McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) *breathe ugh. been 3 weeks NC since she said this. when i asked if there will be a 2nd chance (i know a HUGE MISTAKE) she said she couldnt say yes or no. UGH!!! also somewhere in there she emailed to wish me well. and say shes sorry for the way "she communicated" so cryptic. no shot. gotta move on. cant stop thinking about it though. analyzing,analyzing,analyzing Edited October 24, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 u know what. screw her. i dont deserve to be treated like this. i treated her like a princess and only got clingy, when she got distant (understandable) im obviously using this thread to vent, so you know responses are welcome but really not necessary. just venting.
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) just had crazy imagery of her banging someone else. really ****ed me up. how the **** am i supposed to forgive myself? the love of my life left me b/c i couldnt give her space. i cant handle it. im having anxiety attacks every night. Edited October 24, 2009 by McGrupp
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 u know what. screw her. i dont deserve to be treated like this. i treated her like a princess and only got clingy, when she got distant (understandable) im obviously using this thread to vent, so you know responses are welcome but really not necessary. just venting. Your absolutely correct. If someone pulls away from you it is natural to respond to that action, then for them to use that response against you is unfair and dishonest. Anyone who uses the "need space", "need time" is being manipulativewith someone that claim to care for. If there is a problem you go to the person you care for and suggest actions, counseling, behavior changes, compromises and if your not interested in the relationship be honest and tell the person. Then let them heal. But those things that takes character and courage. You deserve better. Don't let yourself be strong along. It is difficult but tell yourself its over and allow yourself to get on with the healing.
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) its just so hard to hate her. she really treated me well and just asked for one weekend to herself. but i couldnt handle it. i did everything wrong in the book till she eventually said it was over. i just cant stop blaming myself and hanging on hope. the anxiety and regret is destroying me. all the things i said. so pathetic. ugh. i dont even know the point of typing this **** anymore. im going to regret this the rest of my life. its been 7 weeks since the break. i have no chance. i gotta get used to that. i just wish she didnt say some things. maybe thats what she meant when she said she wish she communicated better. that i shouldnt think there is a chance. Edited October 24, 2009 by McGrupp
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 You don't need to hate her, but man, don't be so hard on yourself. She said a weekend but in your heart you already knew what that meant, so you reacted. Unless our needy by nature, which then it should be something you work on, in all likelihood she contributed to it. We can find ourselves in relationship that work against our tendincies. We hook up with unavailable types that then make us look worst then what we are because we are constantly trying to fill the space they are helping to create by holding back. She may have been a great gal but not right for you, you just may need someone who can supply a bit more emotional intimacy to a relationship.
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 yeah maybe. i know i chased her away. i have to deal with that. accept it and move on. use it for my next relationship. ugh, but i really loved her and she me. no other guy or that "im not in love with you anymore" like i see on here so much. i just regret not giving her any space. 23 days NC. nc forever. end/
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Are you the jealous type? Or just really enjoyed time together? Again there is a possibility that even thought she was a great person you two just had different ideas of what closeness means. Just as being sexual compatible is important, being emotional compatible is. While you chased her off she could have been pushing you away. No one is the bad one, just different needs. If that was the case then communication could have helped.
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) i was away on vacation. couldnt see her for an additional week when i came back. she went out a lot that week. i got super jealous. it was all my insecurities. she cheated last year, and that i think ruined the relationship. i became super paranoid at times like this. really i was never like this (most of the time), i just hadnt seen her in 10+days and it all snowballed over the month of august. i hurt her. accused of seeing someone else. of ****ing someone else. she wasnt i couldnt understand why she suddenly became so distant. now i see. because i was becoming super crazy. i know i ****ed up. there was no one else. Edited October 24, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) oh man im exhausted right now from the last 3 or 4 hours of going over this in my head. she left so many clues about coming back. so selfish of her. the last time i talked to her i said "the last time i saw you there was hope in your eyes, i could tell you wanted to be with me" and she said "i never wanted to give you that impression" or something like that (it was 23 days ago) ugh but then i said, "if this is the last convo we have i just want to say..." and she said, "why would this be the last convo"? AND THEN IN TEXT "you havent given me any time to breathe or think" and then i say i know. take your time. dont contact me anymore and i wont you. and then she emails me 11 days later!! argh. im so tired of trying to deceifer. i have to give up. i have to. I HAVE TO. why must i go through this pain. i love her so... Edited October 24, 2009 by McGrupp
NopeNah Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I know it's hard to do but, you have to start moving on and living your life without her. Take her off the pedestal she doesn't deserve to be on. She cheated and she bailed...end of story! Go out and find someone to start fresh with. No history of cheating,lies,ect... it's much better for the long haul that way. Look forward to a life without the feeling of worry.. where she's at, who she's with, why she's late..blah,blah.. Freedom from fear.. Look forward to YOUR new start!
GrayClouds Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Mc read this old thread it may help: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80765/
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 dont want to break NC. im so sad. i miss her so much. 23 days today. i hardly feel any better at all. whats the deal? is it because i havent let her go? i know she hurt me, and anyone worth anything wouldnt. but i put myself through a lot of the pain by not giving up so long ago. i guess thats my motivation...
caramel c Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 She cheated! That will never, ever change. She did you a favor by letting you go. Yes, you hurt very badly but that is temporary. You will move on and one day you will be able to look back and think that this is one of the BEST things that happened to you - this breakup. Find someone else who would never cheat on you!!! That is NOT hard to find.
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 yeah i try to use that same logic. but she did come to me after and told me right away. whatever screw it, your right. i just wish the gears in my head would stop spinning.
caramel c Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 yeah i try to use that same logic. but she did come to me after and told me right away. whatever screw it, your right. i just wish the gears in my head would stop spinning. I wouldn't give 2 sh*ts WHAT she did or said after cheating because it doesnt change the fact that she CHEATED. She doesn't get a gold star for running and telling you about it afterward. In FACT, it makes me think since she was so OPEN and WILLING to share that information with you right away that she doesnt have much respect for you! Think about it. If she cared that much she'd probably have kept it a secret! F HER.
salem mark Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 mcgrup, the exact same thing is happening to me right now, i know how u feel. She said I was clingy and needy, but that didnt happen until she pulled back, its an honest reaction, dont beat yourself up over it
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 (edited) im really having a tough time. almost 2 months since the breakup and i feel so sad at night. i guess its getting less, but **** me. im scared it will never go away. i want to break NC today so bad, but i realize what is the point? ugh its like i dont like the person she became to hurt me. she changed. i became weak and told he i coul change. and now i just resent losing my balls. i resent the person who i became and the person i am now. i guess im the only one that can change that. ****. she would have came back if i just gave her space in the beginning. i know it. i hate life right now. Edited October 25, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 (edited) im just super, super lost. i live by myself. i work by myself. im lonely. she wasnt a bitch. all she did was make out with a guy and told me right away. im just so down. i need some meds or something. she said she would come back if it was meant to be. and here i am pinning away. edit: **** it. let her go. rollercoaster continues Edited October 25, 2009 by McGrupp
caramel c Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Dude I wish I had the solution for you, I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better but I've been there myself, very recently, and I know how it goes... Is there anything you can think of to do today to keep yourself busy? I know you'll be thinking about this no matter what, but staying busy does help I promise.
ADF Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 There's nothing cryptic about this. When someone says they need time tro breath and think, or says they "need space" that means the relationship is over.
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 (edited) im going to try and watch football with my dad. i just turned off and threw my phone in the corner b/c i feel so weak. went to an awesome party last night. and i just moved back o my old town. at one point i was playing drums with the band for the whle party and i felt great. got home alone, and feel ****ty. sundays are lame. i know she is doing nothing right now. i just want to talk. this was our day we spent together. cant believe its been 2 months since the break. 1 month since ive seen her. the more time goes by the less likely i feel she is to come back of course. and what was cryptic was her email after 12 days of nc and after i told her not to contact me. something like "i appreciate your apologies. i wish i handled this better. im sorry i didnt communicate better. i hope you are well." of course i didnt respond. so maybe that sent some message. but there is nothing there and yet I cant stop looking at that message Edited October 25, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 (edited) i am ****ing freaking out right now. i need like something. **** it. going to the gym Edited October 25, 2009 by McGrupp
Soloboy Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Im in the Same Position, She just broke up with me on July 20th. Been in No Contact mode for about 2 to 3 weeks. She calls me constantly, She played me for some guy in another Country, and What hurts the most is that the Guy she played me with is her Brothers Bestfriend that lives in another country, I was cool as hell with her older brother and family, and its like the Vacation in JUNE manipulated the whole family to do this to me. and Keep if from me, While she was in the other country, We were still together, I spend like 150 dollars in calling cards to talk to her everyday, I kinda saw it coming because she would only talk to me like 10minutes each day and ****. I know how you feel. I feel like **** right now too. She told me we aint going to work out, We've gone out for 3 years and for her to move on so quick means I didnt mean **** to her and her Love for me wasnt REAL. **** girls like that man. Just keep your head strong, and keep yourself occupied. But it only helps for short periods of time, Youll eventually think of her again, But get out Date new girls or have girl friends. Youll eventually get over her, it just takes time.
Author McGrupp Posted October 25, 2009 Author Posted October 25, 2009 i dont know what to do anymore. i was good but i having a bad last couple of days. i feel so little. im so hurt. im like in denial or something. its crazy. i really feel like ill never find a girl like that. i will die alone. im 24 and im going to never do anything with my life. i cant find inspiration or faith. im so miserable and just coasting. im in a fog.
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