Exit Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Much like graycloud's recent thread, the extreme negative emotions are dying down, but so is the motivation that came with them. I no longer care to work out, to get a great job, to "prove her wrong" or make her regret leaving me. I guess in a way it's good that my life isn't going to be one big quest for revenge, but the motivation was nice. Now I just lay in bed and couldn't care less what happens. Last night I was hit by one final wave of bitterness and anger. After spending so much time browsing page after page of girls on dating websites that I have zero interest in, it started to make me sick that my ex already has someone who she can have feelings for, to keep her warm at night, it must be nice to be able to move on that quick. I don't get along with people too easily, I have a very small group of friends and when it comes to girls it takes even longer to find a good fit. I have a feeling I'm going to be alone for a long time. I hate that I'm even still posting here. I hate that I haven't completely forgotten her already. I keep realizing more and more things that she never did for me. Realized it was pretty obvious that she didn't care about me as much as I cared for her, but I was too stupid to see it. If I realize all of her shortcomings why on earth do I want her back. I wish I could get over my need to be with someone, life just feels so pointless without a love interest. I hate being single this time of year. I just want to forget her. I feel like having something gnawing at the back of my brain for such a long period of time is really going to drive me crazy. The wounds she created run deeper than I imagined and even after they heal the scars will be so ugly that I'll be no good to anyone else. I have just about zero desire to contact her so at least NC isn't a struggle for me. But I do wish she could know that I'm still in pain. I guess I want her to feel guilty, or at least feel something. But with her new BF and busy life, I'm sure she just avoids any thought of me. I'd love to fall asleep and not wake up. Sick of this.
NopeNah Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) Why not still 'make her "regret" her choice to leave'? Use whatever motivates you to get ahead of the game.. Whether it be that new shiny,fast car. Big house on the beach, whatever you desire.. Get up and go get it! Don't let her bring you down to the point of not wanting to better yourself for you. She's not worth it! Never was.. Go watch some MNF and have a beer..talk to people! Get out there..GO! Edited October 26, 2009 by Praying4Daylight
mickleb Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 It's all GOT to be for you, love. You've got to remember why you're so loveable. I remember reading all of those things you did for her and the responses of others saying she should have been so grateful. She fkn SHOULD HAVE! You have got this MASSIVE heart and have so much love to give and no-one to aim it at. But you. You deserve the good treatment and special thought. You have to figure out how you tick. Just like you would've done for her. I can picture you - what would really make her day? What would let her know how much I care? How much I 'get' her..? How much do you 'get' you? What would really make your day? You don't NEED anybody to love you. F*ck me: it's NICE! It makes the world go round, tra-la-la-la-la but you don't HAVE to have it to be happy. You have to know how to satisfy number one. Then, when someone else wants to join in and add a cherry on top o' ya icing. That's just LOVELY. But you HAVE to channel that heart back in on itself. Give to you. It's figuring out what you want (other than a bird) that can be tricky. I say - have fun with it. You may never know if you like something until you try it (perhaps don't apply this rule to crack n' stuff, tho.. ) Just do things. Try things. Keep trying things. Because a) you can. And b) you might like some of them. Thinking of you. x
RoMeIx Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Just read your post and had to reply as I am going through almost exactly the situation you are. It is a weird feeling to come to the realization that your ex wasn't the right person for you but to still miss them. I know my ex wasn't treating me the way that I deserved to be treated, yet I still miss her so badly it gives me physical pains sometimes... and the break up was nearly two months ago. I too have trouble meeting new people because I am generally very picky about who I hang out with. I looked at the dating sites as well and like you, I am really not interested in anyone else. Honestly I do not feel that what we need right away is another relationship. We need to move on from the one that we are currently still emotionally involved with, which I know will be hard. It is really hard to know that your ex has moved on and you are still having so much trouble dealing with everything. My ex doesn't seem to care in the least about me anymore, and we lived with eachother for over 5 years. My best guess about this is that since we were the ones who put the most into the relationship, we are the ones who had the most to lose. In other words, since we were the ones trying so hard to make it work, naturally it hurts us much more that it didn't. Our ex's didn't try very hard and since they have less invested, are less hurt by it. I have been dealing with this for two months now, and my best advice to you is to try and stay active, even if it is the last thing you want to do. Fake it, go through the motions or whatever, just do not stay at home and dwell. I will go out with friends and feel like a zombie because my mind is off thinking about my ex. But even so, being out will give me some relief from the intense loneliness I feel. You had also mentioned working out. Make sure you keep that up, working out helps with depression.
GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Exit, from one pissy moany poster to another, lets remember that weekends squeezes our nuts harder then a squirrel with lock jaw. To much time to fill and it is hard fake for 48 hours unless your a high paid prostitute. And I don't know about you, I may be good looking but not high paid prostitute good looking so by the time Sunday evening comes around the whole fake it until you make it promenade runs out of music. Though Monday move into Tuesday and on to Wednesday hump day. While we have no one to hump and the Exs our humping someone else, we are half way through another week from where we were and that much closer to where we need to be. well get there.
logitech Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Hey guys. I am in a bit of a down at the moment too. BUT... I found that when I was going to parties or just out in general it was like I was making it a mission to talk to girls to get over my past. Now I am realising this is where I'm going wrong. I have friends that have been single for years and they seem to enjoy themselves for the most part. I think the important thing for us is to stop making relationships THE thing. I too have looked through dating websites etc and find that it just doesn't work for me. I have never contacted any of the people I have looked at and really don't think I ever will. So yeah, I think it is important for us to stop looking so hard. Don't look for a replacement. Accept that things will take time such as healing and new interests. Hell I'm probably writing this for myself as much as anyone to keep myself walking. Again, I haven't really spent much effort on composition of this post so I hope it carries my thoughts correctly.
Meaplus3 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Exit, Gosh your post moved me. I can sense how much pain your feeling right now, but you know what it will get better. There is always a bright side to every situation and sometimes it's easy to forget that. One day soon my bet is you will be able to wake without a thought of her. Just hang tight.. and keep up with the NC. Your strong! Mea:)
McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 its like the depressed all stars in here. figured id say hi. maybe we all should be single for awhile. like you know awhile. its weird though. being a dude i think a quick hook up helps a lot. not that i have. but...im in no rush. just lonely.
t0ri Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I have a very small group of friends and when it comes to girls it takes even longer to find a good fit. I have a feeling I'm going to be alone for a long time. I hate that I'm even still posting here. I hate that I haven't completely forgotten her already. I wish I could get over my need to be with someone, life just feels so pointless without a love interest. I hate being single this time of year. I just want to forget her. I feel like having something gnawing at the back of my brain for such a long period of time is really going to drive me crazy. The wounds she created run deeper than I imagined and even after they heal the scars will be so ugly that I'll be no good to anyone else. I can relate very much, Exit. Especially the bolded part. I've met quite a bit of men since my ex and I broke up, but it's like I'm incapable of truly liking anyone besides my ex. For what reason? I have no idea. Lately, I can't even decipher through my own feelings. BUT...my ex has been in contact with me every day after seeing me for the first time in six months, over a week ago. My mind is jaded, once again. I'm sorry you have the additional pain of your ex dating someone else. I guess that kills any possible hope, but I can only imagine the stinging thoughts that come with that. My ex has "hooked up" with people, and that was unbearable to think about. The scars she has left in you will make you a stronger, wiser, better person. It will not make you no good to someone else! There ARE girls out there that would appreciate your big heart and kind spirit. You will never forget your ex, but you WILL think of her much less, and then hardly/if at all. Cheer up. Whenever I start feeling down because of all this BS with my ex, I remind myself that I truly am fortunate. I have my health, family, friends, great opportunities, etc., and I'm sure you have lots of things to be thankful for as well. It's hard to see the bright side of things, though, when you're hurting. You'll get past this, and it won't hurt anymore. We all will. Good luck!
JL911 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Instead of doing things for some form of revenge or doing things to try to show her what she missed out on...You instead need to focus all of your energy on yourself...Do the things you enjoy, I know how hard this was for me, and know how hard I struggled through things that were once my passion in life. Whether it was going fishing, or picking up a guitar, things were very difficult on me. You have to push youself and become a stronger male... You may want to visit some therapy as well...I know for me I guess I felt like if I talked about it enough eventually I myself would get sick of hearing how sorry I felt for myself. It worked! You need to explore every single resource and opportunity that may make you feel better and begin to move on...Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself can only really last so long bud...You need to motivate yourself somehow.. A person cannot be your link to happiness in life....They can only make it better....There is no single person out there created for you, there are many, so take the time needed, pull yourself together again, and become a better person. Exit, you need to find your self worth again man....
McGrupp Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 i would say A) start ****ing fat chicks or B) get a hooker.
GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 i would say A) start ****ing fat chicks No don't it only encourages them to stay that way:eek: beside nothing can make you feel as bad as being with someone you really don't want to be with, exaggerates what your missing.
Thebob Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 This thread makes me wanna *cry*.... I'm just kidding, but ya this is depressing overall. Us men in this thread need to man up and move on. If she didn't accept you for how hard you try it was never meant to be. Get over her, she is a Bitch and your a champ. If a girl can't realize that then their going to have difficulties finding the right guy for them in the future. What goes around, comes around and soon they will realize, " ****! I had a great guy and I couldn't see it cause I was so immature." When she realizes that you'll be happily together with someone else, and you wont have any second thoughts about that past girl. I know it hurts, I am still in pain, but we tried our hardest, and that is the most you can ever do. If that isn't good enough, then **** them. Thebob
Odyssey Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Exit, you need to find your self worth again man.... i think JL hit the nail on the head with this comment. Hang in there dude, you'll pull through.
JL911 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 He will get there, but hes going to have to get there on his own and at his own pace...No1 will be able to drag you out of this hole you are finding yourself in but yourself....Everyday you sink into it, is just one more day wasted trying to get out of it. You need to push yourself and find some form of motivation... Coming from a guy who at one point in his life felt so useless and lost and was too scared to do anything I can say coming out of my shell was probaly the best thing I have ever done for myself....I at one point plagued my life with alcohol and other forms of substance abuse, but now find myself sober and really enjoying myself, the company of others, and life in general...But I was the one who needed to take charge and needed to gain control of my life...
angelface78 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Exit, I feel you on the lack of motivation thing. It happened like that for me too. Dont sweat it...its just the rollercoaster. I was motivated to work out and then the 3 months of Nc rolled around and it all went to hell. Im barely recovering now. I have stopped looking at their myspaces and i feel a whole lot better. DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF EXIT!!! You know how you never gave up on the relationship but she did. Why are you going to give up on yourself if you tried so hard for her. YOU ARE FU***** VALUABLE!! REALIZE THAT....LOOK IN THE MIRROR..YOU WERE CREATED TO BE HAPPY!! THERES NOBODY LIKE YOU!! YOU ARE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE...AND SOMEONE WILL SEE THAT...DONT WORRY ABOUT IT...JUST WORK ON YOURSELF FOR THE TIME BEING. IT WILL HAPPEN!!!
GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) Here is post I got on my thread by Xena the Buddhist Monk Warrior Princess and her tough love insight. I felt it should be shared: Ah yes.... Classic. You've hit the plateau. Everybody does, Nothing is completely cr*p, but then, nothing is completely great, either. I don't actually know how to break this gently to you, but - frustratingly - it's called Life. Unfortunately, I know a bit about this. I have countless thousands of square miles to cover, on my trusty steed, helping whole villages fight the oppressive iron-fist-like grip the local landowners try to exert over their impoverished serfs.... I meet warlocks with ideas above their station, I have to overthrow, wicked sorceresses capturing young local eligible bachelors and bending them to their whim, I combat dark and wicked knights, hell-bent on needless violence against young impressionable virgins.... But I can't keep up the pace you know - nobody can..... these episodes do not follow one upon the other in either logical sequence or frequency.... I have days... weeks.... months of total apathetic boredom.... Ho-hum. Brush the horse. Sharpen the sword. Adjust my stainless-steel inch-thick impenetrable bustier.... God, it gets cold.... don't let this get-up fool you - when I'm not in action, I wear winter thermals and woolly socks. Which is most of the time. What I'm trying to say is, that there is no reason at all why Life always has to give you something to do. You have to go find it. It doesn't just land on your plate with a "Hey, there you go - here be dragons.... fetch your lance and have at 'em!"...... At the risk of stating the obvious, if things reach a plateau, it's because right now, we've run out of ideas of how to create a challenging landscape. Let me give you some encouragement. Let it be for a while. keep plodding. And whilst it is admirable to improve the physique (trust me, it takes real work to look this good) you need, more than that, to keep your MIND interested. Start to read something you sharply disagree with. See the other POV and tear it to pieces..... Or learn something about a subject you've always wanted to get under your belt. Or join a knitting club. I'm serious. Go against your grain, and do something every day that you wouldn't normally dream of doing. if you can't make your life more adventurous externally, work on the internal. Pass the leather polish...... Edited October 27, 2009 by GrayClouds
madlad Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Much like graycloud's recent thread, the extreme negative emotions are dying down, but so is the motivation that came with them. I no longer care to work out, to get a great job, to "prove her wrong" or make her regret leaving me. I guess in a way it's good that my life isn't going to be one big quest for revenge, but the motivation was nice. Now I just lay in bed and couldn't care less what happens. Last night I was hit by one final wave of bitterness and anger. After spending so much time browsing page after page of girls on dating websites that I have zero interest in, it started to make me sick that my ex already has someone who she can have feelings for, to keep her warm at night, it must be nice to be able to move on that quick. I don't get along with people too easily, I have a very small group of friends and when it comes to girls it takes even longer to find a good fit. I have a feeling I'm going to be alone for a long time. I hate that I'm even still posting here. I hate that I haven't completely forgotten her already. I keep realizing more and more things that she never did for me. Realized it was pretty obvious that she didn't care about me as much as I cared for her, but I was too stupid to see it. If I realize all of her shortcomings why on earth do I want her back. I wish I could get over my need to be with someone, life just feels so pointless without a love interest. I hate being single this time of year. I just want to forget her. I feel like having something gnawing at the back of my brain for such a long period of time is really going to drive me crazy. The wounds she created run deeper than I imagined and even after they heal the scars will be so ugly that I'll be no good to anyone else. I have just about zero desire to contact her so at least NC isn't a struggle for me. But I do wish she could know that I'm still in pain. I guess I want her to feel guilty, or at least feel something. But with her new BF and busy life, I'm sure she just avoids any thought of me. I'd love to fall asleep and not wake up. Sick of this. ---------------------------------------------------------------- I am in the same position as you mate.. my problems are continuous and go around and around in my mind 24/7. She caused the pain, but she is the only one who can solve this for me.. i would do my own thread but dunno how to lol.. Listen mate, Advise I cannot even take myself... which i should... We're worth alot more, their mistake not ours.. hold ur head up high.. you'll find someone, because you found her right? there will be another. Easy to say and almost impossible to do ( right now ) I just hope we all get through it mate. I'm in bits and it's been 3 months and 8 days, and my life is going down and down.. I wake up exactly the same as you.. Wishing i never did. I cannot sleep at night, and when i do, i don't want to wake... The **** the one's we adore put us through is bang out of order and this side of them has been invisible all along. Some people change, Why? who know's.. keep ur head up high mate, WE ALL WILL make it through this.. Sometime!
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