exsquaddie Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Here goes....i was with my ex for over 9 1/2 years, 2 kids, own house...the works. We had our ups and downs like anyone else i suppose but nothing more that anyone else does. We split in june 2009 and i left the family home and went to my moms. she met this other guy, started staying out during schooldays and would get home early hours to get the kids ready for school. This turned into neglect and my son wanted to live with me....so around the end of june i went to see if my daughter was ok and the house had gone to pot and she wasnt home "just a 15 year old minding my kid" so i rang the police and the police said the house was unfit and a danger because of the clutter and handed me my daughter (i wasnt married by the way). My ex came the next day and started raving....anyway to cut a long story short, it went to court and social services got involved. Their report stated that she was incapable of putting her kids before her relationship and that her partner wasnt all that shining too cos he's lied and not kept his distance till the pnc checks had bin made "they said it showed disregard for my ex as he knew the consequences if it was found out hed bin on the contact days while the kids were with their mom". He'd told my ex that he had money and all this stuff and now 4 months later i have full custody of my kids and are on the way to getting our own home, she has access every fortnight and every wednesday. We have christmas coming up and are looking forward to it. I love my ex still and now she's saying that she wants to leave her partner and come back to me cos she loves me.....what should i do ? She was and still is the love of my life and ive never stopped loving her but to my family shes the antichrist!....what should i do ?....should i give her a second chance ?
Phateless Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 No way! She's obviously only doing this because she wants control back. Even if she does love you again, she's obviously not a good partner. Think about your children. They're better off with STABILITY.
CaliGuy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I love my ex still and now she's saying that she wants to leave her partner and come back to me cos she loves me.....what should i do ? She was and still is the love of my life and ive never stopped loving her but to my family shes the antichrist!....what should i do ?....should i give her a second chance ? No. At least not without a MAJOR change of attitude that can only come through vigorous Counseling sessions and an earnest desire on her part to change her ways. Not sure what contributed to the demise of the marriage (you, her or something else) but either way, if you take her back easily, she will leave easily. She has to know that she can't take you for granted. When you take someone back right away without solving the issues that contributed to the breakup you are essentially telling them that "It's ok to screw up and take me for granted because no matter what you do, I'll take you back..." She needs to earn your trust. She needs to show that she's really serious. Her words won't be the tell tale sign. Her ACTIONS will be. How is she handling things differently? How, other than being an unfit mom and driving herself homeless, has she improved her attitude and perspective on life? I don't know. Do what you must but I'd have to see a lot of earnest action on her part. And I'd take at least six month of her PROVING herself before I'd even consider it. I know you have kids and for the kids sake getting back together is the best. But not without her having to work for it....
Phateless Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I know you have kids and for the kids sake getting back together is the best. WRONG! Kids need stability above all. They are better off with one stable parent than a chaotic couple.
Author exsquaddie Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 My ex is 5 years younger than me and we met just as i was leaving the army. I've never cheated on her but previously to us splitting up she'd met a few guys to go for a drink with "nothing sexual happened" but none the less it hurt me alot. She's very high maintenance and likes to spend money.....she met this guy shes with on the internet and according to her he was a semi professional snooker player, had lots of money and was 3 weeks after meeting proposed to her "she totaly fell for everything he said", turns out he's an amateur snooker player in a local league, has bin to prison for fraud and got caught trying to claim social security for a daughter he dosent live with. This to me dosent sound like a guy on the high and rolling in cash! I personally think my ex has come down to earth with a very big bang and realises what a BIG mistake she's made but tore my heart out in the process. I want to believe that she wants me again but something inside me tells me that its because i have more stability cos i have the kids and a new home soon. Ive had to come out of work for the time being to look after my kids but once im sorted im going back to work. I'd want to see some kind of commitment from her as i wouldant just let her come straight back to me and the kids....im just really confused cos i want to believe she wants me again. She knows that if she came back and then left it would hurt the kids "would she be that wreckless" my kids are 6 & 8.
Madandsad Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Listen I never felt like any post connected with me. I'm a guy who had his ups and downs with his gf of 9 years and we have 3 kids together and a house and we got in a fight and broke up...she got on the drugs and she wasnt a druggie before and social services got complaints about her stability and now she has to be supervised around the kids...I tried to get her back and to help her and after the breakup in early August she found another boyfriend...the only difference is she doesnt want to come back...atleast not now maybe shes in that lovey stage with that guy...you have 4 months under your belt and I have almost 3. She's telling me she will always love me but we just didnt get along but shes changed too ive noticed. What did yours say for 4 months before wanting you back? I dont know, maybe? etc...did she say it was pretty well over befoe saying she wanted ya back...do tell more... I mean I love her but after 3 months the trust is completely blown...I think for yours too...you probably have been through anguish like me in the past 4 months and I cant imagine going through this again I almost feel like Id love to have her back but atleast I have my kids...but its not like she wants me back anyway...
hopesndreams Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 Yes, she would be that wreckless again, it didn't stop her the 1st time, it won't stop her if another opportunity (man) arises. She is a selfish human being, puts herself b4 you and the kids, it's all about her and until you can believe she is no longer that kind of person, and let's face it, does a leopard change its spots? You and the kids deserve much better. You are her fall back plan. Things didn't work out with the new fella. You got it all, the kids, the house and she has nothing. If you do allow her back into your home and heart, the trust is now gone and she needs to rebuild that trust. Is that something she is capable of?
CaliGuy Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 WRONG! Kids need stability above all. They are better off with one stable parent than a chaotic couple. I don't disagree with you. What I meant is the parents working things out is best. If they can't work things out then an amicable separation is best. Remember, divorce isn't just about the husband and wife. There are kids who are basically getting divorced from a family unit as well.
Phateless Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 I don't disagree with you. What I meant is the parents working things out is best. If they can't work things out then an amicable separation is best. Remember, divorce isn't just about the husband and wife. There are kids who are basically getting divorced from a family unit as well. Right, I agree. I just figure it's far better for kids to see their parents apart and happy in functional relationships than together and bickering.
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