ADF Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 What do people even bother entering into LDRs? I am not being sarcastic; I am being serious. They NEVER seem to work. At least not for long. Not only do they almost always fail, but the course of the relationship itself is one long, drawn-out drama about missing the other person, fearing infidelity, contemplating infidelity yourself, blah, blah, blah. Why, why, why do people to this to themselves?
CarrieT Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I have no clue. On the dating sites, I IMMEDIATELY dismiss guys who are not geographically desirable and I am surprised at how many of them get pissed at me for doing so. A handful of them have entreated with me to at least get to know them online and I am constantly having to ask them, "to what end?"
SophieA Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 What do people even bother entering into LDRs? I am not being sarcastic; I am being serious. They NEVER seem to work. At least not for long. Not only do they almost always fail, but the course of the relationship itself is one long, drawn-out drama about missing the other person, fearing infidelity, contemplating infidelity yourself, blah, blah, blah. Why, why, why do people to this to themselves? Why, why, why do you care who we choose to be in a relationship with? If you're secure in yourself and your relationship, you do not drive yourself crazy with thoughts of infidelity. Sometimes circumstances out of our control cause us to have to do LD for awhile. (In my case, bf's med school acceptance) We couldn't imagine throwing away 6 years just because we'd be separated for 20 months... That's why. Not that it's any of your business anyway.
threebyfate Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 What do people even bother entering into LDRs? I am not being sarcastic; I am being serious. They NEVER seem to work. At least not for long. Not only do they almost always fail, but the course of the relationship itself is one long, drawn-out drama about missing the other person, fearing infidelity, contemplating infidelity yourself, blah, blah, blah. Why, why, why do people to this to themselves?When you click with someone, it's rarely intentional. Shyte happens. But I will agree with you that they rarely work. Of the ones that do, they usually start as normal relationships, then unforseen circumstances cause distance between individuals. On the otherhand, how often do non-long distance relationships work forever? That's what the dating and relationship periods are all about. It's a voyage to finding someone you're compatible with, for the long term.
Rollercoasterr Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 In my case, we met completely online. But that was over 6 years ago. We broke up because we were too young and immature. We kept in touch, but very rarely after that. Then, by some miracle we reconnected in June of last year and have been together ever since. I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world, and I would HAPPILY be in this LDR until the end of time if that meant that I would be his forever. But we got lucky, we're engaged and we'll be married next June. Like TBF said, shyte happens. Being in an LDR takes a special kind of relationship, or it wont work. You have to be completely secure and have 100% trust in that. This is why you see so many of them failing. I can pretty much pinpoint to you on the LDR forum(but I wont), all the relationships that will fail eventually. They fail for the same reason mine did the first time around, and for various other reasons. But I second what SophieA said, what business is it of yours why we do it? And since you're on LS that means you have some kind of relationship problem, so why do YOU do the things YOU do? No one here is any more perfect than the next person.
AnnPod Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Why, why, why do people to this to themselves? If you research a littlebit about that you will find out very quickly that despite all difficulties, there are ppl who sometimes even leave their continent, learn a new language, and give up jobs, go through a frustrating immigration process, and they do this for a very obvious reason: they love the person they have met, and they wanna be with that person and with no one else. Just like most couples, even if they live in the same street.
honeypear Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I know this will sound silly to some. You cannot help who you fall in love with or where they live. You can turn a blind eye, BUT why not take a chance and at least find out. The possibilities are sometimes worth it, and life is about living so at times you have to stick your big toe in the water and take a chance. I am a big believer that you learn from experience more about yourself. Just my two cents. Take care
Devil Inside Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I think that most of the time LDRs do not start that way. I know that I was in one when I moved out of state after college. My GF at the time was someone that I loved very much. We discussed how difficult it would be...but thought we would make it. We made it about two months. It was too hard for us.
SuburbanOblivion Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I would bet money that no-distance relationships fail just as often as LDR's. Cripes, what is the divorce rate right now, 62%? And that's just among people who make it as far as marriage. Divorce is too easy, and people are not willing to put in the work to change that. I think you yourself said it best- "Relationships work because people work on them, not because they find their "soulmate."" LDR's can work, many people here are proof of that. That said, if you aren't in one, why do you give a ****?
Mei Mei Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 :bunny:We two are so far away as from the pacific to the atlantic. We are mature persons who have both experieced alot in our past bad experiences in our own nations. This LDR has rebuilt our trust towards real love that is not confined to distance, time and culture. The relationship can always be vivid and romantic with our trust, commitment and everlasting communication. I see LDR has its advantage in giving us the freedom to work on our own issues at our place, and to move in gradually in the long run when we have well prepared ourselves. Though nobody can guarantee any relationship 100%, whether it is LD or not, but LDR has its own momentum and charm that is very much different from relationship in the same place.
quankanne Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Being in an LDR takes a special kind of relationship, or it wont work. You have to be completely secure and have 100% trust in that and a LDR has its own momentum and charm that is very much different from a relationship in the same place very true on both counts, from my personal experience, and you have to be mature in the sense that you don't invest in bullshxt mind games that lead you to manipulate the other person. my husband and I were in a LDR the two years we were dating and about the first 7-8 years of our marriage. Why do it? It was a leap of faith that I had a lot of trust in. Had I been of a different mindset, we wouldn't be together all these years later ... and I've been with him for almost 20 years, including the time we dated.
honeypear Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 :bunny:We two are so far away as from the pacific to the atlantic. We are mature persons who have both experieced alot in our past bad experiences in our own nations. This LDR has rebuilt our trust towards real love that is not confined to distance, time and culture. The relationship can always be vivid and romantic with our trust, commitment and everlasting communication. I see LDR has its advantage in giving us the freedom to work on our own issues at our place, and to move in gradually in the long run when we have well prepared ourselves. Though nobody can guarantee any relationship 100%, whether it is LD or not, but LDR has its own momentum and charm that is very much different from relationship in the same place. Thank you I could not put it any better.
Leia Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 It's hilarious to see how defensive some people can be when the OP is merely asking an innocent question, a good one too From what I know, most rarely work and for a few that do work out, it took a lot of patience, security and money
Mei Mei Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Like any relationship, there are success and failures. Lack of commitment, strong sense of insecurity, impatient/impulsive personalities, cheating and even financial issues might possibly be barriers to all successful relationships. But undeniably, those who engage in LDR are surely facing higher thresholds in those qualities. Love sometimes happen at any time or circumstances that we can't forsee, but I am sure real love is always the core of all relationship and all are dreaming a life with the beloved one no matter they are from same or other nations.
Els Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 They do not 'never work'. My parents did it for four years - in an era where you only communicate through LETTERS, too. While that's more than I myself could personally bear, it shows that some people can do it. OP, I guess you could ask the same question of anyone who engages in a relationship with less-than-ideal circumstances that could possibly cause the demise of the relationship. Perhaps one partner earning far more than the other. Perhaps children from other marriages. Perhaps age/cultural differences. It could be anything. The reason, is that we realize that person is special enough that we are willing to accept the less-than-ideal circumstances that come with it. LDRs are NOT for the 'casual dating' or 'many fish in the sea' or 'lets just have fun' people.
AnnPod Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 It's hilarious to see how defensive some people can be when the OP is merely asking an innocent question, a good one too From what I know, most rarely work and for a few that do work out, it took a lot of patience, security and money Yes, exactly. It takes patience, commitment, money, and a lot of other things, and people here are putting a lot of their energy in this. Therefore the way they were asked 'why are you anyway doing this for' might be a little offensive for them.
Leia Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Yes, exactly. It takes patience, commitment, money, and a lot of other things, and people here are putting a lot of their energy in this. Therefore the way they were asked 'why are you anyway doing this for' might be a little offensive for them. People shouldn't be offended just coz someone asked a question she/he really does not understand. Most of the time, when I ask a question, it is coz I really do not get it. Maybe OP should have questioned it differently, whatever but really, from some of the threads I have started coz I didn't understand a situation, people were waaayyyy too offended by them.
Els Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Unfortunately, I think OP gives me that impression because so far, he has only responded to instigative posts (not very maturely too, I might add), and not to any of the good points that were given. That makes it look like he's just trying to stir up stuff. Still, doesn't hurt to try, I guess... And if anyone who is genuinely wondering reads this, I would hope that some of our sincere responses at least have some impact on them.
Leia Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Unfortunately, I think OP gives me that impression because so far, he has only responded to instigative posts (not very maturely too, I might add), and not to any of the good points that were given. That makes it look like he's just trying to stir up stuff. Still, doesn't hurt to try, I guess... And if anyone who is genuinely wondering reads this, I would hope that some of our sincere responses at least have some impact on them. I'm sure it has some impact on others. I respect any type of relationships : whatever works for you, you know. My cousin was in a LDR, it started off that way until her fiance moved to be with her. I had a lot of respect and admiration for she had the patience, and everything else that come with being in a LDR but if it were me, I would have gone crazy! I don't have the patience
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