gavinus Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Basically I have posted a lot about her, but she treated really bad. We went out for 3 years, she was verbally, physically emotionally abusive. Anyway NC for 3-4 months. I ran into her in the supermarket a week ago and before I knew it we were talking in her car. Previously she told me she stayed with me only because she lacked the confidence to leave and laughed when I asked her to not become a stranger etc basically really hurtful stuff. When I asked her in the car did she remember saying she basically used me, she said she was honest with me from the start and it was my problem not hers. I told her I would like her to come to therapy with me to tell her about how she has impacted upon my life. She got angry and confrontational. I told her her behavior was over the top and left. I then texted her to say if you do not want therapy what about meeting. The last text from her on monday bascially said, she was happy with her behavior, its my problem not hers and she does not want to see me again to bring up the past. I did not reply. I got an email today that said she is curious why I asked her to come to therapy with me, what I hoped to gain out of it and what did I mean about her behavior. She also said she is confused why I want to see her as I am upset and hurt by her. She said she is willing to sort this out as long as nobody gets hurt (too late for me) so what do I do? I have not replied. Why did she send the email? I feel I have finally got some power back, what is the right thing to do for me? I would love to tell her how she has effected my life but will that screw me up more? Do I lose everything by seeing her but she loses nothing by seeing me? I can feel her effecting me again and I am starting to feel physically sick! I want to confront her about her awful treatment of me, but will I then feel the villain? She does not have much remorse but I have plenty. I just had a thought......she has not even apologised! advice please Edited October 24, 2009 by gavinus
deux ex machina Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 ...She got angry and confrontational. I told her her behavior was over the top and left. I then texted her to say if you do not want therapy what about meeting. The last text from her on monday bascially said, she was happy with her behavior, its my problem not hers and she does not want to see me again to bring up the past. I did not reply. I got an email today that said she is curious why I asked her to come to therapy with me, what I hoped to gain out of it and what did I mean about her behavior. She also said she is confused why I want to see her as I am upset and hurt by her. She said she is willing to sort this out as long as nobody gets hurt (too late for me) so what do I do? I have not replied. Why did she send the email? I feel I have finally got some power back, what is the right thing to do for me? I would love to tell her how she has effected my life but will that screw me up more? Do I lose everything by seeing her but she loses nothing by seeing me? I can feel her effecting me again and I am starting to feel physically sick! I want to confront her about her awful treatment of me, but will I then feel the villain? She does not have much remorse but I have plenty. I just had a thought......she has not even apologised! advice please I think you shouldn't do this with her, not at all. You said it yourself - you did the right thing and LEFT. That was a way you got your power/dignity back. She is well aware of this, of that I am certain. Yes, she will manipulate you. You getting you back is your priority here, not her. Be proud of yourself, no more remorse. None of this telling her how she hurt you are is going to be helpful to you in any way, any shape, any form - ever. She will not care. She's not worthy of this much emotion.
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 She wants to get a reaction out of you, if you respond to here she gets what she wants. Not responding is you keeping the power, (and not that it is the purpose it will drive her crazy.) Power comes from haing control and he more you heal and move beyond her the more control you have.
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