympathy because it very well could be you in that situation one day. But the situation I would NEVER be in would be living off someone else because I simply chose to sit on my arse. I think most of the guys in this thread are missing that vital point.
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Let's stop fighting about this. This is the situation, the United States economy is in trouble. This isn't a gender issue. The division of who makes more or who lives with who isn't helping anyone. If EITHER gender can't find a job or is having a difficult time financially for whatever reason let's have some sympathy because it very well could be you in that situation one day. Your job, house, everything could be gone like that should your employer lay you off or your business tanks. You believe you could never be homeless, EITHER gender, but you very well could be due to circumstances outside your control! So let's stop this nonsense! It's much easier for women who are unemployed and living with their parents to date than it is for men to. That's absolute fact. In fact, women tend to date more when they lose their jobs. And yes, the economy is terrible now, but it's still widely acceptable for women to live at home to save money, and men are losers if they do the same. Question for the women out there. Do you live at home to save money? Would you date a guy who does to for the same reason? If not, why is it okay for you to live at home, but not him? (and the "where would we be alone?" won't cut it. Why is it his responsiblity to provide that place if you choose to live with your parents?
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Do you live with your parents? Yeah, right. I've worked all my life and own my own 40 acre home, a car, and a pickup, and a have a retirement fund and medical and dental insurance. I pay for my 15 year old son with no help from anyone. Any more questions?
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 But the situation I would NEVER be in would be living off someone else because I simply chose to sit on my arse. I think most of the guys in this thread are missing that vital point. I knew tons and tons of women who lived with their parents to save money, only to leave when invited to move in with a guy, rent free. How is that not sitting on their asses? I have a problem with double standards. I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just cannot stand double standards.
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I knew tons and tons of women who lived with their parents to save money, only to leave when invited to move in with a guy, rent free. How is that not sitting on their asses? I have a problem with double standards. I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just cannot stand double standards. Then you should find different women to befriend. NONE of my friends are like that. Oh, and to add one more thing to my last post, when my son doesn't do his homework and/or chores, I TAKE AWAY HIS VIDEO GAMES! lol
donnamaybe Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 It's much easier for women who are unemployed and living with their parents to date than it is for men to. That's absolute fact. In fact, women tend to date more when they lose their jobs. And yes, the economy is terrible now, but it's still widely acceptable for women to live at home to save money, and men are losers if they do the same. Question for the women out there. Do you live at home to save money? Would you date a guy who does to for the same reason? If not, why is it okay for you to live at home, but not him? (and the "where would we be alone?" won't cut it. Why is it his responsiblity to provide that place if you choose to live with your parents? None of this is "fact." It's simply your opinion. Unless you can provide us with proof of these so-called "facts."
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Yeah, right. I've worked all my life and own my own 40 acre home, a car, and a pickup, and a have a retirement fund and medical and dental insurance. I pay for my 15 year old son with no help from anyone. Any more questions? Insecure much? You didn't have to "prove" how great you are. Would you like me to go into how I graduated in the top 5% of my class, ahve been published, was on law review, have been cited in casebooks and treatises, live in one of the most expensive areas in the country, own my own car, have a retirement fund, etc? What's the point of "showing off" like that other than an inferiority thing? Are you somehow better than other people now because you own a home and a car? Do you find yourself constantly putting other people down as a way of making yourself feel better? I don't get insulted when people ask me if I work at CVS or whatever store I am in, despite me being a licensed attorney, because I'm not insecure, and don't really care what others might think. I have a feeling if you were asked "do you know where the catfood is?" you would say "WHAT? DO YOU THINK I WORK HERE? WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" You're not better than anyone else, nobody else is better than you.
espec10001 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think you are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not talking about being lazy, I'm saying that trying to get ahead in this economy is tough. America's priorities are all screwed up. We're all in debt and living on borrowed time. I for one and not lazy and I am trying to make the world a better place for my children, but we as a country need to get out of bondage first and I don't think many American's can see how much in servitude we are to the money lenders. I am not condoning laziness but geez these days as a male it feels like you have to be superman just to get a date!
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 None of this is "fact." It's simply your opinion. Unless you can provide us with proof of these so-called "facts." I cannot prove evolution either, but pretty much everyone believes it. Show me where men who are unemployed and living at home have an easy time of getting dates? You can't seriously believe that, can you?
carhill Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Is anyone following this thread besides me? Guilty here (of not following). I'm posting on a car forum right now, giving engine advice
betamanlet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think you are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not talking about being lazy, I'm saying that trying to get ahead in this economy is tough. America's priorities are all screwed up. We're all in debt and living on borrowed time. I for one and not lazy and I am trying to make the world a better place for my children, but we as a country need to get out of bondage first and I don't think many American's can see how much in servitude we are to the money lenders. I am not condoning laziness but geez these days as a male it feels like you have to be superman just to get a date! That's a good point. In fact, it was irresponsiblity, financially, that caused this financial mess. People buying homes they didn't need, with money they didn't have, to impress people they don't even like was behind this. So getting upside down in a mortgage is the non lazy, responsible thing to do???? The economy is SERIOUSLY damaged, probably will never recover, and we never can go back to the way things were. Irresponsibility created this mess, and it appears that you have to be irresponsible to get a date these days.
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I knew tons and tons of women who lived with their parents to save money, only to leave when invited to move in with a guy, rent free. How is that not sitting on their asses? I have a problem with double standards. I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just cannot stand double standards. Nobody said it was ok for women to do that either. I had a friend from college that 10 years later still lives at home despite having a full-time job. She stays for no other reason than because she doesn't want to grow up and cut the cord. We don't have much in common and don't really speak anymore as a result. I used to work with another woman like this. Her thing was this patriarchal idea that she shouldn't move out until she got married. So, by the age of 30, she quickly got into an ill-advised marriage, and now she's divorced and at home again, just about to get married to someone else. To be honest, I don't see it as mooching so much as a refusal to grow up - Peter Pan syndrome. But it's annoying.
phineas Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Um, how about a guy with a work ethic and a backbone who isn't being enabled by misguided parents, regardless how much $$ he has or what brand of car he drives? I see that could of come out the wrong way. When I say nice car I mean something that is relatively new. Not fancy or expensive. When I say money I mean can afford to go out. Not drop mad cash on the town. My situation is I'm getting divorced, own a fairly nice home. A house I renovated on my own. I have decent job for where I live. My car is in good shape but it's 9 yrs old & has a few dings in it. It's reliable & gets me from a to b. however, I got two small kids most of the time, The cost of taxes & utilities is outpacing my pay raises so I really can't afford much of a social life & sometimes I am paycheck to paycheck. I'm not really interested in dateing because of my situation. I get women interested in me but they seem to disapear when they realize just how short on cash I usually am. I just chalked it up to not meeting the right women but now I don't know.
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