lillovergirl Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Hello all I've been broken up with my ex BF for about a month. I got angry at him, sent him and email because I felt neglected and told him that this was a good way to get rid of me. No response from him and a week goes by. In the meantime, I am feeling very hurt, angry and confused so I start surfing looking for answers that might help me understand his behavior and I come across some stuff on the silent treatment which is what I felt he was giving me. I emailed him again, asking if we were still a couple and when I did not hear back from him, I sent him some links to some of the research I had found and broke it off with him. (I had deleted his number from my phone when I was mad out of stubborness so that I would not break down and call him.) I got an email back basically saying that he was exhausted and that is why he didn't respond sooner. In other words, he didn't feel like dealing with any emotional drama from me and ended it with a goodbye. I emailed him back saying that you can't just not communicate when you are in relationship because you are angry, stressed, etc., told him how I felt pretty much and said goodbye. Well another two weeks go by and I'm feeling really bad about the way things ended so I write another email that is positive and about forgiveness and misunderstanding and growing from our experience etc. I thought this would give me closure and make me feel better and I started dating, three in a week. Well at the end of last week, I started feeling really bad and confused all over again so I sent yet another email asking him how he can just be so indifferent after all. We were together about 7 months, knew him for a year and we pretty much had a good relationship, never really fought and always talked things out. I felt like he was a friend. It's like he went from hot to cold over night! I have not begged to get back with him, have only asked him to help me with answering some unaswered questions I have about what exactly went wrong and he has not repsonded. He was burned in a divorce several years ago and I think he has some commitment issues which is understandable but this just seems so out of character for him and what he had me and his own friends believe about him. Maybe he is just a coward, maybe he never wanted to hurt me but he knows now that I am hurting and will not even give me closure to move on? Why would a guy just not want to talk about it at all? Again, the only thing that I did to him was accuse him of possibly being passive aggressive. I just don't get it. A part of me wants to reconcile and a part of me doesn't. Mostly all I want to do is just talk about what happened. If it helps, I'm 38 and he is 42. Thanks!
ADF Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Why would a guy just not want to talk about it at all? Because, sadly, some people are all about making things easier on themselves regardless of how it affects their partner. Just disappearing makes the break up easy for him--effortless, in fact. It makes it terrible for you. But he clearly doesn't care about that.
Author lillovergirl Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Because, sadly, some people are all about making things easier on themselves regardless of how it affects their partner. Just disappearing makes the break up easy for him--effortless, in fact. It makes it terrible for you. But he clearly doesn't care about that. Clearly. I thought him at one point to be one of kindess most compassionate men that I had met, atleast in a long time which only seems only further add to my own confusion. I could never in a million years ignore someone that is obviously hurting. I can totally get that he doesn't want the relationship, that is obvious but why he would just refuse to talk about it bothers me alot.
trueblue72ny Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 ive been there before with getting the silent treatment. makes you think wow what if you were really involved with this person???? everytime the going gets tough -they just bail. makes you feel really confident about the relationship - NOT.
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