aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I have been dating a guy for 5 months now. We became friends online and talked on the phone for nearly two years but i had a bf at the time. He lives just under 3 hours away I will be moving for new job late december to his city (thank god i have friends there besides him) I have already met his parents, brother, done many many close things I saw him all of last weekend. Spent many hours together doing fun things around his city. I thought we were bonding more. then this week i noticed he was going to attend some big glamorous party a mutual friend of ours was throwing for attractive singles. tagline for the party was 'flirt responsibly' and told women to dress their very best because they would be photographed for the city newspaper he said he was going with his brother because his brother is lonely and newly single. (but his brother still technically has a gf who has been out at sea in the navy and now is getting home. she has been acting cold but he still loves her apparently) Last weekend we also hung out with his brother and i helped him get numbers * he had told me it was great i was good looking because that helps other girls want to talk to his brother* Last night he talked to me at 9 pm and said he was going to meet up with his brother at the party, but his brother was at an event for ivy league alum first. He never came home it would appear, because he didnt log online last night. he calls me all the time, texts a lot. nothing last night. then today this; (i have underlined the salient points he expressed) between him and You Earlier Messages me October 24 at 12:58pm So how was last night ? Sent via Facebook Mobile me October 24 at 12:59pm It was good, I brought along a friend and she helped my brother get numbers from a nice hot russian chick. your friend the dj at the club is like 5 feet tall...that caught me off guard. him October 24 at 1:01pm The event didn't seem that eurotrashy, but I thought drinks were expensive. so, I think that made brothers's week. I am thinking of posting that on his wall, "youre number closed an HB9!" me October 24 at 1:01pm Oh thats nice for your brother what female friend did you bring along ? Did you guys all stay out all nite ? Sent via Facebook Mobile only took him 10 minutes to come up with simple reply: HIM October 24 at 1:12pm she was good winggirl for my brother, afterall. Helped make us look cool. HIM October 24 at 1:12pm Well, apparently, my brother and I stayed out all night because I got home at around 3:30. Now I need to get my car. ar-----a is some girl I met many months ago, she texted me and the stars aligned. ME October 24 at 1:23pm helped you both look cool ? that's nice for you. and apparently she must be helpful. ttyl me October 24 at 1:34pm yes you must be cool if random attractive girls text you out of the blue. him October 24 at 1:40pm so anyway, my brother met a girl, got digits. I am so proud. >>> he then called me and tried to brush it off. the problem is is that the girl has a really unusual Farsi name (middle eastern) i know he was dating another persian girl earlier this year and found her hot. after we hung up our mutual friend who hosted the party emailed me that my guy was with girl and she said hi and was attractive so i then emailed him and asked him if his 'friend' met any guys at the party. he didnt reply. he said no she was there to just hang out with him and help his brother. what bothers me is that i feel like he ONLY told me because our mutual friend spotted her AND using the expression 'stars aligned and she texted HIM sounds fishy' what should i think ? besides this I also noticed he logged into match.com 3 days ago AND he also posted a 'joke' on some blog saying he wished there were pick up guides to 'game' for good looking guys. i have this horror that he wants to play the field but not have me date anyone else right now. and all my friends say the same thing. he has invited me to his city for halloween weekend. I think I should go to NYC instead. (I have an invite to both a Masked Black Tie Ball and Can sit in great viewing area to watch the Parade the next night. thoughts? And although our text must sound like teenyboppers he is 35 and Im 29.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 It's hard to say just because dynamics of different relationships can vary so much. But I'll ask a few questions for clarity sake. Are you guys exclusive? Does he call you his GF? I'm trying to establish what his mindset might be regarding YOU. Any mention of the "L" word? Whatever it is he may be up to (and it is actually really hard to tell - the information is a little scattered), I thought your comment about going to NYC was brilliant. I would absolutely do that. He seems to be getting a kick out of telling you how much fun he's having, the beautiful women he's hanging out with, etc. If you got the NYC invite first, I'd go do that. Don't break your glamorous plans just because he invited you to go do something. Keep living your life - it keeps you interesting.
Awesome Username Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Whatever town he's doucheing at will pale in comparison to NYC for Halloween. Don't even think twice about going to New York instead. He's keeping his options open while trying to keep yours closed.
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 It's hard to say just because dynamics of different relationships can vary so much. But I'll ask a few questions for clarity sake. Are you guys exclusive? Does he call you his GF? I'm trying to establish what his mindset might be regarding YOU. Any mention of the "L" word? Whatever it is he may be up to (and it is actually really hard to tell - the information is a little scattered), I thought your comment about going to NYC was brilliant. I would absolutely do that. He seems to be getting a kick out of telling you how much fun he's having, the beautiful women he's hanging out with, etc. If you got the NYC invite first, I'd go do that. Don't break your glamorous plans just because he invited you to go do something. Keep living your life - it keeps you interesting. Before we ever started dating dating he had said he had grown to love me over the course of our friendship. He even mused we would end up married with 4 kids Since we started dating, no L word. Also we have not had the talk , not had sex sex yet (even though Ive now slept over in his bed 6 times) and when one of his female friends referred to me as his girlfriend, he later was recalling the story to me and referred to me as the 'girl he is dating'
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Whatever town he's doucheing at will pale in comparison to NYC for Halloween. Don't even think twice about going to New York instead. He's keeping his options open while trying to keep yours closed. Are you two technically even together? He is in Baltimore, I am in NJ (until I move to MD in 6 weeks) He always says 'our dates' or on our last 'date' Plus he calls me 4-5 times a week [like a boyfriend checking in], so it that's why his vanishing act last night sticks out like a bloody sore thumb. One of my friends says that because I have ALWAYS been so supportive and available to him as a friend that he takes me for granted. That to him I am this nice safety net, a back up , back burner girl he is trying to better deal before I finally move there and he knows he has to finally decide what to do about me.
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 And not only are my NYC invites cool, they're also free. PLUS I lived in NYC for half my 20s so I heart it a lot and have great old friends there.
aerogurl87 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Before we ever started dating dating he had said he had grown to love me over the course of our friendship. He even mused we would end up married with 4 kids Since we started dating, no L word. Also we have not had the talk , not had sex sex yet (even though Ive now slept over in his bed 6 times) and when one of his female friends referred to me as his girlfriend, he later was recalling the story to me and referred to me as the 'girl he is dating' So basically he's made it obvious that your the girl he's just dating until the right girl comes along. Now really, do you want to be THAT girl? I would hope not so you have two options. 1) Initiate the talk soon and get a clear answer from him or 2) cut your losses and go find someone else who is willing to commit to you. Oh and I'd definitely go to NYC for Halloween.
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 So basically he's made it obvious that your the girl he's just dating until the right girl comes along. Now really, do you want to be THAT girl? I would hope not so you have two options. 1) Initiate the talk soon and get a clear answer from him or 2) cut your losses and go find someone else who is willing to commit to you. Oh and I'd definitely go to NYC for Halloween. 2) Seems the least painless and most sensible course of action. To just move on with my head held high and him scrambling because oh no his Plan B isn't around to console, catch him, coddle him and give him unconditional love. If he loved me he would see I was suffering and wouldn't keep me in limbo.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 2) Seems the least painless and most sensible course of action. To just move on with my head held high and him scrambling because oh no his Plan B isn't around to console, catch him, coddle him and give him unconditional love. If he loved me he would see I was suffering and wouldn't keep me in limbo. Hellz, yeah. Please tell me you're going to NYC.
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Hellz, yeah. Please tell me you're going to NYC. Damn straight. If only to take amazing photos of all the fun I appear to be having. Fake it 'til I get over this heartbreak. Because I really have loved him with every fiber of my being. But it's clear he views me as someone sweet and available. A cuddly human doormat with pretty eyes and good hair. I've been loved before by a couple awesome guys, still good friends with them too. So I know there are men out there who are also stellar and can show me they care the world about me.
Awesome Username Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Damn straight. If only to take amazing photos of all the fun I appear to be having. Fake it 'til I get over this heartbreak. Because I really have loved him with every fiber of my being. But it's clear he views me as someone sweet and available. A cuddly human doormat with pretty eyes and good hair. I've been loved before by a couple awesome guys, still good friends with them too. So I know there are men out there who are also stellar and can show me they care the world about me. As even more of a push to New York it, I'm looking forward to a "How much fun you had in NYC" post after Halloween!
aerogurl87 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Damn straight. If only to take amazing photos of all the fun I appear to be having. Fake it 'til I get over this heartbreak. Because I really have loved him with every fiber of my being. But it's clear he views me as someone sweet and available. A cuddly human doormat with pretty eyes and good hair. I've been loved before by a couple awesome guys, still good friends with them too. So I know there are men out there who are also stellar and can show me they care the world about me. You do deserve better Now go have fun in NYC!!!!!!!:D:D:D
Jersey Shortie Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Red flags are popping all over this situation. Yes, he wants to have his fun and he wants to limit yours. Go have fun, go out with other men. Don't ever be fooled by empty promises about kids and being married if the man never even said that he loves you. Sometimes, sadly, guys say this stuff to string women along. I wouldn't trust this man very much.
Kamille Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 The thing is: who care what he wants and what he's up to? As long as he hasn't brought up exclusivity, you should live your life as if he's lucky to be a part of it. Go to NY, have fun and avoid feeling like a victim here. He's free to do what he wants - as are you.
justforfun Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 He can only be making a fool of you if you allow him to. He's made obvious the type of person he is. If you continue on in your present role then he gets to make a fool of you. If not then he doesn't. Sounds like you have known all this for some time now since your friends have been advising you. Time to give it up and move on with your dignity intact. NY...I'll go with you!
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Red flags are popping all over this situation. Yes, he wants to have his fun and he wants to limit yours. Go have fun, go out with other men. Don't ever be fooled by empty promises about kids and being married if the man never even said that he loves you. Sometimes, sadly, guys say this stuff to string women along. I wouldn't trust this man very much. Just because I'm quite thorough and want to be 100% that he is playing the field I emailed him around 10 pm last night that I would probably be able to get tickets for halloween in his city but that Ive been invited to a ball the night before in NYC. I also made some little 'joke' about having friends over last night but stated no they werent mysterious guy friends (wink) He also had asked me to do research for him last week on new places for him to work, so I also forwarded him the findings (completed before all this transpired) Well he has logged onto facebook twice since then and no reply. Which out of the 950 days we've been friends and dating is really unusual. No answer is the answer.... silence speaks volumes, yada yada
Jersey Shortie Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 He also had asked me to do research for him last week on new places for him to work, so I also forwarded him the findings (completed before all this transpired) To be honest from what you described about this guy, his brother, the situation with hooking up; he just sounds kind of scetchy and a little sceevy. Why are you the one doing research for him on places for *him* to work? And why would you foward your hard work to him after your spidey-sense was tingling? Honey, it's called women's intutition for a reason.
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 To be honest from what you described about this guy, his brother, the situation with hooking up; he just sounds kind of scetchy and a little sceevy. Why are you the one doing research for him on places for *him* to work? And why would you foward your hard work to him after your spidey-sense was tingling? Honey, it's called women's intutition for a reason. I did the research because the firm he works for is very slow right now. I am a researcher by trade so it's my forte. When I didn't get a reply about Halloween, I imagined that at least the list of firms would garner a reply. But nope.... I've emailed my friends about this and now have several Halloween invites. Today Im not contacting him further and instead am spending the rest of the day being productive. Off to order my Silk Spectre II costume !
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Oh God Lord, this costume must be popular. It's sold out everywhere !
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 To be honest from what you described about this guy, his brother, the situation with hooking up; he just sounds kind of scetchy and a little sceevy. Why are you the one doing research for him on places for *him* to work? And why would you foward your hard work to him after your spidey-sense was tingling? Honey, it's called women's intutition for a reason. Okay so he just completed ignored my question about halloween tickets but replied thanking me for the info on firms. (he didn't 'miss' the email about halloween because it's facebook and they're both on top of each other) him October 25 at 4:52pm interesting. Thanks. Just finished virus scan on my puter. Good day of football, too bad it's not rainy today. Okay again, no answer is an answer. Off for long walk. And to figure out new costume idea.
justforfun Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Again you have your answer. I'm thinking that your friends are tired of hearing about every detail of your obsession with this guy and have told you to move on more times than they care. You should take their advice. *and if you don't like my advice their is absolutely no need to have a hissy fit and get it deleted
Author aycarumba Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 Again you have your answer. I'm thinking that your friends are tired of hearing about every detail of your obsession with this guy and have told you to move on more times than they care. You should take their advice. *and if you don't like my advice their is absolutely no need to have a hissy fit and get it deleted obsession ? again I dont know why youre on this thread/ We have been friends and were dating. Usually normal people think about people theyre dating and then wonder where things are headed after several months dating. He is the one who has historically called me first and contacted me. My now ex bf even told me once I shouldnt be friends with him because he was calling so much.
Author aycarumba Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 so yesterday he invited me down for the weekend/halloween but now other wheels are in motion so i have two dates on sunday with some very cool guys my friends have fixed me up with. and theyre top notch guys. Im afraid I may have upset him because Im being very upfront and let him know about them he acts suddenly sulky.
aerogurl87 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 so yesterday he invited me down for the weekend/halloween but now other wheels are in motion so i have two dates on sunday with some very cool guys my friends have fixed me up with. and theyre top notch guys. Im afraid I may have upset him because Im being very upfront and let him know about them he acts suddenly sulky. Good for you, stop worrying about that bum and move on with your life. And have fun on Halloween and your dates. :D:D
Author aycarumba Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Good for you, stop worrying about that bum and move on with your life. And have fun on Halloween and your dates. :D:D Thanks !
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