Kristy19 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Ever since i was 16 I realized because I'm mature than most people my age that I prefer older men rather than guys my age ( I'm 20). Right now I'm talking to a guy who's older than me and I want to tell my mom about him but I know the age difference is probably going to affect the way she'll look at him only because my father was 11 years older than her and that didn't work out. I don't know I guess what I want to know is... 1.) Is wrong to be attracted to men or women older than you? 2.) How would tell your family about them or if you are in a older/younger relationship how did you let your family know? 3.) Do you think they can work out?
ADF Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Be careful when dating older men. I say this because many men who consistently date much younger women have serious domination/control issues. Sure, they like sex with nubile young bodies. But many also want to date women they see as less experienced than they are, less savvy, easier to manipulate, and who they can make dependent on them financially. This is not always true, but you should keep it in mind.
aerogurl87 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Ever since i was 16 I realized because I'm mature than most people my age that I prefer older men rather than guys my age ( I'm 20). Right now I'm talking to a guy who's older than me and I want to tell my mom about him but I know the age difference is probably going to affect the way she'll look at him only because my father was 11 years older than her and that didn't work out. I don't know I guess what I want to know is... 1.) Is wrong to be attracted to men or women older than you? 2.) How would tell your family about them or if you are in a older/younger relationship how did you let your family know? 3.) Do you think they can work out? Oh this sounds just like my old thread. I'm 20 and dating someone who is 30 so I know how you feel. 1) I don't think it's wrong to be attracted to someone who is older than you because you can't help who you are and are not attracted to. The only problem I have with it is when someone who isn't of the age of consent acts on that attraction. 2) I haven't let my family know yet. I plan on telling them later when I actually introduce him to them in a few months. So I'd wait awhile to tell your parents, wait until you know that the relationship is going to actually last before you put yourself through what could be some major family drama. 3) I definitely think it can work out if you two are looking to get the same things out of the relationship. For instance, my boyfriend and I are both looking for a relationship but are still unsure as to whether or not we want to get married. Sure it's a possibility but because I'm not constantly bringing up the subject and he's not sure if he wants marriage still, we work well together. Also if he's just in it for sex it won't work, but if he really likes you for you and you like him for him (and not just his age) then it can work I think.
aerogurl87 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Be careful when dating older men. I say this because many men who consistently date much younger women have serious domination/control issues. Sure, they like sex with nubile young bodies. But many also want to date women they see as less experienced than they are, less savvy, easier to manipulate, and who they can make dependent on them financially. This is not always true, but you should keep it in mind. Didn't you just post this on another thread? I'm starting to think someone has a copy and paste "hate on younger women/older men" paragraph stored away for any threads that may have to deal with this subject. Just a guess...
CarrieT Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I was exactly the same only for me, it started even early than age 16. I have *always* been attracted to older men and even now, in my mid-40s, I am looking at men in their 60s... There is nothing wrong with it but as ADF said, a lot of the older guys having relationships with younger women are doing so because of problems they are having; fetish issues with younger women, wanting to be in control which is easier done with a younger woman, and generally unwilling to commit because they keep wanting to find younger women and when we/they grow older, they lose interest.
Devil Inside Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 IMO 1. No it is not wrong...as long as both people are mature. 2. I have usually dated women within about five years of me, usually younger so I don't have this issue. However I do not think it would be that big a deal, unless she was substantially older or younger like more than 12 years or something. In that case she would probably be frivolous so I wouldn't care what they think. 3. I think it can work out.
ADF Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Didn't you just post this on another thread? I'm starting to think someone has a copy and paste "hate on younger women/older men" paragraph stored away for any threads that may have to deal with this subject. Just a guess... I did post something similar on a thread that dealt with the same basic question. But not hatin' goin' on. No doubt, there are some good relationships between younger women and older men. However, I've seen quite a few of the other variety as well. Just pointing out it can happen.
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 1.) Is wrong to be attracted to men or women older than you? Nope. I've always dated much younger. The longest was about 4 years. 2.) How would tell your family about them or if you are in a older/younger relationship how did you let your family know? You are 19. It's none of your family's business who you date, as long as they are not a serial murderer! 3.) Do you think they can work out? Yes and in your case, it probably will if you are, as you say, more mature than your age. Age is a number, not a state of mind.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Everyone at 16 thinks they are mature for their age. You may be but it is something I have picked up on. The fact that you're worrying about what your mother thinks suggests to me you're not really ready to date a man. Not a boy, a man.
aerogurl87 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Everyone at 16 thinks they are mature for their age. You may be but it is something I have picked up on. The fact that you're worrying about what your mother thinks suggests to me you're not really ready to date a man. Not a boy, a man. I disagree, if she's 19 then I'm going to assume she lives at home right now. Therefore more than likely her mom would meet him sooner or later and I'm sure she would want her mother to be somewhat ok with it or risk having to live in a house where her mother constantly makes nasty remarks about her relationship. Or maybe she wants her mother to like him because she's one of those people who family means alot to them and their family's acceptance of a potential mate is extremely important to her. One doesn't have to necessarily be immature to have that thinking either since I know some 30 year olds who won't date someone their mom hates because as they say "mother knows best". And yes there are some people who live by that creed.
Awesome Username Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Ever since i was 16 I realized because I'm mature than most people my age that I prefer older men rather than guys my age ( I'm 20). Right now I'm talking to a guy who's older than me and I want to tell my mom about him but I know the age difference is probably going to affect the way she'll look at him only because my father was 11 years older than her and that didn't work out. I don't know I guess what I want to know is... 1.) Is wrong to be attracted to men or women older than you? 2.) How would tell your family about them or if you are in a older/younger relationship how did you let your family know? 3.) Do you think they can work out? I would date an older man personally if he had something to offer that outweighed that of men my age: A home, a decent income, wisdom, intelligence, and of course good genes. The reason for this is that I want children someday, so if I were to date a man that was older and didn't have these things to offer it would be wasted time for me. My alternative is that I could find a man my age, grow with him, we could accomplish a lot together, save money, and end up having those things together by the time we're both older. If I had to start from ground zero with an older man, he might be pushing the age limit when sperm is still relatively more healthy and he's losing his energy. Not to mention I've worked very hard my entire life, and I expect the same ethic from my partner. Older men are smarter so they know the game and what to say to get women to like them. They are also handsome in a distinguished way, and can pull off a better alpha male image. In order to be a smart woman, you must put logic over your emotions when it comes to certain men. One big problem with being young and dating a guy A LOT older than yourself who is a "kid at heart" is you might find yourself growing older emotionally while he stays the same, stunted age. (in some cases a man who has been through trauma will have stunted emotional growth and stay the same age in a lot of aspects of his life - including dating women in that "stunted" age group). Also, youth doesn't last forever and he might want a younger a girl when you start approaching his age; just a warning. I'm not sure how much older the guy is than you are, and I'm also not sure about what your family believes to be moral or immoral. In general, mothers are more accepting of a distinguished older man dating their daughter than fathers are. What does that tell you? By the way, what is the age difference?
SecretlySad Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) Be careful when dating older men. I say this because many men who consistently date much younger women have serious domination/control issues. Sure, they like sex with nubile young bodies. But many also want to date women they see as less experienced than they are, less savvy, easier to manipulate, and who they can make dependent on them financially. This is not always true, but you should keep it in mind. I am 27 and for the past 5 years I have been dating a man who is 17 years my senior - he will be 44 this year. As much as I love spending time with him I have come to realise and accept it is on a much more platonic level. Shallow as it may seem, it makes me uncomfortable when we go to an e.g. dinner party and I am the only one there under 40 years old. I cannot relate. It also makes me uncomfortable that he is going to be 50 when I am 33. He does seem to have control/domination issues and has made me completely reliant on him by always doing things for me and helping me out. As lovely as that might sound this all happened without me even realising it and now I am terribly dependant and I can't seem to get out of it, so as ADF said, yes, be careful. One big problem with being young and dating a guy A LOT older than yourself who is a "kid at heart" is you might find yourself growing older emotionally while he stays the same, stunted age. This is another thing that happened to me. When I met him he was 38 and already so set in his ways - I was 21 and had only been out of high school for 3 years. I know, that sounds pretty bad. Over the years I have become a completely different person and he has stayed the same. Edited October 27, 2009 by SecretlySad
Recommended Posts