aerogurl87 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I'm starting to think that most people in the world need a reality check. Alot of the girls around my age seem to still buy into this theory that prince charming, their soulmate, etc. exists and will save them from a life of loneliness and they will ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after with one another. I on the other hand have come to the realization that I don't want prince charming or a soul mate. I'm starting to think that soulmates don't exist since I've been in love more than once. So I've decided that instead of looking my soulmate I'd like to find someone who can be my best friend and whom I feel some sexual attraction for and build from there. Sound like a good idea?
ADF Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Very good idea. People need to understand no two people on earth are perfectly suited for each other in every way. Relationships work because people work on them, not because they find their "soulmate."
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I agree.. Theyres too many people we can fall in "love" or as i say lust with..Nobody we meet is that one and only special person that we could be with its just one of many and the person you meet first and fell in love or lust with was the luck of the draw
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Yeah I came to realize this after falling in love twice so far. I started to think "hmm if I can fall in love more than once then soulmates can't exist since that would probably mean I only have the capacity to love only one person on this Earth to a great extent". But seeing as I loved my exes to the same extent in somewhat different ways, I no longer believe in soulmates. But I do believe I can find a guy who can be my best friend first and foremost, whom I'm attracted to, and build a successful relationship with him. To me that would be the best version of "happily ever after".
Ophelia Rue Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Agreed. I never bought into the whole "soulmate" thing either.
Thornton Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I blame Disney for popularising the whole Prince Charming idea. They should have a disclaimer on their movies that says "Warning: This is only a fairy tale, and you are extremely unlikely to ever find your own Prince Charming in real life". Otherwise they're just setting little girls up for disappointment in adulthood.
CarrieT Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I agree completely -- When I got married at age 20, I was SURE that I had met my soulmate. I've had several relationships since and one that was so overpowering, I would do almost anything for that man (up to the point of committing white collar crimes). Now I would desperately want someone who wants to be part of my life and I, his. Plus have really good sex. And share dreams and hopes and fears. All that stuff that is said during a wedding ceremony, but have it really come to fruitition.
Awesome Username Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 The idea of soulmates is like the idea of astrology. It feeds the imagination, but it's all a lie.
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 So I've decided that instead of looking my soulmate I'd like to find someone who can be my best friend and whom I feel some sexual attraction for and build from there. Sound like a good idea? I always assumed that daydreamers believed in soulmates and regular reasonable people went about it your way. I know I do.
Leia Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Blame it on Disney and chick flicks . I snicker whenever someone mentions "Oh I have found my soulmate!" ... and then, 2 breaks up later, again with the same thing. Oh yea sure, you have found your soulmates
Awesome Username Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Blame it on Disney and chick flicks . I snicker whenever someone mentions "Oh I have found my soulmate!" ... and then, 2 breaks up later, again with the same thing. Oh yea sure, you have found your soulmates Women look for soulmates. Men look for hole-mates.
Leia Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Women look for soulmates. Men look for hole-mates. :laugh: I hear ya, sister!
fral945 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I think that's a very realistic attitude. It's been one of my personal frustrations with the female sex, especially when I was in my late teens-mid 20s: dealing with women's idealistic attitudes (which includes the idea of soulmates and Prince Charmings). I'd say an idealistic attitude is becoming the biggest turn off for me in a women. As I approach 30, I'm finding a few more less idealistic women. Sometimes it takes a breakup or divorce for a woman to realize that there is no such thing as soulmates or "The One". After all, if you breakup and find someone else, there might be 2, 3, or 4 more of "The One", right? It's encouraging (at least to me) to know that some women outgrow those idealized images of marriage and relationships. Whether they learn it or come to realize it on their own, or they go through bad experiences and mature. It's also a reason I am more and more hesitant to date women much younger than me as I get older. Young women tend to hold tighter to those idealistic attitudes much more so than the older women I've met.
pandagirl Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I've always been the "reasonable" one, while the guys I date tend to be the romantics. It always ends as the sort of "you're perfect, but you're not the one" type of thing. I once told an ex-bf, "I just want to end up with my best friend who I want to have sex with." And he said, "I need that passion." Obviously, we did not work out!
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 I've always been the "reasonable" one, while the guys I date tend to be the romantics. It always ends as the sort of "you're perfect, but you're not the one" type of thing. I once told an ex-bf, "I just want to end up with my best friend who I want to have sex with." That's exactly how I feel. When I was with my ex I was still in la la land and thinking he was "the one" and he fed me all this bs about how we would grow old together, how I was "the one", he had hit the lotto with meeting me, blah blah blah. But after we broke up something clicked in my head. Sure we had had lots and I mean LOTS of chemistry but obviously he wasn't the one because if he was that would mean I'd be resigned to living out the rest of my days as an old lonely lady, doomed to a life of spinsterhood. That's when I let reality set in and decided that to be truly happy with someone all I wanted were 2 things, him to be my best friend and there to be enough chemistry to where I could have sex with him. Some may call it settling, but I call it being realistic.
pandagirl Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 That's exactly how I feel. When I was with my ex I was still in la la land and thinking he was "the one" and he fed me all this bs about how we would grow old together, how I was "the one", he had hit the lotto with meeting me, blah blah blah. But after we broke up something clicked in my head. Sure we had had lots and I mean LOTS of chemistry but obviously he wasn't the one because if he was that would mean I'd be resigned to living out the rest of my days as an old lonely lady, doomed to a life of spinsterhood. That's when I let reality set in and decided that to be truly happy with someone all I wanted were 2 things, him to be my best friend and there to be enough chemistry to where I could have sex with him. Some may call it settling, but I call it being realistic. Is it "settling" to have someone you love and care about deeply for the rest of your life? I don't think so. I think it's settling if after all the chemicals and passion have waned, to be left with someone who doesn't make you laugh or smile everyday! The way I see it, I met my very best friend when I was 7 (I'm 31 now). 23 years later, no one gets me, makes me laugh, smile, or supports me like she does. I'd be so lucky to find that in a guy (with some nookie thrown in).
Els Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 While I think it's a great mentality to have, it can be dangerous if you carry it too far. I made the mistake of turning a great friend with whom there wasn't great explosive chemistry with, into a bf, based on this theory. We could talk about anything and everything, and I found his intelligence and wit hot. But... something essential was missing. If you're telling yourself you need to 'build something up' with a guy when you don't feel much in the first place, because it's a 'fairytale' to expect more... you might be setting yourself up for the same mistake. I don't think there's a ONE, but I think there are a FEW, and there are very, very many NOT PART OF THE FEWs that you might end up settling for.
Recommended Posts