Johnny M Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Women, don't "need," they "want," just as all of us want, not need. Bullsh*t. Just look at all the posts here by desperate single women who haven't been asked out on a date in years. Tell them that they don't "need" a man
boogieboy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Why would a super attractive guy who easily has many options approach a random girl on the sidewalk wearing basically a step up from Sunday sweats? Casual sex seems the obvious answer. Just wanted to see what y'all thought, since most of you seem to have a great ability to see OVER the rose-colored lens of reality in which I am prone to indulging. Just because hes super hot doesnt mean he doesnt find you attractive on the outside. He could have been dating 10's for most of his life and is done with them. Many extremely beautiful women arent grounded or stable mentally. Complete pain in the ass. Ill be honest with you, if the rest of you fits the general criteria, just because you looked like you rolled out of bed, I would see though all that and be happy from seeing your face alone. He could be looking for a woman who isnt plagued with esteem issues, isnt used to guys throwing themselves at her, and doesnt act like a victim of her own beauty. He might see you as wife material. He might have been though the ringer. You can only find out by not speculating, and riding this out to find real evidence. Watch for the red flags, see if he is into YOU, and not an agenda. If he just wants a booty call, it will be obvious.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) Good advice, and I agree. After talking about this in this thread, I have no problem calling him and talking about getting together. If he's only after sex or unappealing in other ways, I'll figure it out. Maybe I should start a new thread for this, but my current concern about setting something up with him is about multi-dating, which I have NEVER done in my life. The thought of it makes sense to me rationally, but emotionally, it feels a little weird. I am planning to have this talk with current guy tonight to tell him what I see as potential roadblocks for us getting serious. We've had three dates, but they were looonng, good dates, plus a fair number of relatively in-depth e-mails about ourselves, and I feel like I have a pretty good sense for him. But I don't know where the conversation will lead. It feels unfair to just cut him off now with only limited information to go on. He's made it pretty clear he's into me and wants to work toward getting more serious. But I'm really not sure about him. Given my uncertainty about the situation with current guy, how do I handle a potential get-together with new guy? Do I just wait until I'm ready and call him then? Is there a shelf life for a phone number given out? I mean, if I call him in a few weeks or a month and ask him out, is that a problem? Because I do feel a little weird even having coffee with him while I'm still deliberating over current guy. I would like to be completely free and unfettered when considering any new guy. But another part of me realizes rationally that that might not be the most efficient way to meet the RIGHT guy, and that is what I am TRYING to do this time. My friends have said, "You're not married, and you've made no agreements with current guy. Have coffee." I know I don't owe him anything at this point, but we have kissed and gotten a little physical. Feels odd to open up that possibility with more than one person at a time. What do y'all think about all this? Edited October 27, 2009 by Ruby Slippers
sumdude Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) You know exactly why you're having a problem with it. In order to see this new guy while still figuring out the one you're seeing you would have to lie (at least by omission) about it. This doesn't sit well with you I can tell. Ethics like that seem rare in this day. Do what you know is right and won't keep you up at night. At the very least tell the other guy that you want to see other people and aren't ready for an exclusive relationship. Edited October 27, 2009 by sumdude
betamanlet Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Women want confidence and self esteem in guys who have a reason to be that way in their mind An ugly guy whso confident is just seen as a dellusional arrogant jerk to women Not exactly. Though this is just playing with words, the difference between confidence and being creepy is whether she finds him attractive. Google SNL's sexual harassment and you for a funny take on this.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Maybe I should start a new thread for this, but my current concern about setting something up with him is about multi-dating, which I have NEVER done in my life. The thought of it makes sense to me rationally, but emotionally, it feels a little weird. I am planning to have this talk with current guy tonight to tell him what I see as potential roadblocks for us getting serious. We've had three dates, but they were looonng, good dates, plus a fair number of relatively in-depth e-mails about ourselves, and I feel like I have a pretty good sense for him. But I don't know where the conversation will lead. It feels unfair to just cut him off now with only limited information to go on. He's made it pretty clear he's into me and wants to work toward getting more serious. But I'm really not sure about him. Given my uncertainty about the situation with current guy, how do I handle a potential get-together with new guy? Do I just wait until I'm ready and call him then? Is there a shelf life for a phone number given out? I mean, if I call him in a few weeks or a month and ask him out, is that a problem? Because I do feel a little weird even having coffee with him while I'm still deliberating over current guy. I would like to be completely free and unfettered when considering any new guy. But another part of me realizes rationally that that might not be the most efficient way to meet the RIGHT guy, and that is what I am TRYING to do this time. My friends have said, "You're not married, and you've made no agreements with current guy. Have coffee." I know I don't owe him anything at this point, but we have kissed and gotten a little physical. Feels odd to open up that possibility with more than one person at a time. What do y'all think about all this? your friends are quick to dump advice because they themselves are not involved in your situation emotionally. I think since you don't really know the first guy really well, you could just see what happens with the 10 without telling the other guy. The harder part in this is choosing and dumping when your sure about either one. It makes me wonder though, were you unsure about guy no. 1 from the beginning or did no. 10 make you feel otherwise? The power of looks always wins:p
Peaceful Guy Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 He's just looking for a hookup, yes? not necessarily.. (He's so delicious, I'm tempted to call him just for that. If I weren't dating this other guy and considering him, I might. ) sounds like you are though!
Peaceful Guy Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 This guy was smoking hot with a gorgeous body. I'm all right, but this guy is male model material. other girls might think he's a cheesy goofball.. If I weren't dating this other guy and considering him, I might. ) you ARE dating this other guy. why don't you let him go now before you crush him with your cheating heart? lol, that's dramatic but lets be honest, people in relationships that start looking elsewhere need to go ahead and move on.
Lizzie60 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I haven't read the entire thread.. so I'm not sure where you're at right now.. but if you haven't been with him.. I say GO FOR IT!!!! Come on.. the feeling is amazing... I know.. I almost fell off my chair when I was in Cancun.. and this HOT hunk.. came to my table one day.. and asked me if he could see me later for a talk... OMG... !!!!!!!!! I mean .. this guy was the hottest thing I've seen in my whole life.. we thought (my friend and I) that he was one of the GO on the resort.. he was BEAUTIFUL.... He ended up in my bed that same afternoon... it was the 2 hottest days in my life.. he even left the disco in town.. and came back in the middle of the night.. for more.. He was 31 years YOUNGER... So.. come on.. I mean.. life is too short.. don't miss anything.. GO FOR IT!!!
Miad's Princess Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think you are right you need to be open and honest with your current guy. Everyone is saying go for it with this new guy, but if it was a man posting here in the same circumstances. I doubt the other posters would have the same agreement.
AD1980 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 I think you are right you need to be open and honest with your current guy. Everyone is saying go for it with this new guy, but if it was a man posting here in the same circumstances. I doubt the other posters would have the same agreement. Women seem to give other women a pass and excuse to be superifical and selfish but if Men do it were pigs..
carhill Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 The operative failure is in valuing what women do or don't do
Phateless Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Yesterday I was walking home, very dressed down in cords and a hoodie, no makeup or hair-do, and this ridiculously gorgeous man stopped me to ask for directions. After I helped him out, he started chatting with me and eventually asked me out for coffee sometime. He asked for my number, but since I was suspicious, given his dashing good looks, and since I'm seeing someone new right now and have never multi-dated, I told him to give me his number. This bought me some time to think about whether I want to talk to him again. This guy was smoking hot with a gorgeous body. I'm all right, but this guy is male model material. I feel pretty naive about this stuff, still. So, LSers, I ask you... He's just looking for a hookup, yes? (He's so delicious, I'm tempted to call him just for that. If I weren't dating this other guy and considering him, I might. ) He would not have asked you out had he not found you attractive. You won't know what he's looking for until you go on a date with him. Try it.
Phateless Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 other girls might think he's a cheesy goofball.. you ARE dating this other guy. why don't you let him go now before you crush him with your cheating heart? lol, that's dramatic but lets be honest, people in relationships that start looking elsewhere need to go ahead and move on. Dating and relationship are a far cry away. If Ruby has a boyfriend then she shouldn't worry about male model guy. If she's only dating someone, it's fair game!
Phateless Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Good advice, and I agree. After talking about this in this thread, I have no problem calling him and talking about getting together. If he's only after sex or unappealing in other ways, I'll figure it out. Maybe I should start a new thread for this, but my current concern about setting something up with him is about multi-dating, which I have NEVER done in my life. The thought of it makes sense to me rationally, but emotionally, it feels a little weird. I am planning to have this talk with current guy tonight to tell him what I see as potential roadblocks for us getting serious. We've had three dates, but they were looonng, good dates, plus a fair number of relatively in-depth e-mails about ourselves, and I feel like I have a pretty good sense for him. But I don't know where the conversation will lead. It feels unfair to just cut him off now with only limited information to go on. He's made it pretty clear he's into me and wants to work toward getting more serious. But I'm really not sure about him. Given my uncertainty about the situation with current guy, how do I handle a potential get-together with new guy? Do I just wait until I'm ready and call him then? Is there a shelf life for a phone number given out? I mean, if I call him in a few weeks or a month and ask him out, is that a problem? Because I do feel a little weird even having coffee with him while I'm still deliberating over current guy. I would like to be completely free and unfettered when considering any new guy. But another part of me realizes rationally that that might not be the most efficient way to meet the RIGHT guy, and that is what I am TRYING to do this time. My friends have said, "You're not married, and you've made no agreements with current guy. Have coffee." I know I don't owe him anything at this point, but we have kissed and gotten a little physical. Feels odd to open up that possibility with more than one person at a time. What do y'all think about all this? As I said Ruby, fair game! You haven't declared yourselves exclusive, it's only been three dates! You don't even have to tell him about the other guy. 3 dates and a relationship talk is moving too fast in my book. I think that's part of the problem that your girls are trying to advise you on.
sumdude Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 As I said Ruby, fair game! You haven't declared yourselves exclusive, it's only been three dates! You don't even have to tell him about the other guy. 3 dates and a relationship talk is moving too fast in my book. As long as it's clear and everyone knows where they stand then of course. Of course no details are necessary. I have a good friend who has been in a relationship with a woman for about 8 months. During the first couple months she was still seeing other people though it wasn't clear to him and she was being a bit evasive. Now the relationship has pretty much fallen apart because he connected the dots and realized it had been going on. The problem came down to basic trust. Now she could jump through every hoop but the foundation has been damaged.
Phateless Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 As long as it's clear and everyone knows where they stand then of course. Of course no details are necessary. I have a good friend who has been in a relationship with a woman for about 8 months. During the first couple months she was still seeing other people though it wasn't clear to him and she was being a bit evasive. Now the relationship has pretty much fallen apart because he connected the dots and realized it had been going on. The problem came down to basic trust. Now she could jump through every hoop but the foundation has been damaged. 8 months is one thing. 3 dates is quite another. Nobody should expect anything after 3 dates.
threebyfate Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 As long as it's clear and everyone knows where they stand then of course. Of course no details are necessary.I'm with you on this. It's called expectation management. This is something I've always done, when multi-dating. Most often it's been fine with the guys since there wasn't any exclusivity or hopping in and out of different sacks, involved. The only time it became an issue was the time Guy A and B, met face-to-face, even though they were aware of each other. But then, it was about Guy A's personal insecurities. When telling someone, it's a little different than meeting the other guy IRL.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 I had a really good talk with current guy last night. I told him that since he's begun expressing some feelings and we're both clearly getting more invested, I think it's important to be honest and get everything out on the table, so there are no painful surprises later. He addressed my concerns directly, and I really appreciated that he was forthright and genuine, not just trying to win me over with a lot of big talk. I'm still not sure if there's long-term potential, but I do think he's a good guy with many attractive qualities, and the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. He said the next step is entirely up to me, because he wants to keep seeing me and he's happiest when we're together. He said he will want to be friends with me no matter what I decide, but he'd rather be more than friends. He even said he has no right to tell me not to date other guys, if that's what I want to do. Very mature, I thought. But I really don't think I'm cut out for that. I told him he's the first guy I've dated since my single year ended and I haven't dated anyone else. Getting asked out by the very cute guy was flattering and fun to think about. But I owe it to myself and this guy to give things between us a chance with no interference from anyone else. So that's what I'm going to do.
Yamaha Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 He said he will want to be friends with me no matter what I decide :lmao::lmao: He even said he has no right to tell me not to date other guys :lmao::lmao:
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Not sure what's so funny. Both of those statements increased my respect for and interest in him. He made the point that if I want him, here he is, but his life won't be over if I don't. And he's coming over Friday for a staying-in date.
Yamaha Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Not sure what's so funny. Both of those statements increased my respect for and interest in him. He made the point that if I want him, here he is, but his life won't be over if I don't. And he's coming over Friday for a staying-in date. The odds of him wanting to stay friends if you decide he is not the guy for you is extremely small. You have already stated he is starting to express feelings so it would hurt him to see you with someone else. Maybe in time he could be a friend if your emotional bond is very strong. Him saying he repects your decision to date other guys if you desire is probably not the truth. If he likes you he does not want you to date others but he feels now he has no right to ask you to be exclusive. Doesn't mean he agrees just that he can't say anything if he wants to be considered by you.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 The odds of him wanting to stay friends if you decide he is not the guy for you is extremely small. You have already stated he is starting to express feelings so it would hurt him to see you with someone else. Maybe in time he could be a friend if your emotional bond is very strong. He told me he is friends with all his exes, because he doesn't understand why a person would go from liking and caring about someone to not liking or caring about them just because you're not together anymore. I think some people have this attitude, and it rang true coming from him. He strikes me as a very mature and grounded person. I also know he's pretty big into Buddhism and meditation and tries to rise above the limitations of ego -- as I do myself. Him saying he repects your decision to date other guys if you desire is probably not the truth. If he likes you he does not want you to date others but he feels now he has no right to ask you to be exclusive. Doesn't mean he agrees just that he can't say anything if he wants to be considered by you. He expressed a pretty Libertarian point of view on this, which I have heard from an ex of mine in the past, and which I respected then, too. He said if I date other men, I may find that they have qualities he does not, and I may find the opposite. But, he said, I'm sure you know there is no perfect person, and you will weigh the factors and choose the best person for you. I completely agree with his thoughts on this, and I think it's a healthy and grounded way to look at the situation. He's not clinging to me like a spoiled child. He's being a mature adult and respecting my freedom to make my own decisions. I would never want to restrict anyone from finding his or her true happiness just so I could be more comfortable. No one owes me anything. We all owe it to ourselves to find what makes us happy.
Yamaha Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Sounds like you 2 have things worked out. Good luck......
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