alphamale1979 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I have recently realized that my wife HATES men. I understand it is all due to previous horrible experiences she has had in her life, but I don’t think it is at all fair to put me into the same category as ALL MEN. Surly I should get some "special understanding" for being her husband? I have never cheated or even flirted with another woman in the 7 years we have been together. I show her the utmost respect and love but I get accused of intending to cheat on her all the time. I don’t know what to do anymore? I may as well lie and cheat as I am getting treated the same way as if I am? All my work in this marriage to try build trust seems to go nowhere. Am I wasting my time? What's the point if there is no trust?
carhill Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Welcome. You and Woggle's wife need to get together. I'm sure you both could tell stories IMO, erect some boundaries of behavior and accept that she will be angry at you regarding them. She knows where the door is.
kevinconner Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Having her work towards the goal of finding out why she hates men would be a start. You are after all her life partner, so helping her move in this direction is something you need to attempt. From the sounds of your post, it sounds like you have already given up on this option? Or that you've made up your mind that she won't change?
Phateless Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Welcome to the world of LSE. This is her baggage and nothing you can do will "convince her" out of it. She's got to work on her own ish. As Carhill said, you need to define your boundaries and stick to them. If she freaks out, let her. Eventually she will either learn to control her behavior if not her feelings, OR you will become so resentful of her constantly going nuclear for no reason that you'll want to leave. My gf and I have been working through this same thing and she's finally realizing that she needs to calm down or I'm gonna leave because I can't deal with her drama.
alphamale Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 well alphamale1979, maybe you should look into divorce...its very liberating
NowhereToHide Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 "I only had 27 orgasms that time. You better shape up, mister. :mad:" Now that's the kind of disappointment I can get behind.
tinktronik Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 well alphamale1979, maybe you should look into divorce...its very liberating Divorce is liberating. And this whole Alphamale1979 thing is not gonna work at all.
Fallen Angel Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Now that's the kind of disappointment I can get behind. Me TOO, Me TOO! Where can we sign up for that?? ((Looks around for the sign up sheet...))
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Bottomline is this -Either your wife deal with her man hating issues and gets to therapy so she can heal and work through it all, and you two do counselling together too, OR it's time to separate/possibly divorce. She can't hate you just because you're a man, that's ridculous! Though I do wonder, did she ever have any lesbian encounters in her past? Maybe she's confused and all that hate she feels towards men is something else going on inside of her.. Anyway, don't be a fool and go cheat on her, treat her poorly. You are a special loving man who adores his wife and seems to have to put up with alot of crap. Talk to her, be honest and hopefully she'll want to fix her issues so the marriage can be good, so she can treat you well.
Ronni_W Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 alphamale1979, Has she specifically said that she HATES all men including you, or is she saying that, or acting as if, she does not TRUST you because you are her romantic partner? Trust issues are trust issues, and are usually reserved for our closest and dearest. For those, nothing you can do except encourage her to seek professional help to explore, uncover and heal the roots. For your relationship, you can express how exhausting, depleting and demoralizing it is for you to be on the receiving end of her on-going insecurity and the resulting accusations. If she shows no interest in improving what she is contributing to your lives together, then yeah...infidelity or divorce are both within your power to choose and act upon. Any of the available options will be challenging for both of you. Best of luck.
Recommended Posts