Awesome Username Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 What to do if a hot man asks you out: Say yes. Have fun!
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Ruby slippers, your reason for being cautious around attractive men, most women feel the same way too yeah? If you had experienced attractive men as partners what was it like ? Did they arouse insecurity from you because of their looks?
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 alpha male=stereotype. Jerk=stereotype. How are these stereotypes?! I see this every single day, especially when I am around my friends and we're out and about. I pay a lot of attention to people (I am a self-confessed people watcher. People amaze me in ways many people never understand). Alpha male is term used to describe men who are leaders, confident/strong/self-assured. They are well-balanced men. Jerks are simply men with low self-esteem who, unlike doormats, go the entire opposite way to make up for their lack of confidence. Doormats are people pleasing because they lack confidence and want to be accepted by everyone. Jerks feel that they must push everyone away (and be an a$$ doing so) in order to protect themselves from getting hurt or being rejected. This is absolute truth. AAh, that applies to attractive women (not always) not men. Attractive men are at a very good advantage because they don't owe up to the double standard and condemning norm of being an understanding caring woman who is compassionate and will take any guy willingly should he show her kindness and etc etc. Attractive men will use their looks to their advantage. Women will be modest about it because of this double standard. I agree about personality. But your wrong in saying men don't care about it as much as women. Low self esteem==clingy and those mental ills you mentioned. They go hand in hand. Low confidence==co-dependent, manipulating. Attractive people know they're attractive=consensus from the public. Average to homely people think they're attractive=single out one or two compliments usually from familiars who have gotten to know them. Agree, needy/clingy is not attractive but women have ways of not seeming needy/clingy and they talk to their friends much more than men and get their advice on how to handle things. However, if she is super hot, I guarantee you the guy is going to stay a lot longer than if she was average looking. Trust me on that. Well, unless she cuts off the sex. They he'll bolt for regular sex. This is also well known. If a woman wants to know if a man truly loves her, all she has to do is cut off the sex for any length of time. If he really loves her, he will stay. If not, he'll break up and/or cheat on her.
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Bottom line is it pays to be attractive man or women..Its a huge advantage
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Ruby slippers, your reason for being cautious around attractive men, most women feel the same way too yeah? If you had experienced attractive men as partners what was it like ? Did they arouse insecurity from you because of their looks? I have had relationships with two men that most women would probably consider very attractive. With the first, I felt zero insecurity because he was very loyal and never gave me the feeling he was "shopping around". I broke up with him because the intellectual connection was weak and I knew it wasn't going anywhere. He fit the hot but dumb stereotype quite well. With the second one, I felt pretty insecure because he seemed to be constantly restless and afraid to make a commitment. I broke up with him because his marriage and kids talk seemed to be empty talk and I wasn't happy staying stuck in an emotionally distant relationship with him. I have had the BEST relationships with men who were reasonably attractive -- enough to be confident but not over-confident -- and emotionally in tune. Masculine yet sensitive and caring as well.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 the first, I felt zero insecurity because he was very loyal and never gave me the feeling he was "shopping around". I broke up with him because the intellectual connection was weak and I knew it wasn't going anywhere. He fit the hot but dumb stereotype quite well. . oooh no. I'm asking something different. It don't matter if he made you feel secure. Its the environment that usually makes the female leave i.e constant flirtation from other females. This is what I see from my attractive male friends.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I have had the BEST relationships with men who were reasonably attractive -- enough to be confident but not over-confident -- and emotionally in tune. Masculine yet sensitive and caring as well. bingo. People on the same attractiveness level are best suited for one another. It gives security in investment. That's why men/women are less likely to date up or date down unless there is overcompensation (wealth).
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) No not at all. There is a difference between CONFICENCE and ARROGANCE. Confidence is not directly related to looks. Being a jerk is not directly related to looks. They are mutually exclusive to each other. My only point is looks are mutual in importance between men and women and is more important then confidence or whatever Example:Allot of my friends are married and i get along great with theyre wives theyre like my sisters..They love me BUT theyve never try to hook me up with anyone because iam not attractive while another single guy in our circle of friends who we all including the women think is kind of a weirdo and socially akwward they try to set him up all the time because hes very good looking Women know what other women want..Theyll try to hook up the good looking werid guy over me who maybe a sweet guy but isnt attractive.. Its earlier to sell i know a really good looking guy i could hook you up with then i know a really sweet guy but hes not all that attractive Edited October 27, 2009 by AD1980
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 I agree with what you said about best chances of success equating with similar level of attractiveness, but not this: oooh no. I'm asking something different. It don't matter if he made you feel secure. Its the environment that usually makes the female leave i.e constant flirtation from other females. This is what I see from my attractive male friends. Every guy I've been in a relationship with got a lot of attention from women, and the longer we were together, the more attention they got (they started dressing better, exercising more, as I enjoy doing fitness things like hiking and tennis with my man, etc.). This never threatened me at all if the guy handled it appropriately. In fact, I was happy for him to get the flattery of female attention, as long as he didn't reciprocate the flirting. The first guy I mentioned -- the hot, dumb one -- had women throwing themselves at him constantly, but he deflected the attention with grace and humor. It's actually really hot to see your man do that. So, if I did start dating this hottie pants, I would have no problem with his looks and the attention he attracted, as long as he handled it well. I was just wondering about his motives.
threebyfate Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Every guy I've been in a relationship with got a lot of attention from women, and the longer we were together, the more attention they got (they started dressing better, exercising more, as I enjoy doing fitness things like hiking and tennis with my man, etc.). This never threatened me at all if the guy handled it appropriately. In fact, I was happy for him to get the flattery of female attention, as long as he didn't reciprocate the flirting. The first guy I mentioned -- the hot, dumb one -- had women throwing themselves at him constantly, but he deflected the attention with grace and humor. It's actually really hot to see your man do that. So, if I did start dating this hottie pants, I would have no problem with his looks and the attention he attracted, as long as he handled it well. I was just wondering about his motives.Don't overthink this one. Get together with him in a safe environment and then decide what kind of man he is. Also, I urge you, if at all possible to do some research on this guy. Get his full name and check him out before getting too entranced. Beyond that, enjoy! Not all super attractive men are arseholes. They like every other level of attractiveness, has its fair share of good and bad.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Also, I urge you, if at all possible to do some research on this guy. Get his full name and check him out before getting too entranced. How do you get someone's last name on a first date? Do you just ask? I have never had to do this stuff. The last guy was easy because he e-mailed me before our date and I had his last name.
Isolde Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 RS, I'm looking for the same kind of guy you are--someone attractive but with enough flaws to be sort of comfy and cozy, if that makes sense. But you know what? This level of analysis is crazy for a first date. If I've learned anything from online dating, it's that it's impossible to judge what someone is looking for, or what they're like even on a very basic level, before you even spend some time with them. And it's impossible to predict what the reaction will be, on either side.
threebyfate Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 How do you get someone's last name on a first date? Do you just ask? I have never had to do this stuff. The last guy was easy because he e-mailed me before our date and I had his last name. "Hi, I'm threebyfate formerly trialbyfire. Nice to meet you." In providing your full name, politeness dictates that he responds as such.
Yamaha Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 In my experiemce most very attractive people find it hard to committ 100% in a relationship because they don't want to invest themselves emotionally. Maybe they have options or are just afraid to give their heart but they usually will stay emotionally unavailable to a degree.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I guess life has made me a bit cynical. In the past, I would have thought, "Damn, I must look good today." Now I'm more realistic. When this dude saw me, I had just rolled out of bed and was in my relaxin' clothes. He looks and sounds like the kind of guy who could walk in anywhere and catch the interest of any woman in the room. I think I'm reasonably attractive (and quite sexy, if I do say so myself ), but this guy is obviously a serious head-turner. He looked like he just stepped out of a magazine ad. Why would a super attractive guy who easily has many options approach a random girl on the sidewalk wearing basically a step up from Sunday sweats? Casual sex seems the obvious answer. Just wanted to see what y'all thought, since most of you seem to have a great ability to see OVER the rose-colored lens of reality in which I am prone to indulging. Maybe you were smokin hot to him! Just because you weren't all dolled up and didn't fit what defines the standard beauty, doesn't mean you weren't beautiful to him. I consider myself average, but sexy with a great personality. My girlfriends have always marveled at how I've always attracted hot men. My bf is definitely an alpha male, and very hot. They must see something that I don't, but why question it. Women have oogled at him, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I'm flattered. So go have fun with Mr. Gorgeous and please keep us posted.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks, Ecstasy. I just talked to a female friend of mine about it, and she said the obligatory "Ruby, you're a hottie!", then said what really counts: "Most of all, you ooze sexiness and confidence no matter what you're wearing, and that is rare among women. Accept that you are a magnet." Girlfriend's gonna have me struttin' if she ain't careful!
boldjack Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Just make sure that the current guy knows that you're just "shopping around", too. You get ,what you give, Tex.
Awesome Username Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks, Ecstasy. I just talked to a female friend of mine about it, and she said the obligatory "Ruby, you're a hottie!", then said what really counts: "Most of all, you ooze sexiness and confidence no matter what you're wearing, and that is rare among women. Accept that you are a magnet." Girlfriend's gonna have me struttin' if she ain't careful! You seem like a hottie from what you post. WORK IT! And I agree with Boldjack - let him know that even though he's hot too, it's not a done deal. It will only make you look even hotter. Yay!
theumlaut Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Both sexes care about looks and personality. Women need a strong, confident man and those traits can and often do trump looks. Men want a sexy, confident woman but tend to care more about looks than women do. Women, don't "need," they "want," just as all of us want, not need. I was very struck by your lack of parallel word chocie. Maybe there's something behind that with you or maybe others, too. (I don't know how to use italics or bold or underline here, if that's possible.)
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Just make sure that the current guy knows that you're just "shopping around", too. You get ,what you give, Tex. I have been thinking about this all evening. I don't think I can just cut the new guy off suddenly, and I don't think I have the heart to start dating someone new unless things with him resolutely end. He called me this evening to square away our plans for this week, and he sounded so happy and hopeful. I feel like a butt because I am full of doubt, and he's already acting like he'd hang the moon if I asked him to. This part of dating really sucks! I'd much rather be rejected than have to reject someone, if it comes to that. I'm seeing him tomorrow, and I have to have a serious talk with him about the crap on my mind about him. Ugh.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I This part of dating really sucks! I'd much rather be rejected than have to reject someone, if it comes to that. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but when you say you dont like rejecting someone is it because of the guilt stemming from the fact you hurt a persons feelings?
Jersey Shortie Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 You're a smart woman Ruby, you will work it out!
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I think one thing we all need to keep in mind is that attractive people are human beings too. They bleed red and poo just like the rest of us. They are not some superhuman species who have no feelings. They have their insecurities and uncertainties too, one could even argue that the more attractive they are, they more insecure they tend to be. So you should probably not put this guy on a pedestal based on how good looking he is. I know, it's flatering to get hit on by a "hot" person but remember that he wears his pants one leg at a time just like you.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 I don't mean to hijack your thread, but when you say you dont like rejecting someone is it because of the guilt stemming from the fact you hurt a persons feelings? It's not guilt -- it's just hard to be in the position of dashing someone's hopes. I know, he'll live, but I'm compassionate, and I don't like to see anyone in pain. I am seeing current guy tonight and will talk to him about my concerns. I have already begun to do that, but I will be more direct about it tonight.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 You're a smart woman Ruby, you will work it out! Thanks, hon! I am trying.
Recommended Posts