newly involved with a married man...can their be a positive ending for us?

[SuperSleuth]

Wow, Pocketranger.

 

You never told us if the reason the wife wants a divorce is because the marriage was bad, or because she found out he was cheating on her.

 

Everyone here can give Pocketranger a big pat on the back- she sure picked a winner!!!!

 

By the way, did you ever get to meet his parents way back when you were supposed to? Is he being the supportive relationship-guy you hoped for now that the wife is out of the way? Or is he giving you more delays?

 

Or do you suppose he is crying himself to sleep at night and begging her to take him back? It wouldn't be the first time it has happened.

 

You have to be one of the most naive people on the face of the planet if you think you're about to step into happy-ever-after land.

 

SuperSleuth.

[virgo2004]

I do not think that I am naive. I know that I am not walking into happy ever after land. This is a difficult situation. I do not know what is going to happen, if we will end up together. But I am not going to abandon him now.

 

I may be making a mistake, but it is my mistake to make. To me its better to try and lose than to not try at all.

 

I did not meet his parents. It wasnt right for me to do so. She knows about us but she also knows about their problems and why the marriage needed to end.

 

Thank you for your opinions and/or advice. I will take it all in and do what I decide to do. It is useful to hear realities that I might not think of or understand. I am not perfect and I made mistakes. But I love him and I am not giving that up until I realize I have to, which might not happen.

[passionstarved66]

Virgo,

 

You are going to get your heart broken. No doubt, so get prepared. You're heading into a disaster and you really need to get your head on straight and get the hell out of there as quickly as you can. My wife had two affairs with married men before we met and she got her heart stomped on both times. I asked her why she didn't learn the first time and had to go back for more heartache and she couldn't give me a good answer, just said she must have obviously been blinded by seduction and her feelings for her married beau at time. You too are blinded. You're in too deep to not feel any pain, but the question you must ask yourself is do you want to end it now and get through the pain and move on with a new unmarried/unattached guy who can give you a future, or do you want to drag it out until he ends it and then have had to endure unecessary emotional stress and a lot more pain once he decapitates his affair with you. Now don't get me wrong, there is a chance that he could leave his wife for you and you two could spend your lives happily ever after, but reality dictates that is a very slim chance. I wish you the best of luck.

[SuperSleuth]

This is probably a dumb question... But why on earth is everyone wishing this woman good luck???

 

This woman doesn't need luck, she needs ears that are actually connected to her brain.

 

Over and over again, people on this forum have given her good advice, and she says, "Yeah, you're right, but that isn't what I feel like doing right now."

 

And the recurring theme in all of her posts is "ME, ME, ME." She talks about what she wants an awful lot, but doesn't seem to have more than a passing interest in what anyone else in the situation is going through. And she definitely doesn't give a rat's butt about how her actions have affected everyone else here.

 

As a woman who has recently been through a very similar situation (as the wife who was cheated on) this whole situation just disgusts me. She can talk all she wants about how the marriage was ending, but I know in my particular case, my marriage was having some big problems, but a 6-month affair pretty much chopped the head off of any chance it could have been saved, when I so badly wanted it to be (and so did he, it turned out). Perhaps if Virgo wasn't so completely selfish and self-centered, she could admit to the fact that she helped screw up the lives of this married couple who have invested 5 years of their lives together, instead of writing off the death of this couple's marriage as inevitable.... Whether it was inevitable or not BEFORE Virgo came along, it sure as heck was AFTERWARDS.

 

This is not to say that it was all her fault the affair happened. After all, the man definitely participated. But it is sure alot easier for a guy to cheat on his wife if he has some moronic tart wagging her butt in his face every other day.

 

And here is my final piece of advice to Virgo, which I'm sure she'll ignore like everything else: GET THE NET. This is a man who USED you to get some excitement and short-term happiness in his life. He didn't leave his wife (according to your posts), probably because he DIDN'T WANT TO. Now his wife has figured out what he is up to, so she is leaving him. But SURPRISE, SURPRISE, he isn't running to you for comfort. Why? <b>Because he doesn't need your particular brand of excitement anymore.</b> He has plenty of excitement dealing with the mess his life has become because he cheated on his wife, and nobody likes a cheater. His friends and his family are probably mad at him. His wife is mad at him. And here you are, demanding that he think about YOU, YOU, YOU.

 

And one thing is certain: Even if you two get together for happily every after, every friend and family member he has is going to know that you were the OTHER WOMAN. Maybe they got along well with his wife. Maybe she was a nice person. Maybe they'll compare you to her, and you won't measure up. You'll never know, because they'll just give you a nice smile and send you on your merry way. And regardless, if you end up with this guy (which I'm betting you won't), you're going to be wearing a scarlet A for the rest of your life.

 

I hope you take this to heart, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

 

SuperSleuth.

[Arabess]

SuperSleuth,

 

If a woman meets a man who says he is getting a divorce because he no longer loves his wife and has fallen in love with her.... she may very well be an idiot....but only because she believed the man she now loves. She truly thinks he is leaving his wife.

 

Now, the wife finds out. The man who she has been living with for years and she should know him pretty well....can't understand how the other woman believed his lies.....but yet the wife is believing the SAME LIES from the SAME MAN.

 

Then, she BLAMES the other woman instead of the HUSBAND who has been LYING to her and CHEATING on her.

 

The problem in your marriage isn't due to the other woman....it's due to the man you are married to.

 

In a perfect world, the two women should get together and beat the hell out of him for lying to both of them. Instead though, the wife will blame the other woman, the husband will tell the other woman to hold on until it all blows over, he will make some sort of a 'patch it up' with his wife......and then when the dust settles....he'll go RIGHT BACK to having the best of both worlds withthe same two women who both think he loves them....when the truth is....he only loves HIMSELF!

 

And that is the truth....

Arabess

[SuperSleuth]

Well, yes, you're definitely correct about the man's role in all this.

 

But it still makes me madder than mad when people refuse to accept the consequences of their own actions. And regardless of whether she was "just believing a man that she loved" Virgo shouldn't have been in love with a married man in the first place.

 

Or as an alternative, I suppose we should all vilify the wife whose only fault was being a poor judge of her husband's character? Because obviously she was an unfit wife- heck, if she was taking care of things at home, her husband wouldn't have cheated, right? And obviously the fact that she resents her husband's mistress is proof of her flawed character!!!

 

SuperSleuth.