LifeServer Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I've always had issues when it comes to developing friendships. I'm not going to say I don't have friends, but I would consider them to be more like acquaintances. Every time I develop a close friendship with someone that disappoint me or stab me in the back. When talking with other people, I always get the same response "You need to find better friends". But I guess my question is How? I'm pursuing this new friendship and as stupid as it sounds, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm constantly over thinking the situation and never know what to do. We went and had dinner a week ago and I have been texting back in forth for the past week, but I always seem to be the one to initiate the conversation. I can't say that it bothers me that much, but how do I know if I'm becoming annoying. I'm the type of person that likes to talk everyday so I naturally send a text to a friend to strike up a conversation. I always get a response, but feel like I may be a bother if I always have to initiate the conversation. One of my other friends told me to just stop for a day or two and wait and see if the initiate they initiate a conversation first. I must say it's very hard and I've made it through an entire day already. Am I doing the right thing?
Kamille Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Just remember that good friendships take time to develop. Rushing into friendships might be the reason why you have had bad experiences in the past. So expect it to take time. Your current friend/acquaintance might already have a full life of his or her own. You therefore can't expect them to dedicate the time and attention they would dedicate to a best friend after just one outing. That kind of bonding takes time. So, if I were you, I would "multi-friend": work on getting to know as many potential friend as possible, that way there is an array of people you can text and plan outings with. A few of them will stand out to you and eventually evolve into great friendships. Some will remain acquaintances and others will fall somewhere in between. And you know what? That is as it should be.
Author LifeServer Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Thanks Kamille. I won't say that this is why my previous friendships failed. They failed because I chose the wrong people to be friends with. I do need to just give it time and go on making other relationships. I guess I just want to get back to the friendships I once had and go on with life, but I cannot expect these new friends to drop their life for me. When I had a falling out with my two best friends a while ago, it was really hard on me. I miss that closeness of best friendship but at the same time I know it takes time. It took me five years to establish a best friendship with my previous friends. I just have a tendancy to always assume the worst. Like if they are not talking to me, there is something wrong with me. Thanks again for your help.
EmmaLou Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 Please relax and try to stop overthinking things, as you're only stressing yourself out. It's true, friendships don't just form overnight.... When I went to uni, I made some friends on the first day.... we spent a lot of time together but I could only really call them true friends after a year or so. Relax with the texting, as they might find it annoying and that you're always in control of the contact. Maybe talk to online friends to divert your attention away from your phone? I think if you let them text you first, it will make you feel good. Also, don't panic when someone doesn't reply straight away, I used to be really bad at replying. But it never meant that I didn't like the person, I was just lazy! Take your time, have regular get togethers, think of good conversation topics... maybe there is a hobby you like where you can join a group and find like-minded friends? Bad, nasty people don't have hobbies, they are too busy causing havoc somewhere... so you wouldn't accidentally befriend one!
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