Here's my sad story, dunno anymore

[DW86]

First, I apologize for the length of this post, but I thank in advance anyone who reads it and could offer me any advice. I'm just so confused and its been almost 6 months since my girlfriend broke up with me and I'm still nowhere close to being over her... I know it's time to move on, I just don't know how. Anyway, here's my story (I feel like they could make a movie outta this sh*t):

 

I'll start four years ago when I was home for summer break between my Freshman and Sophomore years in college. Summer was already going great and it got a lot better when about halfway through I met Megan. I've always been kind of a shy guy and I went to an all-boys high school so I never had the best of luck in the female department. But Megan and I really hit it off and spent a really awesome second half of the summer together. I'll never forget our first kiss under the stars in the park one night and how we used to spend basically every day together. Unfortunately that only lasted about 2 months until she had to go away to college. Before she left, we had a very emotional good-bye and then that was it.

 

Well, even though I attended college about 4 hours from home I stayed home and took some classes around here that semester. It was partly because I still wasnt sure if I liked that school or not, but I would be lying if I didnt say that a large part of the reason I stayed home was because I knew it would give me the chance to see Meg again if she came home for weekends and breaks and such. But as it turns out, that plan completely backfired.

 

After she left for school, Meg and I continued to talk daily for a few weeks, but suddenly her communications stopped- almost all at once. I was so hurt and it made it even worse that I was still in the place where we had spent those 3 incredible months together so there were constant reminders of her everywhere. After a month of really feeling very down I then found out that she had met someone else at school. Well, needless to say I was devastated, and continued to be so for the rest of that semester, even bordering on clinical depression according to a psychiatrist I saw. About 3 months later she came home for winter break. I saw her a couple of times but got so nervous I would feel light headed and nauseous (which really surprised me because I had been so comfortable around her just that past summer.) I knew that at very least I needed a change of scenery. So the next semester I returned to my college. For the rest of that year I still thought of her all the time and it still made me very depressed. The next year was more of the same although my sadness would get slightly less and less over time, even though I still thought of her frequently. We would talk sometimes- a couple of times a month- and every time we did it would make me so happy.

 

Anyway, in an effort to help myself get over her because it had been well over a year, I started focusing my attention on Lisa, who was a close friend of mine and Meg's. For about 9 months I really started to try to hint to Lisa that I liked her as more than just a friend and even looking back on it now I think that she liked me in that way too, although since we had been friends for a couple of years, it was too awkward and I never had the courage to come right out and tell Lisa how I felt about her. That summer (the summer between my Junior and Senior years in college) Lisa got a boyfriend. Again, I was devastated. I had just started to begin to get over Meg because of Lisa, and the same thing happened to me again. And this time it was even worse, because now there were two girls who I really liked who at least at some point liked me- but then moved on from me...and I knew it wasnt really through a fault of my own because I have continued to stay friendly with both of them through this day. I had and still have no closure as to what exactly happened in either situation.

 

 

Then came March, 2008. And this is where the real story starts. Believe it or not, the advice I need doesnt involve Megan or Lisa, I just wanted to set the scene of where I was coming from. I went on my Senior Year of college Spring Break with a few friends. We didnt go to a typical Spring Break spot like Cancun or Ft. Lauderdale- we decided to keep it more low key and went to a quiet beach in Florida.

One night, we went to the pool at our hotel. And thats when I saw her. She was sitting on the side of the pool with her friend. They started making just some friendly conversation with us, then they agreed to come into the water. We hung out in the pool for probably about 2 hours, just talking. I found out her name was Amy and that she was from Rhode Island. She seemed like she was flirting with me a little bit, but to be honest, at the time I was more concerned with what Meg and Lisa were doing at that moment. And, there was no way I was going to let myself get close to another girl just so I could be hurt again... because that would be the worst thing ever.

 

So I basically kind of ignored Amy. We went our seperate ways and I didnt see her for the rest of the trip. I got back to college in Massachusetts a few days later and for some reason I couldnt get Amy out of my head. I knew it was a worthless cause though because I'd never see her again... but something told me I shouldnt give up just yet. I dont know what it was, but something told me I had to try. I went on MySpace. All I knew about her was that her name was Amy and that she lived in RI... I didnt have a last name. I didnt know if she was on myspace at all. I didn't remeber exactly what she looked like and it really wouldnt have mattered much if i did because you cant see pictures very well when searching for people on myspace anyway. And, I figured, there were probably thousands of girls named Amy (or any other spelling of it) in the entire state of RI. It was such a long shot I really had no hope, but I figured what the hell, you never know. So I searched...and I still cant believe it...I found her.

 

It only took me about a half hour too... and I wasnt sure if it was the right girl until she accepted my friend request and wrote on my profile. I couldnt believe it... like I said, I still cant. And as it turned out she only lived about an hour and a half away from my home. I convinced her to come visit me and we found out that we have so much in common. And the fact that we met eachother the way we did, and the fact that I found her even though my odds of hitting the lotto are better... Well, needless to say we started dating.

Suddenly, I knew why I had to go through everything else previously. Why Meg had gotten a boyfriend and why Lisa had gotten a boyfriend and why I had to go through feeling so depressed for 2 and a half years... it was all so that I could meet Amy. It was a fairytale. It was fate.

 

Amy and I became VERY close. I had been with Meg for a few months, but it wasn't a relationship, it was just two people who liked eachother. I had tried to hint to Lisa that I liked her for a few months, but no relationship there. I realized that those two girls- even though they seemed so important to me at the time- were miniscule compared to what I had found now. With Amy, I had a legitimate relationship. Every day we would tell eachother we loved one another- and we meant it. Every night we would make sure we said goodnight to eachother before going to bed.

 

We opened up to eachother about everything in our lives, and after only a couple of months it felt like we had known eachother our whole lives. We talked about getting married- why not?- she was the perfect girl. She was beautiful, (absolutely gorgeous, she recently became a model...totally outta my league) she had all the same interests as me, she loved me and promised she would never hurt me like the other girls did, and who could ever forget our fairytale story? Even though we lived an hour and a half away from eachother, we would make sure to try to see eachother once during the week and virtually every weekend. Everything was great, and I knew that I had found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

 

Well, then it happened. Around the end of April, I stopped getting goodnights from her a few nights before I went to bed. She told me she was just busy, so I thought nothing of it. Then it progressed though- I would suggest going to see her one weekend or her coming to see me, but she didnt want to...she said she was busy. After that, it was even getting harder and harder just to catch her on the phone. She stopped responding to my text messages. She just kept saying she was busy. For the next month, it was more and more of the same, and it got to the point where we barely talked at all. I knew what I had to do. I had to somehow get her to agree to let me come down and see her...even though I knew that after a month of things going from bad to worse- it would probably end with us breaking up. So I finally got her to agree...and I went down to RI to see her.

 

We talked for a little while, she cried a little bit and told me that she was stressed out because she had been doing a lot of work lately and felt like she had no free time. She said she still loved me, but then she said she wished we could just go back to being friends like we were for the couple of months before we officially started dating. She didn't give me any reasons though, for any of her recent behavior. I knew that even though I still loved her and wanted to be with her, I had to be fair and let her have that. So I agreed to go back to being just friends with her. Before I left her house, she told me again that she still loved me and that she hoped in the future we would be together again.

 

I kept myself together while I was there, but once I got in my car and left, the tears came. I cried for a good hour, and then another half hour later that night. Megan had hurt real bad. Lisa had hurt. But those were nothing... Those were not even relationships and only lasted a few months. I was with Amy for over a year (albeit the first few months were unofficial) and it was a real relationship. I loved her. I hadnt really loved either of the girls before her. I liked them a lot, but it wasn't love like it was with Amy. And I knew that if it had taken me over two years to get over them...then I dont know if I'll ever get over Amy.

 

Surprisingly, the day after we broke up, Amy called me. We talked for about an hour. Same thing the next day...and for the few days after that. We've been apart now for six months. I talked to her almost every day for the first month after our breakup. Then it became more like once or twice a week. It's been so stressful on me there have been times where I have broke down and cried out of the blue. Even with the other girls, and recovering from that for such a long time, these months have been the worst I've ever felt in my life emotionally.

Back when we were together I bought Amy a very nice gold bracelet that I decided to save for our official one-year anniversary. Well, that came about three weeks after we split. But I mailed it to her anyway because I wanted her to have it. Enclosed with the necklace I wrote a letter explaining how I had bought it while we were still together and my intention was all along to give it to her for our one-year so I was just following through on it even though we were no longer together. I also told her that I missed her very much. I was worried that she would find it weird, but I was so happy when I found out that she loved it, that she cried when she read the letter, and when she told me again that she hoped someday in the future we would be together again.

 

A couple of weeks after that, she visited me. When she came up here, it was just like old times. We went out and the entire time we kept catching eachothers eyes and she would give me these looks like I hadnt seen from her since we first started going out. We laughed, we joked around with eachother, there was even some playful flirting going on. It just confused me even more.

 

We continued talking a few times a week after that and I figured that's why I was missing her so much and having trouble letting go. And after a while, it felt a little forced and she started to seem disinterested. So about 2 months ago I decided to just ignore her when she tried to call or text me, and I vowed not to call or text her at all. I felt bad doing it, but I figured I needed to for my own sanity. I'm not going to lie, I felt better for a while. I wouldn't answer calls or respond to texts. For a week or 2, it didn't seem to bother her and I wasn't constantly thinking about her so I felt better.

 

Then, about a month ago, she texted me AND two of my best friends about how upset she was that I wouldnt talk to her anymore. Well, I still do love her and I don't want her to be upset so I started talking to her again. We talked a lot again for a couple of weeks. She seemed much more interested, and she even wanted to come visit me. The only problem is, I started thinking about her all the time again...

 

One night about 2 weeks ago I was joking around and texted her telling her I was on my way to see her... and she totally freaked. She told me if I actually was, she would never talk to me again. Those were her exact words... even though she had said previously that she wanted to see me. Now, I was just joking about being on my way to Rhode Island, but from her reaction, I got pretty pissed. That was the last I spoke to her. I've been NC for about 2 weeks, except this time (unlike the last period of NC last month) I'm still thinking about her all the time and it's really hurting me.

 

When her and I broke up she told me that she hoped one day we could be together again because she really loved me. Why did she break up with me in the first place then? Some of my fiends thought maybe there was another guy in the picture. 6 months, and she still has never told me the real reason she broke my heart. Does she still have feelings for me like I do for her? She has to or else she wouldnt have kept calling and have gotten so upset when I ignored her the first time, right? What's different this time then? I do still love her and would give anything to have her back.

 

Is this just her trying to keep me close, but not too close, sort of like an emotional safety net to fall back on? I'd like to be there for her, but that's not really fair to me. I can't move on if she keeps on talking to (and visiting) me, but I can't be back with her unless she wants to. I don't know what to do or what to say to her. I'm really trying to call her bluff this time and see if she calls/texts me, but unlike last time we were NC, it's really hard and I think I'm gonna crack soon. Because every day has become a struggle since I went from being so happy to so depressed.

 

If you're still reading this, I thank you so much. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I feel like my life is just falling apart around me, all because of this girl.

Edited October 28, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xpaperxcutx]

The problem with you is that you don't know where to draw the line with any of these girls. They'd given you false hope to hang onto an imaginary relationship and you let them walk all over you.

 

Did you ever had a relationship before megan, lisa, and amy? If no, then I can understand why you can't learn to let them go.

 

Know your boundaries. That's the most important thing. If you don't learn how to set them, you can start now. Learn to respect yourself first and foremost, otherwise others like the girls in your life, won't respect you.

 

And NC. There's no use holding on to a friendship when you know you want a relationship.

[Michael1987]

fantastic advice above, no contact!

[DW86]

o yes, theres been other relationships, before and in between (not in the 6 months since Amy though.) None of them ever meant much or lasted very long. These three that i pointed out were the most meaningful ones, especially Amy. I knew it then, and it becomes even more evident when i look back on it. I had a good thing, and I dunno why it had to end. I'm just left with so many questions because of the lack of closure

[squidattack]

You're not going to be able to move on if you stay in contact with her. You might be able to be friends in the future, but probably not now. Coming from a girl's perspective, it sounds like she likes the attention you give her and doesn't want that to go away......but she doesn't want to be in a relationships with you. She probably still wants to know she has you wrapped around her finger. Just try to keep yourself busy during the NC period, it's going to hurt at first but I promise it will get easier after a while. You will not be able to get over her and move on if you keep in contact at this point. Just doesn't work like that. Sucks that you might have to lose her friendship but it's probably for the best at the moment so you can heal. Good luck.