Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Well. There it is then. So easy to type it all out like that. But as soon as I posted it, I thought, "Noooooo!" Because there are a lot of things I really like about him, but one factor in particular that I think is a deal-breaker. He seems pretty unhappy in the job he's had for a few years, and doesn't seem to have any real plan to change anything. He even told me he knows this needs to change, and he hopes I'll "kick his ass" about it. Well, I'm not his mother, muse, or therapist. If he wants to change, he needs to do it for HIMSELF, not for me or anyone else. He can give me a call once he gets his act together -- if he ever does.
AD1980 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I guess it is just a human nature that good looking people do have an advantage when it comes to social interactions. I confess that I tend to be a bit more generous towards attractive people unless s/he exhibits deal breakers (rude, arrogant, unintelligent, etc). That what i was saying when i said Men and women are equally as suepreficial.. We all treat good looking people better at first and want to be liked/desired by them more
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 We all treat good looking people better at first and want to be liked/desired by them more I don't. I started this thread because I was suspicious of his intentions because he's so good-looking. I tend to assume the most physically attractive men are less loyal and good to their women. I realize this preconception is as bad as the opposite, but I do think that way.
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I don't. I started this thread because I was suspicious of his intentions because he's so good-looking. I tend to assume the most physically attractive men are less loyal and good to their women. I realize this preconception is as bad as the opposite, but I do think that way. Well youre the exception..Most good loking dudes have women at their feet..
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 I think there's definitely some truth to what you said. I think an advantage I have with very good-looking guys is that I don't treat them like they're anything special just because they're cute. Well, OK, not until I see them naked. But even then, I show my appreciation not with words, but with my body.
eiithan Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 That what i was saying when i said Men and women are equally as suepreficial.. We all treat good looking people better at first and want to be liked/desired by them more I don't. I started this thread because I was suspicious of his intentions because he's so good-looking. I tend to assume the most physically attractive men are less loyal and good to their women. I realize this preconception is as bad as the opposite, but I do think that way. I don't think it is exactly about superficiality. There are attractive people who can charm their ways around and make things easier for them, although it is only to a certain point. And I'd be a liar if I say I were immune to charming folks. Of course, it is a different story if their attractiveness becomes a dominant factor in a major ethical decision or a discrimination of some sort. On the other hand, a boy may charm his way to get an extra sweat from a candy shop lady. Is that superficial? You tell me. I admit that it may mean I am a weak being though :-) My comment was intended to ease Ruby's reluctance to meet him because his being such a good looking guy works against his favour. In a way it is ironic because I was in a similar situation a while ago with a potential date. I did not take him seriously because he was a good looking guy. More conversations revealed that he is actually quite solid in terms of his character and personality. It does not make him the person who is right for me however. So yeah, he may have other good qualities to win Ruby over. She is going to figure that out and we await her report
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Both sexes care about looks and personality. Women need a strong, confident man and those traits can and often do trump looks. Men want a sexy, confident woman but tend to care more about looks than women do. Women will LEAVE a man who is dead sexy but lacks confidence, self-esteem or does not have a great personality. Men will STAY with women who lack confidence and personality but are smoking hot. Got it? both sexes care about looks equally, no one trumps the other. Women however will forego looks and look more into a man's status if he's lacking in the physical (not too extreme). Modern women will date up but never down, that's why a lot of successful attractive women are single (NY city). Today's women are even more pickier because the double standard of 'looking past a guys looks' are diminishing. How the hell can you be dead sexy and lack confidence or lack self esteem?? Women will not leave a man who's a very attractive jerk (not a complete one)
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 both sexes care about looks equally, no one trumps the other. Women however will forego looks and look more into a man's status if he's lacking in the physical (not too extreme). Modern women will date up but never down, that's why a lot of successful attractive women are single (NY city). Today's women are even more pickier because the double standard of 'looking past a guys looks' are diminishing. I disagree. Women place MUCH more emphasis on CONFIDENCE, SELF-ESTEEM and MANLINESS. Traits an Alpha Male have that jerks do not. Men don't care as MUCH about confidence and self-esteem. If she's hot, he's going to stay unless she's a total b*tch. The only thing women need to do to get and keep a man are twofold: 1. Be in great shape. 2. Be a LOVING person. Men will pretty much overlook any other personal/character trait issues if she has the above two things down pat. I dare a guy to disagree. Yes, I know some will say it doesn't matter to them but if they are honest with themselves, they want an attractive S/O who is a loving/caring woman. Everything else can be worked around. Incidentally, passive/aggressive behavior, psychosis, arrogance, shallowness, etc is not loving/caring. How the hell can you be dead sexy and lack confidence or lack self esteem?? Women will not leave a man who's a very attractive jerk (not a complete one) You'd be surprised how many dead sexy people on this planet are extremely, extremely insecure. Most beautiful women I talk to are flat out shy when I approach them and don't drool or act like I am in awe of their presence. They are people too, just like you and me. And the fact they get so many compliments or get hit on a lot only further makes them question people and become insecure because THEY don't see themselves as that hot.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 No, it is you that believes in the huge myth that's trying to even out natural male and female differences. Men are NATURALLY definitely more visual than women. Not saying women are not visual. Get an average looking extremely confident women. Get an average looking extremely confident man. Throw them into the dating scene and see what happens. The man will attract more of the opposite sex. Just think Donald Trump vs......Oprah. Then get a super hot woman, dumb as a brick and a super hot man, dumb as a brick The woman will attract more of the opposite sex. Just think Pamela Anderson Vs, any good looking male model. OMG. NO to all your points. Both sexes are equally attracted to attractive people. The myth of women looking more into personality is a socialized process (patriarchial) back when women had little to no economic resources. Oprah's bf is just as successful as she is though not as rich. He also looks better. Trump's womanizing could be because most of the girls he gets are gold diggers who are only after his money. That's why they keep leaving him. Most Male models are womanizers. Your going with stereotypes when saying someone attractive=dumb. Two very different traits.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) A male model dumb as a brick can't get many women. What you on about? You obviously know NONE and going on based on your own ignorant opinion. The point is RELATIVE advantage. Which you clearly have no concept about. ..cant get many women for a long term commitment because of 4 main things: 1. women's insecurity due to his looks 2. The insecurity stemming from the fact that the man has an abundant option open to him because of his looks. 3. stereotypes associated with good looks> dumb, non-monogamous, player etc. 4. attractive people will buy into these stereotypes and fulfill a self fulfilling prophecy due to the way people perceive them. Edited October 27, 2009 by gypsy_nicky
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Personality and success although not 100% correlated are related. A lazy bum is unlikely to succed. An alpha male that's confident and a risk taker is more likely to attract more women. Can vary amongst industries. From Colin Ferrel, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, etc. I'm a dude, and the irony is my female lawyer friends or female banker friends are MUCH more picky about men than the average women even though they have their own money. Women tend to want even more successful men than they personally are, and it makes it really hard for successful women to find men. How many female lawyers are happy to marry a guy working in Macdonalds because he's got a cool personality? The myth that women and men are the same, when in reality the RELATIVE differences are huge is a product of political correctness. It is not a product of reality. no, they are not related. Personality traits are related to success. Your female lawyers will only date up not down, unless the guy is extremely attractive. Modern Women are way more pickier (looks + personality + status).
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 This is only partly true. Since alpha males/strong males are much more likely to be having sex with a lot of females (spread their seed) and won't be a steady partner. The opitmal strategy for a female is to have a faithful male be her partner, then cheat on him with the alpha male, and use the faithful male in a cuckoo effect, and have sex with the alpha male. I think you should read into evolutionary psychology more. Anyway, the attractive males spreading their seed, and the women using the cuckooing effect explains most of the cheating we see in modern society, even though we're more advanced than our ancestors. NO. your talking about doormat men. Evo psychology can only offer explanations not facts. Human behavior is very complex. you just contradicted yourself by saying this. So if attractive males are spreading their seeds, why don't dumb male models get women??
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Nah that's not what I am saying. I am saying that most people (99% IMHO) have no control over the physical or emotional characteristics of people they are attracted to. IE: Tall, short, skinny, obese, blue eyes, green eyes, muscular, skinny, blonde, brunette, etc, etc, etc. There are certain physical traits that people find attractive and there is NOTHING they can do about it. Like, I have always loved beautiful redheads. There's nothing that can change that about me. I don't know I like them, I just do. It's the same as saying "People can't control what taste good to them or not. They either like something or they don't"... Certain aspects of what we like/dislike are uncontrollable. this individualism is true to an extent but you have to remember very attractive people will gain consensus among the majority. So in essence they cant control who falls in love with them.
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I disagree. Women place MUCH more emphasis on CONFIDENCE, SELF-ESTEEM and MANLINESS. Traits an Alpha Male have that jerks do not. Women want confidence and self esteem in guys who have a reason to be that way in their mind An ugly guy whso confident is just seen as a dellusional arrogant jerk to women
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Women will not leave a man who's a very attractive jerk (not a complete one) Again, I guess I'm weird, because my last boyfriend was very attractive, and I left him because he was hot and cold and didn't seem to want to make a real commitment to me. I was always a bit skeptical of his good looks, but where he really melted my reason was with his sexual skill. Still, I left.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Women want confidence and self esteem in guys who have a reason to be that way in their mind An ugly guy whso confident is just seen as a dellusional arrogant jerk to women very true. Confidence will not salvage an ugly face.
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Women want confidence and self esteem in guys who have a reason to be that way in their mind An ugly guy whso confident is just seen as a dellusional arrogant jerk to women No not at all. There is a difference between CONFICENCE and ARROGANCE. Confidence is not directly related to looks. Being a jerk is not directly related to looks. They are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm confident. Am I Brad Pitt? Hell no. Do I have the world's greatest body? Nope. Am I the tallest guy? Nope. Most successful? Nope. But, I know who I am and I love who I am. I am confident because I know what kind of person I am. I know WHO I am. But standing next to a tall, super attractive guy many women might just walk past me. But if they talk to me. Oh if they talk to me, I can (and have) driven them wild Some of the most confident men I know would be considered ugly by most people yet they manage to get and keep very attractive women. I've seen this first hand my friend. I also have unattractive JERKY friends who get women, but never keep them for more than a week or two.
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Youre right about women being picker then guys..Not only the looks and wealth but women also judge other men by how much hes in demand by other women.. Men do not care about that bs And as far as women wanting MANLINESS..To a point but ive also seen tons of effeminate pretty boys getting allot of women..
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Youre right about women being picker then guys..Not only the looks and wealth but women also judge other men by how much hes in demand by other women.. Men do not care about that bs And as far as women wanting MANLINESS..To a point but ive also seen tons of effeminate pretty boys getting allot of women.. While the latter is true, they don't keep them. And if the woman can run over him, she will end up cheating. Say it any way you want but wussified men do NOT make women hot no matter how long they've been together.
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 No not at all. There is a difference between CONFICENCE and ARROGANCE. Confidence is not directly related to looks. Being a jerk is not directly related to looks. They are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm confident. Am I Brad Pitt? Hell no. Do I have the world's greatest body? Nope. Am I the tallest guy? Nope. Most successful? Nope. But, I know who I am and I love who I am. I am confident because I know what kind of person I am. I know WHO I am. But standing next to a tall, super attractive guy many women might just walk past me. But if they talk to me. Oh if they talk to me, I can (and have) driven them wild Some of the most confident men I know would be considered ugly by most people yet they manage to get and keep very attractive women. I've seen this first hand my friend. I also have unattractive JERKY friends who get women, but never keep them for more than a week or two. I dont know..Judging from exeprience having a greta personality but lacking looks= allot of friend zone relationships
AD1980 Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Say it any way you want but wussified men do NOT make women hot no matter how long they've been together. I dont know..Pretty Boys do fine with women..Not every women wants a "man's man" its a turn off for allot of women
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Bah I gotta pay attention to what I am typing. So many typos. Note to self: Don't post on LS while watching MNF!
CaliGuy Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I dont know..Judging from exeprience having a greta personality but lacking looks= allot of friend zone relationships Only if they are wussified. Real men don't keep female friends. Read up on the ladder theory. I dont know..Pretty Boys do fine with women..Not every women wants a "man's man" its a turn off for allot of women If they don't want a man's man that's fine by me. That leaves a real woman for me
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 I disagree. Women place MUCH more emphasis on CONFIDENCE, SELF-ESTEEM and MANLINESS. Traits an Alpha Male have that jerks do not. Men don't care as MUCH about confidence and self-esteem. If she's hot, he's going to stay unless she's a total b*tch. The only thing women need to do to get and keep a man are twofold: 1. Be in great shape. 2. Be a LOVING person. Men will pretty much overlook any other personal/character trait issues if she has the above two things down pat. I dare a guy to disagree. Yes, I know some will say it doesn't matter to them but if they are honest with themselves, they want an attractive S/O who is a loving/caring woman. Everything else can be worked around. Incidentally, passive/aggressive behavior, psychosis, arrogance, shallowness, etc is not loving/caring. You'd be surprised how many dead sexy people on this planet are extremely, extremely insecure. Most beautiful women I talk to are flat out shy when I approach them and don't drool or act like I am in awe of their presence. They are people too, just like you and me. And the fact they get so many compliments or get hit on a lot only further makes them question people and become insecure because THEY don't see themselves as that hot. alpha male=stereotype. Jerk=stereotype. AAh, that applies to attractive women (not always) not men. Attractive men are at a very good advantage because they don't owe up to the double standard and condemning norm of being an understanding caring woman who is compassionate and will take any guy willingly should he show her kindness and etc etc. Attractive men will use their looks to their advantage. Women will be modest about it because of this double standard. I agree about personality. But your wrong in saying men don't care about it as much as women. Low self esteem==clingy and those mental ills you mentioned. They go hand in hand. Low confidence==co-dependent, manipulating. Attractive people know they're attractive=consensus from the public. Average to homely people think they're attractive=single out one or two compliments usually from familiars who have gotten to know them.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Only if they are wussified. Real men don't keep female friends. Read up on the ladder theory. If they don't want a man's man that's fine by me. That leaves a real woman for me Wussified is a blanket term for average/homely looking doormat men. Attractive men have more female friends. Attractive men arouse envy from other men. Man's man?? your talking about the man's swagger and affect. Again this won't matter much if he's attractive.
Recommended Posts