icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 so i started datin a girl last may but it never really got off anywhere, and since then we have been best friends, but 2 weeks ago we had sex, and it was great, we both realized how much we like each other, and she was awesome towards me, but last monday we got in an argument over something stupid, and since then she hasnt been really into me it seemed.. Like pre-argument, i would come over and she would say come lay down and we would cuddle and what not and it was really nice, but since then she hasnt once said come lay down or come cuddle, and she stopped kissing me bye and stuff.. Idk, ive talked to her and she was like well yea i was being weird i was mad at you, but still? we got in a small argument over the same thing last thursday and now thats all over with, but idk why she is still being weird, ive apologized to her multiple times, when im drunk like last night i kiss her a lot and shes cool with it, but she doesnt come forward at all anymore and do it and its kind of starting to bother me, i would just really like some input as to how i can get back to the way things were when we started hooking up cause i would love to make a relationship with this girl, im crazy about her, pretty positive that i am in love. hopefully someone here can help me out, thanks everyone... if you need any details ill be here just ask me, thankyou!! icemann
chocolate.strawbery Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 sounds to me that every time you get close to this girl you guys get in a "little argument". well thats what killed you right there bro. try playing it a little cooler next time. watch some james bond movies. and your definately not in love, get over it, theres a better girl out there for you if your willing to find her. in conclusion, just tell her that you don't want to ruin the friendship that you have and that you wanna remain just friends. that will A) save your friendship or B) make her want you more. win-win.
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 sounds to me that every time you get close to this girl you guys get in a "little argument". well thats what killed you right there bro. try playing it a little cooler next time. watch some james bond movies. and your definately not in love, get over it, theres a better girl out there for you if your willing to find her. in conclusion, just tell her that you don't want to ruin the friendship that you have and that you wanna remain just friends. that will A) save your friendship or B) make her want you more. win-win. ive been head over heels for this girl since ive met her, and the argument is nothing related to us hooking up or anything.. like at all, its something i said which was my fault lol, but it was an issue i was having and i resolved, hence why i wanna make it work now, because i really am crazy about this girl and i wanna get back to the way it was, the entire time i was her friend all i wanted was to be more than that
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 IMO stop calling her, stop appologising and act like you have done nothing wrong.. If you stop calling she will think that she has over reacted and come back because once again you look strong and independant and not a needy clingy weak male who is appologising every 2 seconds.. HUGE turn off for any girl. She is being moody and mad because you let her. To me from just going on your post thats how you are comming across, needy and weak.. like a little sick wet puppy.. All I can say is just back off, play it cool and let her miss you. Also next time she says "come lay down next to me" dont.. reply "nope, you get your sexy ass over here!" Take the lead!
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 IMO stop calling her, stop appologising and act like you have done nothing wrong.. If you stop calling she will think that she has over reacted and come back because once again you look strong and independant and not a needy clingy weak male who is appologising every 2 seconds.. HUGE turn off for any girl. She is being moody and mad because you let her. To me from just going on your post thats how you are comming across, needy and weak.. like a little sick wet puppy.. All I can say is just back off, play it cool and let her miss you. Also next time she says "come lay down next to me" dont.. reply "nope, you get your sexy ass over here!" Take the lead! ok so, we talk constantly, should i just answer her texts and let her carry the conversation, dont just say things to her, act distant in a way? basically just act like i could care less to make her have to come after me..?
chocolate.strawbery Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 ive been head over heels for this girl since ive met her, and the argument is nothing related to us hooking up or anything.. like at all, its something i said which was my fault lol, but it was an issue i was having and i resolved, hence why i wanna make it work now, because i really am crazy about this girl and i wanna get back to the way it was, the entire time i was her friend all i wanted was to be more than that make sure you learn from this experience and never make the same mistake is the most important thing you can do. don't share you problems with her or any other girl your getting to know. solve them on your own. your the leader. your the capeetahn.
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 make sure you learn from this experience and never make the same mistake is the most important thing you can do. don't share you problems with her or any other girl your getting to know. solve them on your own. your the leader. your the capeetahn. yeah i know, thats why i want to get back to before i made the mistake, because it isnt a mistake i am going to make again lol, im just tryin to figure the best way to handle what ive done and move past it.
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 just my opinion, you guys are obviously good friends but you dont want to be a door mat, i.e let her run the relationship.. It's obvious you dont want to be just friends with her either. let her miss you for a bit.. dont call, dont reply to her texts, dont answer her phone calls.. Go completly no contact with her for a couple of days. She will miss you like crazy. Sometimes girls have to have the fear of loosing you to realise what she has. It's hard to do and i've learnt the hard way on this.. yes you want to be the best bf in the world and treat them the best. but that leads to you being to easy and not a challenge at all.
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 just my opinion, you guys are obviously good friends but you dont want to be a door mat, i.e let her run the relationship.. It's obvious you dont want to be just friends with her either. let her miss you for a bit.. dont call, dont reply to her texts, dont answer her phone calls.. Go completly no contact with her for a couple of days. She will miss you like crazy. Sometimes girls have to have the fear of loosing you to realise what she has. It's hard to do and i've learnt the hard way on this.. yes you want to be the best bf in the world and treat them the best. but that leads to you being to easy and not a challenge at all. but wouldnt just ignoring her make her paranoid like im mad at her/ stress her out, i mean ill shy away from her but i know her life situation and stuff and completely ignoring her probably isnt the best idea, but i will shy away from talking to her and make her miss me and what not.. if that will be good enough?
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 why shouldnt you be a little bit mad at her?? she has taken the contact and things out of the relationship that made it special for you. Two people in the relationship and it cannot be all on her terms. You made a mistake, you appologised for it, the two of you should move on. If she is serious about you, having her punish you by going all cold on you is wrong on her behalf and is kinda childish. sooo How about this then, if she calls dont answer it. Just text her back and say that you are busy atm but will call her. dont say when, leave it for a day or two. Hopefully she will start thinking about how much she does like you and wonder what you are upto and going all cold on you was an over reaction. You dont want her repeating this behavour everytime you disagree about something i suspect. You understand what im getting at here?
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 why shouldnt you be a little bit mad at her?? she has taken the contact and things out of the relationship that made it special for you. Two people in the relationship and it cannot be all on her terms. You made a mistake, you appologised for it, the two of you should move on. If she is serious about you, having her punish you by going all cold on you is wrong on her behalf and is kinda childish. sooo How about this then, if she calls dont answer it. Just text her back and say that you are busy atm but will call her. dont say when, leave it for a day or two. Hopefully she will start thinking about how much she does like you and wonder what you are upto and going all cold on you was an over reaction. You dont want her repeating this behavour everytime you disagree about something i suspect. You understand what im getting at here? yeah i do, i have classes with her on tuesday at college, but i guess just avoid talking to her today(monday) and wait till we go to class on tuesday? shes gonna say to me are you mad at me? how could i handle that?
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) IF she asks if you are mad at her answer the question with another question "Why would you think i'd be mad at you?" make sure you smile in a teasing way and see if you can hug her when you say this be confident If she asks it means that she had been thinking about you all day and had missed you. win Goodluck and really you have nothing to loose if you dont contact her for a day or two. Edited October 26, 2009 by mushmush
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 actually last thursday i didnt talk to her till friday night, 2 days, and she texted "hey" then "are u ignoring me?" then she called, and i called her back later, and she was super nice on the phone, but she still wasnt the same as before we argued a little bit, i wonder if there is another way to deal with it? or if just continuously doing the same thing is worth it.
Author icemann12 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 so something happened to her last night and she was telling me about it all day via text, answering almost instantly, then i asked if she wanted to go see paranormal activity later in the week cause she hasnt seen it yet, and no answer for a bit, so i sent my friends are goin too probably just to see, and almost instantly i got an answer back, what the hell is her deal? some help please, im about to get angry about this lol
boogieboy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 so something happened to her last night and she was telling me about it all day via text, answering almost instantly, then i asked if she wanted to go see paranormal activity later in the week cause she hasnt seen it yet, and no answer for a bit, so i sent my friends are goin too probably just to see, and almost instantly i got an answer back, what the hell is her deal? some help please, im about to get angry about this lol Youre not listening. DO NOT intitiate texts with her. Let her text and call you. DOnt always answer her right away, dont offer anything until you guys are together in person. BTW these are games she is playing and she isnt taking you seriously because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger, and you trained her this way. You really have to back off. Do a 180. No more initiating contact. When you told her you were going with friends she realized you were going to go without her, thats why she answered instantly. To be honest, if shes acting like this, someone else is in the picture and you are on your way out. I say break it off now before she gets a chance to.
Author icemann12 Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Youre not listening. DO NOT intitiate texts with her. Let her text and call you. DOnt always answer her right away, dont offer anything until you guys are together in person. BTW these are games she is playing and she isnt taking you seriously because she knows she has you wrapped around her finger, and you trained her this way. You really have to back off. Do a 180. No more initiating contact. When you told her you were going with friends she realized you were going to go without her, thats why she answered instantly. To be honest, if shes acting like this, someone else is in the picture and you are on your way out. I say break it off now before she gets a chance to. thanks, and no, nobody else is in the picture, when she isnt with me shes at home. with her kid doing nothing, all of her old friends are gone to different places now, her friends are my friends, there is def nobody else lol
mushmush Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) I used to think the same way as you.. Be super nice, shower them with gifts and always be there for them and they wil fall head over heels with you because you are such a nice guy.. It does not work this way unfortunalty.. You think not calling her back straight away is a turnoff? wrong. You think if you dont accept every invite and are not there 100% of the time she will not love you as much? wrong again. Now i'm not saying be a jerk but what I am saying is do not always be available! Also if she invites you out, it's ok to sometimes say no sorry I have other plans. It will make her want you more, not less. (does she invite you out??) Dont do this to win her, do this because you are putting yourself first. (and you will most likely win her as a result) Edited October 27, 2009 by mushmush
torranceshipman Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 If the girl is mature and level headed she will love great treatment and gifts, bt if she is less mature, she is probably going to repsond to more of the game playing, acting cool, etc (which is probably the case here)...
mushmush Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) correct torrance iceman you can still treat her great and give her gifts. Still be yourself. Just dont always be available. Maturity of the girl is a huge factor.. When I was younger I used to hate it when i'd treat a girl right and some anus got the girl I was interested in by treating her like crap. All about balance, you cant be to nice when you are young or girls will walk all over you. They dont appriciate how rare this is until they are more experienced and have dealt with a number of jerks who have used them and screwed them over. Edited October 27, 2009 by mushmush
Author icemann12 Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 yeah i hung out with her yesterday and she came out last night and at the end of the night she didnt go for a kiss so i called her out, and she gave me 2 kisses and said sorry im just not a huge fan of kissing.. so today ive given her 1 word answers to her texts and im not texting her or calling her till she does something. i figure you guys are right, make her want me, dont always be pining for her cause then she just controls everything, but now ill just not talk to her for the night till we have class tomorrow, unless she says something to me about it like are you mad or something like that, but otherwise just leave her alone and see how she deals with it i guess?
ADF Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Icemann, something about the way you tell your story makes you sound very passive. You talk about things as if they just sort of happen, with no conscious agency on your part. I suggest you tell her how you feel and what you want. You may get it, or you may not. But at least you'll have taken control.
Recommended Posts