mixwell Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Okay so basically I was with this chick for 4mths around summer time last year.. She had issues etc, insecure, was young and what not.. Well we had decided to be friends although she had a new b/f but I found around December when I had e-mailed her saying whats up she didn't reply.. I thought to myself the whole friends deal was for her to emotional detach from me and emotionally connect with this guy and I was in love with her etc.. Well for some reason the other day (after 1 year) I e-mailed her saying hey how are you blah blah blah and she messeged me back saying "sorry I haven't talk to you everythings been a mess but everythings cool now" which to me is AKA I ignored you because I had a boyfriend but now I'm single so whats up... Anyways she said heres my number call me sometime and put "kisses" at the end of the message.. Well I have been thinking about calling her BUT when we were together last year she had emotional issues like being insecure, wanting to be together all the time and other things I didn't like.. I'd be interested in calling her and who knows if she has a bf but i don't think she woulda responded if she did but basically If i were to contact her and we hung out should I just persue it as a friends basis or what ? I did like her alot but like I said she did have some issues that I really didn't like.. Any advice is appreciated.. MixweLL
ATR Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 You are way too curious - curiosity killed the cat. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Went out with her the summer of 2008 till December. Let the past be the past. Why did you email her though?
TheLoneSock Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 You're the one contacting her after all this time, and YOU are supsicious of her motives? Dude what do you expect? If she had ignored you again you would have assumed the same thing you did before. Instead though, she responds and says call me- which is exactly what you wanted, seeing as how you're still in love with her- and you're cynical about it. I think you're the insecure one. You were only with her for 4 months. It's been a year. Time to move on. In my opinion you shouldn't even be reaching out to her, not only because you can't handle it, but because she sounds flaky. Be honest with yourself, you're still into this girl- being friends with her wouldn't work for you. Plus your attitude about the situation, being suspicious of her motives simply because she responded to you, says a lot. Be careful what you wish for. You get everything you deserve in the end.
Author mixwell Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I did contact her outta curiosity but I am no where near in love her. I liked her a lot but if she told me to f**ck off I wouldn't care either way. This girl isn't like other girlfriends I've had where I had time to fall in love etc so I know I could handle just being friends if thats all it was. She was a fun chick to hang out with so either way IF we hung out as friends or hooked up I'd be cool with either or if she didn't want to hang out I'd be fine as well.. I have a few other priorities right now than a g/f so.. Anyways thanks for the input..
BCCA Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 "sorry I haven't talk to you everythings been a mess but everythings cool now" which to me is AKA I ignored you because I had a boyfriend but now I'm single so whats up... Youre reading too much into this, which leads me to believe that this girl, and her responses, mean more than you are letting on. I wouldnt be at all surprised to hear that this girl still has a boyfriend, or is not romantically interested in you, despite her response. The real question to ask yourself is why did you REALLY contact her? If its honestly just a matter of seeing how she is and being friendly, go for it. But if you have the idea that there could be some dating/sex, I just want to point out that she hasnt made any attempts to contact you in all this time, and ignored your last message. I think you want more from her than a friend, but thats just me, and I think youre reading too much into her response.
TheLoneSock Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) I was in love with her I did contact her outta curiosity but I am no where near in love her. I liked her a lot but if she told me to f**ck off I wouldn't care either way. This girl isn't like other girlfriends I've had where I had time to fall in love etc so I know I could handle just being friends if thats all it was. She was a fun chick to hang out with so either way IF we hung out as friends or hooked up I'd be cool with either or if she didn't want to hang out I'd be fine as well.. I have a few other priorities right now than a g/f so.. Anyways thanks for the input.. These two statements completely contradict each other. Maybe you don't like the responses you got and have now taken a defensive stance. Or maybe our input has made you take off your rose tinted sunglasses. Either way- you're bouncing from one demeanor to another trying to save face. If you were in love with her, spent the past year thinking about her, and are still overanalysing her communications with you- you still have feelings for her. She is definitely not the deciding factor here. It's you. There is no other source for your angst than your own confusion, suspicion and indecision. If anything she has been crystal clear. Edited October 26, 2009 by TheLoneSock typo
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Sock.. Not trying to save face.. What I had meant was like 2 weeks after the breakup she said she wanted to be friends but I believe it was so she could emotionally detach from me while she was with this other guy. like she wasn't over me but wanted the friends blanket to slowly detach which is the card my ex of 7 years had pulled on me back then so I was like whatever because I did like her a lot but wasn't like crazy in love with her.. Actually NC on this one was quite easy to follow. I don't know if I had friends or hooking up/dating intentions when messaging her to be honest, I just messaged her without a clear intention other than to see what was up. She is the only other chick that I was with that I felt I actually cared about.. to BCCA- I know she doesn't have a b/f because after talking to her last night she said she didn't etc.. I agree that I am reading too much into this when I probably shouldn't but I guess in conversation when I hear something that triggers me I think "wait why did she say this or that" For example she was asking if I still had the picture frame and something she had got for me and I was thinking.. "why would she care ?" Socks... I guess the reason I'm reading into it soo much is because other than her being insecure about herself (and I know this because she was bulemic and always felt she had to look her best in public etc and was crazy jealous about the other girls I talked to) she was sooo much fun to be around compared to other women I've dated AND she is one of the hotter chicks I've dated.. Keep in mind though she was 19 and I was 25 at the time we went out.. She is now 21 and I am 26 so I guess if she is over the little kinks (which I don't expect anyone to change for me) I think she would be a great chick is all. Anyways I don't know I guess whatever happens happens, I should stay focused on paying off my credit cards and working... Hoorah for working your ass off to get by Thanks for your guys input, I appreciate whether positive or negative
TheLoneSock Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 It sounds like she's a truely messed up girl. I can understand digging a girl that's a little messed up in the head, but she sounds like she has real problems. I'm not so sure wanting anything to do with her would be smart. Friendship or otherwise. I would say let it go.
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 I think you want more from her than a friend, but thats just me, and I think youre reading too much into her response. I'm sure you're right on this one.. I'd rather be more than a friend with her under different conditions but I didn't like the way our past relationship was so I guess I'm poking my nose in to see if anything has changed but either way she was fun to hang with so if it were just friends I wouldn't be concerned as I've said before I have a busy life and honestly I could do without any extra drama if things were to be the same as before.. I would actually rather be friends than be in a relationship with her and have the same issues as before which i know isn't right to try and expect someone to change to be with them nor would I pressure or expect someone to act like someone they're not in order to persue a relationship.
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 It sounds like she's a truely messed up girl. I can understand digging a girl that's a little messed up in the head, but she sounds like she has real problems. I'm not so sure wanting anything to do with her would be smart. Friendship or otherwise. I would say let it go. Sock- As my friend once told me about this chick "Dude she is train wreck" I just wonder if part of that train has gotten on track ? I'm more curious to see if anything has changed because if not there is no way I want to go down that path again.. Maybe I have expectations and am getting in over my head.. Curiousity is a son of a bitch.. haha
TheLoneSock Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Sock- As my friend once told me about this chick "Dude she is train wreck" I just wonder if part of that train has gotten on track ? I'm more curious to see if anything has changed because if not there is no way I want to go down that path again.. Maybe I have expectations and am getting in over my head.. Curiousity is a son of a bitch.. haha Who cares even if she has changed. You were only with her for 4 months. There are PLENTY, as in SO MANY girls out there you could invest effort into. F her. In my experience people don't change anyway. Especially not after only a year.
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 TheLoneSock.. Not to pry into your business but what is your story on signing up with LS if you don't mind me asking ?
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Who cares even if she has changed. You were only with her for 4 months. There are PLENTY, as in SO MANY girls out there you could invest effort into. F her. In my experience people don't change anyway. Especially not after only a year. You're right on people don't change (only after a year) I know I've changed a lot since age 21 to 26 but I doubt after a year someone would change. Yah one thing I've always told myself is to NEVER put a woman on a pedestal as there are a lot of other women out there.. I try to see myself as the catch because when all the BS is done and over with I'm real and I believe I am a good, funny, enjoyable person to be around although I could manage to lose a little weight (which is another daily activity I just got back into)
TheLoneSock Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 TheLoneSock.. Not to pry into your business but what is your story on signing up with LS if you don't mind me asking ? Funny you should ask, it relates to your situation in a way. My ex contacted me by letter (old fashioned snail mail). It was lyrics to a song, so I came on here looking for advice on what it could mean or if I should even respond to it. I just kind of stuck around after that and have been on here for the past few weeks. In the end I decided not to respond. The breakup was pretty painful. It's what was best for me, and besides I have way better options available to me right now. But yeah, remember this: there is always better out there when it comes to girls.
Author mixwell Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Funny you should ask, it relates to your situation in a way. My ex contacted me by letter (old fashioned snail mail). It was lyrics to a song, so I came on here looking for advice on what it could mean or if I should even respond to it. I just kind of stuck around after that and have been on here for the past few weeks. In the end I decided not to respond. The breakup was pretty painful. It's what was best for me, and besides I have way better options available to me right now. But yeah, remember this: there is always better out there when it comes to girls. Your last line is soooo true bro.. Can't believe I've been on here since 2004... The first X was doosie and totally fked me up.. I do agree wit you on there are ALWAYS more girls in the world than to worry about 1 but as my parents have tried to explain certain tactics on getting over on an ex and I didn't listen... In retrospect I totally agree with the advice given but I do feel and have learned that at certain times there is only soo much advice you can be given and certain life experiences you just have to go through yourself... Although the parents were right it is one lesson I will never forget.. I really try now as a 26 year old to folllow MOST advice from my parents because after all the knowledge you think you have and all the "no they don't know my exact situation" are wrong.. It sucks to say but I admit as I get older I become wiser.. I wish I was 18 with the knowledge I know now.. haha.. Sorry for the long post.. MixweLL
TheLoneSock Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Your last line is soooo true bro.. Can't believe I've been on here since 2004... The first X was doosie and totally fked me up.. I do agree wit you on there are ALWAYS more girls in the world than to worry about 1 but as my parents have tried to explain certain tactics on getting over on an ex and I didn't listen... In retrospect I totally agree with the advice given but I do feel and have learned that at certain times there is only soo much advice you can be given and certain life experiences you just have to go through yourself... Yeah everything is always clearer in retrospect. Takes forever for the tinted glasses to finally be pulled off. Although the parents were right it is one lesson I will never forget.. I really try now as a 26 year old to folllow MOST advice from my parents because after all the knowledge you think you have and all the "no they don't know my exact situation" are wrong.. It sucks to say but I admit as I get older I become wiser.. I wish I was 18 with the knowledge I know now.. haha.. Ironically, I choose not to talk to my parents about anything that has to do with girls and relationships. I've chosen to learn everything on my own, most of the time the hard way. Mostly just because I'm stubborn though. You really do have to just go through some **** on your own. Everyone at one point wishes they could go back and teach everything they know now to the person they were then. There's even a song about it by Brad Paisley called "If I Could Write A Letter"... AWESOME song, everyone should hear it. Sorry for the long post.. Don't appologize, it's your thread.
Author mixwell Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 . There's even a song about it by Brad Paisley called "If I Could Write A Letter"... AWESOME song, everyone should hear it. Don't appologize, it's your thread. While I really dislike country music I will check it out. I think the song I've felt the most is Pharcyde "back in the day" check it out... I actually kinda depresses me haha.. Anyways just a quick update... I've talk to the ex a few times she says "when are we gona hang out" and "I miss you Vance" (thats my name) so I asked her if she wanted to hang out this coming Monday.. For some reason back in the early dating crap I've read I didn't offer her the weekend because I want her to think I'm about and about on the weekends which is stupid because I'm not doing ish on the weekend except relaxing and recovering from working out (which I am glad I have gotten back into) /flex
Author mixwell Posted October 30, 2009 Author Posted October 30, 2009 Just to add to LoneSock on the never asked your parents for suggestions... I think the type of mentality I have is I really would like to learn from my elders and I think I have a type of adult ADD.. For example there was some issue with accounting paperwork where the manager asked me a simple question that I knew the answer to or whatever but I kept picking her brain on something else and kept referring to the solution which I knew but I think sometimes I get too in depth and want to know why the answer is what is it and what that person did to come to that conclusion. I think its an odd mentality but the way I am, if I don't get something and someone is explaining it I want to know every detail on how they came to their conclusion.. Too bad I wasn't like that in highschool.. hahaha
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