McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) so i talked to my ex last night. i broke 25 days NC. i felt weird afterward. slept last night. the convo went good for the most part. lots of laughs. no tears or anger. she said it was nice to hear from me (dont worry i know what that means) now im sad im not with her. but ive come to the relazition that people just change sometimes. i miss her? **** yeah. but i guess everything happens for a reason. my life is boring and lonely now, but maybe it was always boring and lonely and she was just someone to enjoy the boredom with? anyway she said she still needs time. thats fine. im not waiting around. i told her i am moving about 2000 miles away in the spring. that shocked her. i also told her how i moved out my parents. that shocked her even more. there is still no other guy on her side. but i want to go on with my life. do something bigger and finding a more enduring love without so much pain. i think this is the catalyst i needed to change my life and im not happy it happened but kinda excited. the worst thing for me is knowing i ****ed up my relationship by being protective and needy. i dwell way too much on this. but thats ok. i now know for next time. im 24 and was in a 3.5 yr relationship. i dont blame her for dumping me. we both need to find ourselves. hmmm. feels good, scary, lonely, and there is the holowness inside me. but i want to fill it with me and not someone else. its definately tough accepting this. and it may be a cold lonely winter. but im going to make it. i hope. Edited October 27, 2009 by McGrupp
GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 but i want to go on with my life. do something bigger... And you will and as a by product of that work many great people will come into your life. You doing well, keep up the effort.
Author McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) although it sucked she said she still needs time and doesnt plan on seeing anyone. yeah right. but sucks. why couldnt i have done NC from the beginning?. my windowclosed and i am sad for that. been 2 months and i feel like there is no shot. glad i did talk to her i guess. last time b4 that was brutal and at least this time w left on a lighter side. idk!!! im never going to talk to her again. she said since last time we left it both emotional she was glad i wasnt bitter or angry. i told her it was great t hear her voice. stumbled into the 2nd chances for a second and then quickly jumped back out. told her i would respect her boundaries. damnit. september 2nd was the breakup. almost 2 months. i really want her back, and i think she is just reall confused. i dont see her coming back though forever. i mean i really just dont see it happening anymore. maybe if i went NC from the beginning (this is a space issue after all) she fell out of love or convinced herself or something. ive taken her off the pedestal but still i pine for her, and then i think im better off. well you guys know he drill. Edited October 27, 2009 by McGrupp
Thebob Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 you've answered your questions within your post. Move on, and you won't be seeing her at all when you move 2000 miles away, so what's the point to dwell? find someone else that you can share your love with and that close connection with. You never know what the future holds, and we'll see. I'm kinda in the same boat but my relationship was a lot shorter. I told her that we shouldn't talk anymore when she is at school and that she should contact me when she is home next summer from school cause it got to hard to communicate and knowing that she wants to get with other dudes. So we'll see if she contacts me but I am not planning on it. You sound like a swell guy but man, move on and find someone else, and don't worry about this broad. hope this helps Thebob
Odyssey Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 confused...fell out of love. It doesn't matter, at least you kinda cleared the air. I wouldn't think about it too much.
Author McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) yeah now i need to work on me. tough to find a starting point though. back to looking at jobs online is sad. but you gotta do what you have to do. she broke up with me in the beginning saying she wanted to travel and take classes. i told her how im going to europe b4 i move and how im taking classes in the city again. these werent lies and i didnt use them to make her feel bad. but i could tell they kinda hit her. its weird though. i told acted like i was pretty much moved on. im glad i made the call i guess, just makes me pine for her because of her voice/ laugh and the fact she isnt seeing anyone and has been real pleasent through this whole thing and how she said they may still be a chance for us. i said i would welcome her contacting me in the future as a friend ( of course i dont want this or care to be her friend, but i was using it to show how ive let go) wow.it keeps going round in circles. i must move on. glad i called though. first time i talked to her since the break where my voice wasnt cracking and i wasnt begging. were both going to be in nyc for halloween. wondering how im going to have fun thinking about her looking all slutty and getting drunk in the same city... Edited October 27, 2009 by McGrupp
Odyssey Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 its weird though. i told acted like i was pretty much moved on...glad i called though. first time i talked to her since the break where my voice wasnt cracking and i wasnt begging. were both going to be in nyc for halloween. wondering how im going to have fun thinking about her looking all slutty and getting drunk in the same city... When i'd spoke to my ex, i was putting up a brave face. It didn't really hit me until a day later and i'd almost cracked, thinking about us again. I was the same, my ex and i had plans to go to Paris for her birthday which was the weekend that just passed. She would of been at my Halloween party. Then there's Xmas spent in a cottage in wales...then there's... It doesn't matter. oh well...her loss! back to looking at jobs online is sad. Yep, it's gone beyond sad for me now. It's become more like a daily chore...like doing the washing up and cooking etc. Keep plodding forward mate.
Author McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) thats the way i have to look at it. her lose. also amazing how this person u used to talk to everyday now puts butterflies in your stomcah when you talk to them. Edited October 27, 2009 by McGrupp
Odyssey Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Eventually, you won't even get those butterflies about her anymore... ...it is sad when people you know become people you knew. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them... its sad how times can change. That's what i think about now.
Author McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 i just cant stop dwelling on how poorly i played this. basically i ignored her and she came running back. i said lets take a break. and I couldnt handle it. and then she said it was over. and i really freaked. now im alone and her mind is made up. hopefully i mean 4-6 months of NC might change things. but wow. im sad she was my everything. acceptance is the hardest step
Odyssey Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 You can spend minutes, hours, days, even weeks analysing your relationship trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, or would've happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f**k on. If she comes back good. If not, at least you're improving your life. I had the same thoughts...whether i'd over-reacted, or if i could of done things differently. No matter how tough you think you are when you're coping, there will always be some memory to bring you to your knees. ...If you let it.
Thebob Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 truth by odyssey. i still have them but im tryin my best to move on. The end.
Author McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 just had an awesome yell in my car. feel like 100% better.
sacg Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) Amazing thread, real grassroots insight and recolection. Even if it took me a while with the grammer.....:-) Edited October 27, 2009 by sacg
sacg Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 apologies, my beer glasses. Still a top post and hit a nerve with me. well done mate to be where you are, im just about there.
Author McGrupp Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 its weird its like i broke NC and it totally sucks. shouldnt have done that. but at the same ime its like now i know its over. i mean i ****ing know. and thats nice? exhilarating? sad? fun? what?
Thebob Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I know when you type that it hurts to say, but man you'll bear through it. I no it's nice knowing that all hope is gone but you wish there still was. Keep tough and stick with NC and soon you'll realize that it was absolutely worth it. if you need help keep writing on this forum. Thebob
Author McGrupp Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 i should not have called. i feel like i want to end it right now.
Author McGrupp Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 im going to go out and buy a gun. im tired of the pain and anguish and the longing and the lonlieness
Thebob Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 seriously? don't be over-dramatic..... you'll get through it.. Thebob
Author McGrupp Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) i cant take it anymore. i keep diggin the hole deeper. i want to just live without, but i cant. i keep ****ing up. i want to end everything i want the pain to stop so badly. and i keep staying on contact it brings me right back. i want to end this pain. i want to be myself again. Edited October 28, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) i was very close to acceptance. and i went huge leaps backwards. sad really Edited October 28, 2009 by McGrupp
Thebob Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Man go workout, relax, yell at something. Don't be a girl, move on.. You can do this, and I gaurantee someone else on this forum has gone through much worse. Thebob
Recommended Posts