EmptyPromises Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 im sure alot of you know my story, im probably known as the annoying girl who never gets it because i keep going back to my abusive ex. i have been dating this guy for a year and half. very emotionally abusive, and has gotten physical on several occasions. he never has anything sweet or nice to say to me. calls me names in public, mocks private things that i have told him. he has pinned me down many times, even punched a hole in my wall a couple of weekends ago. last week for example he called me c*nt and i slapped him. he slapped me back. i ran into his car, he locked the doors, i got frustrated started kicking him ,he backhanded me three times on my head. i cried and i cried, he realized he had hurt me and tried to get me to talk to him. i of course fell for it and let him sweet talk me. the past month has been a rollercoaster. i found out he had sex with 2 different girls and got one of them pregnant. after finding this out, i made out with a guy to make me feel better. this other guy really likes me and keeps texting me, has sent me flowers, etc. and my ex found out about him and is not happy. he says he cant be with me when i "like" someone else. i do not like this guy, its just nice that someone is being so sweet and kind to me. today, my ex decided to put an end to things. he said he cant be with me anymore. he cant deal with me being crazy, called me all these names, and then told me i was weak for staying with someone and loving someone who treated me the way he did. he said he cant deal with me liking someone else ( when i dont ) . he had sex with 2 other girls and doesnt seem to understand what he did was much worse. i know hes not the best thing for me, but i keep thinking i cant get anyone better, that hes the best person ill ever meet, the cutest guy ill ever meet. i am so hurt, i have reached rock bottom. i feel ugly, i feel rejected, i feel worthless. i just want to be happy. i want to have my confidence and my self esteem back. i hate who i am.
PinkToes Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) The person you are has nothing to do with what he thinks about you. Nothing. You are a loving, caring woman. He's an abusive loser. I know it's hard to see that right now because you love him. But please read what you've written in this post and imagine it was a girlfriend of yours, taking about her boyfriend. You would know, without a second thought, that she didn't deserve to be treated that way, and that the stuff he was saying about her was nonsense. When we love someone and have invested time and affection with that person, it's awfully hard to not take it to heart when they criticize you and call you names. But if you can separate out your heart, just for a bit, I think you know it isn't really about you; it isn't who you are. Decent men don't act that way. Most men don't act that way. Most men treat women with respect. And most men will treat you a lot better than this guy. That's how we know it isn't about you. He will always treat women this way. But you don't have to be with someone who acts that way. I'm sure he has some good traits (somewhere!) or you would never have fallen in love with him. But there's no reason why you can't find someone with those good traits who also respects you, builds you up instead of tearing you down, and doesn't hurt you. You don't have to choose either/or. And you absolutely will be loved again. Please try to look after yourself right now, do little things that make you happy. Treat yourself the way you would treat a child who wasn't feeling well. Listen to whatever you need in the moment -- even if that's magazines, bubble baths and ice cream. If you've lost track of those things, think back to when you were a kid, and do whatever you did then that was fun for you. You are so much stronger than you know, or you wouldn't be reaching out for help. The strength it's taken for you to survive this unhealthy relationship is still there; trust me. Use it to survive this transition as you find yourself again. Take care. Edited October 24, 2009 by PinkToes
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 i i just want to be happy. i want to have my confidence and my self esteem back. i hate who i am. The only way to start that process is first to be kind to yourself. Find a professional to work with, buy some books on the subject and more importantly read them, start exercising, spend time with those who care about you, do a journal, start some new hobbies or classes.
Author EmptyPromises Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 thanks guys... i have started in counseling.. i just really need your help this time. im so over being treated this way. i deserve so much better and need you guys when im feeling weak..please help me get over him PLEASE
Lostgurl Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 thanks guys... i have started in counseling.. i just really need your help this time. im so over being treated this way. i deserve so much better and need you guys when im feeling weak..please help me get over him PLEASE You remind me, of myself. Stay with the counselling it works! The two men you described in your first post sounds like my ex all in one. When he wasn't abusive, he was bringing me flowers and being sweet, writing love notes etc.. then the whole cycle would start over again. I'm happy for you , you are very strong.. You took the first 2 most important steps. You left him (which is VERYYY hard i know) and you sought counselling. I'm proud of you. Keep it up, and i know it is VERY hard, i'm in the process as we speak. You are not any of the negative feelings you speak of, The words he uses that make you feel such a way, has everything to do with him, it has nothing at all to do with you. It took me 5 long hard and very painful years to realize this. It wasn't even my counsellor that made me realize this, it was someone on this board. The funny thing is, is that he was the reason why i found this place all those years ago, and people have tried and tried and TRIED to tell me to leave, and finally i've done it. But the majority or people here have given up on listening to me because they think i'll get back with him, and i don't blame them. I probably would do the same thing too. My family has done the same.
angelface78 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 My ex was the same. He would slap me around and then cry afterwards promising he will never do it again. Ofcourse he always did it again! He once tried to rip my dress because he was angry that i was all dressed up and we were arguing. I always took him back. Now he is with someone else and i always wonder if he will treat her better or the same. The probability is that he will be the same. Men like these never change. There are so many REAL men out there that will treat us so much better!! Think about what it would be like spending the rest of your life with this guy. He's going to put you through hell and the relationship will eventually end anyway. End it now. Why waste any more time? You deserve everything from a man. You are a beautiful woman...we are all beautiful women. We deserve good MEN!!!
Author EmptyPromises Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 you guys are making me feel so much better i had such a good night last night..came home went to bed...woke up could have sworn i was dreaming to my ex in my bed. i was half asleep/half drunk and was like wtf why are u here? he was saying he wanted to talk to me that he loved me that he was sorry for the things he said and didnt mean anything. he asked to talk. i told him to f*ck off and rolled over and went back to bed. too bad i wasnt dreaming because i woke up to him in my bed. look at my phone, turns out he had called me 20 times between 3:30 am - 4:30 am. he walked 2 miles to my house and i guess i forgot to lock the door. i drove him home this morning, even though he wanted to talk. i refused to talk because the first thing that came out of his mouth was the other guy. i went out to dinner with the new guy, he talked my ears off and idk if itll go any further than this date. i miss my ex i know im stupid. he texted me 3 times saying he wanted to talk, apologize for some things. i didnt answer, he then apologized for coming to my house last night.
Thebob Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 You know what you have to do, Nuff said. I don't know what your waiting for, is it because you feel that you can't find anyone better? and your scared to put yourself out there to date again? if that's the case, you'll find someone eventually that will treat you with respect that you deserve. Stay strong and NC this guy, delete him out of your life cause he treat your horribly. Thebob
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