Who do you think takes the most amount of emotional support

October 27, 2009

is easier to deal with, is less critical of the other's flaws and nags more?

Was having a debate with this with some of my friends.

October 27, 2009

is easier to deal with, is less critical of the other's flaws and nags more?

Was having a debate with this with some of my friends.

Cats. They just don't seem to give a ****.

October 28, 2009

We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.

October 28, 2009

We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.

I have seen two of your threads now, and both of them seem to point to WOMEN being selfish based on YOUR personal attributes. i don't think that the way you think things are based on what YOU would do are accurate of all women, I would even go so far as to say that not even MOST women show the kind of low esteem with which you seem to regard men.

I know that I do not personally agree with your take on things, and would never think that a man should put me on a pedestal and give me everything without my doing the exact same for him.

I am a bit old fashioned, I believe that my job as a woman is to stroke my man's ego, to make him feel like he is the only man on the planet worth more than a moment of my time, to care for him, to cook for him, to clean for him, to be the best lover i can be for him, and in return he treats me with the utmost tenderness, respect, and compassion. He is loving and kind, and tries to please me, always, because that is what i do for him.

But, hell, maybe I have it all wrong and I should take what I can get, as much as I can get, and give as little as possible in return..

October 28, 2009

We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.

The whole idea that one accomodates one more than the other is not true, and just a perspective issue.

Men accept women being (generally) more emotional, woman accept men being (generally) less so. (but i know men who are very sensitive and women who are not)

The key word here being accept. We may not understand the other sex, but we accept them for what they are (or at least we should do)

Both the sexes have differences that we may not fully understand, but thats part of the fun of relationships. How boring to understand a person fully. My H still surprises me when we talk about things and I like that.

And TBH if someone was slagging my H off you can bet anything that i'd be there defending him, and if I was in a situation when i could protect him then I would do that.

thats what love is to me.

so really this isnt something you can generalise about. its completely different couple to couple.

Edited October 28, 2009 by Malenfant

October 28, 2009

musicfan,

Please forgive and correct me if I've misinterpreted but...

Is it about excusing (your?) nagging, and being overly critical, non-supportive, high-strung, and generally not taking responsibility for one's (your?) own feelings and relationship-destroying habits and behaviours on the basis of gender?

Which, of course, is fine, if that's what you want to do. But...I do not subscribe to the beliefs, perspective and expectations that you posted about.

For me, I most assuredly can and will defend, and have in the past defended, the honour of both my male and female friends & family; and I can also defend my own. I don't "need" a man, for that! I don't get into relationships with anybody, female or male, who is clearly or persistently selfish, unsympathetic or cold. And, for my romantic partner, I do not WANT someone who just "accommodates" me and puts up with my crap. Where is the fun or growth in that?

People, individuals, men and women, who choose to criticize, nag, act under-responsibly and/or allow themselves to become doormats...well, as long as they're prepared for crappy outcomes, then I guess all will be well in their worlds.

I don't think it's related to gender, though. I think it's about free will, unwise conscious decisions, misguided beliefs, maladaptive life/coping "skills".

Edited October 28, 2009 by Ronni_W

November 1, 2009

The whole idea that one accomodates one more than the other is not true, and just a perspective issue.

Men accept women being (generally) more emotional, woman accept men being (generally) less so. (but i know men who are very sensitive and women who are not)

The key word here being accept. We may not understand the other sex, but we accept them for what they are (or at least we should do)

Both the sexes have differences that we may not fully understand, but thats part of the fun of relationships. How boring to understand a person fully. My H still surprises me when we talk about things and I like that.

And TBH if someone was slagging my H off you can bet anything that i'd be there defending him, and if I was in a situation when i could protect him then I would do that.
thats what love is to me.

so really this isnt something you can generalise about. its completely different couple to couple.

But a man being less emotional benefits women. After all less work for sus.

November 1, 2009

I have seen two of your threads now, and both of them seem to point to WOMEN being selfish based on YOUR personal attributes. i don't think that the way you think things are based on what YOU would do are accurate of all women, I would even go so far as to say that not even MOST women show the kind of low esteem with which you seem to regard men.

I know that I do not personally agree with your take on things, and would never think that a man should put me on a pedestal and give me everything without my doing the exact same for him.

I am a bit old fashioned, I believe that my job as a woman is to stroke my man's ego, to make him feel like he is the only man on the planet worth more than a moment of my time, to care for him, to cook for him, to clean for him, to be the best lover i can be for him, and in return he treats me with the utmost tenderness, respect, and compassion. He is loving and kind, and tries to please me, always, because that is what i do for him.

But, hell, maybe I have it all wrong and I should take what I can get, as much as I can get, and give as little as possible in return..

I never said women should take and give nothing. just that i don't see anything wrong if it is always the guy giving more.

i wouldn't do a lot of things men do for women. paying for dates, asking women out, would never buy any guy and engagement gift, i would him to be the protector not me.

November 1, 2009

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=205663&page=2

Also I was reading over that thread. I wouldn't do most of those things for a guy. But neither would most women judging from the responses. So don't just say I'm the selfish one.

November 1, 2009

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=205663&page=2

Also I was reading over that thread. I wouldn't do most of those things for a guy. But neither would most women judging from the responses. So don't just say I'm the selfish one.

I think you and I must be reading different things, because I don't see women saying they wouldn't do things for the men they love. Just you.

The rest of us are just singing the praises of the men who have done kind and wonderful things for us because they love us and WANT to do us kindnesses, not because we think they OWE it to us.

November 1, 2009

We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.

I think this is true, in general. The things that are traditionally important to wome tend to require more cooperation from their partner than the things men want. Women seem to care more than men about their home, their family, their relationships, and how others view these things.

Men have a lot more individual pursuits, like their jobs and hobbies. There's just not as many things a man needs from a woman. (or least, not as many things he'll allow himself to believe he needs)

Also, since the feminist movement there's been a big shift in the ideology behind gender roles. For example, one big shift is that men are expected to be more accommodating of women's emotional needs. It seems the practical kinks of these ideas haven't been really worked out yet. What sometimes (not always!) results is very uneven expectations between men and women in a relationship.

A woman might have been taught old fashioned values from their family about a man paying for everything and being the breadwinner, or any of the other many traditional forms of value that a man is expected to provide (protection, initiation, etc.). This same woman might have also picked up on new shifting values that she shouldn't service a man in the traditional ways all time, some of the time, or even at all.

As an American man, when I went to Thailand, where they are still very traditional about gender roles, I actually felt guilty and embarrassed when women would insist on cooking for me or cleaning up after me. Due to changing social values it seems like both men and women in our society have different expectations than we use to, and it's as though a respectable women shouldn't have to do those things.

I'm not saying this is right or wrong, I'm all for equal rights. But the idea of gender roles has definitely gotten a lot more confusing, and imo it's tended to favor women because the fem mov has put them much more on guard about being taken advantage of.

But maybe nobody is winning. I'm sure unfair dynamics harm the relationship in the long run. Also, even though women have demanded emotional sensitivity, sometimes I hear them complain that today's men have lost their masculinity.

What do you guys think?

Edited November 1, 2009 by bbf

November 1, 2009

To me, it turns upon compatibility. A meeting of the minds over the social contract of relationships. I personally think both genders need and deserve nearly equal amounts of emotional support and each gender and each person qualifies that support for themselves.

If 'gender roles' are socialized and followed, that merely makes the target more visible and identifiable. It doesn't guarantee compatibility or success.

November 4, 2009

I think you and I must be reading different things, because I don't see women saying they wouldn't do things for the men they love. Just you.

The rest of us are just singing the praises of the men who have done kind and wonderful things for us because they love us and WANT to do us kindnesses, not because we think they OWE it to us.

No I mean very few men were responding. And I was saying I doubt I would do anything those men have done for a woman.

I mean look at the guy who worked a 14 hour day and then pampered his wife after that?

If any man expected me to do something like that I would dump him right away.

November 4, 2009

No I mean very few men were responding. And I was saying I doubt I would do anything those men have done for a woman.

I mean look at the guy who worked a 14 hour day and then pampered his wife after that?

If any man expected me to do something like that I would dump him right away.

Let me guess... you're single?

November 4, 2009

But a man being less emotional benefits women. After all less work for sus.

even calling it 'work' is rather vulgar and insinuates that you think having to consider the mans feelings as something of a chore.

you have a very strange idea about the roles of men and women in relationships.

My H works long hours, 4 days a week he works from 9am to 11pm, and on the other days he works an 8 hour day. i work 9-5pm and you can be assured i get him something to eat when he gets in.

I'm not a doormat, i would expect the same from him and on the days he has off he does the same for me.

a relationship is meant to be 50/50. you both look after each other.

November 4, 2009

I actually think my husband needs more emotional support from me than I do from him. As a woman I can turn anywhere for emotional support or a shoulder to cry on. He can't go to another man for the same. He can only really come to me.

My husband's ego is as fragile as an egg and just as easily crushed. I'm much more emotionally strong because I have the ability to exercise my feelings and I've been able to do it my entire life.

November 4, 2009

I actually think my husband needs more emotional support from me than I do from him. As a woman I can turn anywhere for emotional support or a shoulder to cry on. He can't go to another man for the same. He can only really come to me.

My husband's ego is as fragile as an egg and just as easily crushed. I'm much more emotionally strong because I have the ability to exercise my feelings and I've been able to do it my entire life.

thats a really good point hopefull. men dont go to their friends for emotional support.

women are generally better at opening up, making us emotionally more strong.

thats where the OP is going wrong, seeing being emotional as a sign of a womens fragility, when in fact it is the opposite.

November 4, 2009

thats a really good point hopefull. men dont go to their friends for emotional support.
women are generally better at opening up, making us emotionally more strong.

thats where the OP is going wrong, seeing being emotional as a sign of a womens fragility, when in fact it is the opposite.

I totally agree. That's why men try so hard to seem strong and they need so much respect and admiration. I honestly believe men are more insecure than women, even if they don't show it in the same way.

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Who do you think takes the most amount of emotional support

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