affairshipper Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 A few months ago, a man approached me and began hitting on me in a cafe. According to him, he wasn't hitting on me, but he eventually asked me for my phone number, and he called me that same night. For several months, we would text and he would use a lot of sexual innuendo in conversation. He said I turned him on and he wanted me. But I was nonchalant to his advances, and I only met with him alone on several occasions. Recently, we spent an afternoon in the park making out, leaving him sexually aroused. Two weeks after making out, he decides that it better for me to find someone else and have babies. Out of the blue, he discloses his true intentions and how he was wooing me to have sex with him. But, he said he was glad he didn't follow through because he didn't want to hurt me. Now, I am left hurt regardless because I was becoming emotionally attached to him. I feel used. Lastly, he disclosed being bipolar, and a married man with having kids. His wife doesn't know I exist, but his kids have already met me and know me as one of his friends. He says our relationship has helped him to be happier and stronger, and he wants to continue seeing me. Recently, he had the audacity to say that he is glad I am not dating anyone.
ADF Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 You ran into a certified grade A jackass. Sorry it happened.
Author affairshipper Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) You ran into a certified grade A jackass. Sorry it happened. Does this mean I've been involved in an emotional affair, and he wants to continue our relationship for his own interests? I should have seen the signals: him not having a home number, unavailability, being touchy-feely with me, and sexual innuendo overtones when conversating, texting, and phoning each other. Edited October 27, 2009 by affairshipper grammer
Miad's Princess Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Does this mean I've been involved in an emotional affair More like a physical affair, if you were making out. He def wants to keep seeing since this jerk wants to have his cake and eat it. P.S When you met the kids, did you know they were his? What did he tell you?
vanilla87 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 The fact that he stated he is Bi-Polar already shows he is unstable. He could be off his meds for all you know or on new ones and that could be triggering his behavior towards you. People of that type usually have moods that swing drastically from happy to sad in less than 5 seconds on any given day. They are intense individuals and also can easily either become very attached to someone one day and then the next just act like it's nothing important. You have to take this with a grain of salt his actions and words, cause it won't always be consistent with him.
Author affairshipper Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 More like a physical affair, if you were making out. He def wants to keep seeing since this jerk wants to have his cake and eat it. P.S When you met the kids, did you know they were his? What did he tell you? He has talked and has been candid about being bipolar and having a promiscous past, including his current spouse. He says his relationship with me has made him accept his illness and his flaws because I've been supportive and nonjudgemental towards him. He has been wanting me to meet his kids since July 2009, but I was hestiant because I wasn't sure how his kids would react towards me. Do I know they are his? Well, I would say there is no doubt.
bean1 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 You should go to the OW forum and read those horror stories. Who cares what this man says? He is a liar (obviously - if his wife doesn't know about you), he is even willing to lie to his own children (you are more than a "friend" to him). He won't change for the woman he loved and married, and he wouldn't change for his own children, why would he change for a girl he recently met who he wanted to use for sex. Stop talking to this person. He is not a good person. His mental illness does not matter - he is not a good person.
BookerT Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Of course he lied to you. You would have fallen for him if he said right off the bat he was married. Married men only reveal that information once the woman involved is already emotionally attached. Now your feelings are going to be your worst enemy. We can give you all kinds of advice and it'll make sense logically, but until you stop seeing him nothing changes. This guy is obviously not the right guy, you have to fight your feelings and put an end to this.
squidattack Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 You became emotionally attached to someone after just making out with him for 2 weeks? All the warning signs were there but you chose to ignore them.
Author affairshipper Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 You became emotionally attached to someone after just making out with him for 2 weeks? All the warning signs were there but you chose to ignore them. No, I didn't become emotionally attached after our make-out session. I've known him since Feb., 2009, and the feelings were developed gradually throughout the months. I saw the signals, but I never figure he would be married.
TaraMaiden Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Tell us - please, tell us - you are not considering pursuing or embarking on a PA with this guy, at all, whatsoever......?
BookerT Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Tell us - please, tell us - you are not considering pursuing or embarking on a PA with this guy, at all, whatsoever......? err, what's PA? Is there a place I can look up loveshack abbreviations? I'm not being sarcastic, just can follow some of these.
Author affairshipper Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 (edited) Tell us - please, tell us - you are not considering pursuing or embarking on a PA with this guy, at all, whatsoever......? PA=Physical Affair. We've had an (EA) emotional affair and what it seems like the begining of a physical affair. I made him work for my affection, because he always talked about french kissing me and having sex. We haven't seen each other since last month, and I doubt I'll continue seeing him. There is no future with him and I will refrain from having contact. Edited October 30, 2009 by affairshipper error
Author affairshipper Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 I'm moving on. I haven't contacted him. I deleted his phone number, email address and all the texting messages. I deserve better than him. He even suggested I should meet someone else. He said he didn't want to hurt me, and I won't allow him to. It's done. No more contact.
boundaryproblem Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Just because we have empathy, doesn't mean other people are entitled to it. Making out on a park bench with a married man - bad. Good choice dumping him. Don't weaken. There is nothing to build upon with him. He doesn't have good values.
Author affairshipper Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Just because we have empathy, doesn't mean other people are entitled to it. Making out on a park bench with a married man - bad. Good choice dumping him. Don't weaken. There is nothing to build upon with him. He doesn't have good values. Well, he wasn't originally interested in getting empathy from me. He never told me that he was married. He only said he had an ex and two kids. He wanted to figure things out with his ex and he wanted a relationship with me. Of course, he was lying. He wanted to woo me to bed based on all the sexual innuendo. I told him if he wanted to have fun with me that he could look elsewhere. Later on, he said he won't pressure me, and I believed him. In a moment of weakness, I gave in to my desires for him and we made out twice.
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