Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I will, I will! It might be next week, though. I really did not get a creep vibe from him, but maybe I was blinded by his beauty. He seemed like a total gentleman and sweetheart, actually. Of course, didn't they all say Ted Bundy was quite the charmer? Current guy has already got me all booked up this week, and I have fun social plans, and of course Halloween parties and fun galore! Still need to make my costume, too. I'll definitely update if anything happens. Am also enjoying the discussion.
AD1980 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Then again, most people have ZERO control over what they are attracted to I dont know if id say that..While not everyone has the same tastes most people are attracted to people who are classically attractive..
ecm Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Good luck- I wanna hear what happens, too! But be nice- don't be sneaky, especially if you like your new guy! Think twice about doing something that you wouldn't want done to you. (And I'm not talking dirty for those of you who might take EVERYTHING as a dirty comment....like I do ) (BTW- you can get his license plate # and have him tracked that way-just sayin.)
CaliGuy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I dont know if id say that..While not everyone has the same tastes most people are attracted to people who are classically attractive.. Nah that's not what I am saying. I am saying that most people (99% IMHO) have no control over the physical or emotional characteristics of people they are attracted to. IE: Tall, short, skinny, obese, blue eyes, green eyes, muscular, skinny, blonde, brunette, etc, etc, etc. There are certain physical traits that people find attractive and there is NOTHING they can do about it. Like, I have always loved beautiful redheads. There's nothing that can change that about me. I don't know I like them, I just do. It's the same as saying "People can't control what taste good to them or not. They either like something or they don't"... Certain aspects of what we like/dislike are uncontrollable.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Good luck- I wanna hear what happens, too! But be nice- don't be sneaky, especially if you like your new guy! Think twice about doing something that you wouldn't want done to you. (And I'm not talking dirty for those of you who might take EVERYTHING as a dirty comment....like I do ) (BTW- you can get his license plate # and have him tracked that way-just sayin.) Good advice. License plate -- you are good! I am so trusting, I don't even think of this stuff. I won't be sneaky -- couldn't do that if I tried. The current guy made a quip at dinner the other night about "my other dates". He was clearly feeling me out on exclusivity, but he didn't ask directly, so I just laughed at the joke he made but did not reveal my status. I'm NOT seeing anyone else, but I didn't want to tell this guy that and encourage what seems to be a growing interest and investment from him, since I'm not sure about him yet. I think I am going to talk to him soon, and be totally honest about the fact that I have concerns about our long-term potential. I'll tell him exactly why, if he wants to know. I need to figure out if I want to keep seeing him and giving this a chance, or just end it now. I am quite inexperienced at this process, so I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm not totally convinced he's not the guy for me, but I'm not ready to go all in on him, either. I guess that means I should keep seeing him but be open to seeing other people? This is hard! In the meantime, I figure meeting this guy for coffee and conversation is harmless. If we have chemistry and want to have another date, then I can think about what that means regarding current guy. If we have no chemistry or he doesn't interest me, no worries.
wierdmunky Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Looks and personality will only carry you so far. You can get tired of looking/being with the same hot/not hot, guy/girl. How do you explain celebs cheating on each other? The grass always greener. All of those traits, looks, status, personality points are only part of your choices. It's the risk in trusting another person, with your own feelings/self that are closely tied to your well-being that might make you wonder if you should have better. People can accept good looks easier than they can everything else. Under everything we've done to make ourselves better people, looks wise or career, we all have the same vulnerability as the next person who doesn't, but I think people who show that they care about that in themselves, show more reliability than someone who doesn't. Rubyslippers, If the hot guy doesn't look like a creep, I would go for coffee since it's a public place .
Jersey Shortie Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Does anyone else ever get tired of hearing how men just want to spread their seed blah blah blah..and women just want to nest blah blah blah. People always say it like they think they are saying something new. We get it! Just because men and women sometimes have natural drives for some things doesn't mean this is what all men or women want.
AD1980 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Nah that's not what I am saying. I am saying that most people (99% IMHO) have no control over the physical or emotional characteristics of people they are attracted to. IE: Tall, short, skinny, obese, blue eyes, green eyes, muscular, skinny, blonde, brunette, etc, etc, etc. There are certain physical traits that people find attractive and there is NOTHING they can do about it. Like, I have always loved beautiful redheads. There's nothing that can change that about me. I don't know I like them, I just do. It's the same as saying "People can't control what taste good to them or not. They either like something or they don't"... Certain aspects of what we like/dislike are uncontrollable. I dont know i guess you have a point but i dont know if i buy it 100%..While i may have certain likes theyre not THAT strong.. Most semi attractive women i can be turned on by in some capacity.. I think most Men are like that where women are more partciular or picky in their likes and dislikes physically in a man and wont compromise..
MissJoness Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Men will STAY with women who lack confidence and personality but are smoking hot. Got it? So then why is everyone saying that personality matters more if this is true. Especially when women make posts about not feeling pretty enough..they tell us that no man wants to be with a woman who is all looks and no personality.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 ^ AD, I think it depends on the person. I have female friends who obviously have a TYPE. They are drawn to guys who fit a certain mold in terms of looks, over and over. I have never been like that. A person can be very physically attractive but unintelligent or lacking substance, and I am completely turned off. They don't even look good to me any more. An average guy who's brainy and has a good heart can have me swooning and lost in his eyes. What can I say? I'm a sap. I have never developed celebrity crushes because I don't give a flip about a person, no matter how superficially attractive, until I know what he's made of. This hottie caught my attention because he's both very attractive and seems to have a good heart and personality.
AD1980 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 ^ AD, I think it depends on the person. I have female friends who obviously have a TYPE. They are drawn to guys who fit a certain mold in terms of looks, over and over. I have never been like that. A person can be very physically attractive but unintelligent or lacking substance, and I am completely turned off. They don't even look good to me any more. An average guy who's brainy and has a good heart can have me swooning and lost in his eyes. What can I say? I'm a sap. I have never developed celebrity crushes because I don't give a flip about a person, no matter how superficially attractive, until I know what he's made of. This hottie caught my attention because he's both very attractive and seems to have a good heart and personality. But do you think your the norm or exception?? I think most women are pretty strict about their physcial requirements..
Vertex Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 ^ AD, I think it depends on the person. I have female friends who obviously have a TYPE. They are drawn to guys who fit a certain mold in terms of looks, over and over. I have never been like that. A person can be very physically attractive but unintelligent or lacking substance, and I am completely turned off. They don't even look good to me any more. An average guy who's brainy and has a good heart can have me swooning and lost in his eyes. What can I say? I'm a sap. I have never developed celebrity crushes because I don't give a flip about a person, no matter how superficially attractive, until I know what he's made of. This hottie caught my attention because he's both very attractive and seems to have a good heart and personality. Damn it, if only I were older On topic though, there's nothing wrong with liking someone cute -- it's icing on the cake. But there has to be a cake for there to be any substance. I'm not sure why I always use food analogies.
carhill Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 When a super attractive guy asks you out...? As long as you're not committed or married, you accept, of course. Why even discuss it?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 As long as you're not committed or married, you accept, of course. Why even discuss it? I guess life has made me a bit cynical. In the past, I would have thought, "Damn, I must look good today." Now I'm more realistic. When this dude saw me, I had just rolled out of bed and was in my relaxin' clothes. He looks and sounds like the kind of guy who could walk in anywhere and catch the interest of any woman in the room. I think I'm reasonably attractive (and quite sexy, if I do say so myself ), but this guy is obviously a serious head-turner. He looked like he just stepped out of a magazine ad. Why would a super attractive guy who easily has many options approach a random girl on the sidewalk wearing basically a step up from Sunday sweats? Casual sex seems the obvious answer. Just wanted to see what y'all thought, since most of you seem to have a great ability to see OVER the rose-colored lens of reality in which I am prone to indulging.
carhill Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 OK, I ran into a RN at my mom's dementia facility today dressed in her scrubs and hair in a pony tail and no makeup, yet, as we talked about the mundane aspects of clinical care, I couldn't take my eyes off her eyes. Had this weird feeling. I have interacted with her many times over the past couple years yet all of a sudden if you were to ask me what she looked like, I don't think I could describe her in usual guy terms (tits, ass, ect). Perhaps that's what happened for this guy. It's entirely possible, when he was in your presence, that he totally forgot about what a hottie he is (if he even thinks that way anyway) and was just there in the moment. Your choice I'm not dating right now (still married) or I would've been making a bit more than eye contact, if you know what I mean
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Yeah, could be. There's no way he can't know how attractive he is, but he did not seem arrogant or full of himself at all. His attitude was confident but polite. And he kept asking followup questions about me. When I told him I'm a writer, that seemed to totally intrigue him (does most people). And he seemed almost a touch shy when asking for my number! This was kind of shocking. But maybe it was an act? I will probably call him in the next few days and see about making plans for next week.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I'm not dating right now (still married) or I would've been making a bit more than eye contact, if you know what I mean Oh yeah! Are you close to divorce? Sounds like you're ready to get back out there.
carhill Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Property settlement done. No contest. Filing as soon as stbx is in accord. Amicable is the word I would still be shy of asking anyone out because I still get bouts of emotional upheaval now and again. Once that settles down, I'll know I'm a potentially healthy partner. I do things with women now, just non-dating things. There's no way he can't know how attractive he is, but he did not seem arrogant or full of himself at all. It depends on personality. I have some male friends who are full of themselves, believing their press, and others who are oblivious to their effect on women. Typically, the latter are married, though not always. This is an area where cynicism can bite you. I don't assume a well-put-together and attractive woman my age is an arrogant biotch until she proves herself to be. To me, this sets up the wrong vibe and aura about myself; a projection of my thoughts and biases. Hope that makes sense
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I don't assume a well-put-together and attractive woman my age is an arrogant biotch until she proves herself to be. To me, this sets up the wrong vibe and aura about myself; a projection of my thoughts and biases. Hope that makes sense Certainly. I don't assume this guy is a bad guy, and I have no doubt we could have a lot of fun together. What I do question is whether a man who is that attractive is interested in anything besides casual fun with a woman -- especially a woman who is not correspondingly gorgeous. (Not being down on myself here -- just realistic.) I'm also not saying I'm above some casual fun -- though it doesn't come naturally to me -- but I'd like to have as much information as possible upfront.
Vertex Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Certainly. I don't assume this guy is a bad guy, and I have no doubt we could have a lot of fun together. What I do question is whether a man who is that attractive is interested in anything besides casual fun with a woman -- especially a woman who is not correspondingly gorgeous. (Not being down on myself here -- just realistic.) I'm also not saying I'm above some casual fun -- though it doesn't come naturally to me -- but I'd like to have as much information as possible upfront. Logically speaking, not enough information. You'd have to talk to him more to know for sure. Otherwise, it could go either way.
carhill Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 OK, gather more information and get back to us
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 If I weren't dating this other guy and considering him, I might. ) Sounds to me like you might anyway
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 No, I couldn't do that. The most I would do is go out for coffee with him and talk. And even that I feel a little funny about, though rationally I think I have no reason to. I am thinking maybe I will stop seeing current guy. I think if I were into him, I wouldn't even have thought twice about a coffee date with hot pants. At this point, I don't see it going anywhere with current guy, and I can't really imagine anything he could do or say to change my mind. It kind of sucks, but it's the reality.
sally4sara Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 No, I couldn't do that. The most I would do is go out for coffee with him and talk. And even that I feel a little funny about, though rationally I think I have no reason to. I am thinking maybe I will stop seeing current guy. I think if I were into him, I wouldn't even have thought twice about a coffee date with hot pants. At this point, I don't see it going anywhere with current guy, and I can't really imagine anything he could do or say to change my mind. It kind of sucks, but it's the reality. Well. There it is then.
eiithan Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 RB, I think I could relate to your hesitation. I would be on guard as well if someone super attractive approaches me on the street. Sort of "too good to be true" phenomenon, I guess. And it is not unreasonable since there certainly is a population of attractive jerks/jerkettes out there. We all learn to be careful as we grow older and more experienced. Another thing that bothers you may be that your admission of finding him attractive (even though you are suspicious of what he truly is). I guess it is just a human nature that good looking people do have an advantage when it comes to social interactions. I confess that I tend to be a bit more generous towards attractive people unless s/he exhibits deal breakers (rude, arrogant, unintelligent, etc). My suggestion is just to go out for a coffee and see what he's up to. No expectation whatsoever. Good looking good guys and girls do exist. And you have to take a chance to figure that out. At worst you can say you had a pleasant time with a beautiful man. What else we women could ask for?
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