Feeling discontent in LDR all of a sudden?

[winterbutterfly]

Hello there.

 

I'm new here, and have been looking for a forum to join to talk to people who are going through what I am going through (LDR), and this forum has many interesting posts to read, so thank you all for posting.

 

The reason I started writing in the first place is that I have been silent for far too long about the problems happening in my LDR - my friends are good people, fun and kind and caring, but they aren't really listeners, and they don't understand what LDRs are like - I'm more the person who listens to their problems, not vice versa. So I am in definete need of talking.

 

My Husband and I have been together 2 1/2 years now, and will have been married a year in two weeks. Typically we see each other once a month, for a weekend - it's not terribly far, about an 8 or 9 hour drive. I live in Ohio in the US, and he lives in Ontario in Canada, so we are going through immigration - in fact, we just filed our paperwork for me to immigrate up there two weeks ago.

 

My problem has been happening since the beginning of September...we have seen each other once since then, for a weekend, as usual. I started feeling like...well, I suppose the way to put it is I started feeling like I DON'T feel. Like I'm so disconnected from him, that I can't tell if I feel anything for him anymore. Mind you, this is only when he is gone. While he was here for that weekend in the beginning of October, the first night was awkward (it's always awkward at first...lol), and then the next morning, all was as usual. I felt love, and comfort, and happiness, and I felt NORMAL. But he left the next night, and the day after that, I started feeling the exact same way again - like I am terribly disconnected from him, that I cannot connect.

 

My Husband and I are incredibly open with each other, and we have talked about this several times, but nothing seems to be helping. Neither of us can afford to get together more than once a month at the moment, and this has worked (but of course, hasn't been ideal) for the past two and half years. But all of a sudden, it feels like it's falling apart.

 

We are incredibly lucky compared to many people in LDRs, in that we see each other monthly and have many different ways to communicate, such as the phone, skype, webcams, and e-mail, just to name a few. I feel selfish for being unhappy. But it all, for some reason, suddenly seems so cold and impersonal and I don't feel anything when I talk to him. Only when we're together. And it's awful. I fear we have lost all the intimacy in our relationship, and have no clue as to why this is hitting me now - this has never bothered me before. I have no sex drive, none at all, even when we're together and our relationship feels so good, and that is very unusual for me.

 

I can't properly explain how I'm feeling, I can't place it into words...just...I don't want to make my Husband unhappy with me. I want him to be happy, and live a happy life. I don't want to push him to make me the center of his attention just because I'm unhappy right now. I don't know, maybe it's the distance finally getting to me...we've spent the equivalent of 90 days with each other the past 2 1/2 years...or maybe it's the lack of intimacy...I really just feel like I should have nothing to complain about.

 

Has anyone else felt this way in their LDR, or has had intimacy problems?

 

Any suggestions on how to keep things the way they are when we're together? I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

 

-Stephanie

[nowvoyager]

Hello Winter, I'm new here too.

 

I'm lucky as I get to see my SO almost every weekend. Yet I understand a lot of what you said. I find that during the week I'm often disconnected, we speak on the telephone every other night but it usually feels hollow. But then when we see each other it's as warm as ever. It feels like a rollercoaster, and it isn't fun, but I've come to terms with it. At first it frightened me, I hated the feeling of being seperate in my heart and I thought it meant the end. But each week the feeling of warmth would return and now I just hold onto that. It's soooo nice when we're together that it doesn't matter so much that I feel disconnected when we're apart. Although I do get lonely... but that's part of LDRs, right?

 

So I guess if I was you I wouldn't worry too much, as long as it feels right when you're together.