dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) Dating this girl just over 6 months. It's been LDR the whole time we see each other on weekends only. In the beginning we had sex 2-3 a day, she'd be all for it. The past say 2 -3 months or so she hasn't been as interested. whenever i ask her she says she doesnt the relationship to revolve around just sex, and she wants to do other quality wholesome things with me (Which we definitely do). But she said sometimes she rather spend time like doing other things then sex. and we argue about this a few times a month. i make a point sometimes it feels like we are married because we rarely have sex, maybe once a day when i see her. i mean come on haha. i think her love for me as grown even more where she doesn't want the physical side to be the driver for me, or us. so then i also asked how come she doesn't initiate anymore. and she said that i'm always all over her and wanting sex that its sometimes pushes her away for it. so when i initiate 20 times a day there is time for her to initiate. and of course if she agreed to the 20 times a day then we would do nothing else. so of course i back off for like half a day and truth be hold she wants it. but so do i have to wait around for her to want it and not make any effort or show that i want it, or how do i get in a perfect medium with our sexual interests again Edited October 27, 2009 by dell2009
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Honeymoon phase is probably wearing off for her and her sexual fire is starting to burn low. Either that or you are constantly hounding her for sex and she feels that is what your weekend visit revolves around. What do your days consist of? She comes over at 10am...you do what for the rest of the day?
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 lately its been all weekend visits. and we usually go out shopping or spend time making meals, hanging with roomates and friends, watching movies, so sometimes we are on the go and there isnt time to stop and mess around or whatever but if i know there's a opportunity i go for it and of course, haha. yeah.
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 maybe that's what she meant by "hounding", the moment you get her alone, you are ready to pounce. How about a little warm up first? Remember the "women are like crockpots" phrase? A kiss or a hug with no obvious ulterior motives when you are alone can go a long way in getting her to respond. I don't understand why she doesn't initiate though, maybe you are dealing with a classic low-libido woman. They are hot and fiery when you first meet them because..well...the relationship is new but when they settle into their comfort zone, you can kiss the constant sex goodbye. Have a talk with her, find out what you are dealing with.
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 even warm up, that's fine usually. but when the warmup goes to something more she tends to stop. i tried talking to her about it and what i wrote above was what she told
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 You need to totally back off, shes feeling objectified by you. SHe feels like you are only with her for sex. So you need to stop initiating completely. You need to risk going a couple weekends without initiating or sex. You have to make it look like sex is no big deal for you now. You cant even suggest it once. THEN and only then, will she start initiating, and when she does, it will be much more special to her. Think you can do that? Because if you dont, you will never get it again. I did this with my ex, and she wound up initiating much of the time, it was great. Once I knew she would initiate, I didnt even need sex as much anymore. Made her want it more. It was great.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Agree with boogieboy. You need to COMPLETELY stop initiating anything even resembling sex. Keep all the affection sweet and fairly restrained, not sexy and all over her. I'm betting you'll be amazed at how fast she pounces on YOU. But be patient.
likestolaugh Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 you still have sex once a day right? That's what you said... that's really pretty good you know. Also, did you say that you try 20 times a day sometimes? Damn... give it a rest, no wonder it's not working for her.
Johnny M Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 i think her love for me as grown even more where she doesn't want the physical side to be the driver for me, or us. LOL...do you honestly believe that?? Sorry, but I've got bad news for you: if she doesn't want to have sex with you, it means that she's no longer physically attracted to you. It could be because of something you're doing (i.e. gaining weight, poor hygiene, etc.) or it could simply be that the spark is no longer there....In any event, don't take her BS excuses at face value.
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Good idea on relaxing for awhile. I see where this would take me, which is her wanting it more. boogieboy i think i feel how you are, where if she was initiating it, i wouldnt need it as much. as far as johnny, well i'm pretty darn positive that's not the case. haha.
Johnny M Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 as far as johnny, well i'm pretty darn positive that's not the case. haha. So you think that she doesn't want to have sex with you because she loves you too much? Keep telling that to yourself
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Good idea on relaxing for awhile. I see where this would take me, which is her wanting it more. boogieboy i think i feel how you are, where if she was initiating it, i wouldnt need it as much. as far as johnny, well i'm pretty darn positive that's not the case. haha. No, Johnny is right, the more you pressure her, the faster you push her away. Thats why pulling away is so much better. Its good to pull away now before you push her away for good.
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 how is johnny right? i dont see why she would be making the big effort in hanging out since we are LDR, and totally enjoys every other aspect and wants to buy stuff all the time, dinner. and how is just because she doesnt want to have sex all the time lead to the assumption that she is no longer physically attracted?
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 how is johnny right? i dont see why she would be making the big effort in hanging out since we are LDR, and totally enjoys every other aspect and wants to buy stuff all the time, dinner. and how is just because she doesnt want to have sex all the time lead to the assumption that she is no longer physically attracted? When you push her to have sex when she doesnt want to, you slowly chip away at her general attraction for you. You could get to a point whereshe only sees you as a friend, so she will still want to hang with you. Next thing you know, she finds a local guy. So be careful.
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 When you push her to have sex when she doesnt want to, you slowly chip away at her general attraction for you. You could get to a point whereshe only sees you as a friend, so she will still want to hang with you. Next thing you know, she finds a local guy. So be careful. ahh okay so what i'm perceiving from you guys is to just back off, and let her initiate for the next month or so... but when she does, am i supposed to give in easily or play her game or go with flow?
Author dell2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 AH! I forgot to mention the BIG thing. she does get sore after sex. sometimes its real painful where it hurts to use the bathroom or walk.
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 ahh okay so what i'm perceiving from you guys is to just back off, and let her initiate for the next month or so... but when she does, am i supposed to give in easily or play her game or go with flow? You can tease her...like build up the tension. When shes ready, make it extra special...dont just plunge right in...lotta gentle touching, caressing, ykno, good foreplay. Even if she wants to go straight for the rod, you can heighten her experience by making her long for it. Youre not denying her, youre just building her up. She will appreciate that you are taking time to get her revved up before sex. And maybe dont pound the back wall so hard so she can walk afterwards.
bean1 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) i make a point sometimes it feels like we are married because we rarely have sex, maybe once a day when i see her. i mean come on haha. You think married couples have sex on a daily basis? You think sex once per day (the day that you see her) is rarely having sex? You must be very young! Women don't have the same sex drives as men (after all, how many porn shops, brothels, or strip clubs are patronized by females vs males?), I'm not suprised she thinks that sex is all you care about. We enjoy chocolate and warm baths just as much. Also, she gets sore after sex? That's not uncommon. Smaller girls (or girls with "larger" partners) often need a break (ie a day or 2 in between) otherwise sex is just painful. Edited October 27, 2009 by bean1 edit
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