Texas2004 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 My girlfriend broke up with me about 2.5 weeks ago due to commitment issues on my part - she's 32 now and really wants to get married and have kids and I'm not there yet. We were together for about 15 months. I know I wasn't totally happy either because I'm not ready. The split was very amicable. Well, we've had a little separation but are talking again, trying to be just friends. She says shes ok with this but she made it clear that she doesn't want to go back to being together (because it just wasn't working). I'm ok with this and do want her in my life as a friend. However, my heart aches thinking about her being with other guys and no longer with me. It really makes me question - does this much pain signify that she is the one for me? Or am I just upset that I can't have her anymore? I'm just so confused and in so much pain. Any thoughts? I know that I don't want to go back to the way things were, I'm just wondering if this proves that I should be committed to her?
caramel c Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Here's the thing. I think you can use some space and time without her so that you can really think about this. You may reconsider your desire for commitment once it sinks in that she's gone. She might reconsider the relationship if she knew you changed your mind about being ready. Either way, it's not doing either of you any favors by keeping in contact as friends right now. Take this time and figure it out before she's moved on with another guy & gone forever. If you loved her more than you love being single you WILL change your mind. If not then find someone who is comfortable being your girlfriend indefinitely.
Devil Inside Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Staying friends after a break up is extremely difficult to do. I can never do it without getting hurt or hurting the ex...especially not for a long time after. As for the pain being a sign that she is the one. The pain you feel is the pain of loss. It hurts to lose someone we love, even if we feel like it is for the best. I agree with caramel...you need some time to heal...and that is going to be very difficult if you maintain a friendship with her. I mean how will it be when you find out she is dating? You going to feel friendly? Do yourself a favor...tell her goodbye and take some time to heal and figure out what you want...it will hurt more up front...but much less in the grand scheme of things.
Author Texas2004 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 I am really torn on this right now...I'm wondering if it would be best to have a total separation from this woman as a way of clearing our heads. However, I know her pretty well, and I think friendship is something we can both have and succeed at. However, as was stated, my mind thinks about her in the arms of another man, which makes my heart ache (even though I have no right to be upset with her about this). Some people have told me that 15 months is not enough time to determine marriage and kids, while other say it is. I feel like some type of compromise is best - I would work on my commitment issues and she would not be so pushy about having to get married. This is just tough
GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 T read these it will help; The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
LostInLA Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 If you are completely broken up, you probably should not be friends right away. What if she does start dating someone very soon? It will be VERY difficult for you to stomach, and no, these hurt feelings don't necessarily mean she's "the one," but just that you're going through the grieving process (dealing with loss). I thought I could handle being friends with my ex at first but I just ended up being on an emotional rollercoaster and constantly focusing on the loss and him INSTEAD of focusing on myself. Now that I've been NC for more than a month, I can really feel myself healing. Healing takes time and you aren't giving yourself the luxury of this time if you are friends with your ex. I hope one day we can be friends but I don't know when or if that will ever happen, and right now I can't be concerned about that. The most important thing is to take care of myself, and that should be your priority. Take care of yourself.
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