GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 just feeling empty. I sure it is progress but at least the emotions were motivating. I find myself just not giving a damn, about anything. tired of working out, the job is a job, and that is barely cutting it but I lucky to have it though even that may not last, pets and friends are good but draining, lost that weight but now everything I own makes me look like a 1999-baggy-ass-white boy-rapper-want-to-be and no cash to buy more, looking pretty good without the threads but who is ever going to see? Yes there will be someone else, though the last time it took about 8 years for that someone else show up. I really don't care to wait that long again. The idea of dating seems exhausting let alone actually doing so. And having to put my best self forward and winning them over...no thanks, sorry but this well is a bit dry, try getting your hydration some where else. All this for what? Yes I am growing as a person from the experience... growing tired that is.
rp123 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 just feeling empty. I sure it is progress but at least the emotions were motivating. I find myself just not giving a damn, about anything. tired of working out, the job is a job, and that is barely cutting it but I lucky to have it though even that may not last, pets and friends are good but draining, lost that weight but now everything I own makes me look like a 1999-baggy-ass-white boy-rapper-want-to-be and no cash to buy more, looking pretty good without the threads but who is ever going to see? Yes there will be someone else, though the last time it took about 8 years for that someone else show up. I really don't care to wait that long again. The idea of dating seems exhausting let alone actually doing so. And having to put my best self forward and winning them over...no thanks, sorry but this well is a bit dry, try getting your hydration some where else. All this for what? Yes I am growing as a person from the experience... growing tired that is. You've summed up my mood exactly. After almost 50days NC, and nothing but a couple of ambiguous messages, I'm feeling drained. I've got options, but really no desire to pursue them...........
McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 well thats sweet at least i have something to look forward to besides anxiety and desperation...
Author GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 well thats sweet at least i have something to look forward to besides anxiety and desperation... thanks MCGrupp, I have always enjoy good cunning sarcasm. Besides laughing between cries is a change of pace:lmao:
mickleb Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Voluntary work? Thanks for cheering me up recently, by the way. I think your great mind is not put to good enough use, yet. You should be sharing it with some people whose progress you can see and who will shake your hand and smile at you and say - you have made such a difference to my life: thank you so much. There are a lot of people who would love to have a chat with you. (I'm talking in realtime - the buzz is better!) x
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. The anger really motivated me to improve in every way; it was quite exhilerating. It also made me much stronger to his advances and approaches, because I was all mad and powerful! Now thats all worn off, and i'm not angry...nor depressed. I have reached this kind of dull, calm acceptance. I'm not indifferent entirely....though a lot of the time I don't care about him or think about him with any kind of positivity. Its more this kind of......well I don't have that mad rush of being in love...nor the mad rush of a break-up....I guess my life has just rebalanced and I suppose thats what happened to you too. Falling in love is a rush. Being dumped is a drop. Then you steady yourself again and I think you're bound to feel a bit tired after all that; emotionally, physically, mentally. Especially if you start to feel a bit bitter and cynical (which I personally have). I think now & again I give up on the idea of a 'happy ending' for myself - at least romantically. But I have an acceptance of that right now, which is perhaps a good thing, because it means maybe it will come into my life when I least suspect it. At the moment though, although his affect has pretty much worn off (sometimes it bites back...and it will when we first see each other in a months time) my heart is saying to me 'NO, NO, NO'. I'm too skeptical and bruised at the minute to want to be in love. I see it all as a big farce. But I think thats part of the healing process too Its better than running around being desperate for anybody. Don't worry about the tired feeling. Slowly the passion will come back, but its something we have to be active not passive in. Falling in love often happens TO us, so we feel everything will just come to us, but for many things, if we want highs, we have to make the effort for them
NopeNah Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 You're "almost" out of the woods imo. When I felt this way, I knew it was almost over. It's the feeling of nothing. You're left with no more anger,false hope,feelings,ect.. of your past relationship. I made the mistake of getting back together with my ex for a month or so at this point..woops! Wasn't a huge step back as I was the dumper this time around. Life goes on without them.... you just take it/make it day by day. This feeling WILL also pass. Then you'll have the feeling of FREEDOM and in my case.. MAJOR RELIEF!!
Author GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Thanks for cheering me up recently, by the way. If that thanks is for me, your welcome. If not then maybe in the future I stumble upon a way and offers something insightful and moving for you, hell even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then. I think your great mind is not put to good enough use, yet I don't not know about great, but yes your on to something about not being challenge (as in a good way my dear EX, you can keep your crazy to yourself from now on, I am all stocked up here). It is a consistent theme in my little stage play called life. The last act is starting to look like it's headed for an epilogue of over estimation of oneself to his own demise. I do hope the audience is enjoying the show because I am really starting to find it repetitive and lacking a solid plot.
Author GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Then you'll have the feeling of FREEDOM and in my case.. MAJOR RELIEF!! Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, and that is the issue
Author GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 Rant continues (for those with a low tolerance for boredom, you may want to find something a bit more interesting to read, like train schedule.) There are a lot of people who would love to have a chat with you. x Yes but they are usually heavily medicated and have a hard time knowing where they are... Yes I know I am coming off as a nattering nabob of negativity (thanks Mr. Safire) but I am in the land of 80 year old ladies and twenty something co-eds. I given serious thought about the octogenarians but they are not likely to let me in their wills, so way to much downside for little up side. And for the soon to be members of the Love Shack's Home of Heartbreak twenty something co-eds? Pass, thanks to the EX I gain some insight in that. So others can learn from my experience; NONE OF THEM ARE MATURE FOR THEIR AGE. (Please take no insult to those in that demographics group, understand the crazy man is talking here) Which leaves the space between... married friends and neighbors. Which, frankly their husband seem like ok guys so I will leave that alone. What does that leaves is a few lost soles who can not understand contemporary country music is neither contemporary or country (not to mention the questionable nature of it acturally being music) while dancing with the stars neither dancing or stars. I know you love your children, each and every one of them are angels from the breath of God, but please, please don't use the word potty when referring to your need to "powder your nose". Augh! Voluntary work? Reasonable advice but at the moment the current job is managing volunteers so the idea of spending more time in that arena bring on a queasiness. Plus currently what I am making here at this "trying to save the world" no profit should be considered volunteer work. BUT, despite my current disagreeable disposition, I truly appreciate your words and I hope I don't scare anyone off. Maybe it is something about the weekend that brings it out in me. I know the venting does little good but neither does my dog chasing it's own tail, though she does seem to have some fun at it.
NopeNah Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I like having nothing to lose Maybe pick up a part time side job for extra spending money..It'll also keep you too busy to think about all this.
Author GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) Great minds think alike...and so do yor and I. Currently working 2 part time jobs in addition to the full time gig. Edited October 26, 2009 by GrayClouds
mickleb Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Hmmn. Hold a party at your house? I am trying this one on Saturday. The house is a studio, I live on the outskirts of a kind-of wasteland (this could be a slight exaggeration), I've never been more skint (and, boy, have I been skint for, er, most of my life!) and I don't know many people who live nearby! SO, I'll let you know how it goes. But here goes nothing, eh?
Author GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 What time should I show up, wastelanders are "my people"!
mickleb Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 You're fkn hilarious, GC. (Just read that squirrel analogy, too! ) I wish you could turn up but, sadly, I don't think the trek from... the USA, somewhere?.. across the pond will be worth it. I let you in, conference call-like, for the post-mortem, though.
Author GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 You're fkn hilarious, GC. (Just read that squirrel analogy, too! ) I wish you could turn up but, sadly, I don't think the trek from... the USA, somewhere?.. across the pond will be worth it. I let you in, conference call-like, for the post-mortem, though. post-mortem???????????????? I a bit down but not quite thinking about going hat direction, yet... do you know something I don't.
TaraMaiden Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Ah yes.... Classic. You've hit the plateau. Everybody does, Nothing is completely cr*p, but then, nothing is completely great, either. I don't actually know how to break this gently to you, but - frustratingly - it's called Life. Unfortunately, I know a bit about this. I have countless thousands of square miles to cover, on my trusty steed, helping whole villages fight the oppressive iron-fist-like grip the local landowners try to exert over their impoverished serfs.... I meet warlocks with ideas above their station, I have to overthrow, wicked sorceresses capturing young local eligible bachelors and bending them to their whim, I combat dark and wicked knights, hell-bent on needless violence against young impressionable virgins.... But I can't keep up the pace you know - nobody can..... these episodes do not follow one upon the other in either logical sequence or frequency.... I have days... weeks.... months of total apathetic boredom.... Ho-hum. Brush the horse. Sharpen the sword. Adjust my stainless-steel inch-thick impenetrable bustier.... God, it gets cold.... don't let this get-up fool you - when I'm not in action, I wear winter thermals and woolly socks. Which is most of the time. What I'm trying to say is, that there is no reason at all why Life always has to give you something to do. You have to go find it. It doesn't just land on your plate with a "Hey, there you go - here be dragons.... fetch your lance and have at 'em!"...... At the risk of stating the obvious, if things reach a plateau, it's because right now, we've run out of ideas of how to create a challenging landscape. Let me give you some encouragement. Let it be for a while. keep plodding. And whilst it is admirable to improve the physique (trust me, it takes real work to look this good) you need, more than that, to keep your MIND interested. Start to read something you sharply disagree with. See the other POV and tear it to pieces..... Or learn something about a subject you've always wanted to get under your belt. Or join a knitting club. I'm serious. Go against your grain, and do something every day that you wouldn't normally dream of doing. if you can't make your life more adventurous externally, work on the internal. Pass the leather polish......
quankanne Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 party sounds good: Invite cougars and fellow guys with "skinny" clothes in their closets (women coined this phrase, for the clothes they've outgrown but don't give away in the event they lose weight and need something that fits) – you'll have mature chicks who don't care for head-games (ideally) and are appreciative of men who want them, as well as the opportunity to cobble together enough clothes for a few outfits. Or you can check with relatives or at the Goodwill, I've found jeans and shorts there for my husband, who isn't picky about "gently used" clothing. as much as all of this is driving you crazy, look at it this way: All the really hard crap is behind you now. The rest of it is downhill from here on out
mickleb Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 May I just ask how old a mature chick who doesn't care for head games and is appreciative of men who want her, is? It's a bit depressing to think I may be considered thus..
Author GrayClouds Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Ah yes.... I meet warlocks with ideas above their station, It is a consistent theme in my little stage play called life. The last act is starting to look like it's headed for an epilogue of over estimation of oneself to his own demise. You may be referring to me, I think I know something about that subject, sans the magical spells. Are you referring to me? I have to overthrow, wicked sorceresses capturing young local eligible bachelors and bending them to their whim, I combat dark and wicked knights, hell-bent on needless violence against young impressionable virgins.... How about a little help for the not so young???? You've hit the plateau. Just thought the scenery would be better from here... Let me give you some encouragement. Once again, grudgingly you have, that and a smile, thanks May I just ask how old a mature chick who doesn't care for head games and is appreciative of men who want her, is? It's a bit depressing to think I may be considered thus... and mickleb, you have given me a good laugh. thank you though I don't think you should be concern, I think the answer to your question is 3 and a half days after their death...you girls just live for those head games;) .
mickleb Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Games that don't involve the head are often dull.
Author GrayClouds Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Keep up that wit and I will find away to attend the party no matter how "skint" I am. (as you can see I am enjoying my new word, keep educating me on the mother tongue and Hugh Grant will nothing over me).
lemeng Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 do yourself a favor and watch the movie "the secret" you wont regret it i didn't believe it first but i tried it and it paid off just watch it and you will understand
TaraMaiden Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Do yourself a favour, and - don't. Hyped-up claptrap purporting to promise wealth beyond your wildest dreams and happiness in equal measures, providing you think about it long enough.... With crap like that, I'd rather be skint. The author got rich playing on the minds of the vulnerable....neat idea, huh? You may be referring to me, I think I know something about that subject, sans the magical spells. Nah... you're beguiling, but I'd never consider you a warlock.... How about a little help for the not so young???? I do what I can, at my age.... I too creak occasionally - and it's not the leather... but in my experience, the young need more help, being more witless, and having travelled round the block a lot less than the likes of you and I..... Did you know that laughter is a marvellous tonic and cure for many ailments...? Humans are so blessed with this gift, we should do it more often. Kids do it a lot more often than adults. maybe we should let the kid in us, come out more often.... So if all else fails, laugh about everything. And it costs nothing, so be skint and be happy! THAT'S the secret! I give it to you FOC!
Author GrayClouds Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 do yourself a favor and watch the movie "the secret" you wont regret it i didn't believe it first but i tried it and it paid off just watch it and you will understand See if I understand...I go see the movie, then everything good that happens is becouse of seeing it and believing, and if something bad happens its because I am not believing hard enough? Hummmmmm...I think I liked the original version a bit better when that guy Jesus starred in it, though honestly I got a bit bored with that one too. But that thanks anyway, I 'll save my popcorn money for the next Kar Wai Wong flick.
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