DanielMadr Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Can't say about this man Ruby but there was a poster recently that posted about how he was a very good looking man and women never took him seriously for relationships because of his looks. And it would frustrate him. So i think all you can do is give it a try, go out with him and don't give him sex until you know it's going somewhere..that is if you are intersted. I am very sure very hot men are more players but not all hot men are. Just because he has options doesn't mean he will explore them. Being mistrusting is a turn off;) Next time you tell her not to show interest in him.....and I can tell you he will start to explore his other options pretty soon;) Edited November 17, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
cognac Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Woah, bitter much? Jeez, man, I say this with true compassion: you seriously need some therapy. If you'd given more than a cursory glance to the thread to skim over the words and phrases that are hot buttons to you, you'd have absorbed that my whole reason for starting it was to question and get opinions on the intentions of an exceptionally physically attractive man, about whom I assumed the worst. His good looks gave him not an advantage, but a disadvantage.[/Quote] Just because you assumed the worst, doesn't mean you're not going to date him instead or at the very least, sleep with him. If anything, the fact that you know the truth and go along with what the "feel-good" (mostly women) crowd here tells you, the fact that you are going to dump a decent, attractive enough, good-hearted, loyal and stable guy for some vain player who probably changes women almost as often as he gets his eyebrows tweezed is really sad and telling of our times. You'd also have gathered that me breaking things off with the last guy had nothing to do with his looks.[/Quote] Right In my experience in situations like this women will look for any reason at all to break up with a guy. You're only fooling yourself if you really believe that. You have an extremely negative view of the world, women, and relationships. You need to get that poison out of your mind or it will just keep eating away at you[/Quote] I am simply warning you what will almost certainly happen and trying to help out my fellow decent looking, good enough, good hearted brother . This crap has happened to all of us at one point or another.
crazy_grl Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 RS, I suggest you not try to have a rational discussion with cognac. He only sees whatever helps him hold onto his misery. You're completely justified in ending things with a guy who was showing signs of fitting into a pattern of previously unsuccessfully relationships. Don't let this negativity make you feel bad for getting endings things with someone who was wrong for you. Good luck on your date.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Just because you assumed the worst, doesn't mean you're not going to date him instead or at the very least, sleep with him. Actually, I had sex with your best friend Mr. Good Enough. And, I'm sorry to burst the beautiful picture of great guy heroism you are painting of him, but he wasn't that great in bed. Newsflash, dude: shy, insecure guys are rarely the best lovers because they are so full of fears and doubts that they can't get in the zone and enjoy the moment. It had nothing to do with his face, his body, or anything else -- the problem was his attitude and his own fears that he wasn't good enough for me. Total BS! But I can't make him see that. He has to see that himself. If I have sex with the new guy, I will have sex with him because I want to -- which is the same reason I had sex with the last guy, and the same reason I have ever had sex with any guy. If anything, the fact that you know the truth and go along with what the "feel-good" (mostly women) crowd here tells you, the fact that you are going to dump a decent, attractive enough, good-hearted, loyal and stable guy for some vain player who probably changes women almost as often as he gets his eyebrows tweezed is really sad and telling of our times. You are really hilarious. I dumped Mr. Good Enough because I did not see long-term compatibility with him. I believe he has a very negative view of the world and is an unhappy person, and that is not a burden I want to take on. He also admitted to me that he is not really capable of sharing happiness and being close to a woman! Looks like I made a very smart choice. For me, that really ISN'T good enough. I let him go not only to do what was right for me, but also to do what was right for him. I could see that if I didn't let him go, he was going to keep throwing time, attention, and energy my way, and I didn't want to let that go on for a moment past the time it took me to know 100% he wasn't the guy for me. That would have been taking advantage of him, and I refuse to do that, even if the guy is begging me to. (And sooo many of them do.) I used to try to save all you shy, insecure, nerdy nice guys, but I'm beginning to think you're WORSE than the confident guys!! At least they have the balls to be straight with you and be themselves. They're not apologizing for themselves, apologizing for their whole life of perceived failures and shortcomings, and making you feel so sorry for them you can't desire them anymore. Edited November 16, 2009 by Ruby Slippers
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 RS, I suggest you not try to have a rational discussion with cognac. He only sees whatever helps him hold onto his misery. You're completely justified in ending things with a guy who was showing signs of fitting into a pattern of previously unsuccessfully relationships. Don't let this negativity make you feel bad for getting endings things with someone who was wrong for you. Good luck on your date. Thanks. I was beginning to figure this out. But I am ever the optimist.
cognac Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Actually, I had sex with your best friend Mr. Good Enough. And, I'm sorry to burst the beautiful picture of great guy heroism you are painting of him, but he wasn't that great in bed.[/Quote]Wow what a superficial human being. What does being a good person have to do with "being good in bed" ? You are the one who needs therapy, when the only thing you base a relationship or judgement of character is cock in pussy. Sexual intercourse if anything is a bonus to a great companionship and friendship one should share with a significant other. What's going to happen in a couple of decades when you'll be as dry as the sahara, will you simply get a lot of cats? Newsflash, dude: shy, insecure guys are rarely the best lovers because they are so full of fears and doubts that they can't get in the zone and enjoy the moment.[/Quote]Unless his problem was his penis size, being "good in bed" is a skill you can easily learn. Perhaps this guy is merely human, and since he was never the guy who looked like he walked out of the pages of a magazine, he never got the love and understanding he deserves from women. This my friends, is what builds confidence. He is full of fears and doubts, what a psycho, what a loser! Is it a surprise really, considering how you react as soon as some "hot guy" coughs in your direction? It had nothing to do with his face, his body, or anything else -- the problem was his attitude and his own fears that he wasn't good enough for me. Total BS! But I can't make him see that. He has to see that himself.[/Quote] Not saying you should date a wimp, but come on. Not only do you leave this great guy as soon as a "Hot guy" talks to you, but you also blame him for it as well?! You must be a New York City woman If I have sex with the new guy, I will have sex with him because I want to -- which is the same reason I had sex with the last guy, and the same reason I have ever had sex with any guy.[/Quote]Congratulations, gloria steinem and the rest of the lesbian feminists who have destroyed the traditional family would be proud of you. According to the new religions of modernism and feminism, the only thing in life that matters is hedonism. I can't wait for your looks to fade, that's when abercrombie fitch model man will disappear (as men get better with age) and you'll be yearning for that "insecure loser"(ie not as good looking) guy who would've stuck by you through thick and thin. You are really hilarious. I dumped Mr. Good Enough because I did not see long-term compatibility with him. I believe he has a very negative view of the world and is an unhappy person, and that is not a burden I want to take on. He also admitted to me that he is not really capable of sharing happiness and being close to a woman! Looks like I made a very smart choice. For me, that really ISN'T good enough.[/Quote]I think you did not see short-term compatibility with him. Guys like that generally are wary of women because of how fickle they can be, as you proved to him for about the thousandth time. The guys who seek a friend, a companion a lover to start a family and share a life in a woman are universally disappointed when they realize that all women want nowadays is for the greasey haired 6'3 metrosexual to bang them after a cocaine session three times a week. I let him go not only to do what was right for me, but also to do what was right for him. I could see that if I didn't let him go, he was going to keep throwing time, attention, and energy my way, and I didn't want to let that go on for a moment past the time it took me to know 100% he wasn't the guy for me. That would have been taking advantage of him, and I refuse to do that, even if the guy is begging me to. (And sooo many of them do.)[/Quote]What a noble human being I used to try to save all you shy, insecure, nerdy nice guys, but I'm beginning to think you're WORSE than the confident guys!! At least they have the balls to be straight with you and be themselves. They're not apologizing for themselves, apologizing for their whole life of perceived failures and shortcomings, and making you feel so sorry for them you can't desire them anymore. [/Quote] Have fun being Fabio's living blow up doll. (you probably will, for now). And these chicks have the nerve to say I need therapy. This is truly the age of the Kali Yuga. Edited November 16, 2009 by cognac
gypsy_nicky Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ruby, you said you dumped supersmart dude because he wasn't happy with life and job. What field was he in? Was he an academic?
Jersey Shortie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie Can't say about this man Ruby but there was a poster recently that posted about how he was a very good looking man and women never took him seriously for relationships because of his looks. And it would frustrate him. So i think all you can do is give it a try, go out with him and don't give him sex until you know it's going somewhere..that is if you are intersted. I am very sure very hot men are more players but not all hot men are. Posted by DanielMadr: Wow, you are a nasty piece of cockblocker aren't you. Just because he has options doesn't mean he will explore them. Being mistrusting is a turn off Next time you tell her not to show interest in him.....and I can tell you he will start to explore his other options pretty soon A) You are a bit of a pyscho, B) COMPLETELY uncalled for, and C) Deranged and uncomprehending of something most everyone else gets. Alot of guys will infact sleep with you and move on. Early in the relationnship when you are getting to know someone, it's good not to give everything away so easily for men or women. So yes, I don't think you should sleep with a guy right away. Boohoo, if you don't like it. This has nothing to do with not showing interest in him. This has everything to do to see if he is interested in sticking around to get to know you instead of just jumping into bed. If you dare call me a name like that again that is so completely undeserved, disrespectful and moronic, I will report you next time. Not a fan of running to the mods so I didn't report you this time. But your post is so completely deranged and disrespectful and uncalled for, it warrents it. If you don't believe me, ask anyone here if my qouted response above was deserving of your very nasty pyscholiscious response. I dare you. Don't ever speak to me like that again Dude.
Phateless Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I just called him!!! (Last weekend, I ended things with the other guy, as I did not see real potential with him.) Good for you! The conversation was pretty good. Not sure about the following facts, though: 1. I left him a message, and he called me back five minutes later, and said, "I just got out of the shower." Great visual, I must admit, but seems a little sexy for very first phone call. Raised a yellow flag for me on player alert. hehe What do y'all think? I mean, it's a plausible explanation for why he didn't answer, and something I myself would say. But I did wonder. DUDE. This is most likely where you go wrong in your relationships. Overanalyzing to death will ONLY bring problems. Chill. 2. He asked if I wanted to get together TODAY. I'm chilling at home today after a very busy work week and social weekend, so I said I was thinking later in the week. We tentatively set a date for Thursday after work. Seemed kind of aggressive to ask me out for the very same day I called, you know? What do you think? You took forever to call so he didn't want to miss his chance to set a date. Again, chill out and stop making your own life hard. OK, now I am going to stop analyzing the call and start deciding what to wear. I have never been on a date with such a gorgeous man in my life, so this is gonna be fun. lol, good call. Just trust your instincts and not your insecurities, if that makes sense?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Ruby, you said you dumped supersmart dude because he wasn't happy with life and job. What field was he in? Was he an academic? I feel a little weird talking specifics. He used to have a high-earning, brainiac job. He says he got fired from it for a pretty minor reason, and suggested to me that he sabotaged his own career because there was too much pressure to live up to his dad's big reputation (in the same career field). Now, he works in a management position in retail, and in the early stages of dating (before I pointed it out), he had nothing but bad things to say about his job and his work. He was obviously very unhappy with it, and trying to talk himself into being OK with it. He said he wanted to improve this situation, and hoped I would "kick his ass" about it. Well, it's not my job to kick my boyfriend's ass. If he wants to change, he needs to do it for himself. I am not about to swoop in and "save" another dude. There were other things, but they all boiled down to him obviously settling with circumstances he wasn't happy with, not going for what he really wanted in life.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 DUDE. This is most likely where you go wrong in your relationships. Overanalyzing to death will ONLY bring problems. Chill. I KNOW. Thanks. I can't help it, but I try. You took forever to call so he didn't want to miss his chance to set a date. Again, chill out and stop making your own life hard. OK. lol, good call. Just trust your instincts and not your insecurities, if that makes sense? Totally. Hey, I called! I was scared to call, but I just did it. And we are going on the date. I am feeling positive about it. We'll see what happens.
boldjack Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ruby, You know that I think you are aces, but you are one serious anxiety-ridden woman!! Would you analyze music? or would you listen, and feel it?. Do you analyze food or art? Or do you feel, smell, taste,......... experience it? This is what you need to do with men, experience them on all levels, until you find one that you want to experience, on a permanent basis.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Ruby, You know that I think you are aces, but you are one serious anxiety-ridden woman!! Would you analyze music? or would you listen, and feel it?. Do you analyze food or art? Or do you feel, smell, taste,......... experience it? This is what you need to do with men, experience them on all levels, until you find one that you want to experience, on a permanent basis. True, Jack, I am a thinker, but I am also a feeler. And yes, I experience and analyze everything. I have an insatiable curiosity about the world, everything in it, and human psychology! And I think this is more a strength than a weakness. To me, the mating game is a deeply fascinating study in animal behavior. I wasn't so cautious before I got burned in my last relationship. I think some initial jitters and overthinking are natural, and once I relearn that men aren't big, bad, scary monsters, I will chill. It's happening gradually.
boldjack Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Unfortunately, Ruby, I AM a big, bad, scary monster.......but with a heart of gold!
gypsy_nicky Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I feel a little weird talking specifics. He used to have a high-earning, brainiac job. He says he got fired from it for a pretty minor reason, and suggested to me that he sabotaged his own career because there was too much pressure to live up to his dad's big reputation (in the same career field). Now, he works in a management position in retail, and in the early stages of dating (before I pointed it out), he had nothing but bad things to say about his job and his work. He was obviously very unhappy with it, and trying to talk himself into being OK with it. He said he wanted to improve this situation, and hoped I would "kick his ass" about it. Well, it's not my job to kick my boyfriend's ass. If he wants to change, he needs to do it for himself. I am not about to swoop in and "save" another dude. There were other things, but they all boiled down to him obviously settling with circumstances he wasn't happy with, not going for what he really wanted in life. ok. So, if he was happy and content with his job would you have kept him? I was thinking maybe because you effed him off because it had more to do with his personality.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 ok. So, if he was happy and content with his job would you have kept him? I was thinking maybe because you effed him off because it had more to do with his personality. I think his job dissatisfaction was a symptom of his personality/worldview/sense of resignation in life. The guy had no passion, or he had buried it because he was afraid to take a risk and go after what he really wants. He was doing a good job of talking himself into appearing happy, but I could see right through that. A significant part of him was just checked out of the world. Because of this, he admitted to me he had a very hard time connecting or sharing happiness with a romantic partner. And I could tell.
cognac Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I think his job dissatisfaction was a symptom of his personality/worldview/sense of resignation in life. The guy had no passion, or he had buried it because he was afraid to take a risk and go after what he really wants. He was doing a good job of talking himself into appearing happy, but I could see right through that. A significant part of him was just checked out of the world. Because of this, he admitted to me he had a very hard time connecting or sharing happiness with a romantic partner. And I could tell. Superficial Man: "Yeah, I picked the other girl because she was better looking" Woman: "Yeah I picked the much better looking, super sexy, makes-me-hot-in-the-pants, guy because my boyfriend didn't like his job".
Juno123 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Good looking guys are people too. lol. You made it sound like all good looking guys are suppose to be superficial. Just treat him like another guy who asked you out on a date.
DanielMadr Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 A) You are a bit of a pyscho, B) COMPLETELY uncalled for, and C) Deranged and uncomprehending of something most everyone else gets. Alot of guys will infact sleep with you and move on. Early in the relationnship when you are getting to know someone, it's good not to give everything away so easily for men or women. So yes, I don't think you should sleep with a guy right away. Boohoo, if you don't like it. This has nothing to do with not showing interest in him. This has everything to do to see if he is interested in sticking around to get to know you instead of just jumping into bed. If you dare call me a name like that again that is so completely undeserved, disrespectful and moronic, I will report you next time. Not a fan of running to the mods so I didn't report you this time. But your post is so completely deranged and disrespectful and uncalled for, it warrents it. If you don't believe me, ask anyone here if my qouted response above was deserving of your very nasty pyscholiscious response. I dare you. Don't ever speak to me like that again Dude. Can I call you penis blocker then??? OK. Breath slowly through your nose aaaaaaaaand exhale. Repeat this excersise until you feel calm and in peace. If I used a term too harsh for your ears I'm sincerely sorry. Be adviced I used such a strong word to give my post a lighter motive. Like when you exaggerate something letting people know you don't mean what you say dead serious but still it sinks down. It is not meant as offence but it is not a sarcasm either. Because it is so completely uncalled for it evokes a joke. Nevertheless....My appologies, senorita.
Boundary Problem Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 It's interesting women are often worried about a man that's too good looking, when women in general are attracted to a man's personality. In other words, if you are to be worried about an attrative man, be worried about a confident man, since he will attract more women than a good looking idiot. The last thing a woman wants is a man prettier than her.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Good looking guys are people too. lol. You made it sound like all good looking guys are suppose to be superficial. Just treat him like another guy who asked you out on a date. I just can't ignore the reality that very attractive men have a much easier time getting women, and, yes, I admit, I presume they are less likely to be faithful because of this fact. But I am treating him exactly like I would any other guy who asked me out. If he's cool on the date, we get along well, and he asks me out again, I'll most likely go. If he's a douche, I won't. It's not rocket science.
Juno123 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I just can't ignore the reality that very attractive men have a much easier time getting women, and, yes, I admit, I presume they are less likely to be faithful because of this fact. If you mean attractive as physically attractive then I would have to disagree with you. Physically attractive, rich, and interesting men have an easier time getting women. Not just physically attractive. I know many men who have a smoking hot bod and perfect facial feature PLUS a great personality but have a hard time getting girls because they don't make enough money to attract a girl who wants to stay with him. And just because a guy is good looking doesn't mean he is more likely to be unfaithful or have less moral than a less attractive guy. That presumption doesn't take into account of how a person is brought up. But of course, you should be careful of any guys who randomly come up to you and ask you out. Make sure there isn't other motives other than his attraction for you.
jerseyboy Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Don't set his standards for him, because women suck at it. Especially true regarding body types. Women always assume if you are fit and take care of yourself, that you must by extension only want gym rat gf's, and are intimidated when they feel they dont measure up. But the simple truth is a lot of us arent attracted to bony or muscular chicks. Not to say obese, but Im way comfortable with 20-30 more lbs than she prolly thinks she should be carrying. "Healthier" girls look better, especially out of clothes, imo
carhill Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I just can't ignore the reality that very attractive men have a much easier time getting women, and, yes, I admit, I presume they are less likely to be faithful because of this fact. That they begin to approach the perspective norm which men consider to be true for nearly all women and must deal with every day is interesting, as is my perception that this causes you to be cautious about aspects of the encounter that you would not normally be. Hope the date goes well!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Juno, good points, thanks. Don't set his standards for him, because women suck at it. Especially true regarding body types. Women always assume if you are fit and take care of yourself, that you must by extension only want gym rat gf's, and are intimidated when they feel they dont measure up. But the simple truth is a lot of us arent attracted to bony or muscular chicks. Not to say obese, but Im way comfortable with 20-30 more lbs than she prolly thinks she should be carrying. "Healthier" girls look better, especially out of clothes, imo This is a good point, but I'm not concerned about that. I am quite fit, and beyond the occasional moments of typical female body insecurity, I don't worry about that too much. I love being naked for & with a man. It's just that this guy looked like he stepped out of GQ or something (the casual section lol), and I'm in my kinda arty hippie colorful Sunday fun clothes strollin' down the street. And I mean, I can't remember the last time I even saw a man this attractive, just from a purely visual standpoint. Maybe he's just exactly my "type" or something? Maybe in reality he's just average but I felt that zing and it's love at first sight? Ooooh, how we girls love the romance. I have always prided myself on not judging people based on their appearance, so here's the test on one end of the spectrum. We'll see what happens.
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