caz83 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I posted on here originally when my long term, live in, boyfriend left me for someone else. I was crushed and it took me a while to get over (still getting over I have now realised) after about 5 months I was asked on a date by a friend of a friend, (who I had only met once but I liked him and so asked my friend to do some matchmaking) we went out, and it was nice he was lovely, but not a huge spark. Anyway, he kept asking me out after that again and again and I would say yes because I did like him, but then canel at the last minute because I would think I wasnt ready, but he didnt give up and eventually we went out again and I started to like him alot. The problem was, when I split with my long term boyfriend, I made plans to move back home to live with my parents again (2 hrs away) and had a new job lined up etc. So me and this new guy spend an amazing couple of weeks together but then I moved away (in August), we said we would carry on though, with the long distance thing. So we did and we would see eachother everyother weekend, my friend (who originaly sat us up) said that everytime she saw him he would tell her how amazing he thought I was and how happy he is. So imagine my surprise when last week he phones me the day before my birthday (I was meant to be going to spend my birthday weekend with him) and dumps me. I was so shocked. Especially when he did all the chasing in the first place and seemed so into me, he introduced me to his family etc. He said its because of the distance, that it would never work, and also doesnt thing we are very compatable. When I lived in his town we had an amazing few weeks, got on so well, it only turned a dit different when I moved away because then when I would see him it would be for 3-4 days in a row... and normally so early on in a relationship you wouldnt spend 24hrs a day togther for that length of time, sometimes we would have awkward silences or not really know what to do with each other...but that didnt bother me because I knew it was only because we were spending intense amounts of time togther so early on in the relationship and that it would get better and easier once we got more comfortable with each other. It also made me question our compatability and whether he was really the one for me, but I didnt mind too much because I was so physically attracted to him and the physical side of our relationship was amazing. Anyway, my problem is that I am now so so upset that he has ended it! I am literally gutted. We carried on talking for a while, he would say how sorry he is and what an amazing girl I am, but that his heart isnt in it, but now he wont even talk and says I need to move on. I am so upset, and have fallen into the dumpee ways of looking at pictures of him on facebook, reading old texts and thinking of things we have done togther...and I dont know why!! because it wasnt like it was a big romance, yeah I liked him, but I wasnt in love. But now I am thinking about how much I liked him, what I am trying to work out is...do I actually really like him and it took this to make me realise?? or do I just think that I really liked him because I havent got him anymore? Am I really upset over him, or just upset about being dumped. It has also made me miss my longterm ex all over again...maybe the new guy was a distraction, somewhere to go and spend lovely weekends, but now Im reminded that I am on my own and living with my parents. I dont know what I feel. Do I really miss him, or do I just miss someone wanting me after being so so hurt by my long term ex? I know that I really miss the physical side of being with him, when I think about kissing him my tummy flips. I feel like I really want him back, but cant work out if its just that I want someone because I cant have my long term ex back. confused.
Ariadne Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Hi, It sounds like you are just going through a loss, not exactly a broken heart. Of course it was nice to spend some time with him.. but by doing so he realized (as you did) that the relationship wasn't ideal, and the distance made it not worth it. It seems to me also that you feel very unsettled if you don't have a bf for some reason.
Author caz83 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 its not so much that I feel unsettled. Im just not used to it. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years (the one before this guy) and we lived together for 3..so go go from having a partner that I saw 24hrs a day to go being single is taking some adjusting to. I have also realised that Im just one of those people who likes being in a relationship. At first I thought that was a bad thing, because people say you should be able to be on your own etc without relying on having a boyfriend. But as Ive got older, I have tried being single etc in the past and I prefer being in a relationship and I dont think thats a bad thing.
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