Missingluv Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Wow....never thought that I would write this.....I have been daydreaming of cheating! My husband is a good guy, but he has the sex drive of a 90 year old, and I have the sex drive of a 18 year old boy! After many years of trying to get my husband more interested I find myself bored and uninterested in him at all. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Gawd... that sounds horrible and soooo unlike me, but it's true! Should I act on these feeling if I find the right guy! I'm sooo tired to trying everything known to man to get my husband interested (and I mean everything!) I want to be able to enjoy sex while my drive is still high. What to do?
boldjack Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 the choice is yours, to be an honest person, and divorce your H and then find someone new, or to be a sl*t and cheat on your husband. Regardless of how nice a guy he is or how finacially stable he is, if there is no spark, get out.
jj33 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Are you sure you want to be married? If all you are looking for is great sex, why does the guy have to be financially successful? It sounds like you may want to audition a second H. Have to say that if you do want out on some level, holding these auditions is not hte best way to go. You need to look deep within yourself and see if you are looking to fill a gap or if you are looking for a new relationship where this gap doesnt exist. If its the latter, let your H go and start with a clean slate. Much better for both of you. If you are looking for the former, well not easy. If you have tried everything and it hasnt worked maybe you do want to consider splitting. Sneaking around on someone may sound good as a fantasy but no matter how good the sex is, its unlikely to make you feel good about yourself or your marriage.
bentnotbroken Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 If all you wanted was better sex, why does he have to be attractive, educated or financially successful? He could be ugly, stupid and unemployed. If all you want is a big penis, that he wanted to use more than once a day, you don't need the other things you say you want. Or is it just you are content in your marriage over a lot of things and use sex as the excuse? Be real with yourself.
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Buy a vibe and get your H to use it on you. Even if his drive isn't UP, he can still please you. He has a tongue and fingers as well.. You can watch porn as well, just FYI. You love your H, why cheat on him? Is having hot sex with some other guy worth throwing away your marriage? Anyway, you could tell him that you want an open marriage, maybe he'll go for that..
anne1707 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 It's bad enough when an affair happens between 2 people who already know each other. But to actually decide that you want to have an affair and to just go out looking for a suitable candidate.... well sorry but that is just so ******* tacky If you are that unhappy in the marriage then do the decent thing and leave your husband
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I re-read your post.. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. The part I bolded, REALLY bothers me. What difference does it make if the man you choose to have an affair with has money or not? Think about doing marriage counselling with your H, and be honest with him. If you aren't happy, then maybe HE isn't happy either. Maybe divorcing would be best for both of you.
fooled once Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Wow....never thought that I would write this.....I have been daydreaming of cheating! My husband is a good guy, but he has the sex drive of a 90 year old, and I have the sex drive of a 18 year old boy! After many years of trying to get my husband more interested I find myself bored and uninterested in him at all. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Gawd... that sounds horrible and soooo unlike me, but it's true! Should I act on these feeling if I find the right guy! I'm sooo tired to trying everything known to man to get my husband interested (and I mean everything!) I want to be able to enjoy sex while my drive is still high. What to do? Why does the guy have to be educated and financially successful if all you want is to screw him? Why not divorce your husband and THEN find the attractive, educated and financially successful guy?
NoIDidn't Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I honestly see nothing wrong with Missingluv wanting her OM to be financially successful. It doesn't mean that she's auditioning for a new husband. It does mean that she isn't willing to cheat "down" and likes a certain caliber of man. Seriously, if I were to cheat, it would be a requirement for me too. Its easy to cheat with any old guy on the street. As a woman, we CAN give it away. But if he's financially successful and we like to have a certain level of conversation - it won't feel like giving it away. I had similar thoughts MANY years ago when my H went through a libido dry spell too. He even gave me permission to get my "itch" scratched. And the financially successful men came out of the woodwork, I kid you not. But I couldn't do it. I wanted MY H, not some stranger. Maybe you will reach the same conclusion.
fooled once Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Getting your itch scratched and having a full blown affair are two separate things, IMHO. If you are only interested in sex, wouldn't the only requirement be good looking? I mean, who wants to have sex with an ugly person
NoIDidn't Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Getting your itch scratched and having a full blown affair are two separate things, IMHO. If you are only interested in sex, wouldn't the only requirement be good looking? I mean, who wants to have sex with an ugly person LOL. Nope. I'd want him to be more than just a shallow good looking guy. Haven't you read the stats?! LOL. Well-educated, and financially stable men are supposedly better in bed. Supposedly, anyway. I would need the whole package. Cheap guy typically don't do small talk very well. Financially secure, usually implying educated as well, men are much better with small talk. Plus, he could give me tips for my own endeavors after we roll in the hay. LOL Seriously, OP, I think I know what you are looking for. I would like to add *well* endowed to the requirements too. :wink:
Skump Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 What to do? Honestly? It's time to grow up. Read this sentence back to yourself: After many years of trying to get my husband more interested I find myself bored and uninterested in him at all. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Gawd... that sounds horrible and soooo unlike me, but it's true! Should I act on these feeling if I find the right guy! That doesn't just "sound" horrible - it is horrible. It's horribly infantile and narcissistic. It could be a parody right from fingers of any misogynist. You seem pretty casual about the idea of violating the most special promise of your life. Marriage doesn't exist for your amusement. It wasn't created to keep girls from getting "bored." It's a sacred contract, the bedrock institution of society. When you commit to marriage, you're putting your honor on the line. Regardless of what you feel for your husband, you should at least care enough about yourself to value your own dignity; screwing around with other men to satisfy your boredom is basically an abdication of adulthood. Everyone has the expectation (barring illness, disfigurement, etc. etc.) of a healthy sexual relationship with their spouse. Physical incompatibility can be reasonable grounds for separation. What it isn't is an acceptable reason to have an affair. Outside of slavery, there's not much of an excuse for that. In short, it's time for you to make an adult decision: Is your relationship with your husband worth saving, or not? Living a life of lies and juvenile self-indulgence is not an option for any decent person. There's no weaseling out of this. You're not a concubine in some harem, you're a modern woman living in the 21st century. Choose to remain faithful, or choose to divorce, but whatever you choose, choose honorably.
outofthedark Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I know, I know.... I am going to be blasted but oh well. Im going to give honesty here. I wont go into the details but I felt exactly as you did and I DID exactly what you are thinking of doing. I found him..the mystery man. Attractive, very well endowed and skilled, educated, financially stable with plenty of "dispensable" cash, funny, emotionally deep. (the money part is important, we spend LOADS at the hilton. You cannot do that with some guy with no career or $) We had the best sex of my life. When we started the affair it was under the premise that it was ONLY for sex and friendship. We always met at least 100 miles from our hometowns and we were never caught! When we were together the other world didnt exist. We even flew across the country together 3 times. It was the best times ever... OH BOY guess where it leads..... I guess I am the exception here cuz my guy actually left his wife. I left my husband. After a 9 month affair we both left our spouses. Each of us in a 10 year marriage and we gave it up over a 9 month affair cuz we fell in love. Then it became very complicated, very complicated! Thank goodness neither of us had children with our spouses. It ends up becoming very painful for everyone involved. Including us but the guilt over what we did to others , just in the name of "sex"....sigh. Be careful what you wish for...you may get it and a whole lot more! Although we are still together, and still in love...the guilt and damage we did to ourselves and others is immeasurable. Hire a man toy, get a dildo, get a girlfriend, WHATEVER. But dont go looking for a friend that includes great sex. Someone WILL get hurt! After all was said and done and we had left our souses, they found out about our affair. I could write a book on how to get away with an affair during the affair but the aftermath is horrible.
MizzBlue72 Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 From experience - PLEASE don't do this!!!!! A's that are for pure physical pleasure never seem to end this way. Your feelings get in the way. I know now you don't think that - BUT - they can. Are you prepared to lose H over this?? If he really is a good man - I'd try and keep this just as a fantasy. Seriously - incest in some quality toys and please YOURSELF!!!! Really, it will help - it allows you to fulfill your sex drive and NOT cheat on hubby. OR Maybe you could talk to hubby. There ARE alternative lifestyles where the man and wife can play openly and freely together. Maybe this is something he will be interested in.
NoIDidn't Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I know, I know.... I am going to be blasted but oh well. Im going to give honesty here. I wont go into the details but I felt exactly as you did and I DID exactly what you are thinking of doing. I found him..the mystery man. Attractive, very well endowed and skilled, educated, financially stable with plenty of "dispensable" cash, funny, emotionally deep. (the money part is important, we spend LOADS at the hilton. You cannot do that with some guy with no career or $) We had the best sex of my life. When we started the affair it was under the premise that it was ONLY for sex and friendship. We always met at least 100 miles from our hometowns and we were never caught! When we were together the other world didnt exist. We even flew across the country together 3 times. It was the best times ever... OH BOY guess where it leads..... I guess I am the exception here cuz my guy actually left his wife. I left my husband. After a 9 month affair we both left our spouses. Each of us in a 10 year marriage and we gave it up over a 9 month affair cuz we fell in love. Then it became very complicated, very complicated! Thank goodness neither of us had children with our spouses. It ends up becoming very painful for everyone involved. Including us but the guilt over what we did to others , just in the name of "sex"....sigh. Be careful what you wish for...you may get it and a whole lot more! Although we are still together, and still in love...the guilt and damage we did to ourselves and others is immeasurable. Hire a man toy, get a dildo, get a girlfriend, WHATEVER. But dont go looking for a friend that includes great sex. Someone WILL get hurt! After all was said and done and we had left our souses, they found out about our affair. I could write a book on how to get away with an affair during the affair but the aftermath is horrible. I'm not going to blast you. I'm thanking you for your honestly and the warning you gave. Your story actually gives credence to the "auditioning for a new husband" sentiment of a previous poster. You left your M, and he left his too. All, in a situation that was just supposed to spice up your life/M. We should all stand forewarned of the danger of this fantasy (me too) that we aren't *auditioning* this most desireable man, when it could very well turn out that way. Out of curiosity, though, you say you were never caught and then say that your spouses found out about your affair (see the bolded parts) ... can you explain what seems like a contradiction? I think you are saying that during the affair you weren't caught, but they figured it out after you left?
Dexter Morgan Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Wow....never thought that I would write this.....I have been daydreaming of cheating! My husband is a good guy, but he has the sex drive of a 90 year old, and I have the sex drive of a 18 year old boy! After many years of trying to get my husband more interested I find myself bored and uninterested in him at all. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Gawd... that sounds horrible and soooo unlike me, but it's true! Should I act on these feeling if I find the right guy! You really REALLY have to ask that question??? and what if I were to say. "yes, absolutely!!! forget your husband and cheat!! Go for it!!!! If he doesn't have a good sex drive, then screw it, he deserves to be cheated on!!!"
outofthedark Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 During the affair we were very careful. It was only after the both of us had left our spouses that the truth came out. My xH asked me directly "did you have an affair" months later when we met to discuss the finalization of our divorce. I was honest though didnt give details. Unfortunately my guys wife found out through an old email account that he had forgotten about that she gained access too. This was after he had already left her and she was in the panic mode, searching everything she could think of as to "why would he leave me like this". But back to the original post question... as i said be careful what you wish for. If you need sex then get a toy, NOT a friend that can service you. If you are lacking in other things of your marriage then try counseling..that is unless you really want out! This can backfire! You can lose things you never thought of even if you do find your "soulmate". Home, friends, pets, self respect, money, job etc. And the hurt that is caused to others is terrible. It lingers on and on and on. You can never be really happy if you hurt someone else to get your own happiness...make sense?
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Wow....never thought that I would write this.....I have been daydreaming of cheating! My husband is a good guy, but he has the sex drive of a 90 year old, and I have the sex drive of a 18 year old boy! After many years of trying to get my husband more interested I find myself bored and uninterested in him at all. I would love to find an attractive, educated, and financially successful man who just wants to talk, laugh, and have great sex with me. Gawd... that sounds horrible and soooo unlike me, but it's true! Should I act on these feeling if I find the right guy! I'm sooo tired to trying everything known to man to get my husband interested (and I mean everything!) I want to be able to enjoy sex while my drive is still high. What to do? I think there is a good chance you created this issue yourself. Pop some viagra in him and slap on a condom. That should take care of all the physical problems. However, I think your issues are Psychological. When a guy gives up on sex like that... it means really bad things. Usually they are either addicted to porn... another woman... or you make them feel so bad they don't want to have sex with you. My guess is that he feels very bad.
Heather1 Posted October 30, 2009 Posted October 30, 2009 My OM fit your description, and I wasn't even looking. There are so many obligations that go with this, and you better believe they think alimony/child support & you also better believe you're going to have more feelings than just for sex (being a guy, they will not have those feelings). If you just want sex, hire someone, and I'm not kidding. This is the most painful thing I've ever been through, and I don't even want him to leave his wife. All that power gives them the upper hand too. REALLY bad idea, coming from someone who's heart is broken in so many directions right now I don't know what to do.
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