gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I've come to believe that rejection from women or men when it comes to relationships boils more down to you and not the woman/man doing the rejecting. What you advertise (internal i.e looks, job personality) are the main factors why someone will reject you because you don't fit their ideal lover. Some will argue that it's external, man/woman has personality traits, problems, issues that their dealing with right now, not wanting to be in a relationship right now (external) hence the rejection of you. I do think this is less likely because men/women when given a chance will try a relationship that fits their romantic ideal. Experiences? Comments?
torranceshipman Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I think that it is principally about the person doing the rejection: simply because they've decided what they want in a mate, and you don't fit the bill. You could be a supermodel or a frump, clever or stupid, tall or short, and each person finds different things attractive, so some people will be attracted to your qualities and some people won't. So in that sense it is about the person rejecting you....i.e. you have nothing to fix, and no matter what, you should just continue to be yourself...eventually the right person will find you and appreciate you for who you are. The mistake would be to take these rejections and think you need to change, when really you just haven't found the right 'fit'. But of course there are those occasions where a person likes you, then rejects you because you do something stupid, like actions based on jealousy, getting crazy drunk, being a complete drama queen, etc, and then is it totally about you, and indicates that you have something to fix!!
Author gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 so more or less it is down to the individual being rejected? I'm saying because people generally don't have a specific type and are willing to compensate some unattractive characteristics (not handsome) for a better one (wealth). Has anyone here ever rejected someone they liked but because of life issues circumstances turned them away?
BookerT Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I've come to believe that rejection from women or men when it comes to relationships boils more down to you and not the woman/man doing the rejecting. What you advertise (internal i.e looks, job personality) are the main factors why someone will reject you because you don't fit their ideal lover. Some will argue that it's external, man/woman has personality traits, problems, issues that their dealing with right now, not wanting to be in a relationship right now (external) hence the rejection of you. I do think this is less likely because men/women when given a chance will try a relationship that fits their romantic ideal. Experiences? Comments? The only thing you can really change in life is yourself. Some people blame their rejection on others because they're too lazy or weak to: 1) Learn to become more interesting in conversation, and wonder why they keep havings dates that don't progress. 2) Can't be bothered to get on a stair climber, then call men shallow for judging on looks. 3) Needy and annoying as hell, and when told they are too needy, complain they can't help it. 4) Too lazy to work hard and do well at work, then complain women are shallow, etc. List goes on. Fix yourself if you want more options.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) I still think though its more internal and yes bookert was right about fixing yourself. I'm saying internal because I rejected this girl from work and even though she diligently improved her physical assets over time-internal (weight loss, she wasnt fat, makeup, hair etc etc) I still didn't want her! torrance is right too by saying its external (example being me in the rejector situation). So its actually a combination of both external and internal. But I think internal is more dominant than the external one. Edited October 27, 2009 by gypsy_nicky
EcstasyX6 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I still think though its more internal and yes bookert was right about fixing yourself. I'm saying internal because I rejected this girl from work and even though she diligently improved her physical assets over time-internal (weight loss, she wasnt fat, makeup, hair etc etc) I still didn't want her! torrance is right too by saying its external (example being me in the rejector situation). So its actually a combination of both external and internal. But I think internal is more dominant than the external one. I don't agree with Book, and you don't either based on what you said above. Fix yourself for who? There was nothing she could have done to improve herself to suit your needs/desires. It all has to do with what we are attracted to individually; internally and externally as you also mentioned above. I'm sure someone will find my STBX deliriously wonderful on all counts and think I'm nuts. He just wasn't right for me.
BookerT Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) I don't agree with Book, and you don't either based on what you said above. Fix yourself for who? There was nothing she could have done to improve herself to suit your needs/desires. It all has to do with what we are attracted to individually; internally and externally as you also mentioned above. I'm sure someone will find my STBX deliriously wonderful on all counts and think I'm nuts. He just wasn't right for me. Fix yourself for yourself........... Most people are too lazy to do that then complain about the inequalities of life. The "why the hell should I do anything for others?" is one of the most self limiting (excuses) ever uttered in human history. You don't hit the gym or work hard to make money to impress others. You do it for yourself and in the process you naturally become more attractive to others. Sit at home and be lazy and others will judge you for being your "lazy" self. People are their own worst enemies. Edited October 27, 2009 by BookerT
edinsvet Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I agree with Booker. But I have something else to add. Some people just don't fit and you have to date a lot of people reject a lot and get rejected a lot to find a fit. That is a fact. But My mind will first gravitate first toward she rejected me because I am not handsome, cool, funny, rich enough etc. Don't make the reason in your mind yourself. Take the problem away from you. You never want to create a situation in your mind where you feel your problem is Personal. Or worse Permanent, Pervasive and Personal. Because then you get into a funk and it effects your dating, your attitude, etc. Try to imagine some disgusting reason for them rejecting you which had nothing to do with you. She has a nasty STD and it is flaring up now. The last 4 abortions she had this year is causing complications inside of her body and dating is not possible. Or she is just a mental case and wants to be with her abusive boyfriend. She has gone Lesbian. Or just keep trying to imagine a reason that has Nothing to do with you. Even if you know it is not really true, you can get a laugh out of it and take the pressure off of yourself.
BookerT Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 She has a nasty STD and it is flaring up now. The last 4 abortions she had this year is causing complications inside of her body and dating is not possible. Or she is just a mental case and wants to be with her abusive boyfriend. She has gone Lesbian. hahaha. Yeah it is important to keep up one's self confidence as well. I was refering more to the people that did have genuine problems but too lazy to go fix those problems.
Isolde Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 This one's easy to answer, it's ALWAYS both. For that matter, to be a bit philosophical, at what point can you truly divide what separates one person's reaction from the other's?
Pedigree Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I've come to believe that rejection from women or men when it comes to relationships boils more down to you and not the woman/man doing the rejecting. What you advertise (internal i.e looks, job personality) are the main factors why someone will reject you because you don't fit their ideal lover. Some will argue that it's external, man/woman has personality traits, problems, issues that their dealing with right now, not wanting to be in a relationship right now (external) hence the rejection of you. I do think this is less likely because men/women when given a chance will try a relationship that fits their romantic ideal. Experiences? Comments? I tend to think it's mostly internal. This is based on my experience in which rejection occured because of technical factors (inconsistent confidence when it comes to actually going up to the girl, being too available, did not show interest early enough so got friendzoned) rather than any qualities that I have.
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