whytryanymore Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 well to get started im 15 in highschool so anyways ive been talking to this girl for a few months and we seemed to really like eachother we would be alone and talk 2 eachother alot and always do things after school together and i got along with her friends too. but when i asked her out she said no which was fine with me i never knew y but we just stayed being really good friends its been 3 weeks since. she told me one day that i said i promised when i stopped liking her i wouldnt change and she told me that i had changed which is kinda funny to me. but just recently since we sit together at lunch shes been not really ignoring me but not talking to me, she wont even recognize that im even there. she will still answer my questions and whatnot, but that extra hug good-bye or the "do you promise to meet us afterschool?" isnt there anymore so sometimes we sit next to eachother and never say a word... this has been going on for about a week or so and started after i had got into a (verbal) fight with her bestfriend because i complained that i was bored while i was sitting with her at lunch. could anyone tell me whats wrong? she is those type of girls that gets mad at a little thing like saying **** you or something, im thinking i said something that made her mad, because in the fight i had said that she was getting on my nerves along with her friend. thats what my best guess is. thx
xpaperxcutx Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 By asking her to go out with you, you've basically told her you like her. Most girls can't be friends with a guy who likes them, it's pretty awkward. So she's taking up the next best action, avoiding you as much as possible.
Author whytryanymore Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 By asking her to go out with you, you've basically told her you like her. Most girls can't be friends with a guy who likes them, it's pretty awkward. So she's taking up the next best action, avoiding you as much as possible. yeah i know after you get rejected the relationship is never the same. but she KNEW i liked her and her friends knew too it was wayyyy obvious. but we stayed friends even after i got rejected she would still message me on myspace and still ask me to come see her after school before i left, but its just this little event thats been going on for the past few days that im worried about that she stopped trying to really talk to me and stuff like that. im just not sure if i should ask her if anything is wrong because she hasnt said a word to me in almost 4 or 5 days or if i should just give her some time alone i mean she DOES see me practically everyday. thx
Peaceful Guy Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 yeah i know after you get rejected the relationship is never the same. anybody else youre interested in? to tell you the truth its kind of hard for me to make sense of this. i think you should look around for someone else.. anybody that might like you that you havent noticed? im way far away from being in high school so i can really only tell you what i would want for myself in your shoes from a third person perspective. its really hard to make sense of why people behave the way they do sometimes.. and that can be because sometimes their behavior doesnt make sense.. like i said, i couldnt even really envision what was going on for real.. i just know that trying to understand what a 15 yr old girl is thinking about romance could be near impossible.. thats why im saying be cool, and look around for a new situation to get involved in.. you know, the way you felt when this whole thing started?? let go of what youve got now, chill, and get ready for things to make sense and be fun again! also, dont want to forget this, dont feel rejected! thats harsh man.. i know you might feel like you cant help how you feel but what i mean is dont beat yourself up about this, and dont lose any self esteem.. thats why i asked about maybe someone that was into you that you hadnt noticed.. happens all the ****ing time in highschool! youre still into this chick i gather, but does it feel the same? anything to lose by letting go? be cool and you could enjoy yourself now (not feel so confused) and maybe in the future you and this girl could give it another shot.. i mean, dont pine for it, but for real.. so long as your not an *******, and you give her some space.. this is fine for you! sorry if i pissed you off/frustrated you with a lack of understanding,, buuuut.. im being honest, and i do care and sympathize. best of luck!
Ronni_W Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) Like PG said, we can't know what's going on in her head... So, why don't you ask her? Tell her that you heard her when she said that you had changed, but can she please give you some examples because you don't know what she is noticing. Second thing. You have the right to express how you feel. If you're bored, happy, upset, excited, angry, etc., etc., etc. -- you get to say that, and you don't need to get into any verbal fights about it. If people want to argue with you about how you're feeling, say something like, "My feelings are not up for debate," and just walk away. When it comes to your feelings, do not debate, do not blame, do not defend. Just walk away. Third thing. You are responsible for your own feelings, and to get your own emotional needs met. If you're bored, it's up to you to get yourself, er, unbored! Go find some different people, or do an activity on your own, that you will find more exciting, mentally stimulating, whatever your Self needs at the time. Third thing, part 2. Other people don't "make you" happy or sad...your own beliefs, thoughts, interpretations and perceptions do that to your Self. Other people don't "get on your nerves" -- YOU got on your own nerves by not getting yourself out of a boring situation. What you did there was blame those two for how you were feeling, instead of doing something about it for yourself. Fourth thing. You don't "make" other people happy, sad or mad...their own beliefs, etc., do that to themselves. This girl and her best friend -- possibly, maybe they don't know any of this stuff and they're in that phase where they want to control your feelings (by 'fighting' with you when you express boredom or whatever), and want to blame you for theirs (by saying, "you made me mad when you said this <or, when you did that.") That's BS. Just walk away from people who aren't taking responsibility for their own feelings and are not meeting their own emotional needs in appropriate ways. I didn't learn this crap until I was about 40 but it is seriously important to being happy and self-confident, and having mutually rewarding relationships. If you want to learn more about this kind of stuff, Google, 'emotional intelligence', 'assertive communications' and 'healthy emotional boundaries'. Hopefully it will be easier for you at 15, than it was for me at 40! And, I do wish you a lifetime of happiness and fulfilling relationships Edited October 28, 2009 by Ronni_W
Peaceful Guy Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Ronni reminded me.. dont waste all your time trying to please this person! forgot about that. you cant MAKE people like you, and if its not happening right now its just not.. took me a long time to learn that one.. still struggle with it.. what you can do is like Ronni said, be honest and open about yourself.. no need to censore yourself or keep it all inside.. the key is to put yourself out there so that others can make their own decisions, and you can move on guilt free, content and confident.
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