sundaynightheartache Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I'm in a long-distance relationship with somebody I met outside of both our countries. We were introduced in college and have parted ways after spending half a year together. We fell in love and have come together for the summer once after that. We've been together for a little over a year now, and talk everyday. We're still both busy with school and work, but have plans to finally live in the same area after one or two years apart. We plan on small vacation visits every time it would be possible in between. Everything has been going amazing. He is absolutely the most patient, understanding, generous person I've ever known. Whenever I am with him, I just couldn't care less about anything else, but of course to a certain extent I still am aware of my responsibilities. I've never met anyone like him, who challenges me in every way, who I am so comfortable with, and who makes me envision such a wonderful future of us together. THE PROBLEM IS... An old friend of mine and I finally got to see each other again. I had feelings for him a long time ago, and so did he for me. I didn't expect we'd click again, but we did. If there's anyone I could call a soul mate, it would be him. There's no challenge to anything and everything is just so easy when it comes to getting each other. We've never had a chance to actually build a serious relationship with each other. When we met, I was with someone else, and when that someone else ended, some issues with having to be somewhere else for periods of time would arise. In between those were mere weeks of us getting together. We're going to encounter that last issue again in a few weeks. We're both truly genuine people. When I saw him, and spent time with him, we definitely had moments where we just wanted to hold each other or kiss each other, but of course, we couldn't because we shouldn't. I'm definitely going to see him again because he's one of my best friends, but it's getting so hard to avoid touching his face or digging my face into his chest or even just holding his hand. I don't know what to do. These feelings are getting strong. And I know, I know I should constantly be aware of the consequences of what my actions may produce, but he's that guy who's always been in the back of my mind. And I've always wondered what it would have been like if we had had the proper chance of being together. Any advice or words of wisdom? Anything, please. Some words to convince me or suggest to me what I could do, please? Anybody in a situation similar to this? Has this happened before? I know there isn't a lot of directions or options to point to that I wouldn't already know, but I need some sort of... anything.
Thebob Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Jesus, how can you have so much affection for two people, that is nuts? Realize which one you will have a better chance of succeeding with, and make sure the second one isn't just infatuation and lust because your not with your current man all the time. You know you would feel absolutely different if you were with your man all the time. You seem to have had this nag on the second dude for a long time, but has he spent as much time with you as the current man? has he been there and understanding your situation and going through the same thing that you are for the past 1.5 years? Has he tried to provide you everything that you ever wanted while your in the LDR? that shows true love and devotion, and if your willing to get rid of that then go with the second man. All I know is that your going to break the first man's heart and this is what all guys are scared of in a LDR, that a women finds another man and breaks it off with him because he couldn't be there in the most critical hour of need, but he has tried diligently to make you comfortable and relaxed during this whole process. You shouldn't keep secrets from your current man, and tell him what's going on so maybe you can work things out. It's horrible to build relationships amongst lies and I am sure you know that. This is your decision, but I honestly feel the current man in your life is legitimate, and you shouldn't get rid of him just because you had a massive crush on this one guy that you could never build a relationship on due to time and places you were living at. My honest opinion, take it or leave it. Thebob
Author sundaynightheartache Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 You're absolutely right. I shouldn't and I wouldn't (I couldn't even!) get rid of my current man. He is legitimate and absolutely wonderful. I talked to him a couple of days ago, after my original post, all confused about everything. I think I suggested that maybe he wanted a break from all this to allow him to focus on some things he's working on over there on his side of the sphere. I didn't say it in a way that would make it seem like it came out of nowhere, because we've been spending a little less time talking in the past couple of days. I don't know what kind of leeway I was trying to make, but it didn't work. He became deeply concerned and almost guessed what was going on. He said that he couldn't imagine even going on a break, that I was his greatest motivation and that I'm what he looks most forward to. And I realized that he's my greatest motivation and that everything I've built and sacrificed since the day we got together was for our future. The other guy and I went out again last night with a bunch of our other friends. All I did was sit next to him and every now and then, random people would pass by and tell us that we look good together. I don't think we look especially good to receive compliments like that. And people in our table keep insisting that we have such great chemistry, which I don't think should have been that obvious. I mean, I tried to focus my attention on this mutual buddy of ours on the other side of me, but people still ask if we're ever going to get together. And he all he tells them is that we can't. I don't know what to do about my feelings for my friend. But I guess there really isn't anything I could do... just let it pass?
Author sundaynightheartache Posted October 27, 2009 Author Posted October 27, 2009 Oh, and thank you so much for your reply, Thebob. It was really nice to read your opinion about it. I feel like you really understood where I was coming from, or at least, what I was trying to say.
Thebob Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 Let it pass, is what I would do, But I am not you. I can only give the opinion on what I would do and that is to stop hanging out with this other man. If you constantly get the urge from other people, and the urge to connect with him then stay away from him. He has not proved anything to you, and you already know how your current man will treat you no matter what. You need to make it clear to this friend that nothing is going to happen, and don't let the devil get you with these people that you two are a cute couple. Hang out with him on a limited basis or none at all. If you want this to work with this current guy, you need to be 100% loyal and legitimate with him. You will be so happy when he is in the same area with you, and you'll be like , " I'm glad i waited". Your relationship will only grow when you two meet and live together. Wait for your man, and don't make him feel uncomfortable again because he will start having second doubts about everything. Thebob P.S and I try to help people, and hopefully what I say really affects you in the right way. Hope everything works out.
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