Josh25 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Hi there. My girlfriend of 2.5 years has just broken up with me. It was something she pondered upon for over 3 or 4 months. But we often decided against it together. Now some history, I met her when I was in University. We seemed to get along well, but we often had quarrels over the same minor issues (she acknowledges that these issues were minor too). I loved her vey very much and despite her volatile temper I continued to make peace with her. A year ago, she decided to text her ex boyfriend and she told me about this. I said it was ok. She told me it was completely plutonic and that she should be given some freedom. She also said she loved me very much. The texting soon got very very frequent. They would exchange over 20 msgs every day from morning to evening. But she did not hide this from me and told me about it. When I got mad, she told me that I am not giving her enough freedom. She said there was nothing wrong in texting a 'friend'. I continued to take this pain in my heart and swallow it. She also went out with a guy from work for movies at night. She met her ex on 2 nights without me. Again she told me about this and I agreed it was ok. If i said 'no' she would get very upset and angry. But I told her I trust her and thats completely fine. Theres nothing wrong in going out with a friend for a movie. After all, she needs a social life (she has several friends, which is great). She is a very friendly, jovial and kind person. She is good natured to everyone. My family loved her. She is also very attractive and several guys were interested in her. I was proud and happy for her. But recently, she said that she feels too 'restricted' with me and wants her freedom. She said we can never end up together because I will never allow her that freedom to talk with her ex. This was just 5 days AFTER she contacted my mum telling her that she wants to get married to me. I am shocked. Part of me is relieved that I now need not worry if she's getting too close to her ex. But I loved her so so much. And it hurts me. I have told her sisters and they said they feel sorry for me and apologised for what she did to me. They told me that I was a wonderful guy and they can;t believe she did that. It's hurting so much. She told me 'sorry' and I said I can't do anything more if she doesnt love me anymore. Recently I got accepted to do my PhD at Cambridge, in politics. I don't feel like going and I wish I could just escape somewhere. I feel I cant breath, eat. I am depressed. It just happened today, so my emotional wound is hurting. I don't want to ask her to come back to me, because she does not love me (I was even prepared to give up my religion for her but she wasan't prepared to give up texting her ex). It's not going to work out. I loved her so much and she cared for me too in the early stages of our relationship. We had many happy times too but there were many sad times as well. But the last few months she started acting strange. She would go quiet all the time. I am confused and in pain. Any advice would really mean so so much. Thank you Josh
Brightmoon Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Josh, I just want to give you a hug as you must be hurting so much. I am going through a little heartache myself and know what it is like to be grieving and feel lost and confused. I know what it's like not to be able to breathe or eat and to feel shocked... I it very hard.. *hug*
pandagirl Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Hugs to you! Your ex-gf sounds immature and young and doesn't understand what it takes to be in a loving, committed relationship. She didn't appreciate you, which is no fault of yours. You can't make anyone love you. Her issue, not yours. One thing: please go to Cambridge for your studies! You must have worked hard to get in, so don't throw it away because of this girl!
Author Josh25 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Thank you so much for the kind responses Brightmoon and pandagirl and the hugs. It really means alot. Brightmoon, I hope your heartache subsides. Matters of the heart are immensely painful, like I just found out. This girl was my first love, and I just turned 25. I always thought my first love would be the last. I guess we all believe that to some point. My heart feels empty. My mind keeps running back to certain good times we had in the past. I know that this is for the best, but I guess right now I just want the pain to go away. I will not be able to sleep tonight. When you love somebody with every ounce of your heart and that person doesnt return it, it hurts like hell. At the moment I feel I just can't continue studying but I am hoping that will change (I have 3 months before the semester begins). She used to support me during my undergraduate years. Suddenly life feels so plain and dull. Thanks again for the responses. Feel free to post your opinions. I'm glad I found this small space.
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Hello Josh, I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how you are feeling, i know what you mean by giving everything to that person and get back nothing. My ex would give me silent treatments also, but my situation was worse; don't let anything hold you from your studies man you will regret it later in future. You have 3 months before the semester begins, take your time to forget her i know its hard but you have to do it for your own good. Forget her
Author Josh25 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Hello Josh, I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how you are feeling, i know what you mean by giving everything to that person and get back nothing. My ex would give me silent treatments also, but my situation was worse; don't let anything hold you from your studies man you will regret it later in future. You have 3 months before the semester begins, take your time to forget her i know its hard but you have to do it for your own good. Forget her Thanks NoneoftheAbove. I find myself thinking if she has gone to her ex or what they must be doing at this moment. I know its very wrong to think like that. She has every right to do anything and her business it is no longer my business. I must stop thinking but its hard. It doesn't help when her sister keeps texting me and asking how I am feeling (7 texts today). I don't have the emotional energy to reply. I am thinking if I should get a new mobile phone line with a new number. Like you said, I'll try and garner some motivation to continue with my studies..if I can. Right now...I am just waiting for the pain to subside. I've torn all our photographs.
Yashy Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Josh, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. It is unfortunate and very sad that certain things like these have to come to an end dude. When you put your heart into something so deeply, it is extremely painful to have the other person take that all away. You sound like a good person. It is all very soon, it will take time but you'll get there. During this time, yes it will be painful. There will be sleepness nights. But also, during the next few months it will be up to you to make the changes you need in order to recover from this situation slowly. Don't give up any studies, in fact bury yourself in there. Be proud of your achievements and don't let anything stand in your way. I've had a similar situation to yours too after 3 years, she did the same...walked away. The only way I'm getting through it all is by focusing on the things I love most and conditioning my discipline regularly; from exercising to bettering my knowledge for my career to coming on this website and trying to do what I can to make someone else feel a bit better:). You're off to Cambridge, one of the finest universities in the world. Stand proud.
littlebittle Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I'm sorry, that is so hard. You seem like a good guy who is very loving. It sounds like you were open to compromise, and she wasn't. It does sound like she has some growing up to do. Everything feels so awful right now, but things will get better for you. First love is always so painful to lose. You have no point of reference for what to do, you just feel lost and broken. But I promise you that things will get better with time and perspective. You will end up learning more about yourself, and understanding what you really want from a relationship. As far as school goes, that should be your main priority. My biggest regret from my first serious breakup was that I let myself fall apart to the point where I dropped out of college. I was in a bad situation, because at the same time both of my grandmothers died and my parents got a divorce. But with all of that going on, I just sat around and wished for my ex-boyfriend to come and comfort me. That was 7 years ago, and looking back, I really regret how much time I wasted pining over him. He seemed so so important then, and today I have no regrets that he and I ever broke up. I should have focused on school and myself, and that's what you should do too. Good luck and hang in there, you'll be ok.
Author Josh25 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Thanks so much littlebittle and Yashy. Thanks to all your responses, I will get through today, which was my main priority. You guys seem to understand my situation very well. Thanks Before the break up we were living together in a house.. So I guess that makes it a bit harder. Well, my ex was really influential in supporting me during my undergrad years. She knew how much I wanted to do well academically. I wanted to become a political researcher. So when I look at my Cambridge acceptance now, I feel that part of the reason I've got it is because of her. But yes, I agree I need to get my priorities sorted out. I hope and pray that all of you who are in similar situations will feel better soon. There is so much love to go around in this world, but yet so many broken hearts.
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