ecm Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 There's nothing cryptic about this. When someone says they need time tro breath and think, or says they "need space" that means the relationship is over. McGrupp- that's not always true. When people feel crowded, they ask for space. I'm one of those people. So, don't always listen to everything people say on here. I just finished reading "He's Scared, She's Scared". I suggest you buy it bc it helps make sense of a lot of these situations...like the one you seem to be dealing with with your ex. I'm having a crappy day, too. I KNOW my ex is the type to run whenever things get good. I KNOW that that's part of the reason I am (hopefully soon I'll switch that to "was") so crazy about him...the fact that he is always a challenge. I wonder if that has something to do with you too? I know my ex is not the catch. I know that he is lacking many of the characteristics i find most important. Still, I'm sad today b/c I really, REALLY miss him and I know that I won't be calling him. (We've been NC 6 weeks now, btw) I feel so much better than when I used to NOT be strong enough for NC. But, 6 weeks is when (in the past) he usually pulled his head out of his a*s, so today sucks. Everyday suck when you're sad. But what is worse...not having them? or having them and feeling insecure about the relationship everyday?
Author McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 im just very much resenting many things. as ive said b4 we went from her just saying she needed a little space to me freaking out so much that i lost her. then we had a nice dinner. and then i texted her these horrible things days after that and 24 days ago. i apologized for a solid day. and thats what her email was in response to ("i appreciate your apologies") i believe she does need time, and space, and i am just very upset that the insults may have dug me in a hole i will never be able to get out of. so...i have to accept that. just very angry at myself for losing my self control. and my girl. i just had a great talk with my dad, took a xanax and am thinking clearer. its just i blame myself. so...i shall learn from my mistakes and really work on myself. when this thing started one of her talking points was i hate my career and that negativity and boredom made me make her my center. now without her im realizing i really do need a change in my life, and get away from the comfort of the relationship and that life
Author McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 also i need to forgive her and myself. i think im just beating myself up. i need to forgive me
boogieboy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 People RARELY need space McGrupp, space is really just a breakup and the dumpers move on. Dont count on your ex coming back, dont even THINK that she might come back. She lied to you, thats what dumpers do. Its been 2 months. If she comes back to you now, its because the guy she is with didnt work out, and she'll leave you again anyways. If she didnt come back after a couple weeks, then she was never going to come back. Dont hold out hope in your mind, keep thinking that it is over. Holding out hope will only keep you depressed longer, which you dont need. Forget about her, start forcing yourself to flirt with new girls. It will help you get your confidence and kill the feelings for your ex. Dont start dating yet, just start flirting. It only takes 1 new face to kill your depression.
Author McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 that hurts man but it is the truth
boogieboy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 It does suck, but knowing the brutal truth helps you let her go. Plus read around the board in the breakups section, read back a few pages, its always the same thing. The dumpers RARELY come back. You can tell if yours will come back by how she broke up with you...compared to how the other threads went. Breakup behavior is so typical its ridiculous.
Author McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 (edited) true. last night i was just hitting back to page like 50 and just seeing stories so similar to mine its embarrassing. **** it couldve kept my self respect though. and therein lies my regrets. also the "you havent given me any time to breathe or think" 1 month after the official breakup (which i hadnt) and the fact there is no one else keeps me hooked. sucks though. i have to accept that it is OVER Edited October 26, 2009 by McGrupp
Soloboy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Hey sorry to budge in on your post. But would If I was in the Same situation as you, But I was wrong by being so controlling and She saw that I complained too much about not getting enough time with her. She saw that I was unhappy and that I wasnt satisfied. She played me with another guy in another country and ended up being his GF before she broke up with me. She tells me its just a phone relationship because we're in ATL, GA, and that she will probrably never see her "Bf" anymore. just a Phone relationship. She said she wants to see me change, and it really took this Breakup and her playing me to Actually notice that I do need to change my Spoiled ways. And I do realize its only been 2 months since we've been broken up. She says she still loves me but cant be with me until I show her I change. Im so sad, We been out for 3 years and this girl was the love of my life. She treated me so good but I didnt know it would take her to cheat on me, but they didnt do anything together just talk, No sex No intimacy or kissing anything. Just a phone relationship, But she texts him all the time. and She said that Im just a friend now, but she still has intimacy with me, and brings up the past with me all the time that we talk on the phone. She calls to ask me to hang out with her and everything. Its sad man. I really dont know what to do. Is there anything you think I could do to make this all better. Im 24 too and I dont want to start all over with finding another girl that I know wont fit my Standards. I know this girl from Head to Toe, All her secrets and she knows mines. I dont want to Die alone. Everytime im with her she makes me smile like no other. I can forgive her if she lets the other guy in the other country go, to work it out with me and let me show her I can change my controlling habits, and Complain about things that werent necessary. We lived together for 2 years I moved into her house with her mom knowing we sleep in the Same room. She's 20 and only had 2 BFs and Im the Second.
Author McGrupp Posted October 26, 2009 Author Posted October 26, 2009 i think we need to not look back. we both made mistakes. we got to clingy. we lost our self respect. think of times when we ignored them or had other things going on in our lives. they were always there. when they slightly pushed us away we pushed back. and we made our own beds. but the put out the linens. since we are both so similiar we have to accept out outcomes. they arent coming back. no hope. let it be. im looking at this whole thing as a HUGE learning experience. my life was pretty much menial job > gf hang out > repeat. i was floating and would continue to float through life. we will get laid again.we will love again. it wont be tomrrow or next week. but it will happen. we were great bf;s to be in relationships for so long. and we will ride again. it is really about us growing up. and then finding us and ACCEPTING what we had with them we have no more. its so hard. the acceptance. but we have to or the hurt will not go away. the last 2 days i started thinking about all the negatives of my girl. i mean she was an angel but she also had her faults. and we are both changing as people. and if it was meant to be....well who knows. but right now i feel like that wouldnt even be for some years. i miss the sex. i miss the texts when im bored at work. but ill be ok. so will you. we will become super strong from this. we will look onto this period of our lives as a blessing one day. i think im finally getting this whole things. it was out of my hands from the beginning. now to improve me. to make me happy with myself. and then another beauty will come. variety is the spice of life.
Soloboy Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Amen to that. thats exactly how I feel. I just need to accept and move on with my life and do me. I have a long time to live and be happy, I just can't dwell on this one subject in life as it hurts as much as I know it does. I need to move on, She already has. I cant do or prove her wrongs. I cant make her Love me like she did again. I had my Mistakes but I tried for the past couple of months to show her that I truly do love her, And she says she loves me, but we can't be together. We're just friends with some benefits. But other than that, I dont see that spark in us, because she's giving it to the New guy in her life which is the guy who lives 10,000 miles away. I really dont see why She likes him so much, Words and be words of affirmination, But wheres the Action from him, Wheres that comfort from him, Wheres that act of giving from him? I just dont see why she likes this guy from knowing him for 2months while she was in the other country on Vacation, All she says is that he's Genuine, But any guy can be Genuine for the first two months and change, Especially being so far apart. She is going to get whats coming to her, or maybe not. She keeps telling me what I want to hear, but deep down inside I know she likes the guy. Comon she Buys 10 dollar calling cards each week to call the guy and texts him everyday. I know because I got nosy and looked at her phone when she spent the night several times. Its kinda weird from me but I just had to know even though it hurt. I just hate when she says she loves me and cares for me but her feelings are going towards a guy so far away. When I love I really I mean really love a girl, I fell so deeply in love where I knew she didnt love me as much as I did. She still had that barrier. I know it will take time to heal but Im just living day by day trying to get over it. Get over the fact that she tells me We cant ever be together anymore and that she only wants to be friends. I cant be friends knowing we spent 3 years together and she's spilling her feelings to another guy so far away.
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